Shit My Dad Says

[86max]

Got this in an email at work, I've searched so hopefully not a repost.

http://twitter.com/shitmydadsays



"Your brother brought his baby over this morning. He told me it could stand. It couldn't stand for shit. Just sat there. Big let down."

lol

[top_speed]

\:zzz:

[dubol]

I read the first three and I didn't want to read any more. :thumbsdow

[86max]

lol, must've been a long day at work because I found it funny

[TorqueDog]

If I want to know what my dad would say about a particular situation, I just start talking about it.

I've officially admitted that I'm turning into my father.

[BerserkerCatSplat]

Hahaha, that's pretty good.

[Super_Geo]

I thought most of them were pretty fuckin funny! You just gotta get you best old man voice in your head and start reading...



"It's just a fucking june bug, calm down. Jesus Christ, what happens when something bigger than a testicle attacks you?"

"I just did an hour on the gym machine. I'm sweaty and I have to shit. Where's my fannypack, this workout is over."

(watching the Little League World Series) "These kids are all fat. I remember when you were in little league.... You were fat."

"The dog don't like you planting stuff there. It's his backyard. If you're the only one who shits in something, you own it. Remember that."

"How the fuck should I know if it's still good? Eat it. You get sick, it wasn't good. You people, you think I got microscopic fucking eyes."

"Your mother made a batch of meatballs last night. Some are for you, some are for me, but more are for me. Remember that. More. Me."

"The dog is not bored, it's a fucking dog. It's not like he's waiting for me to give him a fucking rubix cube. He's a god damned dog."

[Masked Bandit]

Originally posted by TorqueDog
If I want to know what my dad would say about a particular situation, I just start talking about it.

I've officially admitted that I'm turning into my father.

If you haven't got there yet, just wait until you have kids. IT GETS WORSE!

[Masked Bandit]

I'll throw out a dad-ism:

"You're as clumsy as a bear cub with a hard-on!"


Let's hear some fatherly gold people.

[ExtraSlow]

"Don't touch the bacon, it's not done yet. You let me handle the bacon, and i'll let you handle..what ever it is you do. I guess nothing."

[86max]

Originally posted by Masked Bandit
I'll throw out a dad-ism:

Let's hear some fatherly gold people.

Dad: Why didn't you put away the tools when you were finished!
Me: I thought I did.
Dad: You know what thought did?!
Me: No.
Dad: Thought he farted but he shit himself! Now go put the tools away!

[VaN_HaMMeRSTeiN]

Maybe I think like a Dad, but those are things that I would already say to just about anyone. Yes, I have a foul mouth, but I agree with 99% of the things posted, except the ones referring to having a kid... as far as I know... I have no kids.

[ZorroAMG]

My dad gets away with on purpose freudian slips because he has an accent. These are some of my favs, usually occurring at restaurants, with women around or women servers....

Must do it in a Lebanese accent...

"Bring us somesing to nipple on"

"As far as I am circumsized, you are wrong"

"what I would like to have, for the main intercourse, is the pasta with...."

"I don't like your altitude."



:rofl:

[Rat Fink]

.

[texasnick]

I laughed at some of them.

[Tomaz]

My father

Try to picture a 74 year old British man saying these things:

"Remember son, If she is 10 to 15, it will give you 20 (years in prison)."

"Beauty is only a light switch away."

"Pussy is pussy. It all feels the same."

"The difference between rape and consent is a bottle of gin."

"Rise and shine boys! Take your hands off your cocks and put on your socks! We have a lot of work to do!"

"The nicest thing you can call a woman is a "pussy". They can’t get offended, I like pussy."

[scat19]

Originally posted by Tomaz
My father

Try to picture a 74 year old British man saying these things:

"Remember son, If she is 10 to 15, it will give you 20 (years in prison)."

"Beauty is only a light switch away."

"Pussy is pussy. It all feels the same."

"The difference between rape and consent is a bottle of gin."

"Rise and shine boys! Take your hands off your cocks and put on your socks! We have a lot of work to do!"

"The nicest thing you can call a woman is a "pussy". They can’t get offended, I like pussy."

I've read these elsewhere.......

[Spoons]

Originally posted by scat19


I've read these elsewhere.......

I've read them somewhere AND heard them somewhere. I wonder why?

Oh right, they are well used sayings...

[Xtrema]

Originally posted by Tomaz
"Pussy is pussy. It all feels the same."


http://www.unstructed.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/08/108.jpg

[Spoons]

Originally posted by Xtrema


http://www.unstructed.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/08/108.jpg

Cause that ain't pussy no more. If that picture was to be referenced, it would of been "A canyon is a canyon, you fall in it all the same."

[JordanEG6]

Originally posted by ZorroAMG
My dad gets away with on purpose freudian slips because he has an accent. These are some of my favs, usually occurring at restaurants, with women around or women servers....

Must do it in a Lebanese accent...

"Bring us somesing to nipple on"

"As far as I am circumsized, you are wrong"

"what I would like to have, for the main intercourse, is the pasta with...."

"I don't like your altitude."

:rofl:


:rofl: :rofl:

That is wicked.

[jonnycat]

My dad's favourites;

"Better to keep you mouth closed and be thought of as an idiot, than to open it and remove all doubt"

"I'd have you a battle of wits, but you're unarmed"

"There he goes, verbal diahrhea, blah blah blah blah" I used to be hyperactive

"You and you damn fingerprotis, you just can't stop touching every god damn thing in sight"

In reference to my Goatee; "You know what they call those eh? Shock absorber for cock suckers"

"You know how they say there's one born every minute. You're the exception"

"smokers are smokers because they have a nipple fetish. Go get a girlfriend, nipple are way better than cigarettes"


"Semper in Excreta" he says it's swedish for always in shit

I could do this all day.