relationship advice/help?

[D_2K]

hey so ive been with the same girl for over 3.5 years and a couple weeks ago we broke up.
During the past 3 months or so, it seemed that all she coud think about and talk about is "life", and that she has no idea what she wants to do with it. Now seeing as we are only 20/21 i dont think its too big of a deal that she doesnt know what she want to do career wise. It was getting to the point that she was in a depressed mood all the time, and always talking about "how she is going nowhere". During the past few months i havn't been getting what ive been putting into the relationship (emotionally) because of this. I feel completeley different on the "life" issue, i have the next 5 years somewhat planned out for finishing school and wokring. I feel stable.

So i wake up one morning and she is outside on my front steps crying. After talking for a little while she says she needs a break "maybe few months to clear my head". I was shocked, i didnt want this at all as i am very much in love with her. I started to get a quite depressed and angry, not at her but the situation, and between her crying and my confusion i told her to leave. It was alot to take in.

This was 2 weeks ago, she wont answer my calls, or reply to emails. i dont want to back her into a corner but i feel that i need to talk to her.

So the advice i need is should i try and fight for her? i feel almost as though she wouldnt let me. Or should i start to try and get over her?? I dont know how i could ever do that, but im in alot of agony and cant get a grip, i dont want to feel like this anymore. The person ive talked to and seen everyday for over 3 years is gone. Its a very uncomfortable feeling and quite hard to stop thinking about. Anyone else expeirience somthing like this? How do you even start to get over somone after being with them for that long?

Sorry for this emotional fucking thread but i dont have anyone to talk to about this.

[thw_goalie]

If you want her back, fight for her.

[kerry]

Send her to EK, he'll sort her out ;)

[Supa Dexta]

meh.. just roll with it.. its summer, have fun.. Don't miss out on havin fun at that age, or you'll be the one bitter and depressed in a few yrs once you get stuck in a situation where you aren't able to give 'er when you want to... things will work out, lots of yrs to get settled down and find the one/ work things out...

[spyce]

Ah. The good ol summer break up. I even think there was a thread about this a year ago. I remember this because same sorta thing would happen to me every summer with my ex girlfriend.

Basically went out with this girl for 2 years but every summer shit hit the fan and there were always multiple breaks. So much time gives people TOO much time to think and then they just overthink shit. Pretty annoying actually because it ends up with people wanting all these things that fit this idealistic/perfect world. OR they just dont know what they want yadda yadda and cant for the life of them figure out how to go about things to accomplish that.

Anyways, I was going out with this girl for two years and she broke up with me a month after our anniversary (this past october). Basically over not knowing what she wants and doesnt know why she's unhappy even though she has the 'perfect guy' for her. :rolleyes:
And I loved her a lot and in some ways I still do. And for good period of 3-4 months or so things were on and off between us trying to work the whole 'being just friends' issue. Which for me personally didnt work out well because I had feelings for her still. And she would go barstarring and flirting with all these guys etc. And then some times it would feel as if things would get close to working on a relationship. But after a while I just said fuck it. Stopped talking to her because whenever we did talk it was just too 'fake'. After a while you'll get use to doing that. I know I have.

I know what helped for me was just being able to hang out with a small core of friends. Try to stay away from people who chill with her a lot (if you guys have mutual friends). This way you sorta get to enjoy the 'single' life without all the drama, the extra $$$, and the bs. It does take time though and I dont think Im still really over it but thats probably my problem itself. Plus Ive moved into this bitter/angry stage where you just think of all the stupid stuff that would go on when you were going out with her. Sorta helps to move on. Some of the people I know have done the same :dunno: The whole 'I dont give a fuck' attitude works pretty well lol

And one more piece of advice. If she does come back to you. Make sure she figures out 'what she wants'. Because if she doesnt want your help when trying to figure it out, she sure as hell better figure it out herself with this 'break'. If she doesnt it'll just be a recurring theme in your relationship and it'll lead to more random breaks which will put more stress on everything. Alright Im done my rant now

Hmm... :goflames:

[spyce]

also heres the link the thread from last year lol

http://forums.beyond.ca/st/142215/break-up-advice-even-beyonders-break-up-/

[D_2K]

thanks for the input, it helps

[l/l/rX]

im pretty sure if i was you and in your situation i'd be trying to get her back. its just 3.5 years gone down the hole. i cant imagine just throwing that all away, soo easily, soo fast.

BUT then on the other hand since my 3rd gf i've been going for girls who have got their future sorted out. im only 20, but im getting to that age where i like brains and a future over the other things that i use to go for back in high school.

so really a girl who doesnt know what shes got planned for her future/ not in school of some sort, dont attract me much. i know we're young and probably wont get married to them, but its just nice to know and nice to tell people that your gf is going to be doing this and that n what not.

[ronaldo]

Originally posted by spyce
Ah. The good ol summer break up. I even think there was a thread about this a year ago. I remember this because same sorta thing would happen to me every summer with my ex girlfriend.

Basically went out with this girl for 2 years but every summer shit hit the fan and there were always multiple breaks. So much time gives people TOO much time to think and then they just overthink shit. Pretty annoying actually because it ends up with people wanting all these things that fit this idealistic/perfect world. OR they just dont know what they want yadda yadda and cant for the life of them figure out how to go about things to accomplish that.

Anyways, I was going out with this girl for two years and she broke up with me a month after our anniversary (this past october). Basically over not knowing what she wants and doesnt know why she's unhappy even though she has the 'perfect guy' for her. :rolleyes:
And I loved her a lot and in some ways I still do. And for good period of 3-4 months or so things were on and off between us trying to work the whole 'being just friends' issue. Which for me personally didnt work out well because I had feelings for her still. And she would go barstarring and flirting with all these guys etc. And then some times it would feel as if things would get close to working on a relationship. But after a while I just said fuck it. Stopped talking to her because whenever we did talk it was just too 'fake'. After a while you'll get use to doing that. I know I have.

I know what helped for me was just being able to hang out with a small core of friends. Try to stay away from people who chill with her a lot (if you guys have mutual friends). This way you sorta get to enjoy the 'single' life without all the drama, the extra $$$, and the bs. It does take time though and I dont think Im still really over it but thats probably my problem itself. Plus Ive moved into this bitter/angry stage where you just think of all the stupid stuff that would go on when you were going out with her. Sorta helps to move on. Some of the people I know have done the same :dunno: The whole 'I dont give a fuck' attitude works pretty well lol

And one more piece of advice. If she does come back to you. Make sure she figures out 'what she wants'. Because if she doesnt want your help when trying to figure it out, she sure as hell better figure it out herself with this 'break'. If she doesnt it'll just be a recurring theme in your relationship and it'll lead to more random breaks which will put more stress on everything. Alright I'm done my rant now

Hmm... :goflames:




:werd: that basically described my summer last year, although i dated her for over 4 years. so glad shes outta my life now, the "i dont give a fuck" attitude worked great! im bitter and angry now but it really helps, especially when i see her, its a great reminder of how i wasted so much of my time money and life.

[b_t]

I don't have anything to say about your relationship, but sweet avatar.. A Scanner Darkly = the shit

[R!zz0]

This may sound stupid, but here it is:

Maybe she did wanted to break up with you and used the word "Depressed and don't know what to do with life" as an easy way out, rather then being mean to you. If she really cared for you she would have answered your calls and emails.
tell her how you feel, then walk away .. after all, u deserve
better. Focus on yourself and move on bud IF she doesn't come back to you.

[Aleks]

Best thing you could do for yourself is don't talk to her, don't call, send emails. Start the process of moving on. Trust me on this. It will be super hard and will take a while but in the end you will be way better off.

[st184]

I am going through the exact same thing right now bro. My x girlfriend and I had been dating for 2 years when I found out she was lieing to me saying she was studying for finals when really she was going over to one of my friends houses. She told me she wasn't as happy as she was anymore even though I was "the perfect boyfriend". Then one week after we broke up I find out my so called friend who I have known for 5 or 6 years asked her out. Not only did I loose my girlfriend, the person I talked to and spent all of my time with but I lost a friend as well. Now they are dating and I have taken the whole "fuck it" approach and it has been working well. Yes I still miss her alot because we grew so close but at the same time I realise I deserve better than this. Spending time with friends and keeping focused on work and school helps alot. Not much you can do but wait for time to do its thing.

[01RedDX]

.

[EK 2.0]

Originally posted by kerry

Send her to EK, he'll sort her out ;)

hahaha...

PM me her number and I will talk to her. Figure out exactly whats on her mind.

[TE4MFaint]

I think the main point here is:

You guys have been together since you were about 17 years of age.

Neither of you have experienced much. Go out and have fun.

Have the true bar experience: Go get drunk with friends, hit on girls, get turned down by girls, go back to buddies place, order pizza, pass out.

:rofl:



But truly. A "break" is perfectly normal. If you started dating at 21 and are now 24 years of age, things would be completely different. However at the age you are. Dont sweat about it. Even if the break lasts half a year and you both see some other people, its no biggie.

If things are meant to work out between you, she'll come back to you dude. Dont be persistant and egg her on all the time. If she wants to talk, she'll come to you. Be her friend.

All I can say.

[AhabTheArab]

fuck you are hurt, asking nerdy people on a half assed car forum on the internet is going to do you no good.

[l/l/rX]

Originally posted by AhabTheArab
fuck you are hurt, asking nerdy people on a half assed car forum on the internet is going to do you no good.

:rolleyes: if this is sucha half assed forum, with nerdy people on here, why dont you go back to your "how to ride a camel better" forum?

[Hakkola]

Originally posted by AhabTheArab
fuck you are hurt, asking nerdy people on a half assed car forum on the internet is going to do you no good.

Just because we're on the net, doesn't mean we're nerds, and how is beyond a half assed car forum?


That said, it is over dude, move on. I figure that if there is 1 break in a relationship it is over.

[Idratherbsidewayz]

I say get over her. Even if you do get back together, it'll never be the same as it was. She broke the trust that is necessary for a relationship to thrive.

Im in a similar situation myself. Wed been going out for almost 2 years and before my Europe Trip she broke up with me. I find out that she found someone else 2 weeks after we broke up. It was a long distance relationship so I guess she just couldn't be away from the physical presence.

Its been a month and I still feel pretty shitty about it. She had been my best friend and now theres just emptiness.

I don't hate her for it, as I don't think you should hate your ex. We're definitely too young to be in such a serious relationship. Get your life totally together and then get married. Focus on you first. Think about all the things you can do for yourself to improve now that shes gone.

I don't know if the bitter/angry approach is the way to go, I would rather think about the good times we had, the things I learned from her, and how to be a better man for the next one.

With every tragedy, there is something to be learned. You need to spend loads of time thinking to come to any sort of conclusion.

Someone told me it sucks until you find someone better, then you couldn't be happier that it ended. 3 Billion women in this world, I guarantee there is one that will treat you as well as you should be treated.

[Legless_Marine2]

Although it may not seem like it now, I suggest that you are better off without her, and she has, in fact, done you a favor.

With your already diverging life paths, it is inevitable that you'd eventually breakup. Be thankful it's done before you sank any more time in.

It must seem like it'll be hard to find another girl like her, but believe me, there's a lot of great chicks out there, and the odds are you're going to find one you like even better.

You're all broken up now, but it will pass. In the meantime, focus on doing good things for yourself. Work out lots. Focus on your studies. Do some rebound dating if you're able. Spend lots of time with people who value you.

You're going to be A-ok.

[HybridTheory]

I think that a break is a good idea in this case. I know it sucks not having her around since you're so used to it. But this gives you time to yourself to think things through. And take the time to think fully about everything. It seems that you two were going in two separate directions. Is it really worth fighting for a relationship when the two of you have different goals in life?

However I do think that you need to have a long talk with her after a while, maybe about a month or so. You gotta decide if you'll still be friends or just end it for good. I dunno, I think that any breakup needs some sort of closure.

And like all the other guys have said, you're still young. So go out, have some fun, date around and see what it's like to be with another girl. You never know, you might end up finding someone who makes you so much happier.

[blinkme_210]

Sorry about the news man. Take what you can what from I type, and report back to us, haha. Been through this kind of stuff myself, and to really move on from a breakup, you have to learn how to rewire your thought process.

You are still young, and many girls have yet come into your life. Take the time out now to focus on you, and you yourself. One doesn't realize how truly great the single life is until they have been through the destruction of a breakup. So go hang out with your friends, take up a new hobby; basically find something to pre-occupy your newfound extra time.

If there is one thing to learn from your breakup, realize that we as people are dynamic and are always changing; sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worst. Learn to accept this and apply it towards your now ex-gf, and you too will see change within yourself. This is life, learn to do damage control, because this is only the first in a line of many more to come. Right now, take the time to reminisce, cry, be angry, but after a certain day, put it behind you and move on with your life. It is not worth it to be living weeks, months, years down the road in regret and/or anger.

By all means fight for her if you really want to be with her, but don't drag it out to the point where you are exasperated and it's just a one sided effort. The saying, "you can't change someone" really applies here, because only when the person wants to change, can they change themselves. So if she really wants to be with you as much as you want to be with her, you will know, because it will show through her actions, and how the two of you work through this together.

[Lo)2enz0]

lol i hate to be the obvious but it sooo sounds like the bitch just played you. Seen it before, been in the situation and all i can say is your still young, you have no idea what she is doing right now and for all you know she could be sucking some fucker off.

The fact she isn't returning your calls is harsh. You don't need this shit dude. No fucking right guy who still has there balls should be basically chucked out and ignored. And the last thing about depression is for someone to be alone. So drive over to her house and get her out of it. And since you dated her for 3.5 years i would expect her parents to basically greet you with open arms hoping you would help them.

Just hope she isn't seeing someone else. Ot maybe expect it cause you for sure will be able to deal with it alot better. meh what can i say i am an asshole and 99% of bitch's out there should never be trusted

[Raven_R1]

She need a break? ummm sound like my ex but i told her y dont we just broke up? need a break to find another man..fak that. So dindnt talk to here more than 1 year already....

[thrasher22]

Everyone's gone through this, do what the rest of us do and start drinking heavily. ;)

[GQBalla]

kinda in the same situation, but me and my ex still talk.

ive been in almost the same situation as you before where the girl completly ignores you and shuts you out of your life.

but what you got to do is seriously give her some more space. try not to give out the crazy bf that stalks her and needs to be controlling.


juss tonite maybe before you head to bed or before her normal bed time. text her and say good night, your thinkin about her.

[EK 2.0]

Originally posted by GQBalla

juss tonite maybe before you head to bed or before her normal bed time. text her and say good night, your thinkin about her.


But before you do that, put your purse down first ok??

God, don't text her. Why put the ball into her court??


Are you a Man or a Boy??...Be a man, do the right thing...

[Darkane]

Originally posted by EK 2.0



But before you do that, put your purse down first ok??

God, don't text her. Why put the ball into her court??


Are you a Man or a Boy??...Be a man, do the right thing...

Good call, we're nerds here Force choke the bitch!

[Mike w]

"If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, its yours, if it doenst, it never was."
I feel for ya man, you know what helps, meeting alot of new girls, it just makes u feel like ur back in the game again and it really helps, then if ur ex finds out how big of a star u are with all ur new women, she might actually realize how much she missses/loves u and feel jelous and want u back.

[EK 2.0]

Originally posted by Mike w

"If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, its yours, if it doenst, it never was."



Life is a shit sandwich, the more bread you have the less shit you have to eat.


Man quotes are gay and useless. Just Craig David the situation and "Walk Away". Move on, you will find more girls, trust me.

[hampstor]

Women love to play games - 99% of the time when they breakup with you they already have someone else in mind - when have you seen a girl breakup to be single just so they can spend 'alone time' ?

They play the 'I dont know what I want and need a break' so they can start seeing the another guy without feeling like a cheater. Don't call her, don't email her, just see it as closing a chapter on your life and starting a new one. If she realizes she has made a mistake and tries to come back to you - it will be your choice to make whether to work it out again. Remember, girls think emotionally more then rationally while in general guys are the other way around. Keep a level and clear head.

I hate to be harsh and to the point - I learned that lesson the hard way more then once before I understood it.

Your best bet, get really rational - this will make you less emotional. Take stock of what you have in life - your good friends/family and enjoy what you have. Consider starting a hew hobby - things i've done were build model airplanes, start a new video game, explore the calgary bike path system, learn to play foosball - etc. Time heals everytime - you just have to let it take it's course.

[Schwa]

We will need pics to decide whether or not you should get back w/ her.

[ecstasy_civic]

Dude, been through this before, similar situation.
Started dating when we were 16, she moved on 5yrs later and fucked with my head for months, making me think it was everything I had done.
I had planned the next few years of our lives and was all ready to settle down. GLAD I DIDNT, never realized how fucking stupid our relationship was, it was all I knew and I was an idiot for sticking around. She "needed a break" too, well stupid me did what I thought was right to get back together, worst fucking move ever. All it did was give her complete control of the situation and me stress I didnt need. I drank like a fuckin fish, ended up quitting a good job and thought my life was over until I got out and started seeing how normal people have relationships lol

Just leave her alone for a bit, get out, meet some chicks and drink with the boys, seriously all your doing is hurting yourself by "trying to fix it". If she wants you back, leave it up to her to make the effort, BELIEVE me this will save you a ton of stress.

It sucks dude, I know what its like, but I will NEVER let anyone fuck with my head again, this will make you stronger and once your out with other girls your confidence will come back and youll find someone who knows what they want.:thumbsup:
Good luck bro

PS: Take up a hobby where you can release your aggression or frustration, gym, kickboxing, boxing etc...

[DannyO]

Does she have a hot friend? if so, sleep with her, it will make you feel soo much better.

Your 20 years old, TAKE ADVANTAGE OF IT WHILE YOU STILL CAN.

[max_boost]

The solution is so simple. It's unreal how long it took me to realize it. I agree with those who have already said it, just fucking move on. :D

[Mangina]

She's sleeping with some other dude and will call you when he dumps her.

[dreamchaser]

Originally posted by AhabTheArab
fuck you are hurt, asking nerdy people on a half assed car forum on the internet is going to do you no good.
+1

[KRyn]

Time heals everytime - you just have to let it take it's course.

:werd:

[arian_ma]

I would say fight for her, but not overly. Emailed her a couple of times, no answer, called her, she didn't pick up, well fuck her then. Remember man, girls THRIVE off of attention, you give em non, they'll come crawlin' back. And if she doesn't, if that is honestly what she chooses, do you really want her back in your life? Because she doesn't know what the fuck she wants she decides she needs time away from you? Does that even make sense? Play games, lots and lots of games, and find a girl to talk to all this about. (Not a girl because then you can hook up with her, but a girl because girls actually will try to help you out as opposed to guys who will say "Ah shit man just fuck someone else." It's not ALWAYS about fucking, guys!) Anyways man, if you need games, PM me and I will try and hook you up with some. Just get your mind busy, take up a new hobby.

Good luck.

[Euro_Trash]

Originally posted by arian_ma
Just get your mind busy, take up a new hobby.

Good luck.

/Thread

[SilverRex]

Originally posted by Mike w
"If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, its yours, if it doenst, it never was."
I feel for ya man, you know what helps, meeting alot of new girls, it just makes u feel like ur back in the game again and it really helps, then if ur ex finds out how big of a star u are with all ur new women, she might actually realize how much she missses/loves u and feel jelous and want u back.

+1 ;)

[MilanoRedTeg]

Originally posted by EK 2.0
Just Craig David the situation and "Walk Away". Move on, you will find more girls, trust me.

+1 :thumbsup:

[Impreza]

Originally posted by spyce
Ah. The good ol summer break up. I even think there was a thread about this a year ago. I remember this because same sorta thing would happen to me every summer with my ex girlfriend.

Basically went out with this girl for 2 years but every summer shit hit the fan and there were always multiple breaks. So much time gives people TOO much time to think and then they just overthink shit. Pretty annoying actually because it ends up with people wanting all these things that fit this idealistic/perfect world. OR they just dont know what they want yadda yadda and cant for the life of them figure out how to go about things to accomplish that.

Anyways, I was going out with this girl for two years and she broke up with me a month after our anniversary (this past october). Basically over not knowing what she wants and doesnt know why she's unhappy even though she has the 'perfect guy' for her. :rolleyes:
And I loved her a lot and in some ways I still do. And for good period of 3-4 months or so things were on and off between us trying to work the whole 'being just friends' issue. Which for me personally didnt work out well because I had feelings for her still. And she would go barstarring and flirting with all these guys etc. And then some times it would feel as if things would get close to working on a relationship. But after a while I just said fuck it. Stopped talking to her because whenever we did talk it was just too 'fake'. After a while you'll get use to doing that. I know I have.

I know what helped for me was just being able to hang out with a small core of friends. Try to stay away from people who chill with her a lot (if you guys have mutual friends). This way you sorta get to enjoy the 'single' life without all the drama, the extra $$$, and the bs. It does take time though and I dont think Im still really over it but thats probably my problem itself. Plus Ive moved into this bitter/angry stage where you just think of all the stupid stuff that would go on when you were going out with her. Sorta helps to move on. Some of the people I know have done the same :dunno: The whole 'I dont give a fuck' attitude works pretty well lol

And one more piece of advice. If she does come back to you. Make sure she figures out 'what she wants'. Because if she doesnt want your help when trying to figure it out, she sure as hell better figure it out herself with this 'break'. If she doesnt it'll just be a recurring theme in your relationship and it'll lead to more random breaks which will put more stress on everything. Alright Im done my rant now

Hmm... :goflames:

:werd: This is exactly what I went through for 4 years. Thinking back now, I am just angry at myself for being soooooo stupid, but at the time, i just had no clue, lol. I am also in that bitter and angry stage and it is awesome. Fuck that bitch! Stupid cunt lol

[Phil_McGraw]

Ok, I don't want to stir up this thread or jack it, that much. I just need some advice and opinions... So I'm not 18 yet (couple weeks) but my girlfriend is. So she goes clubbing once and a while, she told me (because we have a honest relationship) that she got drunk and bump and grind danced with some other guys. Ok to me this is kinda noticeable on my Richter chart. She gave me the "we'll I was drunk" thing. Do you guys this this is reasonable?

Any help appreciated.

[Mauser]

Originally posted by Phil_McGraw
Ok, I don't want to stir up this thread or jack it, that much. I just need some advice and opinions... So I'm not 18 yet (couple weeks) but my girlfriend is. So she goes clubbing once and a while, she told me (because we have a honest relationship) that she got drunk and bump and grind danced with some other guys. Ok to me this is kinda noticeable on my Richter chart. She gave me the "we'll I was drunk" thing. Do you guys this this is reasonable?

Any help appreciated.

Yes, it is reasonable. She’s getting everything out of her system first: The three-ways, the one-night-stands, the fetish boys, and the fantasies. She is probably waiting until she is in the 30’s before she is ready to settle down.

17 and you are ready for marriage or kids?! You should be having fun and sleeping with as many people as possible.

[crapstixs]

my gf and I have been dating for two years, we have been through alot. my gf was clinically depressed for about a year. I did alot of research into how to deal with this. depressed people will push every one out of there life even if she loves you she will push you away. say fuck that! im not going anywere and stick with her. show up at her door her parents will be over joyed because my gf parents were. working this shit out will bring you closer together. I had the same situation as you and I fought for her and it was the best thing that I ever did we are now getting married and I could never be away from her.
fight for her dude!