Do You Think Cheaters Can Change? [Archive] - Beyond.ca - Car Forums

Graham_A_M

01-28-2011, 11:57 PM

Im sorry to hear it happened:thumbsdow

It is possible for them to change, but thats not always the case. Its a very personal thing; entirely dependent on the person & details, that is if you're willing to disclose more info. As of right now its tough to properly answer that.
Most times if you handled it properly they wont do it again, either that or at the very least they'll learn how to cover their mistakes for the next time it happens.

Either way, the person knowingly abused your trust and any respect he may have had for you, so I wouldn't give them a second chance unless there are some really odd details to the story.
If it was just "Im sorry it happened so quickly" type things then no, its over. That same sort of "instance" can and will happen again, to which this drama will repeat itself.
Most times with girls, all the times they've been cheated on were "accidents" and they honestly believe the guy is better then that. So they keep coming back. It just rips my heart out, you have no idea. Sickening to see the games some guys play.

BlackArcher101

01-28-2011, 11:58 PM

Nope

yellowsnow

01-29-2011, 12:00 AM

everyone's different. just ask... why are they going to change?

personally, i wouldn't. there's no reason to cheat on someone. just break it off with the other person first if you're serious. their morals let them cheat once, what's stopping them again?

baygirl

01-29-2011, 12:01 AM

Originally posted by Graham_A_M
Im sorry to hear it happened:thumbsdow

It is possible for them to change, but that's not always the case. Its a very personal thing; entirely dependent on the person & details, that is if you're willing to disclose more info. As of right now its tough to properly answer that.
A lifetime ago I was with someone who cheated on their gf to be with me. He's kind of back in my life now, and I'm trying to decide how much I can trust him. I just want some objective opinions...

nykz

01-29-2011, 12:04 AM

I wouldn't trust him, if he cheated on her to be with you, he will very likely and easily cheat on you to be with someone else. Its far too risky, but if its the risk your willing to take because he may have changed, then maybe its worth a shot.

Graham_A_M

01-29-2011, 12:04 AM

Originally posted by baygirl

A lifetime ago I was with someone who cheated on their gf to be with me. He's kind of back in my life now, and I'm trying to decide how much I can trust him. I just want some objective opinions...

Quick response! read the last paragraph I edited in, I think that may help. :)

LadyLuck

01-29-2011, 12:09 AM

Been on both sides of the fence, got cheated on and was the cheater.

From the cheating perspective, yeh it was fun, but to be honest I would never think about doing it again...the pain I put someone through by doing that was definitely not worth it, although I did meet someone amazing by doing it.
:poosie:

As for being cheated on, it sucked...and was a harsh reminder that I wouldnt want to put someone else through it.

People make mistakes, by making those mistakes some people CAN realize what they have and can possibly loose it for a quick fling. But then theres people that never learn from it and they enjoy the rush of fooling around behind someones back.

If you're not sure whether or not you should trust him, talk to him about it...lay it out before it gets too serious and you get too attached.

shawtie

01-29-2011, 12:10 AM

What made the relationship end with him before? I guess some cheaters can change......the way they lie and sneak around that is.

I wouldn't trust him!

sugoi240

01-29-2011, 12:12 AM

Didn't they do some sort of survey on this and backed it all up with facts long ago?

I don't think they will change, you can't change a person,
a person must want to change themselves.

I personally won't trust that kind of person, and I'm sure
everyone here agrees.

My question is, "Is he worth it? knowing you could get really hurt?"

Your answer is the only one that counts.

baygirl

01-29-2011, 12:18 AM

Originally posted by LadyLuck

If you're not sure whether or not you should trust him, talk to him about it...lay it out before it gets too serious and you get too attached.
I have talked to him about it. Me being me, I don't hide my feelings or my thoughts. He swears I was the only one worth the risk of losing it all.

Originally posted by shawtie
What made the relationship end with him before? I guess some cheaters can change......the way they lie and sneak around that is.

I wouldn't trust him!
The relationship ended (after 6 months) when he moved to Calgary.

While I've been 'the other woman', I've never been cheated on, or cheated myself, so that's part of the reason I'm having trouble figuring things out. And even though I don't trust easily, I do like to believe in the good in people.

:dunno:

Tik-Tok

01-29-2011, 12:21 AM

Originally posted by baygirl
Like the title says, do you think cheaters can change? More importantly would you be able to trust someone who has cheated on you, or cheated on their significant other to be with you?

Depends on the personality/situations.

Habitual cheaters will always cheat. The type of person who has cheated more than once, on more than one person.

Someone who cheated once, or only on one person, may not repeat offend. My wife is one of these people, she cheated on her boyfriend before me, with a few people, but her b/f was an abusing, controlling, self-centered asshole who cheated on her. I highly doubt she would do that to me.

shawtie

01-29-2011, 12:26 AM

If you are already worried about it, I don't think its a good situation to put yourself in. You are always going to wonder what he might be doing and you will drive yourself crazy with it!

If you don't trust him, don't be with him...It wont work.

JAYMEZ

01-29-2011, 12:39 AM

Give it a go and see how it works out?

Melinda

01-29-2011, 12:41 AM

I think it depends on the situation and the person. I've known some people who cheated, felt awful and never did it again and some who brag about it and think it's a fun game. It really is dependant on who this guy is and what else he has going for him to prove himself in other areas.

Kloubek

01-29-2011, 12:49 AM

People cheat for different reasons, and those who do may or may not learn from the experience. Perhaps someone felt it was their only way out of a really bad relationship. Maybe the couple was engaged in a fight and one of the parties felt it was a way to get back, or to escape.

But I will tell you this: I would never trust someone again who cheated on me. And if someone is taken back after cheating, it is usually that much easier for them to do it again. I mean, what's stopping them the second time? They were already accepted back before.

Furthermore, I believe that someone who cheats shows that their own feelings and desires are by far more important than that of their significant other. Again, if the relationship is in bad shape it is a little more understandable to accept that viewpoint... but in no cases should anyone not care about hurting others.

Finally I suppose it is *possible* people cheat in part due to immaturity, and not realizing how much if can affect others. However, I wouldn't hold my breath that his cheating was due in part to that.

You ask if you can trust him. Maybe you can, maybe you can't. But wouldn't you rather be involved with someone you *know* you can trust? I believe it is one of the absolute cornerstones of a relationship, and a relationship will often fail without just that one thing alone.

There are plenty of fish out there. Why risk a shark?

derpderp

01-29-2011, 12:50 AM

Really it becomes principals at this point for me, if someone cheated on me it would be over and I would never be able to trust them again and would probably develop a jealousy problem.

But that is just me and of course the situation is much different in very long term situations and marriages though.

JordanEG6

01-29-2011, 12:56 AM

Nope...dude is done, son.

Move on.

baygirl

01-29-2011, 01:17 AM

Originally posted by Melinda
I think it depends on the situation and the person. I've known some people who cheated, felt awful and never did it again and some who brag about it and think it's a fun game. It really is dependant on who this guy is and what else he has going for him to prove himself in other areas.
I know when we were together the guilt was eating away at him...

He is THAT ex for me. The one who was always in the back of my head, the one every other man is compared to, the only one I've ever wondered what if... And when I said it was a lifetime ago I meant it-it's been 10 years and all the feelings are still there...I don't know what's scares me more:taking a chance and trusting him, or walking away and spending another 10 years wondering.

The stupid part of it all is that the last thing I want right now is anything serious, but I know with him, it will be...fml

Hakkola

01-29-2011, 02:06 AM

Don't know if people change or what, but if it were me, I'd say fuck it and give them a chance., Things could work out, and if not you might get a little hurt but whatever, maybe that shit won't be on the back of your mind after.

I'd rather try and fail then live passing on opportunities. Just fuckin go for it yo.

rufi0

01-29-2011, 02:14 AM

Trust is like a mirror, once you break it, sure you can try to glue it back, but you'll still see the cracks...

And cheaters will always cheat so I vote no. :thumbsdow

SlickA70

01-29-2011, 02:37 AM

Originally posted by baygirl

I know when we were together the guilt was eating away at him...

He is THAT ex for me. The one who was always in the back of my head, the one every other man is compared to, the only one I've ever wondered what if... And when I said it was a lifetime ago I meant it-it's been 10 years and all the feelings are still there...I don't know what's scares me more:taking a chance and trusting him, or walking away and spending another 10 years wondering.

The stupid part of it all is that the last thing I want right now is anything serious, but I know with him, it will be...fml

It would appear your mind is made regardless of what anyone will tell you.

Sounds to me like your justifying the pros to yourself and having the cons reiterated back to you for some sort of mental security.

My personal opinion?

There are 6 billion people in the world. :dunno:

J-hop

01-29-2011, 02:43 AM

question OP, when you say it was 10 years ago about how old would he be? I ask this as I think sometimes you have to write it off as adolescent stupidity. When you are young and still trying to define yourself as a person you may do a lot of stupid shit you're not proud of.

But on that same note if the guy was well into his twenties where you are more or less passed the experimental stage, you have a firm grasp of who you are as a person and where your moral boundaries are I would be a lot more hesitant to attempt to make a go of it with him. I know we are a little more complex than dogs but that old saying you can't teach an old dog new tricks definitely has some validity to it. If a person hasn't defined cheating as being outside their moral bounds by the time they are say 25 or so then chances of them extending their bounds to incorporate this may be slim unless it was a traumatic and life changing experience. Just my 2 cents though...

CMW403

01-29-2011, 03:05 AM

I think we should have a separate beyond section for Love, right below Fashion.

TomcoPDR

01-29-2011, 03:14 AM

Originally posted by Graham_A_M
Im sorry to hear it happened:thumbsdow

It is possible for them to change, but thats not always the case. Its a very personal thing; entirely dependent on the person & details, that is if you're willing to disclose more info. As of right now its tough to properly answer that.
Most times if you handled it properly they wont do it again, either that or at the very least they'll learn how to cover their mistakes for the next time it happens.

Either way, the person knowingly abused your trust and any respect he may have had for you, so I wouldn't give them a second chance unless there are some really odd details to the story.
If it was just "Im sorry it happened so quickly" type things then no, its over. That same sort of "instance" can and will happen again, to which this drama will repeat itself.
Most times with girls, all the times they've been cheated on were "accidents" and they honestly believe the guy is better then that. So they keep coming back. It just rips my heart out, you have no idea. Sickening to see the games some guys play.

I think this pretty much sums everything. And yea, IMO once a cheater, always...

That goes for both personal (relationship), business (business partners, landlord/tenants), employment, etc... I always write a "lot" of info in my Beyond paragraphs or the way I make deals with people (even someone asking me for a simple "dent repair", I'd write them a half page detailed description of what needs to be done, what price, etc...), I just like to lay out all the rules and put everything on the table. So for someone to not follow through what was agreed from there end once I've done mine, that's cheating. I would never ever trust lowlifes like that.

People who cheats THINKS it's about pushing the limits, or seeing how much the other party can take it up the arse... But IMO, it truely reflects mostly on themselves. I'm a little too old to dream about the whole "Karma will catch up to them bullshit" because sometimes it doesn't (and hey some cheaters are always ahead in life)... Regardless of this Karma bullshit, ultimately cheaters will run into situations where nobody could help them but themselves.

One of the small rental house I manage for my parents for the past 10 years, now that I'm not in high school anymore I got too much of my own shit. So these tenants lasped 5 months worth of rent (yea, I was so busy and they fed me BS this and that, so I'm just like whatever)... they thought they could CHEAT the system, but hey finally last week I called them up, gave them an ultimatum... used simple words: "Hey guys, you ain't cheating me lasping rent for half a year, I don't give a shit, it's not my house, my parents had it for 20 years, it ain't even my money you're paying... BUT you're just gonna have to pay rent so that I can keep it running to be keeping your ass and your newborn in there... you ain't cheating me, ultimately you're gonna be outta a place to stay" Sooooo within 1 week they came up with 70% of the arrears and asked for a payment plan... guess we'll see where it goes.

OP, does this guy really mean a lot to you??? I mean in theory, Beyond has over 80,000 eighty thousand penises... :dunno:

^^ Edit: Ok, so if he's always the one you've been thinking about... (not sure if you've answered) Is he married, with kids? (will this fuck up his current situation), and will it fuck up yours as well... Secondly, are you willing to bare the consequence of both your actions if you get together (meaning great if it goes well, but can you handle it when it goes to hell)... I'll say it again, Beyond has lots and lots of penises ;)

SlickA70

01-29-2011, 03:14 AM

Originally posted by CMW403
I think we should have a separate beyond section for Love, right below Fashion.

Hold on...

... We have a fashion section?

:nut:

EDIT: I'm a r-tard lol.

Ruggzy_McTuggz

01-29-2011, 03:52 AM

Originally posted by Graham_A_M
It just rips my heart out, you have no idea. Sickening to see the games some guys play.

Does it just rip your heart out? ... Turn in your man card, that was the fruitiest sentence I have read in weeks.

95teetee

01-29-2011, 08:46 AM

Originally posted by baygirl

A lifetime ago I was with someone who cheated on their gf to be with me.

I read this, and thought 'maybe she didn't know he was cheating on this other woman at the time...'

but then I read this:

Originally posted by baygirl

I know when we were together the guilt was eating away at him...
so you knew he was cheating, and you were 'the other woman'.
So maybe he's the one who should worry:dunno:

(just kidding about that last part. Sort of:D)

Cos

01-29-2011, 08:55 AM

If she cheated when she was dating or married to someone else maybe. If she cheated on me hell no.

tom_9109

01-29-2011, 09:24 AM

Baygirl, you should probably just come out for dinner and drinks with me and forget all your worries :)

Sugarphreak

01-29-2011, 09:32 AM

....

baygirl

01-29-2011, 09:48 AM

Originally posted by 95teetee

so you knew he was cheating, and you were 'the other woman'.
So maybe he's the one who should worry:dunno:

(just kidding about that last part. Sort of:D)

Originally posted by Sugarphreak

Becides if you knew he was involved with somebody else you are just as guilty as him anyway; likely you both share a similar values on lust, love and relationships. So ask yourself, when the lust is gone... would you cheat on him?
I would never cheat on him, or anyone. He is the only time I've ever been the other woman, and don't we all make mistakes when we're young and stupid? Live and learn...

And the majority of responses in this thread are telling me the same thing my gut is, move on. A part of me thinks that having the answers I didn't have for the past 10 years will make it easier to do this time around.

Sugarphreak

01-29-2011, 09:52 AM

...

se7en

01-29-2011, 10:00 AM

if ya want, we can have a candle lit dinner at your place and discuss this....

edit:

dammit tom...saw u were there first.

msommers

01-29-2011, 10:04 AM

One of my best friends cheated on his girlfriend of like 3 or 4 years. He still regrets doing it so I can't see him pulling that shit again.

But still, I'm of the thought that once a cheater...

AutodreamFrank

01-29-2011, 10:36 AM

Originally posted by baygirl

A lifetime ago I was with someone who cheated on their gf to be with me.

I myself would never put myself in that situation. solely for the stress factor of what your going through right now. If I liked a girl but she was with a guy, I would want her to make the decision to end it first.

Originally posted by Graham_A_M
It just rips my heart out, you have no idea. Sickening to see the games some guys play.

Sorry dude, but Man up..... I've been cheated on, and I have never cheated on anyone. Yes it sucks, but life moves on. You get stronger, it's part of "the game" It's unfortunate that some people don't know that fucking with emotions can change/hurt someone forever. But it's life and it's something your going to have to deal with, cause the game isn't going anywhere.

Baygirl You want my Objective Opinion?

Go for it. You can't help who you fall in like with, but you can make decisions for yourself and know what YOU can tolerate. If it doesn't work out and that trust has been broken, just keep your chin up and know that this is another step closer to finding that guy your really suppose to be with.

p.s. For all of you that say once a cheater, always a cheater..... Bullshit. Not everyone is like that. My friend was a cheater and she cheated on her boyfriends at the time. Then she found that guy, she hasn't cheated since and now she's married to him. true story.

Graham_A_M

01-29-2011, 11:24 AM

Originally posted by Ruggzy_McTuggz

Does it just rip your heart out? ... Turn in your man card, that was the fruitiest sentence I have read in weeks.
LOL
When it happens to a couple chick friends, that you care about yeah it hurts.

Im not entirely sure whats fruity about not wanting to see your good friends be hurt and submitted to repeating complexes of someone THEY care about.

ekguy

01-29-2011, 11:30 AM

Originally posted by LadyLuck
Been on both sides of the fence, got cheated on and was the cheater.

From the cheating perspective, yeh it was fun, but to be honest I would never think about doing it again...the pain I put someone through by doing that was definitely not worth it, although I did meet someone amazing by doing it.
:poosie:

As for being cheated on, it sucked...and was a harsh reminder that I wouldnt want to put someone else through it.

People make mistakes, by making those mistakes some people CAN realize what they have and can possibly loose it for a quick fling. But then theres people that never learn from it and they enjoy the rush of fooling around behind someones back.

If you're not sure whether or not you should trust him, talk to him about it...lay it out before it gets too serious and you get too attached.

being cheated on is the worse feeling...I wouldn't want to put someone through that...Although I've been "the other guy" I didn't make the choice, and I actually wanted to be with the girl...But still...Cheating is never the answer...Ever...

I've been cheated on a few times because I was too nice and trusting and maybe not assertive enough and it sucked big time. Now I can't trust girls whatsoever. I also am not mr nice guy like I used to be. Funny how now that I don't act all nice I manage to pull in a chick a week and i've only been single for a month and a half...Don't understand it...Guess nice guys do finish last haha.

Kloubek

01-29-2011, 11:52 AM

Originally posted by Ruggzy_McTuggz

Does it just rip your heart out? ... Turn in your man card, that was the fruitiest sentence I have read in weeks.

I have to admit, I lol'd at your reply. But honestly, I know where Graham's thoughts are coming from.

When it happened to me, it was the one largest single burst of emotional pain I had ever experienced. Seriously felt like an AK47 had been unloaded into my chest. And as I mentioned before, that was in a relationship that was failing. If I was an emotional chick (though I *am* pretty emotional for a guy), and was in what I considered to be a loving relationship and that happened to me, I couldn't fathom the kind of emotional pain it would cause. It would be beyond enormous.

Knowing that is why I couldn't possibly do this to someone while in a relationship. The closest I ever came was when a gf and I were seriously discussing breaking up and I took a trip out of town to think about things, and ended up screwing another chick. The day I returned, I broke up for good. Besides the physical reasons, I think I did it because I knew I could not live with myself knowing I had cheated, so I had no choice but to break up with her. (It worked, I suppose)

zipdoa

01-29-2011, 02:06 PM

I cheated once in a LTR. Made me sick with guilt and eventually broke up with the induvidual because of it. I told them I was no good and not worth being with and that none of the breakup was their fault, I simply wasn't worth their time. I was physically sick over the breakup and the cheating for months afterward.

After this experience, I vowed to myself that I would never cheat again. Subsequently, my drinking habit diminished considerably. I'm in another LTR now and have never even considered cheating. After the emotional rollercoaster I endured, it wouldn't even be worth it no matter what the circumstances.

I never told my ex that I cheated until two years later. I thought telling them might give me some closure, which it didn't really. Just stirred the pot so to speak. Dumb idea.

CUG

01-29-2011, 02:16 PM

Originally posted by baygirl
Like the title says, 1.)do you think cheaters can change? More importantly 2.)would you be able to trust someone who has cheated on you, or cheated on their significant other to be with you? 1.) It depends on the type of cheater they are. If it's in their bio to cheat, and they're unemotional consumers of all vagina, well no I don't. The ones who did it once are the exception, not the rule.
2.)I could trust that they would probably cheat again, so the doubt and ambiguity is gone; it's still trust though.

I haven't cheated. It's quite easy to just break up with a girl instead of making a possible enemy out of her by screwing girls behind her back.

Accord_tunerx

01-29-2011, 02:25 PM

once a cheater alwasy a cheater.

happen to to me already. it sucks when its with a friend that you know too.
long story short. my exgf was hanging out with my friend no biggie, till i left town just for family stuff. during that week, on my way back, couple of my real friends texted me and told me.
confronted the guy she cheated with, he had no words.

its life, take chances, get hurt. learn and never try to do it again.

JordanEG6

01-29-2011, 02:34 PM

Originally posted by baygirl

I would never cheat on him, or anyone. He is the only time I've ever been the other woman, and don't we all make mistakes when we're young and stupid? Live and learn...

And the majority of responses in this thread are telling me the same thing my gut is, move on. A part of me thinks that having the answers I didn't have for the past 10 years will make it easier to do this time around.

Exactly. Move on.

If he was willing to leave his sig other for you, he might do the same thing in a similar scenario with another girl.

I know someone who has been the other girl. They are married now, but they do have trust issues. Dudes not allowed to go out unless she is with him or unless there are other parties present to keep an eye on him. I'm pretty sure she snoops around his e-mails too.

You want to be able to give all your trust. You can't simply do so that with these type of guys, no matter how much you think they've 'changed'.

But that isn't always the case.

baygirl

01-29-2011, 03:00 PM

Originally posted by TomcoPDR

I think this pretty much sums everything. And yea, IMO once a cheater, always...

That goes for both personal (relationship), business (business partners, landlord/tenants), employment, etc... I just like to lay out all the rules and put everything on the table. So for someone to not follow through what was agreed from there end once I've done mine, that's cheating. I would never ever trust lowlifes like that.

People who cheats THINKS it's about pushing the limits, or seeing how much the other party can take it up the arse... But IMO, it truely reflects mostly on themselves.

One of the small rental house I manage for my parents for the past 10 years, now that I'm not in high school anymore I got too much of my own shit. So these tenants lasped 5 months worth of rent (yea, I was so busy and they fed me BS this and that, so I'm just like whatever)... they thought they could CHEAT the system, but hey finally last week I called them up, gave them an ultimatum... used simple words: "Hey guys, you ain't cheating me lasping rent for half a year, I don't give a shit, it's not my house, my parents had it for 20 years, it ain't even my money you're paying... BUT you're just gonna have to pay rent so that I can keep it running to be keeping your ass and your newborn in there... you ain't cheating me, ultimately you're gonna be outta a place to stay" Sooooo within 1 week they came up with 70% of the arrears and asked for a payment plan... guess we'll see where it goes.

It's cases like this that makes me wonder about people. I have a friend who owns property, the tenent bailed with no notice, and without paying last months rent. When she was asked why she didn't pay, her response was "He didn't ask for it.":rolleyes: B@#$h

Anyways, back on topic. I have decided that while I want him in my life, it will be as friends only, because he means to much to me to walk away completely. Let's see how that works...

Accord_tunerx

01-29-2011, 03:37 PM

being friends is gonna be alot harder on yourself.
i pretty drove myself nuts when my ex gf who cheated on me wanted to be friends, just couldnt come to it.
i wish you the best of luck.

Graham_A_M

01-29-2011, 06:09 PM

Originally posted by zipdoa
I cheated once in a LTR. Made me sick with guilt and eventually broke up with the induvidual because of it. I told them I was no good and not worth being with and that none of the breakup was their fault, I simply wasn't worth their time. I was physically sick over the breakup and the cheating for months afterward.

After this experience, I vowed to myself that I would never cheat again. Subsequently, my drinking habit diminished considerably. I'm in another LTR now and have never even considered cheating. After the emotional rollercoaster I endured, it wouldn't even be worth it no matter what the circumstances.

I never told my ex that I cheated until two years later. I thought telling them might give me some closure, which it didn't really. Just stirred the pot so to speak. Dumb idea.

Thats a good example of why I believe it depends a lot on the person.

racerjim

01-29-2011, 07:07 PM

The answer is NO. NO. NO 100 times over.

Once a cheater always, i wish i knew that about my ex-wife. she cheated on the previous 2 relationship she had, and then on our marriage.

I say walk away like he never came back.

max_boost

01-29-2011, 08:51 PM

People cheat all the time and for a lot of different reasons. No I'm not condoning it but without being the situation, I can't judge others for their actions.

A wise man once said, if you have a hot chick in the room and you don't sleep with her, you are cheating yourself. :eek: :rofl:

Anyway, people can change and will change for the right person.

boarderfatty

01-30-2011, 05:05 PM

Being a habitual cheater myself here is my opinion. The more I cheat the easier it gets. I have found that I have been getting less emotionally involved in relationships as time progresses, it also helps that I always consider myself in an open relationship.

I think it is possible to curb the cheating in a person, you just have to make sure that they know it is a committed relationship and somehow get them emotionally attached to you/the relationship etc.

I would be much more worried about dating a liar versus a cheater. I may cheat, but I will never lie about it. If anybody I am seeing asks me about my past, I will tell them that I have cheated, if they ask if I have ever slept with someone else while seeing them, I will answer honestly, if they ask about how I feel about our relationship.

I will never lie to someone I sleep with. If they can open up to me physically, the least I can do is remain open and honest to them emotionally. Though if they don't ask I usually won't tell, or I won't stop them from believing their assumptions are true.

JordanEG6

01-30-2011, 05:18 PM

Originally posted by max_boost

A wise man once said, if you have a hot chick in the room and you don't sleep with her, you are cheating yourself. :eek: :rofl:

So wise, he's got his own forum. :thumbsup:

Idiot Stick

01-30-2011, 06:49 PM

No. My scenario went a little like this;

She cheated on her 'abusive cheating ex' with me as an 'out'.

We dated for 6 months. Gut feeling said something was wrong, but couldn't figure it out. Broke up before she had a trip to North Carolina.

6 months later, we met up. She said she was single but didn't want a relationship since she was in uni. We friends with benefit'd for a while. I found out about her boyfriend. They've been dating since about 2 months before our relationship ended

6 months after that, we start talking again. She has same boyfriend. I stayed my distance. Friend found her on plenty of fish, and showed me a convo with her.

Year after that, she emails me. still has same boyfriend, tells me things are going in the shitter. She wants a friend. I don't see her but she texts me all day every day, tells me she loves me, she's not sleeping with her bf etc etc. Her boyfriend goes away for 3 weeks. She gets pregnant (NOT mine). Wants me to be there for her. I decline as I have found a WAY better girl that I can TRUST.

She now will text me and FB message me once every couple weeks. I ignore them.

LOL!

Kavy

01-30-2011, 09:16 PM

I think this thread is hilarious.

The reason?

Regardless of what anyone says you will sleep with him again.

Singulari

01-30-2011, 09:52 PM

Skyline_Addict

01-30-2011, 09:55 PM

depends why they're cheating in the first place.

baygirl

01-30-2011, 09:58 PM

Originally posted by Kavy
I think this thread is hilarious.

The reason?

Regardless of what anyone says you will sleep with him again.
Nope, I made the decision to walk away.

Originally posted by Singulari
You should go for what your feelings say. Maybe, he could end up being the one for you. People could always change regardless of their previous actions. I suggest you openly talk to him about this instead of going behind his back and posting it in a local online forum. You may never know if he has read this thread or not.
I have actually told him about this thread, and told him to read it. I have nothing to hide from him.

CUG

01-30-2011, 10:12 PM

^ Hey Baygirl, did you ask this same question on Yahoo answers? I saw it almost verbatim over there and *MY* answer was chosen as best :D

Graham_A_M

01-30-2011, 10:14 PM

^ Link or it didn't happen.

Mitsu3000gt

01-30-2011, 10:17 PM

IMO cheating is the lowest of the low. I don't much care if the person would do it again or not, the fact they did speaks volumes about their character. I've never been on either side of the fence personally, but that is how I would react.

CUG

01-30-2011, 10:18 PM

http://ca.answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=An2LG42VDIPKrJACKcDnOV8vOXRG;_ylv=3?qid=20110129091449AAS1Lc0 :rofl:

jaykay bro, jaykay, but no.

vengie

01-30-2011, 10:20 PM

Once a cheater always a cheater

Singulari

01-30-2011, 10:42 PM

boarderfatty

01-31-2011, 12:52 AM

Originally posted by Singulari
I'm sorry to go and switch the subject from the OP but if I recall correctly, didn't boarderfatty run away from a woman while in bed? I believe her mother was also diagnosed with cancer, no?

Almost her mother had cancer and was having seizures. the GF at the time needed me to sleep with her (GF not the mother) Thing is I hate sleeping with people, I always sleep by myself. So I was trying to find a way to get out of bed without waking her so I could go sleep by myself.

Later I did run away, well sort of, she kinda dumped me. I guess I wasn't being supportive enough or some BS so she said we needed a break, I immediately sought the companionship of another female, which I guess you aren't supposed to do on a break?

Singulari

02-02-2011, 02:25 PM

spikerS

02-14-2011, 08:15 PM

Originally posted by baygirl
Like the title says, do you think cheaters can change? More importantly would you be able to trust someone who has cheated on you, or cheated on their significant other to be with you?

Quite simply and truthfully, No, they can't.

want to know how I know? Ask my how my Valentines went, and how I am the fucking asshole because my soon to be ex wife thinks it's ok to cheat on me, and each time I take her back, and that it is ok that they are still friends according to her.

yeah yeah, I am a fucking idiot. whatever.

Anyone know a good divorce Lawyer?

bourge73

02-14-2011, 08:24 PM

To me Baygirl the thing is once you cheat the damage is not repairable, every time you argue or fight it will come up, every time he is out without you, etc... you will think I wonder if he is cheating and blah blah blah ? not worth it IMO.

I do think however people do change, (maybe he was young, dumb and full of c*m) relationships try and change after a cheat but they really never do. In the end its all about trust.

C_Dave45

02-14-2011, 08:37 PM

Originally posted by spikers

Quite simply and truthfully, No, they can't.

want to know how I know? Ask my how my Valentines went, and how I am the fucking asshole because my soon to be ex wife thinks it's ok to cheat on me, and each time I take her back, and that it is ok that they are still friends according to her.

yeah yeah, I am a fucking idiot. whatever.

Anyone know a good divorce Lawyer?

Whoa. Sorry to hear that Spikers. :(

spikerS

02-14-2011, 09:18 PM

Originally posted by C_Dave45

Whoa. Sorry to hear that Spikers. :(

Thanks Dave.

I think it is time for this fat cowboy to find some rebound sex. Bah, who am I kidding. i need to go for a beer and get beat up.

zipdoa

02-14-2011, 09:19 PM

ekguy

02-14-2011, 10:09 PM

JordanEG6

02-14-2011, 10:54 PM

baygirl

02-14-2011, 11:44 PM

shawtie

02-14-2011, 11:52 PM

Cooked Rice

02-15-2011, 03:27 AM

Rarely...

Actually, nah.

turbotrip

02-15-2011, 03:59 AM

There isn't a person on this earth not capable of change. The question is if you are worth enough to him to change for.

takkyu

02-15-2011, 10:37 AM

Disoblige

02-15-2011, 10:44 AM

I strongly believe cheaters are one of the lower scum of society. Not as bad as rapists, criminals, whatever, but definitely down there. And honestly, those who encourage cheating (i.e. still try to do things even if they know they would ruin a relationship or another person's relationship, etc.) are just as bad.

Pathetic losers. :)

You can all avoid this by sniping it in the bud if you can help it. It is not worth it, and really do you want to waste your time with it?

Originally posted by spikers

Quite simply and truthfully, No, they can't.

want to know how I know? Ask my how my Valentines went, and how I am the fucking asshole because my soon to be ex wife thinks it's ok to cheat on me, and each time I take her back, and that it is ok that they are still friends according to her.

yeah yeah, I am a fucking idiot. whatever.

Anyone know a good divorce Lawyer?
What boggles my mind is how some people (girls especially) think it is OKAY to still hangout or associate closely to someone who she cheated with, while the boyfriend or whatever is at work n whatnot. It just boggles my mind how clueless some girls can be. Luckily, I am just an observer of such things.

So technically it's not really being clueless, it's "once a cheater, always a cheater" mindset.

Kloubek

02-15-2011, 10:55 AM

Don't put yourself down Spikers. I'm sure you made mistakes in the relationship, and maybe took her back when you shouldn't have, but there is no excuse for cheating. *especially* when kids are involved.

Hope it works out man. But leaving is a better option than being stuck in a relationship with no trust, and where she can't conjure up enough empathy for you in order to stop talking to the guy.

And Disoblige - I think it comes down with not claiming responsibility for her actions. If she truly cared about what she did to him, she would break off contact with the guy. It's not rocket science. And that one fact alone tells me all I need to know about this woman, and comfortable in saying he is far better off without her.

baygirl

02-15-2011, 10:57 AM

Originally posted by Disoblige
And honestly, those who encourage cheating (i.e. still try to do things even if they know they would ruin a relationship or another person's relationship, etc.) are just as bad.

Pathetic losers. :)

I'm not proud of the fact I was the 'other woman'. I was young and had the selfish mindset that what was the harm as long as she never found out(which she didn't).

Would I do it again now? No. Would I change the relationship I had years ago? Also no. I loved him, and would not change the time I had with him. I don't regret anything I've learned from.

narou

02-15-2011, 10:59 AM

NO!

4bier

02-15-2011, 11:59 AM

once a cheater always a cheater....but i think they can change just not in the same relationship, there is no forgiving just moving on:goflames:

n1zm0

02-15-2011, 12:29 PM

Originally posted by baygirl
the selfish mindset that what was the harm as long as she never found out(which she didn't).

amongst almost all the chicks i've encountered in my life since JH~HS, this was THE most used excuse by those who had cheated, not directed directly at you baygirl but WHY do girls use this one: make up some motto to live by to make yourself somehow subconsciously think "yeah its totally OK to do it!" :dunno:

Tomaz

02-15-2011, 12:33 PM

I have cheated twice in my life. I regret doing it with all my heart. Never again.

I feel that I have changed. I couldn't fathom putting that much emotional strain on another girl again. Nor would I want to cause that much pain for myself.

Baygirl, I am glad to hear the choice you made. :thumbsup:

baygirl

02-15-2011, 12:55 PM

Originally posted by n1zm0

WHY do girls use this one: make up some motto to live by to make yourself somehow subconsciously think "yeah its totally OK to do it!" :dunno:
I know this wasn't directly at me, but I'm going to give you my answer. He was a friend that I fell in love with, and I just wanted whatever small piece of him I could have. I was never in it to wreck his relationship. If I wanted to do that, I would've ratted him out so many times, but I didn't. I'm not excusing what I did, and I know it was wrong. But I went through a period in my life where I did what I did, had fun doing it, and didn't give a damn as long as no-one else was hurt... I've grown up since then, and would never repeat the same mistakes. There's a lot of things I wouldn't do again, but have no regrets for doing them once.

TheJesus

04-13-2011, 10:36 AM

i dont think they will ever change, my ex(who is somewhere on this site) slept with three of my friends while we were together, and is a total a**. He continuously tries to tell me he's changed, and then decided he doesnt think its worth it so he goes into PMS mode and changes his mind. Men who cheat will always be cheaters. grow Up :)

Ryan Scott Is A Liar/Cheater/ And Has A Small PeePee

oupzwrongthread

04-13-2011, 10:41 AM

Originally posted by TheJesus

Ryan Scott Is A Liar/Cheater/ And Has A Small PeePee

Quoted for the awesomenessistness.

Neil4Speed

04-13-2011, 10:48 AM

Originally posted by turbotrip
There isn't a person on this earth not capable of change. The question is if you are worth enough to him to change for.

Best quote in this thread. People are motivated by incentive.

yamaha_rider777

04-13-2011, 12:17 PM

Like some of the other posters here I have my own story of being cheated on.
I found out my wife was cheating on me on my birthday. It was the worst pain I have ever had to deal with. I did not see it coming, but looking back I should have. Sad thing is I still loved her (a part of me always will), and even wanted to take her back. I have grown because of it but I do not trust women the way I once did. This is the unlitmate betrayal but I do think people can change. Only if they choose to. Life is full of risks, it comes down to how much you are willing to risk? you could find someone else, and they could cheat on you. You could give this guy a shot and it could work out long term. There are no Guarantees in life, make the best choice you can with the information you have. Relationships are hard work, but worth the risk for the potential of a lasting love.

I know this is just saying what most people on here are saying but I wanted to add to it.

03ozwhip

04-13-2011, 01:02 PM

i used to be a MAJOR player and cheated on very girlfriend i ever had since i was 12 years old. i never planned on changing, i liked it. however, if you find the right person, you can change.

i did, i married her and ive never cheated on her(honestly lol) been with her almost 9 years now. guys can change, im proof however they have to want to change and at your age (assuming mid 20s) its still possible, up to 30 and older, forget it, aint never gonna change. just my .02

alloroc

04-13-2011, 02:42 PM

Originally posted by baygirl

A lifetime ago I was with someone who cheated on their gf to be with me. He's kind of back in my life now, and I'm trying to decide how much I can trust him. I just want some objective opinions...

On the serious side ... I think 10 years is long enough for a change absolutely.

On a less serious note ... CB-2000

gts_gurl

04-13-2011, 03:18 PM

Originally posted by 03ozwhip
if you find the right person, you can change.

QFT - Have witnessed this with a few of my friends, guys and gals alike... it just takes that one person who makes them want to change their ways, and who is absolutely not worth losing.

Adrenaline101

04-13-2011, 03:41 PM

Originally posted by TheJesus
i dont think they will ever change, my ex(who is somewhere on this site) slept with three of my friends while we were together, and is a total a**. He continuously tries to tell me he's changed, and then decided he doesnt think its worth it so he goes into PMS mode and changes his mind. Men who cheat will always be cheaters. grow Up :)

Ryan Scott Is A Liar/Cheater/ And Has A Small PeePee

Quoted for truth.
Except it was only one friend
Your Elantra isnt a GTS, take your hubcaps elsewhere.

PM for her nudes.

TheJesus

04-13-2011, 04:02 PM

Originally posted by Adrenaline101

Quoted for truth.
Except it was only one friend
Your Elantra isnt a GTS, take your hubcaps elsewhere.

PM for her nudes.

:)

l/l/rX

04-13-2011, 04:13 PM

Originally posted by Adrenaline101

Quoted for truth.
Except it was only one friend
Your Elantra isnt a GTS, take your hubcaps elsewhere.

PM for her nudes.

hahaha :clap: :goflames:

adam c

04-13-2011, 04:23 PM

Originally posted by TheJesus
i dont think they will ever change, my ex(who is somewhere on this site) slept with three of my friends while we were together, and is a total a**. He continuously tries to tell me he's changed, and then decided he doesnt think its worth it so he goes into PMS mode and changes his mind. Men who cheat will always be cheaters. grow Up :)

Ryan Scott Is A Liar/Cheater/ And Has A Small PeePee

says a whole lot about your friends for sleeping with him while he was with you

Adrenaline101

04-13-2011, 04:49 PM

None of her friends slept with me. When plastered outta my mind one of her friends got some finger action for 5 minutes before I stopped myself.
Gogo exaggeration on the net for attention :drama:

Cos

04-13-2011, 04:56 PM

Originally posted by Adrenaline101
None of her friends slept with me. When plastered outta my mind one of her friends got some finger action for 5 minutes before I stopped myself.
Gogo exaggeration on the net for attention :drama:

I do find this funny however:

Location: With your gf while you're out

Kavy

04-13-2011, 05:01 PM

Originally posted by Cos

I do find this funny however:

Location: With your gf while you're out

I LOL'ed when I saw that as well.

I also LOL'ed when she mentioned his hobit PeePee.

derpderp

04-13-2011, 05:02 PM

I read this whole thread and damn its depressing. I have difficulty understanding how people in this day and age can really trust anyone.

What confuses me is how people get caught cheating in the end. I had a discussion with a person about cheating and I said if I ever cheated on a person, felt bad and could get away with it and just let it be in the past I still wouldn't, I would just tell them because its the moral and honorable thing to do regardless if it ruins everything. I just see zero excuse for it to happen ever.

Incidentally I was seeing a girl and one night I drunkenly made out with anther girl, felt horrible and told her what I had done and we split up, it hurt like hell but I just felt like it was the responsible thing to do.

Also, I've seen plenty of girls and many ask if you've ever cheated on a person, such an odd question. I doubt a person who cheats is going to admit to it, I did tell my current GF that this happened when the subject was up since truth and understanding is a big thing for me.