Ekliptix
04-03-2003, 07:28 PM
> From: Bin Laden, Osama
> To: All Al Queda Fighters
>
> Subject: The Cave
>
> Internal Memo. Do Not Distribute Outside The Organisation.
>
> Hi Guys,
>
> We've all been putting in long hours recently but we've really come
> together as a group and I love that! However, while we are fighting a
> jihad, we can't forget to take care of the cave and frankly I have a few
> concerns:
>
> First, while it's good to be concerned about Cruise missiles, we should be
> even more concerned about the dust in our cave. We want to avoid excessive
> dust inhalation, (a health and safety issue) so we need to sweep the cave
> daily. I've done my bit on the cleaning rota - have you? I've posted a
> sign-up sheet near the cave reception area (next to the halal toaster).
>
> Second, it's not often I make a video address but when I do I'm trying to
> scare the sh*t out of most of the world's population, okay? That means
that
> while we're taping, please do not ride your scooter in the background or
> keep doing the 'Wassup' thing. Thank you.
>
> Third, food, I bought a pack of Dairylea recently, I clearly wrote "Ossy "
> on the front and put it on the top shelf. Today, two of my Dairylea slices
> were gone. Consideration. That's all I'm saying.
>
> Fourth, I'm not against team spirit and all that, but we must distance
> ourselves from the Infidel's bat and ball games. Please do not chant
"Ossy,
> Ossy, Ossy, Oy, Oy, Oy" when I ride past on the donkey. Thanks.
>
> Fifth, Graffiti. Whoever wrote "OSAMA F**KS DONKEYS" on the group toilet
> wall, It's a lie, the donkey backed into me while I was relieving myself
at
> the edge of the mountain.
>
> Sixth: The use of chickens is strictly for food. Assam, the old excuse
that
> the chicken backed into me, whilst I was relieving myself at the edge of
> the mountain' will not be accepted in future. (With donkeys, this is still
> a grey area.)
>
> And, finally, we've heard that there may be Western soldiers in disguise
> trying to infiltrate our ranks. I want to set up patrols to look for them.
> The first patrol will be Omar, Muhammad, Abdul, Akbar and Dave.
>
> Love you loads,
>
> Group Hug.
>
> Os.
>
> PS - I'm sick of having "Osama's Bed Linen" scribbled on my laundry bag.
> Cut it out, it's not funny any more.
> To: All Al Queda Fighters
>
> Subject: The Cave
>
> Internal Memo. Do Not Distribute Outside The Organisation.
>
> Hi Guys,
>
> We've all been putting in long hours recently but we've really come
> together as a group and I love that! However, while we are fighting a
> jihad, we can't forget to take care of the cave and frankly I have a few
> concerns:
>
> First, while it's good to be concerned about Cruise missiles, we should be
> even more concerned about the dust in our cave. We want to avoid excessive
> dust inhalation, (a health and safety issue) so we need to sweep the cave
> daily. I've done my bit on the cleaning rota - have you? I've posted a
> sign-up sheet near the cave reception area (next to the halal toaster).
>
> Second, it's not often I make a video address but when I do I'm trying to
> scare the sh*t out of most of the world's population, okay? That means
that
> while we're taping, please do not ride your scooter in the background or
> keep doing the 'Wassup' thing. Thank you.
>
> Third, food, I bought a pack of Dairylea recently, I clearly wrote "Ossy "
> on the front and put it on the top shelf. Today, two of my Dairylea slices
> were gone. Consideration. That's all I'm saying.
>
> Fourth, I'm not against team spirit and all that, but we must distance
> ourselves from the Infidel's bat and ball games. Please do not chant
"Ossy,
> Ossy, Ossy, Oy, Oy, Oy" when I ride past on the donkey. Thanks.
>
> Fifth, Graffiti. Whoever wrote "OSAMA F**KS DONKEYS" on the group toilet
> wall, It's a lie, the donkey backed into me while I was relieving myself
at
> the edge of the mountain.
>
> Sixth: The use of chickens is strictly for food. Assam, the old excuse
that
> the chicken backed into me, whilst I was relieving myself at the edge of
> the mountain' will not be accepted in future. (With donkeys, this is still
> a grey area.)
>
> And, finally, we've heard that there may be Western soldiers in disguise
> trying to infiltrate our ranks. I want to set up patrols to look for them.
> The first patrol will be Omar, Muhammad, Abdul, Akbar and Dave.
>
> Love you loads,
>
> Group Hug.
>
> Os.
>
> PS - I'm sick of having "Osama's Bed Linen" scribbled on my laundry bag.
> Cut it out, it's not funny any more.