Parents exaggerate joy of parenting to justify costs

[rob the knob]

Parents exaggerate joy of parenting to justify costs: study


BY DEREK ABMA, POSTMEDIA NEWS MARCH 3, 2011 BE THE FIRST TO POST A COMMENT


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Parents exaggerate the rewards of parenting to rationalize the cost, according to a new study.

Photograph by: Frederic J. Brown, AFP/Getty Images
Having children may be a source of joy and personal fulfilment, but a new study suggests parents are exaggerating the rewards of parenthood to justify how much money it's costing them.

The study by researchers at the University of Waterloo in Ontario say the tendency of parents to idealize the emotional payoff of parenthood is a modern phenomenon.

Historically, relationships between parents and children were less affectionate, the researchers say. That was before changing labour laws and a trend toward city living — and away from farming — in the late 19th century and early 20th century limited a minor's potential to earn income or perform labour at home.

"Paradoxically, as the costs of raising children have grown, so too has parents' belief that parenthood is emotionally rewarding," psychology Prof. Richard Eibach and recreational and leisure studies expert Steven Mock wrote in the study, published in the journal Psychological Science.

"Our findings help to resolve this paradox by demonstrating that the costs of raising children motivate parents to idealize parenthood. The perceived joys of parenthood may thus be a rationalization of the high costs of having children."

In one experiment detailed in this study, parents were recruited in the northeastern United States and divided into two groups.

One group was given reading material that focused on the fact it typically costs more than $190,000 U.S. to raise a child to the age of 18.

The other parents were given this information, along with material that also addressed potential benefits of parenting, such as financial and practical support in old age.

The parents who were primed to be thinking mostly about the costs of children were found to be more likely to idealize parenting when answering questions about how much happiness a child brings to a parent's life.

In another test with similar preparation techniques, the parents who were preoccupied with the costs of raising children were more likely to report higher levels of enjoyment in spending time with their children.

"We found that making the costs of raising children . . . enhanced parents' idealization of the emotional rewards of having children," the study said. "These results support our hypothesis . . . that parenthood idealization functions to rationalize parental investments."

In an email, Eibach said neither he nor Mock have children. However, he added that the tendency to overstate the emotional benefits of parenting "does not mean that the decision to become a parent is itself irrational."

He said there are real incentives for parenting, such as wanting to give your child a full and rewarding life, or raising someone who might benefit society.

Eibach added that the tendency to justify choices that are costly in financial or personal terms is seen in other situations, such as home ownership or being in a demanding career.

"Cognitive-dissonance theory suggests that people will tend to idealize any activity that they have invested heavily in so that they can rationalize their costly investments," he said.

© Copyright (c) Postmedia News


Read more: http://www.canada.com/life/Parents+exaggerate+parenting+justify+costs+study/4380402/story.html#ixzz1FdVlxP2l

[kevie88]

Originally posted by rob the knob
Parents exaggerate joy of parenting to justify costs: study


In an email, Eibach said neither he nor Mock have children.




Don't bother reading any more:

http://www.canada.com/life/Parents+exaggerate+parenting+justify+costs+study/4380402/story.html#ixzz1FdVlxP2l

[davidI]

Werd.

[Sugarphreak]

....

[DENZILDON]

Originally posted by kevie88


hahaha! I knew it! Let's see how they will exaggerate when they get kids!

Can the same exaggeration come from Mac vs PC users, xbox and PS3 users, All season and winter tire users!?! :rofl:

[oupzwrongthread]

I just love my imac, it is just the greatest.

[vtec4life]

what a shit study.

I cant believe my tax money went towards that.

[Xtrema]

If u poll my relatives, 3 in 7 regretted having kids. All 3 of them had kids in their mid to late 30s.

[HiTempguy1]

Originally posted by Xtrema
If u poll my relatives, 3 in 7 regretted having kids. All 3 of them had kids in their mid to late 30s.

Could you imagine being 35 and dealing with a baby :nut: My co-worker just had a kid and he is 40. I keep reminding him how he will be 60 when guys like myself are chasing her around :D He doesn't like that!

[Kloubek]

Originally posted by HiTempguy1


Could you imagine being 35 and dealing with a baby :nut: My co-worker just had a kid and he is 40. I keep reminding him how he will be 60 when guys like myself are chasing her around :D He doesn't like that!

I'm 35, and my wife and I do not intend on having a child for at least another year.

I'm already starting to feel the effects of age, and am not looking forward to the toll it will take on me. Plus, we're planning on having two of them.

Still, I'm looking forward to having children. Honestly, I don't think I would feel like my life was complete until I did.

[codetrap]

That study was a waste of money.

[kvg]

I don't regret having kids I bit. My wife and I were both young and it was a big adjustment. I do agree that having kids isn't for everyone, but parents are very unlikely of admit it. I have met many people that have said the wish they had started a family when they were younger.

[Doozer]

Originally posted by HiTempguy1


Could you imagine being 35 and dealing with a baby :nut: My co-worker just had a kid and he is 40. I keep reminding him how he will be 60 when guys like myself are chasing her around :D He doesn't like that!

I'm 35, and my second child was just born a few weeks ago. The first one was when I was 32.

I can't imagine being 20 and trying to raise a baby. That's craziness.

[kvg]

first daughter: I was 21 and my wife was 18
second daughter: I was 23 and my wife was 20
The End

[HiTempguy1]

Originally posted by Doozer


I can't imagine being 20 and trying to raise a baby. That's craziness.

Absolutely! I'm ballparking 30, if I ever find a woman that can put up with me :rofl:

[dansmith11]

of course they do!

people rationalize everything they do. thats how we operate. they even point out it applies to other situations.. so wtf is the point of this study?

its like doing a study to show people are greedy. or that we enjoy eating food. haha not exactly breaking news.

[89coupe]

Originally posted by HiTempguy1


Could you imagine being 35 and dealing with a baby :nut: My co-worker just had a kid and he is 40. I keep reminding him how he will be 60 when guys like myself are chasing her around :D He doesn't like that!

I'm 38 and just had a baby.:dunno:

I look 28 though:D

Oh, and my Wife is 10 years younger then me.:bigpimp:

[msommers]

Originally posted by Kloubek


I'm 35, and my wife and I do not intend on having a child for at least another year.

I'm already starting to feel the effects of age, and am not looking forward to the toll it will take on me. Plus, we're planning on having two of them.

Still, I'm looking forward to having children. Honestly, I don't think I would feel like my life was complete until I did.

I'm sure you're well aware but it doesn't hurt to hear it again. Not knowing your wife's age I have to guess she is close to yours and thus, potential health complications becomes an issue. The older she gets, the higher the risk.

I understand parents waiting until they are mentally, and more often, financially able to raise children. Not to rag on anyone in particular but at some point you need to weigh the risks your could pose to the child and the hardships they will go through as a result of the parent's waiting. Even evaluating from a financial perspective, parents could very well be off worse than if they had started earlier because they are now forking out huge dollars for medical bills.

This has a soft spot for me because family friends of ours had 9 kids and finally stopped because the last one has Down's Syndrome. I believe she was about 40 when she delivered. The amount of surgeries that child has had to incur is friggin heartbreaking and it is a direct result of them deciding to have another child at such a late age.

[masoncgy]

This has a soft spot for me because family friends of ours had 9 kids and finally stopped because the last one has Down's Syndrome. I believe she was about 40 when she delivered. The amount of surgeries that child has had to incur is friggin heartbreaking and it is a direct result of them deciding to have another child at such a late age.

That's why women over 35 are supposed to go through prenatal testing to look for birth defects like Downs. I assume she did not bother with the tests, given the fact they can catch a Downs fetus really easily.

I'm glad I waited until my late 20s before I started a family. I enjoyed living a young & carefree lifestyle and I wouldn't change that for the world.

Life's experiences are vastly different when you are 20 versus when you are 40, so perhaps you start young and your kids are out of the house when you're 40... but you also missed out on being young.

My .02

[Pacman]

I'm 36 and feeling pressure from the wife for kids. Would love to hold out until I'm 40, but I can only use the "Not tonight honey, I've got a headache" excuse so many times.........

[Doozer]

Originally posted by msommers
it is a direct result of them deciding to have another child at such a late age.

I agreed with you until this part, but I have to get picky here. The baby having Down's is not a direct result of the age.

Being older increases the likelihood of several genetic diseases and other complications, but it does NOT guarantee them. Having a baby at that age did not cause the baby to have Down's, it only increased the odds that it would. Every couple rolls the dice with every baby who's ever conceived. Lots of 20yr olds have had babies with Down's, and I know many 40yr olds who've delivered healthy babies.

You play the odds, but nothing is guaranteed (good or bad) at any time. But yes, age definitely increases the risk of a lot of defects, Down's and otherwise.

[Sugarphreak]

...

[masoncgy]

^ The risk increases greatly over the age of 35, but the likelihood is still something like 1 in 300... or less than 1%.

Given my wife is 35 and expecting our second baby, we went ahead with all of the recommended prenatal testing and everything is all good. In fact, the OB/GYN mentioned that in the 20+ years he has been a specialist, only once has he ever had a patient with a Downs fetus and it was caught during the prenatal tests.

The likelihood of having a Downs baby is low. As said, the risk increases with age.

[Sugarphreak]

..

[Maxt]

I have one kid now, and awaiting another any day now. Being later on in my 30's now, the money aspect of the kid(s) doesn't even bother me, I really haven't noticed any real added financial pressure from being a Dad. The only thing it really has affected is how I spend my free time.
I can no longer come home, and then just wander out to the shop and work on cars all night long till 2am anymore. And its not the kids choice or fault, I would at this point in my life rather spend time with my kid than my car for the most part. Life will get sort of back to old times as they get older and they can share in my hobbies a bit.
But financial security and stability goes a long way in parenthood, over age I think.

[Xtrema]

http://www.babyhopes.com/articles/birthdefects.html

Risks goes up as you past 35. More issue for woman than man tho but still your baby batter ain't top notch from both sexes after 30.

[CUG]

That would be a funny opinion to have, but researched? F-OFF.

It seems like you can get any type of result from "research" these days.

[codetrap]

Originally posted by Maxt
I would at this point in my life rather spend time with my kid than my car for the most part. Life will get sort of back to old times as they get older and they can share in my hobbies a bit.
But financial security and stability goes a long way in parenthood, over age I think.

This. younger parents may have a slight edge on energy and stamina, and I do mean slight, but older parents in their 30's should have a significant advantage in career stability and income. Not to mention emotional maturity and stability as well. I generally find that younger peoples (early 20's) are still pretty selfish overall. Not in a bad way, and it's not a bad thing either, it just is.

[300zxfairlday]

Shit Im 25 and not even married yet! Lol It won't be until At least 35 until I have kids.

[TorqueDog]

Parents exaggerate joy of parenting much to chagrin of their single, childless friends who don't care about what funny thing Timmy did today with his cereal.

Call me selfish, but that's akin to me dragging my dad to a hockey game. He doesn't care about it. Why would I wilfully bore someone with a subject that they have no interest in?

[msommers]

Originally posted by Doozer


I agreed with you until this part, but I have to get picky here. The baby having Down's is not a direct result of the age.

Being older increases the likelihood of several genetic diseases and other complications, but it does NOT guarantee them. Having a baby at that age did not cause the baby to have Down's, it only increased the odds that it would. Every couple rolls the dice with every baby who's ever conceived. Lots of 20yr olds have had babies with Down's, and I know many 40yr olds who've delivered healthy babies.

You play the odds, but nothing is guaranteed (good or bad) at any time. But yes, age definitely increases the risk of a lot of defects, Down's and otherwise.

I agree 100%. However in this case, it's what the mother told us.

I don't mean to be cheeky (because I know we agree here), but even a simple google search yields startling facts about the higher risks for upcoming parents, 30+.

http://lmgtfy.com/?q=child+complications+for+mothers+over+30

[codetrap]

Originally posted by TorqueDog
Parents exaggerate joy of parenting much to chagrin of their single, childless friends who don't care about what funny thing Timmy did today with his cereal.

Call me selfish, but that's akin to me dragging my dad to a hockey game. He doesn't care about it. Why would I wilfully bore someone with a subject that they have no interest in?

You're doing it right now with your opinion. :D (Sorry, I couldn't resist)

[TorqueDog]

Jackass. :rofl:

[rob the knob]

to steal photograph of joy from other thread:

http://img841.imageshack.us/img841/8250/poowo.jpg (http://img841.imageshack.us/i/poowo.jpg/)

[masoncgy]

^ Oh please, my dog has made a worse mess than that. ;)

[J-hop]

Originally posted by Pacman
I'm 36 and feeling pressure from the wife for kids. Would love to hold out until I'm 40, but I can only use the "Not tonight honey, I've got a headache" excuse so many times.........

well if you look at it this way, if you wait till 40, you will be well into your 50s when your child is peaking, in terms of energy, changes and needs.

If I were going to become a parent I'd want to be able to keep up with my kids and do stuff with my kids like hiking, camping, skiing, etc. I couldn't imagine being 58, nearing retirement, and have an 18 year old kid to keep up with.

My dad has always been able to keep up with us, but he is nearing this age and i am sure he is glad our teens are over. And I can guarantee you right now he is (and has always been) in 10x better physical fitness then the average parent, he works out every day, last year road into work from the NW 60(!!!!) times during the summer and is an avid downhill and x-country skier.

As for the article I don't think it applies for most parents. To me I do however see this with extremely young parents. I am mid 20s and some people I know already have 1 or 2 kids (first one was usually an accident), and I think at that age most parents try to exaggerate how great having kids is because they are too young to be parents (IMO- both maturity wise and financially) and feel their best years have been ripped away from them. Its awkward sometimes when I see old friends and I ask them what they've been up to and they say "we had a kid" and I want to say I'm so sorry haha.

[masoncgy]

^ To some people, the whole age thing doesn't matter anyway.

My parents had 5 kids... the oldest is 39 and the youngest is still at home and he's 15. My parents are 57 and still going strong... in fact, they are now enjoying having grandchildren and are moving to be closer & more involved in their lives. In fact, if my daughter hadn't come along when she did, my parents were going to adopt their 6th child... they love parenting... it's what matters most in their lives.

In my opinion, waiting til my late 20s to start a family was the best choice. I got to enjoy being young and having a great lifestyle. Once I got bored of it, I started my family and couldn't be happier.

Different strokes for different folks, I suppose.

[J-hop]

ah but you see it is different when you already have kids. I should have clarified, to START a family as late as 40 puts you at a huge disadvantage.

If you are breaking ground with your first child while in your 50s I think that puts you at a pretty big disadvantage. I don't have kids but I'd say your first child is the hardest, then it gets easier as you get the hang of it. And if you already have kids then they have someone to do activities with if you can't


edit: and trust me, it may not matter to the parents but to the kids the age thing DOES matter. Having my dad always fitter than I was made me push myself to be better and I always looked up to my dad.

Looking back now I am so impressed with my parents' decisions of when to have kids, If I was bored and wanted to go kick a ball around my dad was game, if I wanted to bike up nose hill and ride around, my dad was on his bike in a flash, If I wanted to hit the slopes, same deal.

double edit: I do agree with you about late 20s/early 30s, this is when my parents had me and I think it was the perfect timing

[Sugarphreak]

...

[rob the knob]

times change too.

in canada. it was the normal to have children at early age after you graduated highschool. it was not usual to have children in 30s. now today it is almost normality to have children at 30 and even 40.

children or no children, old parent or young , every situation is different. no right answer for everyone. must also respect people who make decision not to have children just must respect people who have children.

[J-hop]

Originally posted by Sugarphreak


So you wouldn't have looked up to your Dad if he was older? That sounds kind of silly.



naw man, the point went completely over your head, its ok though. Point is, if you are late 50s with a young first child and physically can't do all the activities a young parent could with their kids you are greatly detracting from the level of upbringing you can provide for your child.

If you can sit behind your computer screen as a parent and say raising a child isn't about being able to do physical activity with them and encourage them through example to push themselves to be healthy active individuals then I suggest you pack your bags and head south and hang out with our fat American cousins.

[Melinda]

I had my son at 24 and just had my daughter a month ago at age 26. Both of my kids were planned. Coincidentally, my mom was also 24 when her first child (me) was born, so I don't really know any different. I will say that I feel no less equiped for the job of being a parent than a 35 year old woman.

And while I do have my own life and my own career already I've never really understood the whole "get your career going before you have children" argument. Having kids is a major time suck, especially for a mom. Maternity leave (if you take it all) is a year long, plus running off to doctor's appointments and ultrasounds and what not during pregnancy, it's a major inturruption to a career. And if you have another child, double that time. I don't see any disadvantage to being young and not established in a career before having children. My parents were poor as poor can get when they had kids and I grew up watching them work their asses off to support us and have since found major success in their lives. Their hard work paid off. I learned a hell of a lot more living through that then I think I would have living in a family where there was always money there and we could do anything we wanted and get all the best houses/toys/activites/vacations/etc. Not saying kids born to wealthier families can't learn those lessons, it's just based on my personal experiences.

Either way though, I don't really care what age someone is when they choose to have kids. It's their life, their circumstances, their goals. Mine are different than theirs and vice versa. However, I expect that same lack of judgement to go both ways. If one more 30-something person looks at me with shock or sympathy in their eyes when they find out how old I am, I might actually beat them with my shoe.

On the topic of the article, it's a bit laughable. Parenting is as expensive as you make it. We definitely have splurged on a few things to make the road easier for us or a little more enjoyable for our kids, but we certainly didn't have to. And parents are the first people to admit when they've had a shitty day or a terrible phase with their kids, we aren't fooling ourselves thinking that life is paved in rainbows with the Gods raining luck, love and awesomeness down on us.

Since my son was born in 2008, I've been through one hell of a brutal recovery, had 27 months of PPD and AND, had many moments of "what the hell did I do this for?" and will be the first to say that my road of parenting has been far from picnic worthy. (read my blog if you want more details on that front http://intheshadowsofmotherhood.blogspot.com) but you know what? We did it again. Despite all of the shitty circumstances and crappy days and thoughts of running away from it all, I happily chose to have another child. Why? Because it really IS worth it. After a day where I'm pulling my hair out and crying tears of frustration while counting the minutes until I can put my two year old to bed, I still feel like crawling into his room to watch him sleep and give him a cuddle.

And yes, the norm is definitely not the 20-somethings having kids anymore. When I was pregnant with my son and I'd do my visits to the OB's office they would always have the charts fanned out on the counter for the day. On each label was the patient's name and age. Never once was there someone younger than me, and very rarely was there another 20-something in the whole bunch.

EDIT: Haha funny, I just realized that in my list of negatives to having kids, money wasn't mentioned once. Perhaps that's a pretty good indication that this guy has no idea what he's talking about.

[J-hop]

Originally posted by Melinda
I've never really understood the whole "get your career going before you have children" argument.

well for example, ANY of the following: Engineering, Geology, Geophysics, Natural science. Require about 5 years of industry experience before you are truly marketable (in fact in my chosen profession I won't even get my professional designation until i've had 2 years experience). As a parent your number one priority is : can I put food on my table and can I provide for my children. If you work for around 5 years in your field your chances of being able to find a job if you decide to quit before kids are greatly increased over if you have only worked 1 or 2 years.

Just cruise through monster.ca or something like that and almost every non-entry level position requires 3-5 years experience.

Also consider 5 years isn't a very long time, and I personally won't consider myself truly having job security before then thus I would personally never risk having children before then

[kvg]

I just turned 31, my wife is 28 with a 9 and a 7 year old. My wife could stay at home with our daughters with just me working, I even went part time for a few years and went to school. I know people who are in their 30's having kids and they wish one of them could stay at home and raise their children, but cannot due to the loss of income because of car, house, etc payments. My wife loves traveling and does it numerous times a year, and is now working towards a degree and we have a great life. In a couple of years she will have a career with no worries of having to take time off to have a family. There is arguments going both ways and what ever situation you are in you will more likely find the positives and not the negatives. I am glad I will be only be 41 when our children are adults. Having kids early got me on the ball quick, if I didn't I'm sure it would have taken more time to get my shit together.

[codetrap]

Originally posted by Melinda
I had my son at 24 and just had my daughter a month ago at age 26. Both of my kids were planned. Coincidentally, my mom was also 24 when her first child (me) was born, so I don't really know any different. I will say that I feel no less equiped for the job of being a parent than a 35 year old woman.

And while I do have my own life and my own career already I've never really understood the whole "get your career going before you have children" argument. ~snip~

If this was directed back at my comment, I think I said generally. There's always going to be highly motivated successful people of all ages, and you're an excellent example of that.

As for the career portion, my line of thinking in the 30's as being more established is that we've already paid for stuff like the car, and most of the house, and we have substantial savings in place already, and investments paying etc.. Also, once you're in a certain place in your career, you can choose good companies to work for prior to going on mat leave. Ones that have agreements in place to "top up" your mat leave to full salary. Or to top up your wife's mat leave. Or to give me a significant paid time off to get to be home for a month or 2 and help out for the first while. Those types of perks come typically down the road, not while you're just starting out.

I personally really liked having paid Paternity leave that didn't eat into my wife's maternity leave. It also doesn't hurt that now I make enough to cover off all the bills, and my wife is able to spend 5/7 days with our daughter and run her own legal consulting business, and not work too hard at all without really impacting our lifestyles.