How to be happy

[Phil_McGraw]

I know this is not exactly the most logical forum to post this question but it is not necessarily targeted to a specific crowd, but anyone and everyone. I am confused. I am 19 years old, live at home, not religious, and am a student. Currently while my best friends are out at a party with my ex of 3 years, I am soaking in my bathtub wondering about life. What am I doing right now? How is my life important or significant in anyway relative to anything? What should I be like in the future? Having a job, a family, a safe house, income, how in hell can I even pity myself, or feel depressed about my current situations, when people around the world live in poverty and deadly environments where they watch their families get blown to bloody dust. Am I a terrible person to feel pain for such minuscule, remotely tragic occurrences? Having no answer to the meaning of life leads me to believe that life has no purpose, but then why are we here? At the moment I don't know what I should do with my life but I do know one thing, that I want to be happy. Happiness is something that makes life worth living in my opinion. Which brings me to my question, what brings you people happiness? In a world filled with social values based on materialism and popularity, how do you discover the things in life that bring you true happiness?

Hopefully it came out clear enough. I am looking for answers from people who have more experience than I (older) in this world.
Thanks,

[97'Scort]

Well, playing with electronic devices in the bathtub, as you're doing right now apparently, is a good way to find out if there really is a God.

My solution: I have a solid career footing, a couple of great friends and a family who loves me and I can talk to openly about anything I want. I have some money in the bank and a reasonably nice car. Every once in awhile I have a cigar and realize that compared to 99% of the people on this planet, I have it pretty good and it makes me feel better.

[Jlude]

Originally posted by 97'Scort
Every once in awhile I have a cigar and realize that compared to 99% of the people on this planet, I have it pretty good and it makes me feel better.

+1

You have to learn to appreciate and be thankful for what you do have.

[FiveFreshFish]

Sounds like you're not quite over the breakup with your gf. Give it time and maybe one day you'll have no problem seeing her at a party sometime down the road.

[max_boost]

Ironic given your user name, does Dr. Phil have any books on how to be happy?

Seriously though, actually I don't know if you are serious or not BUT you'll find yourself asking all of the above many times in your life.

Easiest way to do it is just simply enjoy life for what it is. Don't over think things man.

[max_boost]

Originally posted by FiveFreshFish
Sounds like you're not quite over the breakup with your gf. Give it time and maybe one day you'll have no problem seeing her at a party sometime down the road.

Plenty of fish in the sea. Don't let one person bring your world down. :thumbsup:

[sxtothe240]

Sometimes you just gotta slow things down and relax.

Grab a beer, watch a movie.

Or if you play golf, i find going to the driving range and hitting a couple buckets of balls feels great especially by yourself. It's got a weird calming effect.

[ABteg00]

Yes, Phil_McGraw you have been hurt, I feel your pain!, who hurt you? who hurt you? who hurt you, who hurt you!

[S13_Ryan]

:werd:


exactly what all the above posts have mentioned. chances are your just over looking alot of the things you currently already have in your life and your just not as greatfull as you should be. girls are girls man, dont waste your time broken over just one, there is plenty to be had in a lifetime.

once n a while take a break from everything and just sit and chill with a close friend or family member and reflect on life over a couple beers. it works as a great reminder.

[95golf]

stop thinking boy! u're not the first one to have these thoughts. and the answer is: don't care about others! it has always been like this: people r fcked all around the world simply cause they're stupid or they're unlucky! fck them.it has always been like this and it will always be. be grateful tht u're not in their shoes and u're having a nice hot bath..and live ur life....wht is fun? well tht's up to u...stop thinking too much and see wht makes u laugh, or who makes u laugh and hold onto it....hey or loose ur self in the fck!maybe that will help :D

[buh_buh]

The purpose of life is to enjoy it.

The more you concern yourself about what you should have in the future, at what age you should have a family, how much you should make, the more you'll be unhappy. The more satisfied with your current situation you're with, the more happy you are, and you don't need to have your shit completely together and live in your idealized dream life in order to be satisfied with your current situation.

As long as you're working towards life goals (which could be what you should have, family, etc) instead of stopping to sulk in your own puddle of misery, you'll be perfectly happy with your current situation.

You just need to take the joys out of your everyday life. If there's something unhappy or unsatisfying about your life, then do something about it. Its the process of getting to the end result that makes you happy, and not the end result itself. You'll get more intrinsic value out of life if you try not to let the petty things bother you.

[Kona9]

Originally posted by 95golf
stop thinking boy! u're not the first one to have these thoughts. and the answer is: don't care about others! it has always been like this: people r fcked all around the world simply cause they're stupid or they're unlucky! fck them.it has always been like this and it will always be. be grateful tht u're not in their shoes and u're having a nice hot bath..and live ur life....wht is fun? well tht's up to u...stop thinking too much and see wht makes u laugh, or who makes u laugh and hold onto it....hey or loose ur self in the fck!maybe that will help :D

Kids and being stuck in texting mode. :banghead:

OP: I feel ya, but there is some good advice in here. Focus on what you do have and the things that already make you happy. Don't be affraid to dream either. Take your unsure thoughts about life and use positive thinking to figure out the things you do want. (achieve or acquire....it's your life) Women come and women go. It is tough at a young age to learn how to deal with situations such as the one with you and your ex. You will experience more and more of this as time goes on. Trust me. It's how you handle it from this point forward that makes then next down time easier to cope with. You have to go through these things in order to gain the life experience you truly need for common happiness. Everything happens for a reason.

As mentioned....get out of your own head. Stop thinking so much. I tend to over think things sometimes myself. That is when I remind myself that " It is what it is" and I remind myself of the many many (especially little) things I either have or have going for me. That should be enough to settle any thoughts of depression or wack girl thoughts.

Chin up! Live in the now, for today. The proverbial bus may run you down tomorrow. Then what? You would have wasted your time being hung up on a girl and pondering when adult shit is supposed to happen. It will happen when it's time. You are young man. Live your life!

[CUG]

my take:

I think that too often we allow our worlds to shrink in around us and the few people who may be around us; girlfriend, family, and friends. Traveling taught me how insignificant my problems are compared to others, and being a human taught me that problems are still problems, just relative.

I wouldn't downplay the pain you're having over a breakup just because there's people starving in Africa, no, but definitely reflect on that if you're thinking of ending it or whatever.

I've re-tooled friendships in the past because of these and other things. In the end, I want to be happy and secure. Happiness to me is having good caring people around you and being a good caring person to others - even strangers.

I've been thinking on this lately and I'm glad you posted it.

I'm a few years older than you and I can assure you that these type of ponderings don't leave you.

Just have fun hanging with your beyondbros tonight. Don't worry about that insignificant person that's out trying to hurt you, there are other people in your life who treat you much better that deserve that amount of thought and consideration, I say put the energy towards making someone else happy.

-

[Phil_McGraw]

Wow thanks for the great posts guys! I feel better already. Group E-Hug! :)

[Dumbass17]

to the original poster
the answer is in your sig!

but seriously i went through the same thing after a breakup, it was bad. but just give it time. time heals all wounds.
be thankful for what you have. material items are nothing, they're artificial happiness, they're a bandid ;)

also go steel some cheese!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6wS5xOZ7Rq8

[van]

When you learn to love yourself for who you are, how you are and your position in the world everything else will just fall into place for you. Being ninteen you should not need to worry about all those things you're currently worrying about. Living at home is not really a big deal anymore especially in these rather 'tough' times. Having a religion is a choice and by not having one does not make you any less of a person than the next individual. Your best friends must not really be your best friends cause if they were they wouldn't be partying with your ex-girlfriend. Whether people believe in the "bros code of ethics" I do and I would never hang out with my friends ex's.

How important or not important your life is based on your values of how you see yourself in the world. If you think low of yourself obviously your place in the world is at the bottom. If you value yourself then the sky is truly the limit on where you are and where you can be when you set a goal for yourself. Life is all about setting goals and trying to achieve your desired goals throughout your timeline.

Most people not including people who pimp bitches or sell drugs probably work real hard for where they are right now. The question you have to ask yourself is how hard are you working at life? What goals have you been setting for yourself and how much of these goals have you reached and conquered?

Although there is lots of things happening in the world the last thing you should be worrying about is other people. The problem (or not a problem) lies within yourself and discovering what is happiness defined to you as, is it materialistic? Is it a mentality of some sort? Is it a physical thing? Honestly, once you stop worrying about trying to buy a bmw/merc/ferrari and wearing louis vuitton/gucci/whatever you'll find you'll have more money to spend on things that are more worthwhile and has a higher memorable value (versus dollar value).

Happiness can be anything from seeing a stranger smile at you and asking you how you're doing that certain day, it can be when your garden starts to bloom for the spring/summer, happiness is anything you want it to be because happiness is not racist nor sexist. Happiness for an individual is really nothing but a word however, how the word is defined like I said is entirely up to you. Cheers.

PS: I have a 2,000 member seminar coming up next month -- tickets are $225.00/each learn how to love yourself and conequer all aspects of life, money, career.. and just kidding! :D

[OCDP]

Originally posted by ABteg00
Yes, Phil_McGraw you have been hurt, I feel your pain!, who hurt you? who hurt you? who hurt you, who hurt you!

Family Guy ? ahahha Oh Lionel, you have been hurt.. this much is true... who hurt you?...

[5000Audi]

dood you still young.. go out and nail a whole lotta girls.. then once that get boring try n find bi girls then have 3 somes with them.. im sure that would make 90% of guys real happy...

but in all honesty. go out and do things man, dont sit and think about the past... the past is the past.. nothing you can do about it.. look to the future then you will start to feel better..

[A790]

Happiness is a simple thing to obtain. The trick is to learn to be happy with what you already have or can readily achieve.

When I'm having a bad day I strap on my roller blades, crank my MP3 player, and get going. Roller blading is new to me, so I still suck pretty bad, but I'm slowly getting better... and that's what puts the smile on my face.

If I'm having a REALLY rough day I hit the gym twice as hard. I push it all out of me- when I leave, it's euphoria.

For some, driving is their fix. For others it's painting.

Try calling an old friend and catch up. Sort life out.

The bottom line is that should always remember one thing: you have only one life to live. Where's the sense in not enjoying it? No one can bring you down but yourself.

[CokerRat]

You're young. Spend a while trying new things. Do some travelling. Meet some new people. Volunteer somewhere that helps people less fortunate. Figure out what it is that might give your life purpose.

[R!zz0]

I honestly think you need to get laid. You have a lot of pressure build up and you need to release it.

[sputnik]

The day you are happy is the day that you realize that you don't have to impress anyone other than yourself.

[scat19]

No woman, no cry.

[freshprince1]

My grandpa once told me, when you get to the end of your rope, sometimes all you can do is tie a knot and hang on. This helped me a tremendous amount, having gone through some difficult times. Don't compare yourself to others, don't worry about things you cannot change, work hard, learn as much as you can and stay close with your family. I remember having times like you're describing, and I remember when it got better. Be patient, do what you think is right and things ahave a way of working out. Right now what makes me the most happy is my family.

Keep your chin up.

[403Gemini]

Don't dwell on things in the past. You will ALWAYS wonder "What if..." with A LOT of situations in life, and its okay to think about them, but don't DWELL on them.

Honestly, just have physical activity planned for yourself for almost every day of the week and you will be a happier person. I take a bike ride every friday with one of my roommates into fish creek park, other than that I goto the gym and even just 45 min a day makes a huge difference.

[arian_ma]

Damn, a lot of really good view points in this thread.
For once, there is positive conversation going on here.

[JfuckinC]

Fuck bitches make moneyyyyyy.
Haha, but its like van said, Fuck your friends? if my boys ever did that to me i'd lose it and ditch them. But they wouldn't and they didn't, thats how i got through my tough times. Partied that shit out with my friend's, they always had my back. And now they get repaid for it because i would do anything for them and i do.
Having solid friends as support is the best way through anything. At 19 you should be busy as fuck partying and doin what you can while you're young. if things get tough call up the pals and get out of your house. Go anywhere, do anything. Play xbox with them, party with them, go swimming, camping just stay busy.
But it's tough to take advice when you really like someone, i have a tough time taking my own.
Good luck man, lifes too wicked to ge hung up on anyone. :bigpimp:

[rage2]

Originally posted by sputnik
The day you are happy is the day that you realize that you don't have to impress anyone other than yourself.
Words of the wise.


Originally posted by JfuckinC
Haha, but its like van said, Fuck your friends? if my boys ever did that to me i'd lose it and ditch them.
Who cares? I've had friends date my ex before, it's none of my business at that point. It's gonna happen one way or another, and not worth losing a friendship over.

Besides, you get a good laugh at your friend once they break up with the girl for the same reason you broke up with her haha.

There's more things to worry about in life than who your ex is dating.

[jonnycat]

Getting out and doing something where it is impossible to focus on personal issues. Do it enough and your brain will stop coming back to grind on the one issue you are dealing with.

When you are stuck at home, try playing vids, learning guitar, writing a book etc.

[stevieo]

i wish you would step back from the ledge my friend, cut ties with all the lies that you've been living in...and if you dont ever want to see me again i would understanddddd.

[JfuckinC]

Originally posted by rage2

Words of the wise.

Who cares? I've had friends date my ex before, it's none of my business at that point. It's gonna happen one way or another, and not worth losing a friendship over.

Besides, you get a good laugh at your friend once they break up with the girl for the same reason you broke up with her haha.

There's more things to worry about in life than who your ex is dating.

I'm not talking about dating! me and a freind just had a laugh about that this weekend, they broke up for the same reason we stopped see'ing eachother, girls are nuts! But in reality, if you break up with a girl and you good friend goes right after her and your not a little bit mad, either you didnt actually like her or your're retarded? and your friends are garbage haha..

I just mean, if i was a hurtin unit and didnt wanna hit a party cause my fresh ex was there, my friends would be down for anything else. That's what friends are for. But i personally don't worry about those kinda things anymore, im the type to just not care. then the girl always gets awkward, so fun :D

[sputnik]

Originally posted by JfuckinC
I just mean, if i was a hurtin unit and didnt wanna hit a party cause my fresh ex was there, my friends would be down for anything else. That's what friends are for. But i personally don't worry about those kinda things anymore, im the type to just not care. then the girl always gets awkward, so fun :D

Wow. Don't you sound like a pussy.

[JfuckinC]

Originally posted by sputnik


Wow. Don't you sound like a pussy.

Ya dude, you're on to me... :(
I actually dont have any really good friends.. im still hurtin from the only girlfriend i had back in '01... wtf am i supposed to do?

[sputnik]

Originally posted by JfuckinC
I actually dont have any really good friends.. im still hurtin from the only girlfriend i had back in '01... wtf am i supposed to do?

Get over it.

She's gone.

You are still here.

Deal with it.

Move on.

It has been 8 years.

By feeling this way you are basically LETTING her control you and keep you from fulfilling your own destiny.

Do something that makes you happy and quit worrying about other people and what they might think of you.

Be who you are, say what you think, people that matter don't care, and people that care don't matter." -- Dr. Theodore Geisel (aka Dr. Seuss)

[JfuckinC]

Hahaha, thanks man.
I feel free already.
:love:

[ringer]

I always think its wise to take a step back from your situation and think about other people in your life.
People that you care about but maybe have forgot to show it.
I know personally my parents spend so much effort doing nice things for everyone else and when I was in relationships I would think ignore that and focus on some person that was new to my life.
And spend so much effort doing nice things for significant other and no time on the people that have been there since day one.
Maybe if you do something fun with your family or good old friends you will find the part of yourself that you think you've lost?

[TDFTW]

I don't think there is such thing as happy haha. The only thing keeping me alive at this moment is the fact payday is 4 days away and i can go out somewhere and drink lots of beer for once, by myself to boot :)

[Xtrema]

Originally posted by sputnik
The day you are happy is the day that you realize that you don't have to impress anyone other than yourself.

Shit, I'm a hard man to impress! :rofl:

[JfuckinC]

Originally posted by TDFTW
I don't think there is such thing as happy haha. The only thing keeping me alive at this moment is the fact payday is 4 days away and i can go out somewhere and drink lots of beer for once, by myself to boot :)

hey man, you should seriously go check out my other thread... :dunno:

[rage2]

Originally posted by JfuckinC
But in reality, if you break up with a girl and you good friend goes right after her and your not a little bit mad, either you didnt actually like her or your're retarded? and your friends are garbage haha..
Well if I broke up with her, obviously I don't like her lol. So I could care less who she fucks afterwards, friends or not. I'd warn my friend, but I wouldn't get pissed off cuz he's bangin' her. It's not worth losing a friendship.

Funny story, when I was 17, me and a cousin of mine went for the same girl. I ended up dating her for a year, he ended up dating her sister, and we didn't speak to each other for like 3 or 4 years even tho we worked together and saw each other all the time. Now, we laugh about it and make fun of each other over how stupid we were when we were kids.

I guess really, you gotta grow up to realize that there's more to life than stupid shit like that. I mean if you wanna let drama run your life and end friendships, you'll always be miserable.

[TDFTW]

Originally posted by JfuckinC


hey man, you should seriously go check out my other thread... :dunno: I don't drink, I don't even havea beer for my birthday, but that's probly cause nobody seems to remember it.

I like drinking when its hot out tho and im bbq'ing something. i'm defs not an alcoholic

[superboss]

Wow, some of this shits deep!!!

[TDFTW]

alright i'm tying some fucken cynder blocks to my ankles and going for a swim tonight anybody else in?

[Alterac]

If theres someone you can live without, then do so.
And if theres someone you can just shove out, do so.

[gam0s]

went through the same thing man .. all i did was get a hotter gf, tried to concentrate on school haha and stack that money sky high. :D money = happiness for me haha.. of course i have awesome friends and family that are there for me.. but nothing makes me more happy then a late night cruse :D

[gam0s]

Originally posted by arian_ma
Damn, a lot of really good view points in this thread.
For once, there is positive conversation going on here.

LOL HAHAHA true haha wheres all the haters haha

[max_boost]

Originally posted by gam0s


LOL HAHAHA true haha wheres all the haters haha i think the haters hate because they aren't happy so they really can't hate in a thread like this lol :dunno:

[darkkent]

how to be happy ? just be happy, its a choice.

you'll never really be happy looking for someone or something to make you that way.

[jjmac]

Originally posted by sxtothe240
Sometimes you just gotta slow things down and relax.

Grab a beer, watch a movie.

Or if you play golf, i find going to the driving range and hitting a couple buckets of balls feels great especially by yourself. It's got a weird calming effect.

+1

Also what helps me is instead of keeping everything in my head, I write down what's in my head so I don't have to keep it in there, at least its solid on a piece of paper. Afterwards I review it, somehow when I read it, it's easier to find the solution for it.

[jjmac]

Also with regards to what I said, when you write things down, you don't have to worry about forgetting it. Just don't lose the paper.

[brandon]

Originally posted by JfuckinC

im still hurtin from the only girlfriend i had back in '01... wtf am i supposed to do?


Birthday December 31, 1993

:nut:

[JfuckinC]

Originally posted by brandon




:nut:

haha it was joke :nut:
Plus thats not my real birthday ;)

[brandon]

Originally posted by JfuckinC


haha it was joke :nut:
Plus thats not my real birthday ;)

oh, my mistake.. I must have overlooked the fact that everyone wants to fake being 15.

[The_Rural_Juror]

Originally posted by brandon


oh, my mistake.. I must have overlooked the fact that everyone wants to fake being 15.

Not everyone, just the pedophiles.

[JfuckinC]

Originally posted by brandon


oh, my mistake.. I must have overlooked the fact that everyone wants to fake being 15.



Originally posted by The_Rural_Juror


Not everyone, just the pedophiles.


Fuck, you're blowing my cover. :banghead:

[van]

http://www.popartuk.com/g/l/lgpp0127+bungle-george-zippy-rainbow-poster.jpg

[max_boost]

I guess you can start by not looking down lol Keep your head up as they say.

[Gibson]

Someone said something about MP3 player and roller blades. I'm similar to this, with my bicycle.

Sometimes I just like to be by myself to reflect on things. I think the moments when I'm most in touch with myself are the ones where I'm in my car late at night, the temperature is just right, a good tune is playing and it's just you on the road for mile after mile. I went through a pretty low period this past winter (you know, when everything is falling apart) and sometimes the best part of my day was getting in my car and driving home. I was talking to a friend about this and I told him that I think it was because when I'm in my car, I'M in control, and I will go where I want to go because I can.

Other times I like to be surrounded by people that I know love me unconditionally. It feels great to know that I have a great group of core friends who are just a phone call away.

[bigbadboss101]

Yup, friends might walk out on you. Focus on quality friends, not quantity.
I can relate somewhat to what you went through. Some of my 'friends' are hanging with my ex. Not much you can do. Be happy with what you have. Other stuff you cannot control don't sweat.

Love you family, cherish relationships, health.