F my life

[harv91]

Having a bad day and think your life sucks,
people post shit on this website writing dumb lil blurbs
i found some of them pretty funny, check em out

http://www.fmylife.com/

:clap:

[van]

Today, while waiting for class, I let out a huge fart in front of everyone thinking no one would hear it over the music. I was wearing headphones. FML


:rofl: :rofl:

[Anton]

Today, I realized that instead of actually trying to get a job, save money, lose weight, and get thin so I could maybe attempt to date again; I'd rather spend my money on a Fleshlight. FML

[Unlaced]

Today, after taking a shower, I decided to weigh myself. Curious, I peered down. I couldn't see the scale. I am fat. FML

:rofl: :rofl:

[harv91]

Today, I’ve learnt that the girl I love thinks I’m gay. To be honest, I’m having doubts too. FML


Today, I went to see a movie with the girl I 've liked for months. After the commercials, she told me she had to go to the ladies room. She never came back… FML

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[borN]

Today, I met a woman that I've been emailing and trading pics with for over a month. We had a face to face, she was surprisingly overweight, and the sun hit her face in a way that radiated all her facial hair. FML


:rofl: :rofl:

[black13]

:rofl: Good website, now we should refer all the rant threads to that website instead.

[v2kai]

:clap: :rofl: hilarious site, nice post i'm forwarding this to some depressed friends:rofl:

[JordanLotoski]

:thumbsup: :rofl: :thumbsup:

[Chester]

"Today, my mom asked me for advice on how to give a good blow job. I'm a guy. FML"

[Jlude]

Today, I was at Target with my mom. After 10 minutes of my mom walking around looking confused, I said, "Mom, what are you looking for? I worked at this place for 4 years, I know where everything is." My mom was looking for KY. FML

Funny stuff on that site.

[TorqueDog]

I'm laughing my balls off here. Amazing find.

[msommers]

Today, I was naked in bed. I was eating vanilla yogurt and it spilt. My dad walked in and then apologized that he had walked in on me while I was masturbating. FML

[drtoohotty1]

I was walking with my girlfriend, when she walked ahead of me cat-walk style, turned around and asked, "do you think I can model?". I blurted out "Yes... for a plus-size clothing line". FML

:rofl: :rofl:

[torob]

Today, I got together with a small gathering of friends in a bar. I go up to the bar to order something, but with all the music and noise, the barman can't hear what I'm trying to say, so he leans forward, cocking his ear towards me. For some reason, I thought he was being friendly so I kissed him as if we were saying hello to each other. FML

:rofl: :facepalm:

[aypi]

Today, I was up for a job interview in a music school. I go to get my guitar out off its case, and realize that my friends thought it would be very funny to replace my real guitar with one of the Guitar Hero guitars. FML



:rofl:

:facepalm:

[Dj_Stylz]

Today, I kissed the girl I love for the first time. Her reaction ? She vomited. FML

:barf: :rofl: :rofl:

[Freestylin]

Ahhh hahahaa..lol...that site is damn hilarious..i almost fell off my chair :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[bball2]

Hahaha awesome :rofl:

[R154]

Today, my wife, in her magnificent wedding dress, had her period during the ceremony. How did I find out? The same way everyone else did. FML

[dr_jared88]

Today, I was just taking a wank with my laptop on low battery. Almost finished when my laptop died. FML

Today, I was doing a local search at SexSearch.com and I found my sister's profile. FML

Today, I received a really nice red satin set of underwear, with a bra, a thong and a corset... From my grandfather. FML

:facepalm: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[Davetronz]

Today, I'm flying out of the country in a few hours. A plane from the same airline just crashed into the Hudson River and is now floating in it. FML

[Little Dragon]

Today, it's my birthday. My girlfriend gave me the present she bought for me. I said joking: "I hope it's not a tie!"
It was a tie. FML


Today, I found the password to my boyfriend's MSN account. I was listed in the "booty call" category. FML

[sk65guy]

Today, the ugliest girl in school walked by me and said "ewwww". FML

[The_Rural_Juror]

If you talk to the owner at thi thi, the original one. Look at him and his lovely wife. They are hardly fat...he swears they eat them everyday. FML


Today I noticed someone stealing my perfectly taken $1500 SLR photo (http://forums.beyond.ca/showthread.php?s=&postid=2775826#post2775826). Turns out his friend took the photo with a shitty point and shoot. I couldn't tell the difference. FML

[NRGie]

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^:rofl:

[BerserkerCatSplat]

^ :rofl:

[D'z Nutz]

Originally posted by The_Rural_Juror




Hahaha, nicely played

[rumeo]

Today, I was having a cybersex chat with a "girl" on a website whilst at work. I noticed my colleague who sits next to me start cracking up with laughter. Turned out it was him I was chatting with and he was winding me up. Worst thing is it had given me a stiffy. FML


hahahahahahaa

[Rocky]

Great post OP, liking the site :D Reminds me of postsecret & bash.org

[CRXguy]

Great site! :rofl:

[HybridTheory]

Today, I just got done reading all the healthy benefits that come with sex. One of them is higher self-esteem. Then I remembered that I haven't had sex in 15 months. FML


Today, my boyfriend told me that he was gay and that he is in love with my YOUNGER BROTHER. FML.

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: This site is awesome :thumbsup:

[GQBalla]

Today, while waiting for class, I let out a huge fart in front of everyone thinking no one would hear it over the music. I was wearing headphones. FML

lol for some reason i thought this was hilarious

[Tik-Tok]

Today, after making love to my girlfriend, I realised that the phone was on the bed and because of the movements, it called my dad by itself. It went to voicemail. My dad will soon have all the details. FML


Today, my girlfriend left a message on my phone. It was just the sounds of her having sex with somebody. FML

:rofl:

[pf0sh0]

hahahaha so funny

[cityhunter2501]

Today, I was looking at this site when my wife called to ask what I was doing, I told her I was looking at a website called F*** My Life and she hung up. I called her back and got yelled at because she thought I was using a website called F*** My Wife. FML


:rofl:

[InLoveWitRSX]

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[EvolutionI]

I can't believe I read EVERY single post. It was funny none-the-less.

[harv91]

Originally posted by EvolutionI
I can't believe I read EVERY single post. It was funny none-the-less.

"today i sat there and read every single post, FML"

haahha sorry buddy
you set yourself up for that one :poosie:

[pyroza]

Was going to make a new thread, but I figured I might as well bump this one


Today, I was sitting in the living room with my parents when my dad asked my mom if she knew where he could find some double a batteries. She said to check my vibrator. He said he already did. FML

[bashir26]

Today, I was sitting in class and I fell asleep during the lesson. I was wearing sweatpants and had an erection. My teacher came up to me and grabbed my penis. She thought it was my phone. FML

:rofl: :facepalm:


Today, my boyfriend and I ordered sex toys online and had them delivered to my dorm room. I put my parents' address for the billing information because I didn't want the bill sent to my dorm after I moved out. The toys were sent to my parents house instead. FML

[aget]

Today, I got out of the shower and flipped my hair over to towel dry it. I hit my head on the sink and passed out. Three hours later, my 15 year old brother and two of his 15 year old friends found me, soaking, naked, and passed out on the bathroom floor. FML


Today, I jokingly asked my boyfriend of one year - "why is someone as smart, funny and as handsome as you with someone like me?" he replied - "opposites attract." FML


Today, I babysat a five year old girl. She ran up to me, threw her arms around my waist and said, "YUMMY! I'm going to eat you!" with her face in my crotch. I said sarcastically under my breath, "Finally, some action!" I turned around to find her dad staring at me, having heard. He's my cousin. FML.

:rofl:

[Trini]

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[Dumbass17]

i slept til 2 today and then read 18 pages of FML. FML.

[OH-EIGHT]

Today, I was looking down at my paper in class and my spanish teacher asked if I was sleeping or not. I'm Asian. My eyes were open. FML

ahahahaha
im asian btw

[icky2unk]

Today, my boyfriend told me he couldn't hang out with me because he felt really sick. I went to his house anyway to surprise him with homemade soup. I walk in to his room only to find him hooking up with my sister. She can't drive, our mom drove her there. FML

[Street_Soldier]

Today, I got a 31% on a Chinese test at school. I moved here to new jersey from China two months ago. FML

[nich148_9]

Today, my mom had my girlfriend and I over. Out of the blue, she pulled out my grandmothers wedding ring and gave it to me saying I can now propose. My girlfriend started screaming and said yes. I have been seeing someone else for 3 months and was going to break up with my girlfriend tomorrow. FML

:eek: :rofl:

[kwjent]

i just read 24 pages of this shit. So funny. :D :thumbsup:

[civic_boii]

Today, I had just gotten over the flu and thought I was better. So me and my boyfriend decided to have sex. As I was about to orgasm, I puked all over his face. He was so disgusted that he ended up throwing up on me as well. FML


Today, I was at a bar in Canada and was really hitting it off with a girl. She asked how big my junk was and I told her in inches... They use centimeters. FML


Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend and as I pulled out to finish I slipped and ended up punching her in the stomach, I came while she was writhing in pain. FML


Today, I tried to suck my own penis. Autofellatio. My mother walked in on me and I flipped backwards off the bed. ER and 10 stiches above my eyebrow later, I asked her not to ever bring it up again. FML



:facepalm:

[scat19]

Good laughs man, I didn't see this thread before. nice bump!

[bashir26]

Today, I received my passport in the mail. They got my birthdate wrong. Then I picked up my birth certificate that I had sent in with the application. Turns out my parents have been celebrating my birthday on the wrong day for 16 years. FML


Today, I heard my sister masturbating in her room. I took the dog around the block to get out of the house, and I came back to see her leaving her room... my electric toothbrush in her hand. FML


Today, my mom : "You and your dad like all the same foods right? Try this for me", she then proceeds to give me a strawberry flavored jelly. I say that it tastes good and ask what she gave me. "It's my new nipple cream, I want to surprise your dad tonight." FML


Today, my boss fired me via text message. I don't have a text messaging plan. I paid $0.25 to get fired. FML


Today, I was going down on a girl. When I looked up she was texting. FML

[toyboy88]

Today, I overheard my daughter compliment my mother by saying "My mom is way flabbier than you, Grandma." When I told her later that she hurt my feelings, she told me to "man up." She's seven. FML


Today, I found out my mother has another new boyfriend. She told me she wanted me to meet him, and I reluctantly agreed. When I walked out to meet him in the living room, to my surprise, I knew him. He's 18, my mother is 44. He also happens to be in my second period high school math class. FML.


Today, I went on a blind date that my sister had set up. When I arrived at the coffeeshop, I approached a man waiting by the counter, asking if his name was Tim (my date's name). He looked at me and said no and then left with a drink clearly labeled "Tim" in bold letters. FML

[OH-EIGHT]

Today, I went on a blind date that my sister had set up. When I arrived at the coffeeshop, I approached a man waiting by the counter, asking if his name was Tim (my date's name). He looked at me and said no and then left with a drink clearly labeled "Tim" in bold letters. FML


what a moron

http://www.boston.com/business/ticker/timhorton.jpg

[2000_SI]

Today, I was sleeping because I had been sick. The closest bathroom to mine is the one in my parents room. I wake up and feel like I have to throw up, I run into my parents room to go to the bathroom. I walk in on my parents having sex. Shocked, I gasp for air then throw up all over their bed. FML


Today, I took the subway to school and the man across from me would not stop staring at my breasts. Finally the train came to my stop, so as I got up I said "Nothing to see now, asshole", but then I noticed his white walking stick as he got up to get off too. He was blind. FML
:facepalm:


Today, I was teasing my boyfriend telling him that my butt was so much cuter than his and that at least mine wasn't smelly stinky or hairy. Then he said yeah, I just wish that your vag was the same way. FML
:rofl:

[Eleanor]

Originally posted by 2000_SI
Today, I took the subway to school and the man across from me would not stop staring at my breasts. Finally the train came to my stop, so as I got up I said "Nothing to see now, asshole", but then I noticed his white walking stick as he got up to get off too. He was blind. FML :rofl:

[HiTempguy1]

Today, I was walking through Borders with my girlfriend, when we pass a girl scout cookies stand. I see a box of Samoas, my favorite, point at them, and shout, 'YEAH'. My girlfriend looks shocked. Behind the box of cookies was a five year old scout bending over, with her bottom pointed at me. FML

http://usera.ImageCave.com/bkburger123/pedomeadow.jpg

[schocker]

Today I was walking when a man pointed a camera at me, so I decided to be bitchy about it and say "Did I say you could take a picture?" and he replied with, "No, but can you get the fuck out of the way so I can take one of my wife and kids." I turn around, and they were right behind me. FML :rofl:

[r0g3r]

"Today, I came home to find that my room had been ransacked. My mom comes out of no where and says that we need to have a talk. I freaked out thinking it was all the empty alcohol bottles under my bed. My mom holds up the birth control and says "I always knew you were a whore. FML"


LoL :rofl:

[dawinder]

Today, I posted on a forum asking if I could be a Moderator, instead, I got banned. FML

i wonder if this is someone from beyond :rofl:

[Jonel]

Today, I met a guy at a bar and we went back to my room. We start having sex and about 30 seconds in he stops and says it's not right - he likes me too much for a one night stand. He gives me his number, a kiss on the cheek and leaves. Turns out he already came. I call his phone - wrong number. FML.

[theken]

I have one for what just happened to me.

Turn on my less than year old elite to see ohh whats this 3 red rings :( so i go get my old pro out to play a little rb6 disk drive wont open. Take the faceplate off to manually open, fucking thing won't read disks anymore, and it is out of warrenty. fml

[A790]

Today, I had to make a family tree for one of my classes. When I was going through it, I realized that both my parents have the same last name. So, I asked them about it and they told me that they are second cousins. FML
I wonder if they're from the southern US...

[beecue]

Today, my boss called me into his office to show me the web site of a potential business partner. When he began to type 'virginia' into google, it auto-completed his search with his recent search for 'virgin boy assholes'. I have to go on business trip with him tomorrow. I'm a young guy. FML


Today, my husband dropped me off at work, ten minutes later I got a text saying" I just dropped the b*tch off I'll be there in a few baby, miss you". I asked him about it he said he "I dont know what youre talking about Megan". My name isnt Megan, not even close. FML

:rofl: .. thanks for the site :thumbsup:

[rumeo]

Originally posted by OH-EIGHT


what a moron

http://www.boston.com/business/ticker/timhorton.jpg


:rofl: :rofl:

[scat19]

Originally posted by theken
I have one for what just happened to me.

Turn on my less than year old elite to see ohh whats this 3 red rings :( so i go get my old pro out to play a little rb6 disk drive wont open. Take the faceplate off to manually open, fucking thing won't read disks anymore, and it is out of warrenty. fml

Reboot your system. Happened to me once. Everything is fine :dunno:

[theken]

did a few reboots, does't work, and the disk tray one is fucked

[bashir26]

Originally posted by beecue




:rofl: .. thanks for the site :thumbsup:

:rofl: :rofl:

[S13_Ryan]

Today, my boyfriend told me he couldn't hang out with me because he felt really sick. I went to his house anyway to surprise him with homemade soup. I walk in to his room only to find him hooking up with my sister. She can't drive, our mom drove her there. FML



hahahaha:rofl:

[r0g3r]

Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "Be my baby's daddy!" I couldn't get out in time. FML

LOL!!! :rofl:

[beyondpinoy]

Originally posted by r0g3r


Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "Be my baby's daddy!" I couldn't get out in time. FML



LOL!!! :rofl:

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA I LAUGHED PRETTY HARD WHEN I READ THAT

[chkolny541]

HAHAHAHAH OMG, the baby daddy one is the best, by far, close this thread now, lol

[Tik-Tok]

Today, I was having birthday dinner with my girlfriend and her parents, when her Dad asked what I got her she replied "He said he was going to give me a Pearl Necklace when we get home." I realized then that my girlfriend did not know what I meant by 'Pearl Necklace.' FML

:rofl:

[freshprince1]

These are hilarious! I can't get on the site at work...keep posting!

[beyondpinoy]

Originally posted by freshprince1
These are hilarious! I can't get on the site at work...keep posting!

yeah me either!!! keep them comming!!:clap: :clap: :clap:

[GST Jeff]

Today, I was babysitting an eleven year old boy. He decided we should play with nerf guns with velcro tips. I shot him in the crotch accidentally, and the dart stuck on his pants wiggling for about a full minute before his dad walked in to find us both staring at his son's crotch, giggling. FML

this happened to me....

[r0g3r]

Today, I went home for my grandma's 95th birthday. While there she noticed my new tongue piercing and asked why I would get it done. Before I could reply, my cousin says "So she can can make the boys happier when she's sucking on them." She's 9 years old. FML



Today, I was sitting in Science class and to my surprise I felt my pants suddenly becoming warm and wet. I looked behind me to see that 4 boys from my class had inserted a small funnel into my exposed buttcrack and where pouring the melted butter from the experiment into that area. FML

Today, the cute boy in my biology class I had been crushing on invited me over to study for a huge test. Once I got to his house, I really had to use the bathroom. I ended ending up taking a huge dump and clogging up his toilet. He had to come plunge it for me. FML

[OCDP]

Today, I tried to prove to my dad that he snores by secretly putting a tape recorder under his bed. I soon found out my parents had sex that night. Apparently, my mom likes to talk dirty. FML


aha annnd... :thumbsdow


Today, It took me over 3 hours to cut out little letters for an event I'm putting on. It took the wind less than a second to blow them all over campus. FML

[CookieMonster]

Today, I was working at Old Navy. A girl came up to me and did a bizarre dance. Not knowing how to react, I imitated her to be friendly with the customer. Then she stopped cold. Her friend stormed up to me and yelled, "you jerk! Why are you mocking her? She has tourettes you know!" FML

[Redlyne_jr]

Today, my brother's new girlfriend, who is blind, asked to feel my face so she could tell what I look like. She said i was "unique". A blind chick just told me I was ugly. FML

[superflychief]

ok these are just getting stupid.

[scat19]

Originally posted by superflychief
ok these are just getting stupid.

So for your astounding .01 post per day (also, your first post), this is what you come up with? :banghead:

[jshel101]

Originally posted by superflychief
ok these are just getting stupid.
If you think they are stupid then don't read them. IMHO, I think some of them are funny.

[superflychief]

Originally posted by scat19


So for your astounding .01 post per day (also, your first post), this is what you come up with? :banghead:

I read the forums all the time and post occasionally. This thread was funny for the 1st few posts and now it's just getting retarded with every idiot out there making up some bullsh!t that they think is funny.

Man today I got out of my warm car and stepped into cold snow FML

That's my contribution to this stupidity.

[The_Rural_Juror]

Originally posted by superflychief


That's my contribution to this stupidity. FML

[freshprince1]

Originally posted by superflychief


I read the forums all the time and post occasionally. This thread was funny for the 1st few posts and now it's just getting retarded with every idiot out there making up some bullsh!t that they think is funny.

Man today I got out of my warm car and stepped into cold snow FML

That's my contribution to this stupidity.

-----superflychief's FML contribution should be: "today i finally posted in the forum I have been creeping forever, I ended up looking like a complete loser." FML. -----

[rumeo]

Today, my girlfriend was giving me head while I was watching Star Trek and I accidentally called her Spock. FML


Today, I was standing on a balcony smoking a cigarette when I noticed a woman giving me strange looks. When I put the cigarette out and went to walk inside she said "You shouldn't smoke while you're pregnant." I'm not pregnant. FML

Today, I walked behind a girl I hooked up with last weekend while she was on the computer in the library. I noticed she was looking at my facebook page and got excited. Then I heard her say to her friend, "This is the one smallest penis I have ever seen." FML

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to have our first "Cybering" experience. I downloaded Skype per his instructions, and hooked up my cam. Just as everything started getting hot and heavy, I farted. He stopped and frowned. I had no idea it was a video AND voice program. FML

Today, I went to online to find out why my midterm grade is for my least favorite class Psychology. After weeks upon weeks of studying and doing work for a class I hate I found out that I have a zero in the class. Turns out I've been going to the wrong psychology class all semester. FML

Today, I found out that the electric nose hair clippers that I've been using for the past two years are in fact my father's pubic hair trimmers. FML

[superflychief]

Originally posted by freshprince1


-----superflychief's FML contribution should be: "today i finally posted in the forum I have been creeping forever, I ended up looking like a complete loser." FML. -----

Coming from the douchebag who has .04 post per day more then I do? Get a life man :rolleyes:

[rumeo]

Originally posted by superflychief


Coming from the douchebag who has .04 post per day more then I do? Get a life man :rolleyes:

Ah but he has been here a lot longer then you and has a lot more posts then you

[superflychief]

I'm not trying to compete with anybody's post count. I'm just commenting on all the stupid quotes on here that aren't funny and are obviously made up bullsh!t.

[rumeo]

then why are you posting in this thread?

[badatusrnames]

Originally posted by superflychief
I'm not trying to compete with anybody's post count. I'm just commenting on all the stupid quotes on here that aren't funny and are obviously made up bullsh!t.

Whether they are funny or not is a matter of opinion.

And I think it's pretty obvious to everyone that they are made up...

[Mr_ET]

could all the noobs bickering in this thread get lost and could we resume with the FML posts?

kthxbye

[superflychief]

let the suckage continue.........

[SneakyNeek]

Originally posted by superflychief
let the suckage continue.........


then please. get on your knees.....





FML FTW

[schocker]

Today, an old girlfriend from years ago wanted to have lunch. Seeing as I had nothing to do, I went with her. She introduced me to her son. Apparently I am the father. My son is 6. FML:rofl:

[rumeo]

Today, my mom came to me and asked if I had drank her wine. I'm 16, so I lied and said "no". The next morning there was a DVD on my bed labeled "pool house security cameras- love mom." It was a video of me downing two bottles of red wine and having sex with my boyfriend. FML


Today, I asked my parents if the outfit I was wearing made me look fat. My mom looked at me and paused for a while, and my dad said, "honey, that outfit doesn't make you look fat. Your fat makes you look fat." FML


Today, I decided to tell my mom about my choice to wait to have sex until after marriage. Coming from a very christian family I thought she would be proud. Instead she laughed and said, "is that your excuse for not being able to get laid?" and walked out of the room. FML

[superflychief]

Originally posted by rumeo
Today, my mom came to me and asked if I had drank her wine. I'm 16, so I lied and said "no". The next morning there was a DVD on my bed labeled "pool house security cameras- love mom." It was a video of me downing two bottles of red wine and having sex with my boyfriend. FML


Today, I asked my parents if the outfit I was wearing made me look fat. My mom looked at me and paused for a while, and my dad said, "honey, that outfit doesn't make you look fat. Your fat makes you look fat." FML


Today, I decided to tell my mom about my choice to wait to have sex until after marriage. Coming from a very christian family I thought she would be proud. Instead she laughed and said, "is that your excuse for not being able to get laid?" and walked out of the room. FML

Those were awesome :rolleyes:

[npham]

Originally posted by superflychief


Those were awesome :rolleyes:

Still complaining? Don't let the door hit you in the vag on the way out...

[rumeo]

ignore the troll