Kobe
04-15-2010, 12:05 PM
I don't play basketball, but I found this pretty funny non the less
Found it on facebook
http://www.facebook.com/pages/31-Guys-You-Will-Always-Find-Playing-Pickup-Basketball/112075085477226?ref=nf
1. “Johnny Clear Out” – That one guy on the court that always calls “Iso” every time he gets the ball.
2. “Cross-Country Dribbler” – That one guy on the court, that dribbles for minutes and minutest and makes the game tiring and boring because no one can take the ball from him.
3. “Point Center” – That one big guy on the court that always wants to bring up the ball. He never plays his position and is always hovering around the three-point line, even though he can’t shoot or dribble.
4. “Mr. Excuse” – That one guy on the court that has an excuse for all his bad shots and can never accept that his ball game is just not good.
5. "Rule Book Jones” – That one guy on the court that calls every single NBA call. “Back court violation, 3 in the key, illegal defense, 24 second clock violation, etc.”
6. “Hypothetical Dunker” – That one guy on the court that tells you to throw him a lob, before or during a game, knowing he can’t dunk.
7. “Immovable Fat Guy” – That one guy on the court that is just big, not big as in tall, but big as in round, and you just can’t get around him when he is dribbling or when a shot goes up.
8. “Richard Simmons” – That one guy you know, that always stretches for an unnecessary amount of time, when everyone is waiting for him to start the game.
9. “Player Coach” – That one guy on the court that always has these unrealistic plays in his head and makes you do them during a game. And on defense, always wants to run zone.
10. “40 year old fundamentals” – That one old white guy on the court that plays fundamental basketball, and can shoot the lights out.
11. “Always Fouled Guy” – That one very annoying guy on the court, that always calls foul every time there is some form of contact, even minor ones.
12. “Never Fouls Guy” – That one guy on the court that fouls everyone, plays defense with his hands, will literally do anything for the ball, and always thinks his defense is clean.
13. “Bad Gear Dude” – That one guy that comes to the court and plays in jeans, timbs, and a fitted on, and sometimes even a hoody.
14. “Foot locker Baller” – That one guy that has all the gear needed to play ball, but couldn’t play ball if his life depended on it. (Fresh new Jordans’, wristband, arm sleeve, leg sleeve, headband, mouth guard. Hell he might as well just put on a facemask)
15. “Dr. Quick Skins” – That one guy on the court that’s always quick to scream “Shirts Vs Skins” and then goes skins. During a game he thinks he is doing good, when actually his defender just doesn’t want sweat on him self.
16. “Baller The Kid” – That one kid that’s very good, and no one older then him wants to guard him because they don’t want to get embarrassed.
17. “WNBA” – That one girl that comes to the court and has hips and uses it to box out, hip check, and never stops running. When you end up guarding her, you can’t play her tight, but then at the same time you can’t let her embarrass you, and it’s just awkward because you don’t want to touch anything.
18. “Kid Canada” – That one guy on the court that just because he is white he thinks he can pass like Steve Nash. He gives you bad passes and always blames you for not catching it.
19. “Shoot Around Assholes” – You know the group of guys that are always shooting around on the opposite rim, and then eventually their ball winds up interrupting the game. The first time you give the ball back and tell them to chill, second time you just give them a death glare, and the third time you just boot the ball as far as you can.
20. “The Cherry Picker” – That one guy on the court that has no stamina and never runs back on defense, he stays at your rim and always screams “Outlet!”
21. “The Baller” – That one guy on the court, that’s actually good, and has potential to go somewhere with basketball.
22. “The Fighter” – That one guy on the court that seems to come only to fight.
23. "Hot Sauce” – That one guy on the court that does all the And1 moves and never thinks he is carrying.
24. “Poster Boy” – The guy that comes to the court all dressed up, complains if you step on his basketball shoes, his hair is always in place and always has to stay clean.
25. “Conceited” – The guy that thinks he is so good, and talks shit to you for no reason.
26. “Kobe” – The guy that takes all the shots, never passes, and always screams “Kobe” when he shoots.
27. “Injury Prone” – The one guy on the court that some how always seems to get injured, to the point where when your guarding him you become careful.
28. “Score Cheater” – The one guy on the court, that always cheats the score. You look at him and ask, “Did you fail math? Honestly”.
29. “Jesus” – The guy with a lot of sportsmanship and always tells you, “Don’t worry about it, maybe next time”
30. “The Chucker” – That one guy that can’t lay-up or do anything else, but he can shoot, and as soon as he gets the ball no matter the situation he is shooting.
31. “Justin Darlington” – The guy who has super hops, shows it of by doing unbelievable dunks. But when it comes to 5’s he is absolutely useless.
Then some others
"Prick Foul Caller" - That one guy on the court that goes the hole game without calling foul, but when it's game point he calls every single call possible.
"Unorthodox Baller" - That one guy on the court that has the most awkward movements and seems absolutely uncoordinated, but somehow scores every time because nobody knows how to guard his unpredictable body movements.
"Kobe And Lebron Spokesperson" - The group of people that come to the court, only to argue about who is better, Kobe or Lebron, Like they are getting payed to do so.
"Carried-Away Baller" - The one guy on the court who scores 5 in arow during a game, then demands for the ball the next possesion thinking he is the man only to get an air ball.
"Flopper" - The one guy who brings the game ball, and when it's almost game point, he says he needs to go home and takes the game ball leaving everyone pissed.
"Basketball Noobs" - The people that play other sports, thinking basketball is easy so they decide to try it out, often don't know the rules of pick-up ball (like checking, and 1, etc). They travle, carry, and play terrible dangerous defense, but you don't call them out on it because they don't know the game like you do.
"Mr. I'm In The Wrong Place" - This is the tenth and final person you need in order to play a 5on5 full court pick-up game, without him you can't play. However, he makes it no fun because he creates the biggest mismatch for the other team and is just completely unathletic, basically you were better off playin 4on4.
"Stats Man" - The guy who keeps of all his own stats and informs everyone of how he did in the last game. It doesn't matter if he won or lost but rather how many points, rebounds and assists he had.
"The CN Tower" - The tallest guy on the court, but has no basketball skills what so ever just uses his height to get easy lay-ups then talks shit like he runs the court.
"No Control Bill" - The Quickest guy on the court, will blow by his defender with a clear lane to the bucket and then totally miss the basket.
"Faux Clutch" - That one guy on the court who never tries the whole game but when his team needs one more point to win, he asks for the ball, goes for a three, and air balls.
"The Wash-Up" - The guy who never made it to the college/university level so he hates on everyone who has.
"Crazy Azn" - East Asians that can barely speak english but can light up the court with ridiculously awkward moves and shots. Most deadly when there's a group of childhood friends playing together who have the best team passing and knowledge of where each other is going to be.
"The Meltdown" - The one guy you know who can do it all when your shooting around and in one-on-one, but when it comes to fives, he is invisible.
"Too Intense Timmy" - That one guy on the court that takes the game too seriously. If your on his team and you make a mistake he wilds out, if your on the other team and you call a call on him he wilds out also. Your usuall response to this guy is, "Kay, chill. This is not the NBA.".
"Deffenseless Dennis" - That one guy on the court that plays his heart out on offense, but on defense it's like he is invisible.
"B.O. Baller" – That one guy on the court that always stinks. Usually "Dr. Quick Skins".
"Hoops Hypocrite" - That one guy on the court that's alway telling everyone what to do like, "Set a screen, keep your eyes on the ball, play deffense", but he never does any of it.
"The Balling Bull" - That one guy on the court that charges threw everyone, he dosent believe in offensive foul. His number one excuse is "Okay, but it's street ball"
"Moving Pick Master" - That one guy on the court that always sets illegal picks and screens. This baller is usually "The Balling Bull" and will once again use the "Street Ball" excuse.
"Rebounding Renegade" - That one big guy on the court that gets every single rebound. When your on his team you fall in love with him. When your not on his team it's the worst day of your life. When this player and "Deffenseless Dennis" are on the same team, they never lose.
"Mr. Hustle" - That one guy on the court that always hustles no matter what. He plays his heart out on offense and deffense. Goes for every lose ball even if it seemed impossible to reach.
"Tire You Out Tom" - That one guy on the court that's always running. He isin't very good but he isint shit either. No one passes him the ball but he still runs around. Eventually you get tired and stop chasing him. That's when he slips underneath the basket and gets one in.
"Wrist Sliter" - That one annoying kid on the court that keeps trying to steal the ball but ends up cutting your wrist.
"Mr.Wikipedia"- This guy knows everything about every play about every team, but cant play ball for shit.
The Questioner - this guy will maul you as soon as you go up for a lay-up, but instead of giving you the ball because of the obvious foul, he'll ask you, "Was that a foul" or "You want the ball?"
"Long range Larry" - That one guy on the court that can shoot the lights out from the three point line, but as soon as he steps inside the arc, he's airballin and throwing up bricks. couldin't hit a layup to save his life.
Found it on facebook
http://www.facebook.com/pages/31-Guys-You-Will-Always-Find-Playing-Pickup-Basketball/112075085477226?ref=nf
1. “Johnny Clear Out” – That one guy on the court that always calls “Iso” every time he gets the ball.
2. “Cross-Country Dribbler” – That one guy on the court, that dribbles for minutes and minutest and makes the game tiring and boring because no one can take the ball from him.
3. “Point Center” – That one big guy on the court that always wants to bring up the ball. He never plays his position and is always hovering around the three-point line, even though he can’t shoot or dribble.
4. “Mr. Excuse” – That one guy on the court that has an excuse for all his bad shots and can never accept that his ball game is just not good.
5. "Rule Book Jones” – That one guy on the court that calls every single NBA call. “Back court violation, 3 in the key, illegal defense, 24 second clock violation, etc.”
6. “Hypothetical Dunker” – That one guy on the court that tells you to throw him a lob, before or during a game, knowing he can’t dunk.
7. “Immovable Fat Guy” – That one guy on the court that is just big, not big as in tall, but big as in round, and you just can’t get around him when he is dribbling or when a shot goes up.
8. “Richard Simmons” – That one guy you know, that always stretches for an unnecessary amount of time, when everyone is waiting for him to start the game.
9. “Player Coach” – That one guy on the court that always has these unrealistic plays in his head and makes you do them during a game. And on defense, always wants to run zone.
10. “40 year old fundamentals” – That one old white guy on the court that plays fundamental basketball, and can shoot the lights out.
11. “Always Fouled Guy” – That one very annoying guy on the court, that always calls foul every time there is some form of contact, even minor ones.
12. “Never Fouls Guy” – That one guy on the court that fouls everyone, plays defense with his hands, will literally do anything for the ball, and always thinks his defense is clean.
13. “Bad Gear Dude” – That one guy that comes to the court and plays in jeans, timbs, and a fitted on, and sometimes even a hoody.
14. “Foot locker Baller” – That one guy that has all the gear needed to play ball, but couldn’t play ball if his life depended on it. (Fresh new Jordans’, wristband, arm sleeve, leg sleeve, headband, mouth guard. Hell he might as well just put on a facemask)
15. “Dr. Quick Skins” – That one guy on the court that’s always quick to scream “Shirts Vs Skins” and then goes skins. During a game he thinks he is doing good, when actually his defender just doesn’t want sweat on him self.
16. “Baller The Kid” – That one kid that’s very good, and no one older then him wants to guard him because they don’t want to get embarrassed.
17. “WNBA” – That one girl that comes to the court and has hips and uses it to box out, hip check, and never stops running. When you end up guarding her, you can’t play her tight, but then at the same time you can’t let her embarrass you, and it’s just awkward because you don’t want to touch anything.
18. “Kid Canada” – That one guy on the court that just because he is white he thinks he can pass like Steve Nash. He gives you bad passes and always blames you for not catching it.
19. “Shoot Around Assholes” – You know the group of guys that are always shooting around on the opposite rim, and then eventually their ball winds up interrupting the game. The first time you give the ball back and tell them to chill, second time you just give them a death glare, and the third time you just boot the ball as far as you can.
20. “The Cherry Picker” – That one guy on the court that has no stamina and never runs back on defense, he stays at your rim and always screams “Outlet!”
21. “The Baller” – That one guy on the court, that’s actually good, and has potential to go somewhere with basketball.
22. “The Fighter” – That one guy on the court that seems to come only to fight.
23. "Hot Sauce” – That one guy on the court that does all the And1 moves and never thinks he is carrying.
24. “Poster Boy” – The guy that comes to the court all dressed up, complains if you step on his basketball shoes, his hair is always in place and always has to stay clean.
25. “Conceited” – The guy that thinks he is so good, and talks shit to you for no reason.
26. “Kobe” – The guy that takes all the shots, never passes, and always screams “Kobe” when he shoots.
27. “Injury Prone” – The one guy on the court that some how always seems to get injured, to the point where when your guarding him you become careful.
28. “Score Cheater” – The one guy on the court, that always cheats the score. You look at him and ask, “Did you fail math? Honestly”.
29. “Jesus” – The guy with a lot of sportsmanship and always tells you, “Don’t worry about it, maybe next time”
30. “The Chucker” – That one guy that can’t lay-up or do anything else, but he can shoot, and as soon as he gets the ball no matter the situation he is shooting.
31. “Justin Darlington” – The guy who has super hops, shows it of by doing unbelievable dunks. But when it comes to 5’s he is absolutely useless.
Then some others
"Prick Foul Caller" - That one guy on the court that goes the hole game without calling foul, but when it's game point he calls every single call possible.
"Unorthodox Baller" - That one guy on the court that has the most awkward movements and seems absolutely uncoordinated, but somehow scores every time because nobody knows how to guard his unpredictable body movements.
"Kobe And Lebron Spokesperson" - The group of people that come to the court, only to argue about who is better, Kobe or Lebron, Like they are getting payed to do so.
"Carried-Away Baller" - The one guy on the court who scores 5 in arow during a game, then demands for the ball the next possesion thinking he is the man only to get an air ball.
"Flopper" - The one guy who brings the game ball, and when it's almost game point, he says he needs to go home and takes the game ball leaving everyone pissed.
"Basketball Noobs" - The people that play other sports, thinking basketball is easy so they decide to try it out, often don't know the rules of pick-up ball (like checking, and 1, etc). They travle, carry, and play terrible dangerous defense, but you don't call them out on it because they don't know the game like you do.
"Mr. I'm In The Wrong Place" - This is the tenth and final person you need in order to play a 5on5 full court pick-up game, without him you can't play. However, he makes it no fun because he creates the biggest mismatch for the other team and is just completely unathletic, basically you were better off playin 4on4.
"Stats Man" - The guy who keeps of all his own stats and informs everyone of how he did in the last game. It doesn't matter if he won or lost but rather how many points, rebounds and assists he had.
"The CN Tower" - The tallest guy on the court, but has no basketball skills what so ever just uses his height to get easy lay-ups then talks shit like he runs the court.
"No Control Bill" - The Quickest guy on the court, will blow by his defender with a clear lane to the bucket and then totally miss the basket.
"Faux Clutch" - That one guy on the court who never tries the whole game but when his team needs one more point to win, he asks for the ball, goes for a three, and air balls.
"The Wash-Up" - The guy who never made it to the college/university level so he hates on everyone who has.
"Crazy Azn" - East Asians that can barely speak english but can light up the court with ridiculously awkward moves and shots. Most deadly when there's a group of childhood friends playing together who have the best team passing and knowledge of where each other is going to be.
"The Meltdown" - The one guy you know who can do it all when your shooting around and in one-on-one, but when it comes to fives, he is invisible.
"Too Intense Timmy" - That one guy on the court that takes the game too seriously. If your on his team and you make a mistake he wilds out, if your on the other team and you call a call on him he wilds out also. Your usuall response to this guy is, "Kay, chill. This is not the NBA.".
"Deffenseless Dennis" - That one guy on the court that plays his heart out on offense, but on defense it's like he is invisible.
"B.O. Baller" – That one guy on the court that always stinks. Usually "Dr. Quick Skins".
"Hoops Hypocrite" - That one guy on the court that's alway telling everyone what to do like, "Set a screen, keep your eyes on the ball, play deffense", but he never does any of it.
"The Balling Bull" - That one guy on the court that charges threw everyone, he dosent believe in offensive foul. His number one excuse is "Okay, but it's street ball"
"Moving Pick Master" - That one guy on the court that always sets illegal picks and screens. This baller is usually "The Balling Bull" and will once again use the "Street Ball" excuse.
"Rebounding Renegade" - That one big guy on the court that gets every single rebound. When your on his team you fall in love with him. When your not on his team it's the worst day of your life. When this player and "Deffenseless Dennis" are on the same team, they never lose.
"Mr. Hustle" - That one guy on the court that always hustles no matter what. He plays his heart out on offense and deffense. Goes for every lose ball even if it seemed impossible to reach.
"Tire You Out Tom" - That one guy on the court that's always running. He isin't very good but he isint shit either. No one passes him the ball but he still runs around. Eventually you get tired and stop chasing him. That's when he slips underneath the basket and gets one in.
"Wrist Sliter" - That one annoying kid on the court that keeps trying to steal the ball but ends up cutting your wrist.
"Mr.Wikipedia"- This guy knows everything about every play about every team, but cant play ball for shit.
The Questioner - this guy will maul you as soon as you go up for a lay-up, but instead of giving you the ball because of the obvious foul, he'll ask you, "Was that a foul" or "You want the ball?"
"Long range Larry" - That one guy on the court that can shoot the lights out from the three point line, but as soon as he steps inside the arc, he's airballin and throwing up bricks. couldin't hit a layup to save his life.