Overcoming Insecurities

[adam c]

I know everyone has had insecurities or deals with them on a daily basis

what is the best method for trying to get rid of these? what did u do?

me and the gf are having some issues right now and i want things to get better between us before it ends..

books, physcologist, hypnosis? what is the best method?

[WWJAI]

I think you might want to point out some of the issues your actually having if you want more help.

[Doozer]

Honestly, if it's g/f issues, there's nothing better than growing up.

And I don't mean that in a mean way. It's just the facts ... when I was younger, I was always quite jealous, not to mention other issues. Now in my 30s, married, it's just .... gone. I guess as you get older, you just become comfortable with who you are. Part of being younger is figuring that out, and there's no easy solution.

Since you can't automatically age yourself, I think the biggest thing to look for is trust. Insecurities usually stem from confidence issues, which usually come from being cheated on, laughed at, etc. If you trust that someone won't cheat on you, or laugh at you, it's amazing how everything else seems to get better.

[HiTempguy1]

when I was younger, I was always quite jealous, not to mention other issues.

That pretty much sums me up right now (at the age of 18). I understand its no good with respect to the relationship that my girlfriend and I have, and I believe I have gotten a LOT better in the past year. Maturity is a wonderful thing.

[adam c]

her biggest one is she's paranoid that everytime she talks to a guy im going to get mad or jealous.. which im not and no matter how much i've told her i don't care who she talks to it doesn't click


my biggest one.. my last relationship really did some bad things to me, and as much as i want to leave that behind me, they somehow creep up and start affecting my mood towards her. i get worried that she's going to move on or is only with me cause theres no one else..


and of course there's the normal self-esteem issues that most people have, job, car, money, appearance

[gen2teggy]

do u hate women?

[G]

If your gf loves you she will not make you feel insecure in anyway. You may be the most secure person on earth but if your gf goes to bars every night to 3 or 4 in the morning dressing like a hoochie then it is only human nature to feel insecure. In every relationship it take equal efforts from both parties to succeed. IF she isn't on the same boat as you then end it now.

[adam c]

Originally posted by G
If your gf loves you she will not make you feel insecure in anyway. You may be the most secure person on earth but if your gf goes to bars every night to all wee hours in the morning dressing like a hoochie then it is only human nature to feel insecure.

she doesn't make me feel insecure.. she tells me that she wants to be with me and me alone.. but i just can't get it through my head.. and im not sure why

i hear everything she's saying.. and for a little while i feel fine but then it's like it just disappears and we're back to the way we were at out last fight


Originally posted by gen2teggy
do u hate women?
no just u :D

[benyl]

Originally posted by adam c
her biggest one is she's paranoid that everytime she talks to a guy im going to get mad or jealous.. which im not and no matter how much i've told her i don't care who she talks to it doesn't click


Sounds like she is looking for an excuse to cheat or leave the relationship. Why would she blame you for a non-existent problem? Maybe she has done something and feels guilty and is hoping that you will get mad / jealous about an unrelated event.

haha, I could be totally wrong though.

[benyl]

Originally posted by adam c

i hear everything she's saying.. and for a little while i feel fine but then it's like it just disappears and we're back to the way we were at out last fight


Fighting is not good in any relationship. Heated discussion is healthy, but fighting... not good.

[Jlude]

Originally posted by adam c
her biggest one is she's paranoid that everytime she talks to a guy im going to get mad or jealous.. which im not and no matter how much i've told her i don't care who she talks to it doesn't click


my biggest one.. my last relationship really did some bad things to me, and as much as i want to leave that behind me, they somehow creep up and start affecting my mood towards her. i get worried that she's going to move on or is only with me cause theres no one else..


and of course there's the normal self-esteem issues that most people have, job, car, money, appearance

I had the EXACT same relationship you speak of.

If she just doesn't get it at the moment, then all you can do is hope that by continously showing her that you're not going to get upset with her, she'll finally understand.
When I was faced with that problem, I would try and engage her in social situations that would show her I was cool with it. Often I would bring her out and introduce her to guys that she didn't know, when she would comment on the conversation they had, I would grill her about him... I would take an interest in what they talked about. (I'm terrible at explaining this shit, but I hope this makes some sense and helps) Show her that you're not threatened by her interacting with other guys. Just telling her may not be enough.


As for your insecurities... Find things that make you feel better about yourself. I would go to the gym, or try harder at work.
Don't put so much pressure on yourself to have material things, at the end of the day, you may think those thing will make you happy, and it's not likely that they will.

As the saying goes (and it's so true) You have to love yourself before you can truly love someone else.

I found a book last year... it's called "The Rules of Life" by Richard Temple. I think if you read it, you might find some answers. I did.

[Jlude]

Originally posted by benyl


Sounds like she is looking for an excuse to cheat or leave the relationship. Why would she blame you for a non-existent problem? Maybe she has done something and feels guilty and is hoping that you will get mad / jealous about an unrelated event.

haha, I could be totally wrong though.

That's certainly a possibility. Who knows... Jesus, haven't you guys heard the "1 minute inside a woman's head" on CJAY 92... who the fuck knows what they're thinking... maybe if you're lucky you'll guess right someday!:thumbsup:

[403Gemini]

Originally posted by Doozer
Honestly, if it's g/f issues, there's nothing better than growing up.

And I don't mean that in a mean way. It's just the facts ... when I was younger, I was always quite jealous, not to mention other issues. Now in my 30s, married, it's just .... gone. I guess as you get older, you just become comfortable with who you are. Part of being younger is figuring that out, and there's no easy solution.

Since you can't automatically age yourself, I think the biggest thing to look for is trust. Insecurities usually stem from confidence issues, which usually come from being cheated on, laughed at, etc. If you trust that someone won't cheat on you, or laugh at you, it's amazing how everything else seems to get better.

Well said. Honestly when i was 18-19 i was a jealou-aholic lol. Seriously anything would drive me nuts and i dunno what it was. I never wanted my (ex)girlfriend to goto the bars without me and shit like that. I had no real insecurties, i was convinced she wouldnt cheat... but i dunno it just drove me nuts.

Now im 24 in a steady relationship and well, when my gf says shes going to the bar with her friends for the night - i think to myself "Fuck yeah! I can have a couple buddies over and play xbox tonight with no interruptions!!" :D

Just give it time man, but dont let the paranoia/jealousy ruin it for you guys, just try and muscle through it. The girlfriend i have now, we started goin out when i was 19 and i was still pretty jealous, i would say if you can get past the first 1-2 years and hit about 20-22 all of those feelings will just literally go away. (How old are you adam? if you are 22-23 no worries if the feelings are still there, sometimes it depends on how long you've been in the relationship as well) - my 5 year anniversary is on november 1st with my gf :eek: suppose i should think of something special to do... haha

[Jlude]

Originally posted by 403Gemini


Well said. Honestly when i was 18-19 i was a jealou-aholic lol. Seriously anything would drive me nuts and i dunno what it was. I never wanted my (ex)girlfriend to goto the bars without me and shit like that. I had no real insecurties, i was convinced she wouldnt cheat... but i dunno it just drove me nuts.

Now im 24 in a steady relationship and well, when my gf says shes going to the bar with her friends for the night - i think to myself "Fuck yeah! I can have a couple buddies over and play xbox tonight with no interruptions!!" :D

Just give it time man, but dont let the paranoia/jealousy ruin it for you guys, just try and muscle through it. The girlfriend i have now, we started goin out when i was 19 and i was still pretty jealous, i would say if you can get past the first 1-2 years and hit about 20-22 all of those feelings will just literally go away. (How old are you adam? if you are 22-23 no worries if the feelings are still there, sometimes it depends on how long you've been in the relationship as well) - my 5 year anniversary is on november 1st with my gf :eek: suppose i should think of something special to do... haha

^^ Also some very good advice.

I started dating my gf at 19 yrs old... I was soooo jealous, now I'm 22 and when my gf says she's goin out with the girls... I tell her to call if she needs a ride.
When you get to that point, you'll look back and shake your head at how foolish you once were. Just give it time.

[adam c]

i just turned 23 on the 14th.. its been a year since my last relationship ended.. but it was 3 years of control and manipulation and a lot of stuff.. that was far from a healthy relationship

when that relationship ended it left me pretty much destroyed even tho it was the best thing that could have happened to me.. now i have found someone great.. 1000x better then anything i could have had with my ex but it seems like i keep causing problems then anything else and i've come to the conclusion its due to my insecurities and crap i went through before

[Hakkola]

Originally posted by adam c
her biggest one is she's paranoid that everytime she talks to a guy im going to get mad or jealous.. which im not and no matter how much i've told her i don't care who she talks to it doesn't click


In my experience, when a girl is like that, it is usually because she is cheating and feels guilty about it and is looking for a way out, or she is looking for more attention from you.

That is just my experience though, and by no means am I saying that she IS cheating on you, but if she's on beyond, you might want to ask EK about her. :rofl:

Edit - Just read Benyl's post, looks like I'm not the only person that thinks like this.

[adam c]

no she told me she isn't cheating.. i have talked to her friends as well and they have all said she isn't like that.. and if something was going on then she would tell me and end everything right then and there

[ken-gsr]

^no offence dude, but if you have to ask her friends if she is cheating on you, then she is not the right girl for you. It sounds like you need to take some time off - do the single thing for a while and really figure out who you are. That way you don't have to worry about anyone else but yourself.
Trust me I was in a similar situation when I was about 20 - now that I am 24 (and engaged for that matter) I feel the same as the other guys on here. It all depends on the girl too - I have the most amazing fiance, and I trust her with everything she does.
Plus I also love it when she goes out and I can call the boys over and play x-box and drink da-beers. 403Gemini give me a call! we will play some madden lol.

[adam c]

ok clarification: i never asked her friends if she was cheating on me, i was worried about this one guy and they told me what i posted earlier

[Impreza]

Originally posted by G
If your gf loves you she will not make you feel insecure in anyway. You may be the most secure person on earth but if your gf goes to bars every night to 3 or 4 in the morning dressing like a hoochie then it is only human nature to feel insecure. In every relationship it take equal efforts from both parties to succeed. IF she isn't on the same boat as you then end it now.

Hey! That sounds like my ex... hahaha, barstar FTL. They aren't worth your time.

[ZorroAMG]

Ok, straight up:

This is not a solid relationship. You need to communicate MUCH and she needs to get what you are saying or it's time to move on. She is fishing for ways to justify bad behaviour on her part or she IS a cheater and her guilt is getting to her, making her think you are gonna freak.

As for YOUR insecurities, you are 23..it's normal to feel insecure everyone does, especially since your last relationships sucked ballz. This will change with two factors:

Age....once you become more mature, in control of your snap judgments and emotions, you will be more confident. That will translate to women, picking up your self confidence and making you more attractive to them.

Women...find the ones that communicate properly and are like-minded...(if she's a bar-star and you're a blockbuster night, it's useless). Women are better than us at this shit by nature so once you find one that is on your level, you'll see...

Time man, it takes time.

[ca18det240sx]

Originally posted by adam c
i just turned 23 on the 14th.. its been a year since my last relationship ended.. but it was 3 years of control and manipulation and a lot of stuff.. that was far from a healthy relationship

when that relationship ended it left me pretty much destroyed even tho it was the best thing that could have happened to me.. now i have found someone great.. 1000x better then anything i could have had with my ex but it seems like i keep causing problems then anything else and i've come to the conclusion its due to my insecurities and crap i went through before

look man...theres on simple way to deal with it, and as simple as it sounds, i live by it. Just roll with it...thats all i have to tell you. Nothing you can say or do is going to change the outcome....whats going to happen is going to happen. You checking up on her, making sure she isnt cheating, etc, isnt going to achieve anything.

Dont worry about life, just roll with it. The more you worry and are negative, the more it will go wrong...life has a way of doing that. When you find yourself thinking that way....just remember....let what happens happens. Life has a way of giving you exactly what you need, and in some cases even more. Always stay positive.....and if youre saying easier said than done...thats a statement made by people who have no interest in changing, or no hope that a change could ocurr. BE POSITIVE!!!!

[shakalaka]

Someone has prolly most likely already said this. But have insecurities in your realtionship? Talk 'em out buddy!

[Roadrage]

Originally posted by adam c
her biggest one is she's paranoid that everytime she talks to a guy im going to get mad or jealous.. which im not and no matter how much i've told her i don't care who she talks to it doesn't click


Perhaps in her last relationship, the guy was super jealous or got mad easily just for talking to any guy. It could've been a bad relationship and is just looking for constant assurances from you.

Look, I'm guessing she's your age or younger so she's probably still got those memories fresh in her head and may tend to overthink or overanalyse. She will mature and learn that you really don't mind her talking to other guys. Takes time man.

[EK 2.0]

*cracking knuckles...*

Ok buddy, if you are trying to solve issues but they keep reappearing then you have one of 2 problems.

1. You truly are not getting to the bottom of whatever the root of the real issue is, and are trying to hard to get to the make up sex after the fight.

or

2. The issues are apparent, but neither party wants to call a spade a spade so you try to resolve the issues and get past it. Just so the other party doesn't end up being the "bad guy". You lay things to rest to move on, but its like pulling out a dandelion from the stem, if you do not grab the root, it will keep coming back.

If you want, I am willing to talk to her for you. See whats really on her mind...

[arian_ma]

Honestly dude, I think the best advice I can give you is to NOT take any advice from anyone. No one knows your relationship like the two of you do. People see the outside of it, but they don't know the whole story. Sure, they think they know wtf they're talking about, but first of all, you didn't tell us SHIT about SHIT, secondly, you only told us YOUR side of the story, which means shit, and lastly, who knows if the people that are giving you advice have the same idea about what an ideal relationship is?

You have a brain, you're not stupid, talk to the girl. Women are STUPIDLY persistent about the most obviously ridiculous things, but just keep at it, like someone else said, as the relationship ages, it will get better, now for some that "age" may take longer than others, just keep at it.

Also, if you think your GF is cheating on you and hiding it, asking her will probably not get you any truthful answers.

[Darkane]

What nationality are you? If anything get someone from the motherland, they tend to act like women and not children.

MOST canadian girls FTL.

[ZorroAMG]

Originally posted by EK 2.0


If you want, I am willing to talk to her for you. See whats really on her mind...

LMAO, yeah sure she'd love to talk to some big brown car-enthusiast stranger about the problems she's having with her boyfriend!

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[adam c]

im white (23) and she's viet (20)

some of the stuff u guys are saying makes sense.. some other stuff is way out there..

and ek.. thanks but no thanks

[three.eighteen.]

Originally posted by adam c
her biggest one is she's paranoid that everytime she talks to a guy im going to get mad or jealous.. which im not and no matter how much i've told her i don't care who she talks to it doesn't click



she's prying/looking for a reaction, what exactly i can't say, you know her better than anyone here


Originally posted by adam c

my biggest one.. my last relationship really did some bad things to me, and as much as i want to leave that behind me, they somehow creep up and start affecting my mood towards her. i get worried that she's going to move on or is only with me cause theres no one else..




this is it right here, the source of your insecurities: no one else? nancy, you're putting yourself at the bottom of the totem pole with that talk

[ken-gsr]

I think that might be your problem - it is not that you are imature, it is that she is.
If you break up with this girl, make sure the next girl you date is older, and you will see a great difference.
My last girlfriend was 19 (when i was 22) and now my Fiance is 26 (and currently I am 24). Often girls think they are 'mature' but really they are not - no one is when they are young and 'fresh' into the bar scene.
Good luck buddy - I hope all works out for you.
Ps - sorry about my last post, I didn't mean to assume that you asked her friends if she was cheating on you.

[G]

Originally posted by adam c
im white (23) and she's viet (20)



You better have aspirations to become a multimillionaire or learn how to run a profitable grow op ... gold digging extraordinaire

[SunniSunShine]

Originally posted by G


You better have aspirations to become a multimillionaire or learn how to run a profitable grow op ... gold digging extraordinaire

ROFLLLLLLLL

[in*10*se]

Originally posted by G


You better have aspirations to become a multimillionaire or learn how to run a profitable grow op ... gold digging extraordinaire

hit the nail on the head. :rofl: :rofl:

[SOAB]

Originally posted by adam c
im white (23) and she's viet (20)



RUN MOFO!! viet chicks are crazy! i'm viet and i wouldn't even think about dating one...

[01RedDX]

.

[FatalError]

^ But first and foremost, get pictures.

PS Don't learn the hard way...

[jdmakkord]

Originally posted by 403Gemini


Well said. Honestly when i was 18-19 i was a jealou-aholic lol. Seriously anything would drive me nuts and i dunno what it was. I never wanted my (ex)girlfriend to goto the bars without me and shit like that. I had no real insecurties, i was convinced she wouldnt cheat... but i dunno it just drove me nuts.

Now im 24 in a steady relationship and well, when my gf says shes going to the bar with her friends for the night - i think to myself "Fuck yeah! I can have a couple buddies over and play xbox tonight with no interruptions!!" :D

Just give it time man, but dont let the paranoia/jealousy ruin it for you guys, just try and muscle through it. The girlfriend i have now, we started goin out when i was 19 and i was still pretty jealous, i would say if you can get past the first 1-2 years and hit about 20-22 all of those feelings will just literally go away. (How old are you adam? if you are 22-23 no worries if the feelings are still there, sometimes it depends on how long you've been in the relationship as well) - my 5 year anniversary is on november 1st with my gf :eek: suppose i should think of something special to do... haha

:werd: 6 years and a few months here:thumbsup:

[Impreza]

Things are always easier said than done. You both have to want the relationship to work. If you feel that things won't work out, you mind as well end things now. Like I said before, barstars FTL... It may also take you a while to realize that your gf is a fucking bitch (I am not saying she is one), cause it took me quite a while to figure that out about my ex. Relationships shouldn't be that hard.

[TegLover]

end it!

Being single is AWESOME, especially if you've been in a relationship for so long and can't even remember how it was like being single again. Way less stress, it'll be good for you down the road. Going on almost 1 year now being single and turning down girls wanting to have a relationship with me.:thumbsup:

ohh and you save lots of money that you can spend on yourself and mods instead of buying her $700 purses LOL

[FlamingC19]

ohh and you save lots of money that you can spend on yourself and mods instead of buying her $700 purses LOL
Ya man, you dont get laid as often being single (well I dont) but saving money is the the best part and if your ugly well you can just buy some hookers with the money you saved. :dunno:

And holly shit you buy your girlfriend 700 dollar purses...:thumbsdow

[atomic]

balls