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Thread: Official Kijiji Funnies Thread

  1. #61
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    Originally posted by baygirl

    You could always get it for your neighbours lawn...
    I have more than enough to supply enough flaming bags 'o poo to the whole community... My big dog is a pyrenees cross after all

  2. #62
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    http://kitchener.kijiji.ca/c-cars-ve...AdIdZ196011164

    OK, let me start off by saying this Explorer is only available for purchase by the manliest of men (or women). My friend, if it was possible for a vehicle to sprout chest hair and a five o'clock shadow, this Ford would look like Tom Selleck. It is just that manly.

    It was never intended to drive to the mall so you can pick up that adorable shirt at Abercrombie & Fitch that you had your eye on. It wasn't meant to transport you to yoga class or Linens & Things. No, that's what your Prius is for. If that's the kind of car you're looking for, then just do us all a
    favor and stop reading right now. I mean it. Just stop.

    This SUV was engineered by 3rd degree ninja super-warriors in the highest mountains of Japan to serve the needs of the man that cheats death on a daily basis. They didn't even consider superfluous nancy boy amenities like navigation systems (real men don't get lost), heated leather seats (a real man doesn't let anything warm his butt), or On Star (real men don't even know what the hell On Star is).

    No, this brute comes with the things us testosterone-fueled super action junkies need. It has a 155 HP engine to outrun the cops. It's saved my bacon more than once. It's got special blood/gore resistant upholstery. It even has a first-aid kit in the back. You know what the first aid kit has in it? A pint of whiskey, a stitch-your-own-wound kit and a hunk of leather to bite down on when you're operating on yourself.

    My price on this bad boy is an incredibly low $2500 but I'll entertain reasonable offers. And by reasonable, I mean don't walk up and tell me you'll give me $500 for it. That's liable to earn you a Burmese-roundhouse-sphincter-kick with a follow up three fingered eye-jab. Would it hurt? Oh yeah. Let's just say you won't be the prettiest guy at the Coldplay concert anymore.

    There's only 290,000 km on this four-wheeled hellcat from Planet Kickass. Trust me, it will outlive you and the offspring that will carry your name. It will live on as a monument to your machismo.

    Now, go look in the mirror and tell me what you see. If it's a rugged, no holds barred, super brute he-man macho Chuck Norris stunt double, then email me. I might be out hang-gliding or BASE jumping or just chilling with my lady, but leave a message and I'll get back to you. And when I do, we'll talk about a price over a nice glass of Schmidt while we listen to Johnny Cash.

    *To sweeten the deal a little, I'm throwing in this pair of MC Hammer pants for the man with rippling quads that can't fit into regular pants. Yeah, you heard me. FREE MC Hammer pants.

    Rock on. "
    *truck does not actually include MC Hammer pants*

  3. #63
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
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    http://calgary.kijiji.ca/c-buy-and-s...AdIdZ210014930




    Looking for Someone to give me money...
    Share | Print | Report Ad
    Date Listed 07-Jun-10
    Price Free
    Address Airdrie, AB, Canada
    View map
    I am in need of money. If anyone has some extra money, I would greatly appreciate it.



  4. #64
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    edit
    Last edited by gretz; 06-21-2010 at 02:19 PM.
    CNC Guru*

    * This is not an advertisement or porn..... but pm me lol

    Instagram: goreski_rdd

  5. #65
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  6. #66
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    Was on the hunt for a classic caddy and came across this gem:

    http://calgary.kijiji.ca/c-cars-vehi...AdIdZ207590529

    If it gets deleted:

    i want to dsposed coz i got new one service; good car just gaskit replacement needed. stel running.....
    We stopped checking for monsters under our beds when we realized they were inside us.

  7. #67
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    08 Civc LX, 03 Durango, 11 Duramax
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    Originally posted by ddduke
    Was on the hunt for a classic caddy and came across this gem:

    http://calgary.kijiji.ca/c-cars-vehi...AdIdZ207590529

    If it gets deleted:

    i want to dsposed coz i got new one service; good car just gaskit replacement needed. stel running.....
    Classic Reply:
    YOZ - IZ INTERESTEZ IN YO CAZ! HOW MUCH TO CHANE THE GAS CAP TI MAKEZ IT RUNZ ?

    I WIZ LIKZ TO SPEN LIKE FITEEN BUKZ!

    HIT ME BAKZ HOMIE!

  8. #68
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    Apr 2008
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    Calgary
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    This badboy does 0-60 in just 2.9 seconds

    http://calgary.kijiji.ca/c-cars-vehi...AdIdZ214252571
    CNC Guru*

    * This is not an advertisement or porn..... but pm me lol

    Instagram: goreski_rdd

  9. #69
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    http://calgary.kijiji.ca/c-jobs-gene...AdIdZ214277192

    hi iam 21 years old iam very ex in many jobs if u are intrested plz get me back iam a very hardworker and i think i would be an asset to your company
    put his full address on there too...

  10. #70
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    Probably means 60km/h now that's misleading marketing! lol


    Originally posted by gretz
    This badboy does 0-60 in just 2.9 seconds

    http://calgary.kijiji.ca/c-cars-vehi...AdIdZ214252571

  11. #71
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    http://reddeer.kijiji.ca/c-cars-vehi...AdIdZ214332883

    Date Listed 28-Jun-10
    Price $16,500.00
    Address Red Deer, AB, Canada
    View map
    For Sale By Owner
    Make GMC
    Model Sierra 2500
    Trim SL
    Year 1995
    Kilometers 950000
    Colour White
    Transmission Manual
    Fuel Type Gasoline
    Drivetrain 4 x 4
    Type New




    Up for sale is my trusty 1995 GMC Sierra, freshly broke in and ready for a new home. This truck has 950 000km on the still factory 350ci engine. Has rebuilt transmission at 335,000km with new clutch and all clutch parts and clutch has not been used since. Has a bumpin' aftermarket Pioneer/Alpine sound system with 1 10" sub and I-pod hookup. Brand new alternator at 820,000 and waterpump at 758,000. In great shape for it's year. Plywood box liner, warn winch 8,000lbs on steel bumper with controller. Comes with the 800L slip tank, complete with electric pump. Has 245/75/16 tires on it, 3 are matching, one is not. Comes with CB Radio installed and 1000 channel triple-trunking police scanner and an awesome set of backup lights with alarm so those idiots behind you move out of your way. This truck is ready for work and will even include pintle hitch seen on back of truck.

    Call Justin @ 403 598 8168. $16, 500 or best offer.
    Visits: 55
    Sideways As Fuck

  12. #72
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    Calgary, alberta
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    Originally posted by 92s13SR20
    http://reddeer.kijiji.ca/c-cars-vehi...AdIdZ214332883

    Up for sale is my trusty 1995 GMC Sierra, freshly broke in and ready for a new home. This truck has 950 000km on the still factory 350ci engine. Has rebuilt transmission at 335,000km with new clutch and all clutch parts and clutch has not been used since. Has a bumpin' aftermarket Pioneer/Alpine sound system with 1 10" sub and I-pod hookup. Brand new alternator at 820,000 and waterpump at 758,000. In great shape for it's year. Plywood box liner, warn winch 8,000lbs on steel bumper with controller. Comes with the 800L slip tank, complete with electric pump. Has 245/75/16 tires on it, 3 are matching, one is not. Comes with CB Radio installed and 1000 channel triple-trunking police scanner and an awesome set of backup lights with alarm so those idiots behind you move out of your way. This truck is ready for work and will even include pintle hitch seen on back of truck.

    Call Justin @ 403 598 8168. $16, 500 or best offer.
    Visits: 55
    just broke in with check engine light, air bag light, and abs lights on, theirs another by the seat belt lights but can't see what it is.
    2011 Chevy Colorado Z71 - 5.3L LH9 - Daily driver
    2003 Mazda B4000 on 35s

  13. #73
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
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    calgary AB
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    1993 mazda rx7
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    Originally posted by J.M.
    ^^
    I used to own this car when it was for sale. appreciate all you idiots out here that cannot appreciate the work a kid does to his car. hopefully one day you guys get a life and are able to build as beautiful a car as this. oh and as a side not I sold the car about 3 weeks ago for 13,000 dollars. apparently its worth more than I was asking.

  14. #74
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
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    Okanagan
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    K-car
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    Originally posted by 92s13SR20
    http://reddeer.kijiji.ca/c-cars-vehi...AdIdZ214332883

    Date Listed 28-Jun-10
    Price $16,500.00
    Address Red Deer, AB, Canada
    View map
    For Sale By Owner
    Make GMC
    Model Sierra 2500
    Trim SL
    Year 1995
    Kilometers 950000
    Colour White
    Transmission Manual
    Fuel Type Gasoline
    Drivetrain 4 x 4
    Type New




    Up for sale is my trusty 1995 GMC Sierra, freshly broke in and ready for a new home. This truck has 950 000km on the still factory 350ci engine. Has rebuilt transmission at 335,000km with new clutch and all clutch parts and clutch has not been used since. Has a bumpin' aftermarket Pioneer/Alpine sound system with 1 10" sub and I-pod hookup. Brand new alternator at 820,000 and waterpump at 758,000. In great shape for it's year. Plywood box liner, warn winch 8,000lbs on steel bumper with controller. Comes with the 800L slip tank, complete with electric pump. Has 245/75/16 tires on it, 3 are matching, one is not. Comes with CB Radio installed and 1000 channel triple-trunking police scanner and an awesome set of backup lights with alarm so those idiots behind you move out of your way. This truck is ready for work and will even include pintle hitch seen on back of truck.

    Call Justin @ 403 598 8168. $16, 500 or best offer.
    Visits: 55
    $16,500???? He can't be serious.

  15. #75
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Location
    Red Deer
    My Ride
    1992 Nissan Silvia S13
    Posts
    54
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    Default

    Date Listed 02-Jul-10
    Price $4,300.00
    Address Calgary, AB, Canada
    View map
    For Sale By Owner
    Make Nissan
    Model 240SX
    Year 1993
    Kilometers 133000
    Body Type Coupe (2 door)
    Transmission Manual
    Colour Blue
    Type Used
    Fuel Type Gasoline




    1993 Nissan Silvia S13 Coupe

    Engine and Drive train:
    -S14 Blacktop sr20det
    -Gt2871r .64 A/R Garrett turbo
    -Taka motorsports SS turbo lines (oil and coolant lines)
    -740cc Nismo injectors
    -Nismo Super Copper Mix clutch/flywheel combo (serious and best clutch ever)
    Aggressive 2way LSD
    -Rocker arm stoppers
    -Greddy turbo elbow
    -Exhaust manifold (very well built)
    -S15 OEM gaskets all over the place (exh mani, turbo, dp…)
    -3” custom air intake with K&N air filter
    -3” full exhaust - great sound
    -Megan test pipe
    -ARC fmic (1500$) – 2” hot pipe, 2.5” cold pipe – great air flow
    -T-clamps all over the place
    -HKS ssqv BOV
    -NGK iridium spark plugs
    -Custom reservoir tank
    -Miata small battery w/ warranty
    -Non hicas
    -12” electric fan + the stock clutch fan

    ECU:
    -Power FC D-Jetro MAP based Tuned by Wyn@Autodream

    Wheels and Brakes:
    -17x10 Work Sp1 -25 offset rims in the rear
    -16x10 Work Sp1 -1 offset rims for the front (full set of 4 will come with the car)
    -5-lug Z32 on all 4 corners
    -Project muu slotted rotors
    -Project muu brake pads (tons of life)
    -5mm spacers on all 4 corners
    -Tires are all in good condition

    Suspension:
    -Tein HA coilovers; adjustable camber
    -Whiteline front and rear sway bars (3 way adjustable for your driving style)
    -Cusco front and rear strut tower bars

    Electronics and Sound System:
    -PLX R500 Wideband/Data logger - Wideband o2, I also have the EGT sensor and the sensor that reads the amount of g’s that your car is pulling! This data logger is extremely awesome, reads speed, rpm, knock, ect.
    -Greddy turbo timer
    -Greddy Boost controller
    -Viper alarm (does everything you could think of, you can even make a button open/close different windows)
    -Sound system (deck, speakers, amp, sub)

    Interior:
    -Sparco sprint seats
    -Integra type-R shift knob and shift boot (had to keep the Honda heart going)
    -Race steering wheel
    -Power windows (auto up/down for driver)
    -Power Brakes
    -Power sunroof
    -Clear windows (no tint!)
    -Power folding mirrors
    -Power mirrors
    -The car is also equipped with a truck horn (very awesome)

    Exterior:
    -50mm JUN fender flares
    -GTR Grill
    -Full body kit
    -Paint just got polished and is in great shape

    This Car made 1439whp and 749wtq on autodreams dyno. I have dyno sheets to prove.

    I'm selling all 3 of my vehicles for a brand new Duramax Diesel.






    http://calgary.kijiji.ca/c-ViewAd?Ad...wmid=214927128

    http://forums.beyond.ca/st/308622/19...many-upgrades/

    somebody had better buy this soon.....only $4300
    Sideways As Fuck

  16. #76
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
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    Unemployment Line
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    Sierra, RDX
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    Default

    Its actually going for $10k, the link posted is the edit link. someone fucked with the guys ad.
    See Crank. See Crank Walk. Walk Crank Walk.

  17. #77
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Location
    Airdrie Alberta
    My Ride
    3.0L Of pure turbocharged testosterone
    Posts
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    Default

    Originally posted by FraserB
    Its actually going for $10k, the link posted is the edit link. someone fucked with the guys ad.
    Maybe the guy should learn to link to the right thing hahahah. Noob.


  18. #78
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Location
    Red Deer
    My Ride
    1992 Nissan Silvia S13
    Posts
    54
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    Default

    Originally posted by FraserB
    Its actually going for $10k, the link posted is the edit link. someone fucked with the guys ad.
    not a bad price
    Sideways As Fuck

  19. #79
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Location
    calgary
    My Ride
    4g63 powered
    Posts
    407
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  20. #80
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location
    YYC & a huge farm in the (deep) south, central Sask
    My Ride
    12 cars trucks & bikes. From 1938 till new.
    Posts
    5,996
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    Default

    That looks legit

    probably quite a chill guy as well.
    "The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side"

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