PDA

View Full Version : Best toilet paper EVAR!


GTS Jeff
12-13-2005, 01:52 PM
Kleenex ultra soft! It's like wiping your ass with a sponge! This tp is so good, it gives you another reason to poop!!!

Kleenex >> all other tp.
shakalaka
12-13-2005, 01:55 PM
^^Yea word!! Totally agree with that. Its like freakin wiping your shit off with rabbit fur(not that I know how that would feel like, just guessing would be really soft0!!! Awesome.
benyl
12-13-2005, 01:55 PM
wow, you must be really bored.
Foz
12-13-2005, 01:57 PM
Is it a triple ply tissue?
GTS Jeff
12-13-2005, 01:58 PM
Originally posted by benyl
wow, you must be really bored. No, I actually just took a shit, and I'm a guy who values good tp. Now that I've found the HOLY GRAIL of tp, I thought I'd share it with the rest of the community. You can stick to your sandpaper or whatever, you thankless whore.
JordanEG6
12-13-2005, 01:59 PM
is it quilted with cool little designs on them?


Originally posted by GTS Jeff
No, I actually just took a shit, and I'm a guy who values good tp. Now that I've found the HOLY GRAIL of tp, I thought I'd share it with the rest of the community. You can stick to your sandpaper or whatever, you thankless whore.


:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
GTS Jeff
12-13-2005, 01:59 PM
Originally posted by Foz
Is it a triple ply tissue? It's 2 ply, but it definitely beats any triple ply tp I've tried. This stuff is so thick, I use like half the sheets I normally use.
GTS Jeff
12-13-2005, 02:00 PM
Originally posted by JordanEG6
is it quilted with cool little designs on them? No, you ricer. The tread is for pure shit-wiping performance. No fancy designs that don't do anything.
natejj
12-13-2005, 02:01 PM
You know what would be cool?

Kleenex with far side comics on them. So as you are waiting.... for your.... business to finish, you could read teh comics on your kleenex! Then wipe your problems away!

:D
JordanEG6
12-13-2005, 02:02 PM
Originally posted by GTS Jeff
No, you ricer. The tread is for pure shit-wiping performance. No fancy designs that don't do anything.

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
benyl
12-13-2005, 02:04 PM
Originally posted by GTS Jeff
No, I actually just took a shit, and I'm a guy who values good tp. Now that I've found the HOLY GRAIL of tp, I thought I'd share it with the rest of the community. You can stick to your sandpaper or whatever, you thankless whore.

please send me a pm everytime you shit... cause I wanna know!

hahahaha
Vagabond142
12-13-2005, 02:04 PM
:rolleyes:
/////AMG
12-13-2005, 02:05 PM
:rofl: :rofl: Some signature worthy replies from Jeff!
FiveFreshFish
12-13-2005, 02:05 PM
Originally posted by GTS Jeff
The tread is for pure shit-wiping performance.

If it's so soft, does it have enough traction to remove particulates, or will it smear?
EK 2.0
12-13-2005, 02:12 PM
Originally posted by FiveFreshFish
If it's so soft, does it have enough traction to remove particulates, or will it smear?


oooo good question...haha
Kirbs17
12-13-2005, 02:13 PM
:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
Chester
12-13-2005, 02:13 PM
Originally posted by natejj
You know what would be cool?

Kleenex with far side comics on them. So as you are waiting.... for your.... business to finish, you could read teh comics on your kleenex! Then wipe your problems away!

:D


Only problem with that is, the ink would rub onto your ass.
retro-steve
12-13-2005, 02:20 PM
Originally posted by Chester



Only problem with that is, the ink would rub onto your ass.

then you've got some farside on the far side. go to a kindergarten class and have them read off your ass.

i've been using purex for years upon years...maybe i'll go out and try some of this kleenex ass-cloud you speak of.
Newk
12-13-2005, 02:22 PM
:rofl: Jeff is a toilet paper missionary.
retro-steve
12-13-2005, 02:26 PM
Originally posted by Newk
:rofl: Jeff is a toilet paper missionary.

i'm going to try it, he may have converted me
Newk
12-13-2005, 02:29 PM
Originally posted by retro-steve


i'm going to try it, he may have converted me

this time next week we may all be members in the Church of The Pampered Ass. Faithfully following the solomn teachings of the Reverend GTS_Jeff.
GTS Jeff
12-13-2005, 02:37 PM
Originally posted by benyl


please send me a pm everytime you shit... cause I wanna know!

hahahaha

Done!!

Originally posted by FiveFreshFish


If it's so soft, does it have enough traction to remove particulates, or will it smear?

This tp has good traction in both dry and wet situations. Minimal smear. I've shaved at least a second off my wipe times. :thumbsup:

Originally posted by retro-steve
i've been using purex for years upon years...maybe i'll go out and try some of this kleenex ass-cloud you speak of.

Man, I used to think Purex was the best tp out there. Pillowy soft right? Fuck, I even bought the bling bling Purex Ultra Double Rolls every time. But this Kleenex PWNZ Purex so hard! 3 sheets of Kleenex = 6 Purex sheets.
Xtrema
12-13-2005, 02:45 PM
Only sandpaper @ work.
mr.loco
12-13-2005, 02:47 PM
Originally posted by GTS Jeff


Done!!

I've shaved at least a second off my wipe times. :thumbsup:




whats your E.T. ? and i call BS unless u have a timeslip to prove it
civicrider
12-13-2005, 02:48 PM
this is great, my old TP gave me a burning sensation after this is soft on the ass:thumbsup:
likwid
12-13-2005, 02:50 PM
Maybe its not the TP that is causing your burning sensation?
GTS Jeff
12-13-2005, 02:54 PM
Originally posted by mr.loco


whats your E.T. ? and i call BS unless u have a timeslip to prove it haha wtf you keep your "timeslips?" Dude, that's gross...I flush mine down la toilette. :barf: :barf:
retro-steve
12-13-2005, 03:04 PM
how does this TP deal with clingons? i've noticed the problem with purex that if you have a solid clinger you're in for a good half-roll wipe...
QuasarCav
12-13-2005, 03:33 PM
Originally posted by retro-steve
how does this TP deal with clingons? i've noticed the problem with purex that if you have a solid clinger you're in for a good half-roll wipe...


:werd:

I like a nice rough TP, Lets me know it's working.
bspot
12-13-2005, 03:33 PM
Originally posted by retro-steve
how does this TP deal with clingons? i've noticed the problem with purex that if you have a solid clinger you're in for a good half-roll wipe... :werd: A critical issue when living with a hairy crevice.
GQBalla
12-13-2005, 03:35 PM
LOL ^^

if your gettin clingons your sittin on the crapper for too long where your shit dries to your hole!

AHAHAH

well i use costco brand! good ol kirkland never hurt me!
b_t
12-13-2005, 03:44 PM
This thread is FUCKED
retro-steve
12-13-2005, 03:47 PM
Originally posted by GQBalla
LOL ^^

if your gettin clingons your sittin on the crapper for too long where your shit dries to your hole!

AHAHAH

well i use costco brand! good ol kirkland never hurt me!

no dude i'm italian...i have so much ass hair i could make every one in this thread a wig and still have enough left over to make a nice winter jacket for myself. clingons are a huge issue for me.
legendboy
12-13-2005, 03:55 PM
I heard using baby wipes was the ultimate! I have yet to try tho, every time i go to the store for groceries i always forget to buy them :banghead:
shakalaka
12-13-2005, 04:36 PM
hahahah
Wholy fuck! I saw the number of replies in this thread, I was like woah. So many replies. I am sitting here listening Gary Rules-Mad World (for people who dont know, its a sad song) and reading this thread, my flatmates are all looking at me weird and shit cauz I am laughing so hard. hahah fukin hell
QuasarCav
12-13-2005, 04:38 PM
Originally posted by legendboy
I heard using baby wipes was the ultimate! I have yet to try tho, every time i go to the store for groceries i always forget to buy them :banghead:


My bro swears by them but I feel a little weird after.

They are good for a final clean-up but not as the only source of poo removal.
sputnik
12-13-2005, 04:39 PM
Originally posted by legendboy
I heard using baby wipes was the ultimate! I have yet to try tho, every time i go to the store for groceries i always forget to buy them :banghead:

They are the ultimate final wipe. Use regular for the first couple of passes and once you know you a clean finish off with a wet wipe.

Its like taking a shower after every crap.
Davetronz
12-13-2005, 04:57 PM
Jesus Christ... Only Jeff... Hhahahaha


"Tonight on Global News, Kleenex toilet paper FLYING off the store shelves, most consumers wearing Beyond.ca lanyards or hoodies. More on this phenomenon coming up next"...

As beyonders everywhere stop in to buy some new shit tickets on the way home from work/school/sitting on their ass infront of their computer all day.
legendboy
12-13-2005, 05:03 PM
Originally posted by QuasarCav
They are good for a final clean-up but not as the only source of poo removal.


Originally posted by sputnik
They are the ultimate final wipe. Use regular for the first couple of passes and once you know you a clean finish off with a wet wipe.

Its like taking a shower after every crap.

damn thats a good idea, major particle removal with Kleenex ultra soft, final anal cleansing with a wet one :thumbsup:
benyl
12-13-2005, 05:04 PM
ROFL!

This thread is getting better with age.
EK 2.0
12-13-2005, 05:09 PM
Originally posted by b_t
This thread is FUCKED



Nope, this thread is shit...
legendboy
12-13-2005, 05:11 PM
Originally posted by EK 2.0
Nope, this thread is shit...

ok everybody enough!, clean this shit up!
BerserkerCatSplat
12-13-2005, 05:40 PM
Someone needs to wipe this thread clean.
Nav13
12-13-2005, 06:04 PM
notice how sharting and ass wiping, anything to do with fecal matter threads turn out to be the best threads on beyond. Politics and war threads are always closed haha but shit threads live long and strong.
buh_buh
12-13-2005, 06:08 PM
Kleenex TP has the tread to deal with cling ons AND is soft enough for the final wipe. It's a good all around cleaning sensation.

If it were possible to orgasm with tp, then this is it.
retro-steve
12-13-2005, 06:22 PM
well i just bought some of this kleenex TP (bloody expensive by the way) and i think i'm going to give it the ultimate test...tonight i'm going to schanks south for $5 tuesday and i'm going to have plate after plate of boneless hotwings. if this TP can satisfy the ring of fire then it will be a retro-steve endorsed product! :thumbsup: some times after a good hot wingin' it's almost like i need a handful of vasaline to satisfy the burn.
TurboMedic
12-13-2005, 07:47 PM
Wet ones also work well for the burn.....baby soft after all....and you can get watermelon scented ones! We caught on to the trend when we were back in europe, everyone does it there! This thread rocks......Oh, and BTW, I'm a kirkland user!
hampstor
12-13-2005, 07:54 PM
now... we just need to find out where's the cheapest place to buy this at :hitit:
stevieo
12-13-2005, 08:23 PM
thats a big thing haha i hate taking a shit with shitty toilet paper. biggest piss off ever!
QuasarCav
12-13-2005, 08:28 PM
Originally posted by stevieo
thats a big thing haha i hate taking a shit with shitty toilet paper. biggest piss off ever!


But on the other hand I feel too ripped off wiping my ass with TP that costs more than $10.

A good plan is to buy a shittier brand of TP and spend the extra cash on a wet wipe. The TP will be rougher and remove the heavier deposits while the wet wipe will take care of the rest. I don't know how I feel about watermelon though.

:thumbsup:
buh_buh
12-13-2005, 08:43 PM
Originally posted by QuasarCav



But on the other hand I feel too ripped off wiping my ass with TP that costs more than $10.

A good plan is to buy a shittier brand of TP and spend the extra cash on a wet wipe. The TP will be rougher and remove the heavier deposits while the wet wipe will take care of the rest. I don't know how I feel about watermelon though.

:thumbsup: That's way too much work. Kleenex will break down the heavier deposits without being rough on the ass AND it'll take care of the rest. I think the extra $3/month is worth it.
JordanEG6
12-13-2005, 08:58 PM
Originally posted by buh_buh
That's way too much work. Kleenex will break down the heavier deposits without being rough on the ass AND it'll take care of the rest. I think the extra $3/month is worth it.



:werd: you also dont wanna bust holes in the tp and have the shit end up all over the fingers. :rofl: :rofl:
Newk
12-13-2005, 09:21 PM
Originally posted by JordanEG6




:werd: you also dont wanna bust holes in the tp and have the shit end up all over the fingers. :rofl: :rofl:

That's the only piece of ass most Beyonder get.
legendboy
12-13-2005, 11:14 PM
Originally posted by TurboMedic
Oh, and BTW, I'm a kirkland user!

I use kirkland at work, very good ass paper! i just always forget to hit costco to get some for home :(
Foz
12-13-2005, 11:15 PM
Originally posted by EK 2.0




Nope, this thread is shit...

Nope, this thread is wiping shit...
Foz
12-13-2005, 11:16 PM
Originally posted by Newk


That's the only piece of ass most Beyonder get.

:werd: :rofl:
rony_espana
12-13-2005, 11:17 PM
Originally posted by b_t
This thread is FUCKED


:werd: :werd: :rofl: :rofl:
retro-steve
12-13-2005, 11:20 PM
k so i just had my hotwing shit mixed with a couple pints of MGD...this thread does this toilet paper no justice.


if angels wiped their asses, this is what they'd use. seriously, i can't wait for my next shit...kind of tempted to go get some exlax. well maybe not that far but you get the idea :thumbsup: :thumbsup: for kleenex TP!!!
Kobe
12-13-2005, 11:26 PM
Originally posted by benyl


please send me a pm everytime you shit... cause I wanna know!

hahahaha

Pm Sent!!! :hitit: :hitit: :hitit:
eb0i
12-14-2005, 12:11 AM
-baby wipes

added to the shopping list :thumbsup:
Si_FlyGuy
12-14-2005, 12:18 AM
I vouch for this tp, amazing stuff. It doesn't clog up the shitter as much as that cheap stuff that my ex-roomie used to buy. I felt like Captain of the plunger platoon everytime it was her turn to buy tp.
Nav13
12-14-2005, 12:30 AM
Originally posted by QuasarCav



But on the other hand I feel too ripped off wiping my ass with TP that costs more than $10.

A good plan is to buy a shittier brand of TP and spend the extra cash on a wet wipe. The TP will be rougher and remove the heavier deposits while the wet wipe will take care of the rest. I don't know how I feel about watermelon though.

:thumbsup:



Originally posted by buh_buh
That's way too much work. Kleenex will break down the heavier deposits without being rough on the ass AND it'll take care of the rest. I think the extra $3/month is worth it.

This might be too much work also but will save some cash. Just buy some cheap stuff, rip two pieces off and then buy the good stuff, rip one piece of the good stuff place it on the top. That way you got the cheap stuff doing the support work (saving your fingers from accidental contact ) while the good stuff is doing well what its good at, nice clean smooth ass wipping.
Hash_man
12-14-2005, 12:41 AM
Man, I used to think Purex was the best tp out there. Pillowy soft right? Fuck, I even bought the bling bling Purex Ultra Double Rolls every time. But this Kleenex PWNZ Purex so hard! 3 sheets of Kleenex = 6 Purex sheets

Purex is some good stuff... Till I saw this thread I thought it was probably the best on the market, but the sheer cheapness of Kirkland TP makes it a good buy... And its pretty damn good.

I'm definately going to need some of this Kleenex stuff... I hope it stacks up to what Royale used to be ... IMO... A while ago that stuff was like heaven :love:
retro-steve
12-14-2005, 12:58 AM
Originally posted by Hash_man


Purex is some good stuff... Till I saw this thread I thought it was probably the best on the market, but the sheer cheapness of Kirkland TP makes it a good buy... And its pretty damn good.

I'm definately going to need some of this Kleenex stuff... I hope it stacks up to what Royale used to be ... IMO... A while ago that stuff was like heaven :love:


has any one tried charmin??? cartoon bears must know a thing or two about a good ass-wipe
three.eighteen.
12-14-2005, 01:11 AM
actually, wiping your ass with bounty paper towels is the best, rough traction, but guaranteed clean in like 3 wipes. its only safe to use in an outhouse environment though
retro-steve
12-14-2005, 01:13 AM
Originally posted by three.eighteen.
actually, wiping your ass with bounty paper towels is the best, rough traction, but guaranteed clean in like 3 wipes. its only safe to use in an outhouse environment though

ya i was gonna say "no paper towels in the toilet, please!"
Goblin
12-14-2005, 01:15 AM
Originally posted by QuasarCav



But on the other hand I feel too ripped off wiping my ass with TP that costs more than $10.

A good plan is to buy a shittier brand of TP and spend the extra cash on a wet wipe. The TP will be rougher and remove the heavier deposits while the wet wipe will take care of the rest. I don't know how I feel about watermelon though.

:thumbsup:

The only way is a 20 dollar bill every time. thats what I do, only the best :D
benyl
12-14-2005, 01:56 AM
Originally posted by Goblin


The only way is a 20 dollar bill every time. thats what I do, only the best :D

That is fucking nasty.

You basically have 500-1000 people touching your ass with every wipe depending on how new the bill is.

Not to mention how dirty money is. I would rather use newspaper than money.
Vagabond142
12-14-2005, 02:11 AM
Originally posted by three.eighteen.
actually, wiping your ass with bounty paper towels is the best, rough traction, but guaranteed clean in like 3 wipes. its only safe to use in an outhouse environment though

How come as soon as I saw "outhouse" I immediately thought of the outhouse from teh end of summer cruise? hehe "Prevent odors" my ass! :drama:
GTS Jeff
12-14-2005, 02:32 AM
Originally posted by retro-steve
k so i just had my hotwing shit mixed with a couple pints of MGD...this thread does this toilet paper no justice.


if angels wiped their asses, this is what they'd use. seriously, i can't wait for my next shit...kind of tempted to go get some exlax. well maybe not that far but you get the idea :thumbsup: :thumbsup: for kleenex TP!!!

Hey, I'm glad I could help!!


Originally posted by Hash_man


Purex is some good stuff... Till I saw this thread I thought it was probably the best on the market, but the sheer cheapness of Kirkland TP makes it a good buy... And its pretty damn good.

I'm definately going to need some of this Kleenex stuff... I hope it stacks up to what Royale used to be ... IMO... A while ago that stuff was like heaven :love:

Man, I was born and raised into a Purex household, and I bought Purex religiously...that is...until my ass experienced KLEENEX!
/////AMG
12-14-2005, 03:46 AM
Can we have a group buy? It'll be cheaper. and can you ship over seas?
sputnik
12-14-2005, 08:02 AM
Originally posted by benyl


That is fucking nasty.

You basically have 500-1000 people touching your ass with every wipe depending on how new the bill is.

Not to mention how dirty money is. I would rather use newspaper than money.

No kidding. Whats even worse is the people that do the same thing but then rinse the 20's in the sink and put them back in their wallet for next time.
Newk
12-14-2005, 08:04 AM
Originally posted by sputnik


No kidding. Whats even worse is the people that do the same thing but then rinse the 20's in the sink and put them back in their wallet for next time.


Or don't rinse them at all.
tapout
12-14-2005, 09:52 AM
Originally posted by benyl
wow, you must be really bored. :rofl: :rofl:
stevieo
12-14-2005, 10:03 AM
Originally posted by GTS Jeff



Man, I was born and raised into a Purex household, and I bought Purex religiously...that is...until my ass experienced KLEENEX!

haha

royale was sweet, its like wiping your ass with 2 white kittens. got some charmin now, its pretty fucking cushiony if you ask me
Phy
12-14-2005, 10:14 AM
Originally posted by Newk



Or don't rinse them at all.

I don't need your stinkin' money.
GTS Jeff
12-14-2005, 12:31 PM
Originally posted by stevieo


haha

royale was sweet, its like wiping your ass with 2 white kittens. got some charmin now, its pretty fucking cushiony if you ask me You're only deluding yourself if you think they hold a candle at all to Kleenex.
Nissanaddict
12-14-2005, 06:11 PM
I should buy myself a few of those. Sounds good. Oh, and this is the best thread ever.
mpl
12-14-2005, 09:58 PM
:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: a great thing to know:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
xrayvsn
12-14-2005, 10:13 PM
The only trouble with the baby wipes is that they are not flushable. For the ultimate in wet wiping convenience, I recommend the wipes for little kids who are learning to use the "potty". They are called Kandoo wipes, and are flushable, unlike most baby wipes. The last thing you want after a good dump is to realize the toilet is backing up on you and you need to reach for the plunger beacuse you've been wiping your ass with a baby wet wipe.

I think the best combo would be Kleenex Ultra Soft for the main clean-up duties, followed by a refreshing (and flushable) Kandoo wipe.

The Kandoo wipes come in a green or orange container that looks like a small plastic box, but be warned that a box of 45 wipes will cost you the price of a pack of regular toilet paper.
xrayvsn
12-14-2005, 10:20 PM
http://www.procter.se/highres/jpg150/Pampers/KANDOO_TUB_OPEN_150.JPG
Seanith
12-15-2005, 01:44 PM
Hahaha.. I was going to ask because I didn't think baby wipes were flushable :rofl:
Raz2
12-15-2005, 01:54 PM
I CAN'T Believe I missed this thread! I haven't laughed this hard in a long time, oh, and I'll buy some of this here Kleenex shit next time i'm out :)

I actually wiped with Regular kleenex tissues from a box once in a hotel, it was awesome!

- Rasmus
AD_Runner
12-15-2005, 04:26 PM
Originally posted by benyl
wow, you must be really bored.

Bored or not they got a few peoples attention, including mine! :angel:
AD_Runner
12-15-2005, 04:27 PM
Originally posted by Raz2
I CAN'T Believe I missed this thread! I haven't laughed this hard in a long time, oh, and I'll buy some of this here Kleenex shit next time i'm out :)

I actually wiped with Regular kleenex tissues from a box once in a hotel, it was awesome!

- Rasmus

OMG -- Raz that is too funny --- lol:rofl:
DarkDream
12-18-2005, 09:37 PM
Shit this thread makes me really wanna try this Kleenex stuff out..... I 've been using No name brand toilet paper... Unless i was at some place with nice toilet paper.......

hahaha *sigh Can't believe i am talking about toilet paper
DUBBED
12-18-2005, 10:11 PM
I can't believe a frog is wiping it's ass on the front of that box!!! :rofl: :rofl:
frozenrice
12-18-2005, 10:17 PM
Originally posted by shakalaka
^^Yea word!! Totally agree with that. Its like freakin wiping your shit off with rabbit fur(not that I know how that would feel like, just guessing would be really soft0!!! Awesome.

^^reminds me of this joke (it's an old one).

Bear and a rabbit are taking a dump in the forest. The bear says to the rabbit, "You have problems with poop sticking to your fur?". Rabbit replies, "No, not at all." The bears says, "Good!" and goes and wipes his ass on the rabbit.