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RealJimmyJames
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Social Taboo - Regret having children quote:

I've been exploring this topic more recently, and it's fascinating to me. With any major life-changing choice that adults make, it's relatively common for a certain percentage to regret that decision, whether it's buying a particular car to choosing a particular vacation destination. None of that is controversial.

However, what seems to be incredibly controversial is the idea that some parents might regret their choice to become parents. I understand that our evolution has created a situation where the vast majority of parents find the experience rewarding, and in some cases, even pleasurable, but is it really so crazy to think that some parents feel differently?

Here is some news articles on this topic, and I would love to hear your thoughts.

https://www.vice.com/en_ca/article/...ret-having-kids

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeand...having-children

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Old Post 03-11-2017 11:15 PM
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benyl
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quote:

I have 2. My pocket book hates them. I love them. I'm jealous of those that decided not to have them. If I had to do it over again, I'd still have them.

It's your choice. I don't care if you have a kid or not. That doesn't define who you are. If it does, you have issues that you will likely pass onto your kids if you have them.

It's like the need to get married. I don't look at people who haven't done differently. I'd rather see someone single than always fighting and denigrating their spouse. People should learn to be happy. Do what makes you happy. If that isn't getting married and not having kids, so be it.

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Old Post 03-11-2017 11:25 PM
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EF9 Sedan
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quote:

There are many factors that could drive regret.

Was the child conceived by accident? (Not financially ready to support the child and as a result had to give up hobbies, sell toys, change in career aspiration)
Parents weren't ready to be parents?
Parents have big career aspirations that they can't achieve anymore?

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CRXguy
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quote:

Originally posted by benyl
I have 2. My pocket book hates them. I love them. I'm jealous of those that decided not to have them. If I had to do it over again, I'd still have them.



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Seth1968
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quote:

I suspect that most of those who regret having children would never admit it. I also suspect that the number of parents who regret having children is much higher than most think. The big question is the reason(s) why one would regret having children.

I have 1 child, and if I had to do it all over again, I would not have. It has nothing to do with finances or my ability in being a good father, but rather my perception of society.

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speedog
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quote:

Have 3, semi-adopted a 4th and now starting to semi-adopt a 5th. Kids aren't for everyone but hopefully those that regret such still love them as much as they would've if they had had no regrets.

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Old Post 03-12-2017 12:43 AM
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Seth1968
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quote:

Originally posted by speedog
/snip/ hopefully those that regret such still love them as much as they would've if they had had no regrets.



Me too.

Of course it again depends on the reasons for the regret.

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Old Post 03-12-2017 12:53 AM
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J-hop
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quote:

Interesting topic. I am feeling the pressure now that I'm in my 30s with a long term (more than a decade) partner.

Now people are pushing me to have kids. I tell them I don't want one and they always say "you mean right now". No fuckface not "right now" I just don't have any want for a child end of story.

To have children you better be damn passionate about having a kid. You better want one like you want to breath.

I think a lot of people believe they should have one because society/friends/family say they should have one. Then they fabricate this dream world in their mind of what it's like to have a kid. They have one and realize it's not what they wanted and have to spend the rest of their life trying to force satisfaction and true happiness out of the life they've chosen.

Parents that try to encourage others to have kids need to fuck right off. It's something only people passionate about having kids should be doing and they don't need any encouragement anyways

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Seth1968
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quote:

Originally posted by J-hop
I think a lot of people believe they should have one because society/friends/family say they should have one.



Nailed it.

I know many like that, including myself.

One of the most honest things I've heard from someone came from a lady that was asked, "Do you have kids"? She replied, "No, my lifestyle wouldn't be good for kids".

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max_boost
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quote:

Yup. Agreed. It's a lifestyle choice. Do what makes you happy.

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benyl
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quote:

What I can tell you is not to wait until your mid 30s to start. I fucking regret that.

In your 20s, you have no money, but you can do all nighters no problem. In your 30s, ain't gonna happen. I feel tired all the fucking time. I turned 40 last year. My youngest is 2. I'm gonna be fucking old before she moves out.

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max_boost
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quote:

lol ya. if it happens with my gf, I'm probably gonna be in the 40-45 range.

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BensonTT
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quote:

My boy is 7 and hes my best friend lol

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ZenOps
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quote:

I've always looked at it like this. Theres five billion or so people on the planet that I will never meet, nor will they every in the slightest way be influenced whether or not I have offspring.

If someone is that desperate to have my very unique geneset, I can always freeze my swimmers.

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J-hop
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quote:

Originally posted by max_boost
lol ya. if it happens with my gf, I'm probably gonna be in the 40-45 range.



Funny I used to tell people that questioned me why I didn't want kids that I'd have kids later in life just to get them off my back. You'd have some that would come back with "you realize you're increasing the risk of things like Down's syndrome by waiting".

Alright mr statistics you do realize by age 40 there is still a 99% chance you're going to have a healthy baby. Thanks for not understanding statistics...

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imranm
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quote:

Originally posted by Seth1968


Nailed it.

I know many like that, including myself.

One of the most honest things I've heard from someone came from a lady that was asked, "Do you have kids"? She replied, "No, my lifestyle wouldn't be good for kids".



I have two. Love it. And it's the best thing I've done in my life. Is it hard? The hardest thing I've ever done in my life and I'm only 3 years and 1 year into them!!! But for me and my wife it was what we wanted.

If society pressures you, give them the middle finger. When friends or family pressure you tell them to pay for it and take care of them. No one should pressure you into such a choice.

You and your partner have to take look at what you want out of your present and future. If you think it fits, have a kid. If not, take your friends/family kids out once in awhile when you have the itch.

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Old Post 03-12-2017 03:17 AM
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Seth1968
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quote:

In my instance, it wasn't pressure, but rather young naive thinking that, "this is what you're supposed to do".

Of course I kept my regret secret, and raised my child in anything but a regretting mind set.

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quote:

I don't regret having my daughter, however, I do regret who I had my daughter with.

I look at some of my friends who have no kids, and I am jealous at the amount of free time they have, and their freedom both financially, and in responsibility. But If I had to do it all over again, I would without a second's thought.

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tehwegz
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quote:

I look back and hated myself as a kid. My parents were never able to be around, and I was a little **** growing up around other highly immature over privileged obnoxious "Canadian" kids who desperately need to learn discipline, among everything else. Life skills, interpersonal skills, etc. not a bunch of academic crap that 75% of people will never take anywhere with them especially not nowadays.

I had a dad who maybe was there for ~5 years of my life. I have few good memories of him. I feel too emotionally damaged and unavailable to be a good parent.

I'd only be a good parent in the sense I would never be a repeat of my dad, and would definitely have to be with the right woman.

Most likely not having children though. I'm an adult, but inside my head is a playground. I would rather spend the money on myself having fun.

Same with a wedding - waste of money. My GF shares the same thought. Money is better rolled into a down-payment for a house, or even a car (words out of her mouth).

Also...introducing kids into this world that is becoming increasingly becoming fudged up. My kids would live to the year 2100+ ... that's insane. The problems, etc. we have now by comparison of what may be by then...and they will inherit all of that as well as the generations after them.

Mind is full of so much blown right now.

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Old Post 03-12-2017 04:17 AM
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quote:

Curious to hear the OP's thoughts on the subject.

Do you think there's a particular reason for people to regret having kids?

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