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View Full Version : Alberta Driving Tips (hahA)



scat19
01-13-2007, 06:06 PM
The driving habits of many worldly travellers are below average. Just stand on the street corner and observe but not too close or you'll probably get hit.

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DRIVING TIPS FROM THE ALBERTA REGISTRAR OF MOTOR VEHICLES:

1. Turn signals will give away your next move. A confident Alberta driver avoids using them.

2. Under no circumstance should you maintain a safe distance between you and the car in front of you, because the space will be filled in by somebody else, putting you in an even more dangerous situation.

3. The faster you drive through a red light, the less of a chance you have of getting hit.

4. Warning! Never come to a complete stop at a stop sign. No one expects it and it will result in your being rear-ended.

5. Never get in the way of an older car that needs extensive bodywork, especially with B.C. or Sask, plates. With no insurance, the other operator has nothing to lose.

6. Braking is to be done as hard and late as possible to ensure that your ABS kicks in, giving a vigorous, foot massage as the brake pedal violently pulsates. For those of you without ABS, it's a chance to strengthen your leg muscles.

7. Never pass on the left when you can pass on the right. It's a good way to prepare other drivers entering the highway.

8. Speed limits are arbitrary figures, given only as a suggestion and are not enforceable in Alberta during rush hour, especially in Calgary.

9. Just because you're in the left lane and have no room to speed up or move over doesn't mean that an Alberta driver flashing his high beams behind you doesn't think he can go faster in your spot.

10. Always brake and rubberneck when you see an accident or even someone changing a tire. This is seen as a sign of respect for the victim.

11. Learn to swerve abruptly without signalling. Alberta is the home of high-speed slalom-driving thanks to the Department of Public Works, which puts pot-holes in key locations to test drivers' reflexes and keep them alert.

12. It is tradition in Alberta to honk your horn at cars in front of you that do not move within three milliseconds of the light turning green.

13. To avoid injury in the event of a collision or rollover, it is important to exit your vehicle through the windshield right away. Wearing your seat belt will only impede your hi-velocity escape from danger.

14. Remember that the goal of every Alberta driver is to get ahead of the pack by whatever means necessary.

15. In Alberta, 'flipping the bird' is considered a polite salute. This
gesture should always be returned.

Thank You From The Alberta Registrar of Motor Vehicles.

adam c
01-13-2007, 06:13 PM
11. Learn to swerve abruptly without signalling. Alberta is the home of high-speed slalom-driving thanks to the Department of Public Works, which puts pot-holes in key locations to test drivers' reflexes and keep them alert.

very true for edmonton roads

LilDrunkenSmurf
01-13-2007, 06:49 PM
Haha I was reading those thinking that was sooo true.

Good find :thumbsup:

Annoyingrob
01-13-2007, 06:58 PM
lol@11

Lo)2enz0
01-13-2007, 07:17 PM
ya, i almost get hit on a daily basis because of crowchild between nose hill and stoner trail. #11 decribed it well

awsome read

TeamBestBud
01-13-2007, 07:44 PM
:werd: :rofl:

Maxt
01-13-2007, 08:09 PM
16) The biggest asshole has right of way over first arrived at a 4 way stop.

adam c
01-13-2007, 08:23 PM
^^ true..

i dont know how many times ive seen the 2nd car in line (behind the first car on one street) drive right through the 4 way stop

kvanderlaag
01-13-2007, 10:13 PM
Oh god it's so true.

DGill
01-13-2007, 10:46 PM
:rofl:

schocker
01-14-2007, 12:14 AM
Originally posted by Maxt
16) The biggest asshole has right of way over first arrived at a 4 way stop.

Well from what I saw tonight:
16) The person who doesent stop has the right of way at a 4 way stop.:banghead:

mo_money2supe
01-14-2007, 12:19 AM
Originally posted by scat19
15. In Alberta, 'flipping the bird' is considered a polite salute. This
gesture should always be returned.

Ahh...I see now. No wonder some guy flipped me the bird after he blatantly cut me off and nearly hit the front of my car. Maybe it was just the "polite" thing to do being that it was Christmas Day!!! :thumbsdow

shakalaka
01-14-2007, 12:26 AM
Originally posted by schocker


Well from what I saw tonight:
16) The person who doesent stop has teh right of way at a 4 way stop.:banghead:

I second that. To the fucking faggot who never stopped at the Stop sign and made me fucking brake and made my car skid, making me almost hit the stop sign pole, a BIG FUCK YOU. If I wasn't driving my mom, I sure as fuck would have followed your fucking junk ass truck and called your fucking blowjob license plate in. Fag.

toomuchb00st
01-14-2007, 12:41 AM
HAHA too that. :burnout:

Whitetiger
01-14-2007, 12:46 AM
ha

Police
01-14-2007, 12:57 AM
:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

ZMan2k2
01-14-2007, 09:40 AM
:rofl: :rofl:

I was reading this to my wife, and she added to #3

3. The faster you drive through a red light, the less of a chance you have of getting hit. FROM BEHIND!! :rofl:

Too true.

HiTempguy1
01-14-2007, 10:29 AM
My horn doesn't actually work on my car (I pulled the fuse to use in the CEL fuse location) ;) , which is probably a good thing. If somebody is driving like an asshole (and they really, REALLY deserve it), they get the one-fingered salute. Its hilarious, most people get this look of "surpise" and then anger on their face, as if "why did they just finger ME? Of all people, I couldn't be driving like an idiot!" and then follow you for some odd reason.

old&slow
01-14-2007, 11:20 AM
It was meant as sarcasm?:rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes:

Euro_Trash
01-14-2007, 11:33 AM
Meh, if you want it too seem like Alberta drivers are ok, go to northern BC for a bit. After a few months of driving in Fort St John, Albertans seem like professional drivers :dunno:

seer_claw
01-14-2007, 11:56 AM
17. Whoever has the biggest truck has the right of way at any intersection. No matter how long you have been waiting there.

GQBalla
01-14-2007, 08:56 PM
lol number 4 is the best!!

Police
01-14-2007, 09:19 PM
#7 ftw