Wednesday Joke....

[JRSC00LUDE]

Why did god give women yeast infections?





So they would know what its like to live with an irritating cunt.

[Kona9]

Oooooh No.

[Boosted_TL]

So they would know what its like to live with an annoying cunt....

:rofl:

[JRSC00LUDE]

^

my answer used the word "irritating" but yes, that's exactly it! :rofl:

[CUG]

.. L
O O
.. L

[ae92gts]

That one is classic. When i first heard that i laughed my ass off....... oh wait i think the proper way to sat it is lmao.
:rofl:

[dj_rice]

:rofl: :rofl:

[98type_r]

What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?







Nothing, you already told her twice.

[jeremyn]

lol do we need to change to title to Wednesday's women joke?

[KuruptEX]

oh man classic:rofl:

[ae92gts]

what do you do when your wife gets a sun burn?







Close the blinds above the sink :D

[dj_rice]

Originally posted by ae92gts
what do you do when your wife gets a sun burn?







Close the blinds above the sink :D



This joke did not deliver like the other 2

[malcolmk14]

So a man walks into an elevator and it's just him and this woman standing there. They eye each other up and there seems to be a bit of sexual tension. Finally, halfway between floors the woman just can't take it any more. She hits the emergency stop button and starts to unbutton her blouse.

she gets her top off, throws it in the corner, turns to the man and says "Make me feel like a real woman"

The man takes off his shirt and pants, throws them in the corner on top of her clothes, points and says "There, do my laundry b*tch"

[Lex350]

Originally posted by JRSC00LUDE
Why did god give women yeast infections?





So they would know what its like to live with an irritating cunt.


I'm going through a divorce right now so this one really hits the spot!:thumbsup:

[ae92gts]

Hopefull not as lame as my last one but i heard this one a few moths ago

What do you call a room full of women, half with PMS and the other half with yeast infections?






A whine and cheese party

[LilDrunkenSmurf]

Originally posted by ae92gts
Hopefull not as lame as my last one but i heard this one a few moths ago

What do you call a room full of women, half with PMS and the other half with yeast infections?






A whine and cheese party

EWWWWWWWWW :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :barf:

[dj_rice]

Why is it called PMS?








Because "Mad Cow Disease" was already taken

[civicrider]

what do you call a blank piece of paper?



















woman's rights

[JRSC00LUDE]

"Women's" ;)

[adam c]

Womens'

[Nufy]

Why do women rarely fart ????










They can't shut up long enough to build up pressure.

[futurecivic]

What do women and floor tiles have in commonÉ





lay them once and walk all over them for the rest of your life

[dj_rice]

The Top 10 reasons why a handgun is better than a woman

#10 - You can trade an old .44 for two new .22s.
#9 - You can keep one handgun at home and have another for when you're on the road.
#8 - If you admire a friend's handgun, and tell him so, he will probably let you try it out a few times.
#7 - Your primary handgun doesn't mind if you have a backup.
#6 - Your handgun will stay with you even if you're out of ammo.
#5 - A handgun doesn't take up a lot of closet space.
#4 - Handguns function normally every day of the month.
#3 - A handgun doesn't ask "Do these new grips make me look fat?"
#2 - A handgun doesn't mind if you go to sleep after you use it.
AND THE NUMBER ONE WAY THAT A HANDGUN IS BETTER THAN A WOMAN . . . You can buy a silencer for a handgun.

[DeeK]

An amish family hears about a new mega mall opening up and decides to take the horse and carriage 2 miles down the road to see what all the fuss is about.

Arriving at the mall the father and son go one way down the mall, and the wife and daughter go off the other way.

The father and son walk up to a majestic wall with smaller silver walls that open and close. Puzzled as the man had never seen anything like this in his life he stood and watched for a while in amazement.

A grumpy elderly woman in a wheelchair pushes her way past the father and son, pushes the button and the magic doors open up. She wheels herself through the doors, and as quickly as it happened the doors shut!

The son gave a tug on the fathers shirt and asked where the lady went. The father replied with "I'm not sure".

Above the doors numerous little lights began to flash, starting first with the 1, then the 2, and so on, up to number 5.

Then almost immediately the lights began again, from 5, to 4, and so on back to 1. The doors opened up and a beautiful, 20 year old blonde girl walks out. The father could not believe his eyes at what he had just witnessed.

He turns to his son and says "Son, go get your mother."

[em2ab]

Why does your wife wear white at your wedding?













So your new dishwasher can match your fridge and stove.

[ae92gts]

Originally posted by em2ab
Why does your wife wear white at your wedding?













So your new dishwasher can match your fridge and stove.

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[HyperZell]

Why are there so many women's abuse shelters?









Because they just don't FUCKING listen!

[nadroj23]

1.Why shouldn't women have driving license?













There's no road between the kitchen and the bed.

2.What did you do wrong when your wife comes out to start nagging you?













Made the chain too long.

3.Your wife and your dog are locked outside, who do you let in first?















The dog, at least he'll shut up after he's in.

[jmaaa]

:rofl: :rofl:

[dr_jared88]

Want proof that a dog truly loves you more then your wife?

Lock both your dog and your wife in the trunk of your car for an hour. When you open it up your dog will be glad to see you.

[hampstor]

why does a woman.... oh wait nm, my wife reads beyond too. :angel:

[dj_rice]

Originally posted by hampstor
why does a woman.... oh wait nm, my wife reads beyond too. :angel:

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :whipped:

[JRSC00LUDE]

http://i95.photobucket.com/albums/l147/JRSC00LUDE/BatteredWomenT-Shirt.jpg

[Eleanor]

Wow, and people wonder why there aren't more girls on Beyond :rofl:

[JKL@STRD]

Originally posted by Boosted_TL
So they would know what its like to live with an annoying cunt....

:rofl:

hahahah thats AWSOME! :thumbsup:

[Stealth13]

This is the male/female procedures for going to a drive through banking window



MALE PROCEDURE

1. Drive up to the cash machine.

2. Put down your car window.

3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.

4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.

5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.

6. Put window up.

7. Drive off.

FEMALE PROCEDURE

1. Drive up to cash machine.

2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.

3. Set parking brake, put the window down.

4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.

5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.

6. Attempt to insert card into machine.

7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.

8. Insert card.

9. Re-insert card the right way.

10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.

11. Enter PIN.

12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.

13. Enter amount of cash required.

14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.

15. Retrieve cash and receipt.

16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.

17. Write deposit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook.

18. Re-check makeup.

19. Drive forward 2 feet.

20. Reverse back to cash machine.

21. Retrieve card.

22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided.

23. Give appropriate one-fingered hand signal to irate male driver waiting behind you.

24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.

25. Redial person on cell phone.

26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.

27. Release Parking Brake.:bigpimp: :bigpimp: :bigpimp:

[R!zz0]

^ I can't believe i actually read that.

[88jbody]

I read these out loud to my wife, she smiled at one or 2, and then gave me dirty looks for falling out of my chair LMAO reading the other ones to her

[88jbody]

why is divorce so expensive?

























because it is worth every penny

[88jbody]

Understanding a Woman


We need
REALLY MEANS
I want


You want
REALLY MEANS
You need


It's your decision
REALLY MEANS
The correct decision should be obvious by now.


We need to talk
REALLY MEANS
I need to complain


Do what you want
REALLY MEANS
You'll pay for this later.


You're ... so manly
REALLY MEANS
You need a shave and you sweat a lot.


Sure... go ahead
REALLY MEANS
I don't want you to.


I'm not upset
REALLY MEANS
Of course I'm upset, you moron!


You're certainly attentive tonight.
REALLY MEANS
Is sex all you ever think about?


I'm not emotional! And I'm not overreacting!
REALLY MEANS
I'm on my period.


Be romantic, turn out the lights.
REALLY MEANS
I'm Embarrassed


This kitchen is so inconvenient
REALLY MEANS
I want a new house.


You have to learn to communicate.
REALLY MEANS
Just agree with me.


Yes
REALLY MEANS
No


No
REALLY MEANS
No


Maybe
REALLY MEANS
No


I heard a noise
REALLY MEANS
I noticed you were almost asleep.


Do you love me?
REALLY MEANS
I'm going to ask for something expensive.


How much do you love me?
REALLY MEANS
I did something you're not going to like.


I'll be ready in a minute.
REALLY MEANS
Be patient I'll be a while.


Am I a little fat?
REALLY MEANS
Tell me I'm beautiful.


I'm sorry.
REALLY MEANS
You'll be sorry.


Do you like this recipe?
REALLY MEANS
It's easy to fix, so get used to it.


Was that the baby?
REALLY MEANS
Why don't you wake up and deal with the baby.


I'm not yelling!
REALLY MEANS
Yes I am yelling because I think this is important.


All we're going to buy is a soap dish
REALLY MEANS
Major shopping trip. Did you bring your checkbook?

[88jbody]

How do you prevent a girl from having sex?

Marry her.

[88jbody]

-What's the first thing a woman does when she gets back from the battered women's clinic?
The god damned dishes if she knows what's good for her.


-How many men does it take to open a beer?
None, it should be opened when she brings it to you.


"What if God's a woman? Not only am I going to hell, I'll never know why."
(Adam Ferrara)


Why do women live longer than men?
Because God adds them the time that they wasted on parking.

How can you tell if your wife is dead?
The sex is the same but the dishes pile up.

What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
A battery has a positive side.

[harv91]

why did the woman cross the road?





















who the hell knows, the bitch shoulda been in the kitchen

[rinny]

Why does Beyonce sing "to the left, to the left"?










Because women dont have rights!


Why are womens feet so small?









So they can get nearer to the sink

[pf0sh0]

This isn't right :rofl:

[JRSC00LUDE]

Originally posted by pf0sh0
This isn't right :rofl:

But it isn't wrong.....

[adam c]

we should have this thread locked until next wednesday so it doesn't lose material like the Friday Random Pictures Thread

[Boosted Gtir]

This is sooo bad.... O well:dunno:

Why should you never by your wife a watch?





Because there is a clock on the stove.

[Eleanor]

Originally posted by 88jbody
How can you tell if your wife is dead?
The sex is the same but the dishes pile up.
:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[acura_el]

Wow I don't think I've laughed so hard in a while. The kitchen one's are the best! :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

My contribution:

How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?


None, feminism hasn't changed anything.



The smartest thing that ever came out of a woman's mouth was Einstein's dick.

[Hakkola]

What's worse than a male chauvinistic pig?
A woman who won't do what she's told.

What do you do if your dishwasher breaks down?
Kick her where the sun don't shine.

Why couldn't Helen Keller drive?
Because she was a woman.

[HiTempguy1]

Why couldn't Helen Keller drive?

My boss stops by a house we we're working on a year ago:

"God damnit this tin is crooked as f*&k, did Helen Keller do it herself?!"

Nearly cried laughing.

Anywho...

[ae92gts]

Originally posted by acura_el
Wow I don't think I've laughed so hard in a while. The kitchen one's are the best! :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

My contribution:

How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?


None, feminism hasn't changed anything.



The smartest thing that ever came out of a woman's mouth was Einstein's dick.

I got one a bit different

How many women does it take to screw in a light bulb?





5, 4 to bitch about it 1 to get a man to do it

[HiSpec]

omg... my stomach hurts from laughing...

[Redlyne_mr2]

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v148/LordCanti/womanke3.jpg

[jonnycat]

Why do women have 3 holes?

So you can carry them like a six pack when they're drunk.