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DJ Glue_gun
01-30-2004, 07:54 AM
Here's a kill story for you!

I borrowed my wife's Geo Metro last night. One liter of raw power, 3 cylinders of asphalt-tearing terror on thirteen-inch rims. It's stock, alright, nothing done to it, but it pushes the barely 2000 pounds of metro around with AUTHORITY. I'm always catching mopeds and 18-wheelers by surprise ...

I was headed back from Baskin Robbins with my manly triple-latte cappuccino blast ("No Cinnamon, ma'am, I take it BLACK"), when I stopped at a streetlight.

As the Metro throbbed its throaty idle around me, I sipped my bold beverage and wiped the white froth from my stiff upper lip. I was minding my own business, but then I heard a rev from the next lane. I turned, made eye contact, then let my eyes trace over the competition.

Ford Festiva -- a late model, could be trouble. Low profile tires, curb feelers, and schoolbus-yellow paint. Yep, a hot rod, for sure.

The howl of his motor snapped my reverie, and I looked back into the driver's eyes, nodded, then blipped my own throttle. As I tugged on my driving gloves and slipped on my sunglasses (gotta look cool to be fast, and I am *damn* cool, hence...), the night was split with the sound of seven screaming cylinders ...

Then the light turned ... I almost had him out of the hole, my three pounding cylinders thrusting me at least a millimeter back into my seat, as smoke pouring from my front right tire ... my unlimited slip differential was letting me down! I saw in the corner of my eyes, a yellow snout gaining, and I heard the roar of his four cylinders.

He slung by me, right front wheel juddering against the pavement, and he flashed me a smile as his 0.7 extra liters of motor stretched its legs. I kept my foot gamely in it, though, waiting for the CHECK ENGINE light to blink on in the one-gauge (no tachometer here!) instrument panel.

I saw a glimpse of chrome under his bumper, and knew the ugly truth ... He was running a custom exhaust -- probably a 2-into-1 dual exhaust ... even cutouts! Damn his hot-rod soul!

The old lady passing us on the crosswalk cast a dirty look in our boy-racer direction ... Yet still I persisted, with my three pumping pistons singing a heady high-pitched song, wound fully out. Though only a few handfuls of seconds had passed, we were nearing the crosswalk at the other side of the intersection, and I heard the note of his engine change as he made his shift to second, and I saw his grin in his rearview mirror fade as he missed the shift!

I rocketed by, shifting, and nursed the clutch gently in to keep from bogging, keeping my motor spinning hot and pulling me ahead, now trailing a cloud of stinking clutch smoke. Not ready to give up so easily, he left his foot in it, revving, and I heard one wheel *almost* chirp as he finally found second and dropped the clutch.

We careened over the crosswalk, now going at least 15 miles per hour. A bicyclist passed us, but intent on the race as we were, neither of us batted an eye.

He pulled slowly abreast of me, and neck and neck, we made the shift to third, the scream of motors deafening all pedestrians within a five foot circle. He nosed ahead as we passed 30 miles an hour, then eased in front of me, taunting, as we shifted into fourth. I was staring up the dual 6" chrome tips of his exhaust, snarling, my cappuccino forgotten, as he lifted a little to take the next corner.

I saw my opportunity, and counting on the innate agility of my trusty steed, I pulled wide into the number two lane and kept my foot buried in carpet. Slowly, I inched around him, feeling my Metro roll slowly to the left as I came abreast in the midst of this gradual sweeping turn. I felt the Geo ease onto its suspension stops, and felt the right rear wheel slowly leave the ground - no matter, though, because my drive wheels, up front, were pulling me through the corner, and around the Festiva...

The Ford driver beat his wheel in rage as my wife's car eased past him on the outside, my P165/R13's screaming in protest, as we raced to the next light. We coasted down, neck-and neck, to the red light. I tightened my driving gloves, ready for another round, when this WIMP in the next car meekly flipped his turn signal and made a right.

Chevy (Suzuki) superiority reigns!

I drove off sipping my masculine drink, awash in my sheer virility, looking for other unwitting targets .... Perhaps a Yugo, or maybe even a Volkswagon Van!

*If you haven't figured it out this is a joke, i did not race a GEO* I got this off of another board

richardchan2002
01-30-2004, 10:05 AM
That was very well written. But I bet the story was a lot more exciting than the actual race.


He nosed ahead as we passed 30 miles an hour, then eased in front of me, taunting, as we shifted into fourth.

They shifted into fourth gear at 30 miles an hour??? :burnout:

vtec
01-30-2004, 10:11 AM
:drama:

/////AMG
01-30-2004, 10:21 AM
:werd: Very well written :rofl:

GT2NV
01-30-2004, 11:18 AM
:repost:

GQNammer
01-30-2004, 04:12 PM
Story would've been better if it was real lol. Good story though =)

ApexDrift
01-30-2004, 04:36 PM
i knew i read something like that somewhere else!
:rofl: i love it when people race beater against beater or thier POS against POS, i find it more amusing! alot more slower but more intence!

angierideswitme
01-30-2004, 05:30 PM
but when you loose with your POS you don't feel bad. your only upset beacause opening up the 2nd barrel for the first time in a year just burned so much damn gas, that you have to go fill up again, and get a new rag for the gas cap!:D

missblondie
01-30-2004, 05:57 PM
i thought it was real, cuz it was pretty funny...:drama:

theken
01-30-2004, 06:09 PM
lol, kinda reminds me of the dance vs the escort :rofl: lol lol

GorG
01-30-2004, 06:20 PM
:werd: good story, yea i've heard this before but its a good one:thumbsup:

rice_eater
01-31-2004, 12:26 AM
what an idiot...glad you know how to cut and paste...that story is a couple years old :thumbsup:

hockeybronx
02-02-2004, 02:39 PM
Funny thing is that I bet a story like this has actually happened in the lesser neighborhoods of Calgary.

It's not often that a 2 litre Jetta owner can laugh at anybody, but I sure can right now!

hjr
02-02-2004, 02:48 PM
Originally posted by hockeybronx
Funny thing is that I bet a story like this has actually happened in the lesser neighborhoods of Calgary.

It's not often that a 2 litre Jetta owner can laugh at anybody, but I sure can right now! no its not real. the story is a joke. sorry to ruin your day.

hockeybronx
02-02-2004, 04:53 PM
Originally posted by hjr
no its not real. the story is a joke. sorry to ruin your day.

Yeah I know it never happened in this case, what I was trying to say was that a story like this has probably actually happened at one time or another.

Jeez is too much to ask for people to just smile and laugh instead of always trying to be politically correct.

Ducati
02-03-2004, 02:27 AM
I have read that story on the Mercedes Benz Diesel forum that I occasionally annoy. It was a race between a Geo and a diesel W123 Benz.

"Ring ding ding pop pop...rwaaappp...."

"klakkalkattaklattaklatta..."


...and they're oFF...

ZorroAMG
02-03-2004, 10:56 AM
Hey DJ Glue sniffer, do you plagiarize your essays for Mrs. Crabapple as well?

GT2NV
02-03-2004, 03:12 PM
:rofl: :rofl:

GTS Jeff
02-03-2004, 04:48 PM
Originally posted by richardchan2002
That was very well written.



Originally posted by Porsche_944
:werd: Very well written :rofl:



Originally posted by GQNammer
Good story though =)



Originally posted by acuraxx
it was pretty funny...:drama:



Originally posted by GorG
:werd: good story, yea i've heard this before but its a good one:thumbsup:



geeeez ppl, how can u call that good? its the most homoerotic post ive ever read. to illustrate, here are a list of words used: "throbbed, froth, stiff, raw, bold, hole, hot-rod, nursed, buried, abreast, scream, sheer virility..."

GingeRRRBeef
02-03-2004, 06:36 PM
Originally posted by GTS Jeff
















geeeez ppl, how can u call that good? its the most homoerotic post ive ever read. to illustrate, here are a list of words used: "throbbed, froth, stiff, raw, bold, hole, hot-rod, nursed, buried, abreast, scream, sheer virility..."


Always leave it up to Jeff to bring out the sexual side of things. :rofl:

GingeRRRBeef
02-03-2004, 06:38 PM
I don't remember exactly where I posted this story but I can swear I did either on here or on b15sentras.net when I was a n00b like 2 years ago

SPEC_CELICA
02-25-2004, 12:28 PM
Funny]

Skyline_Addict
02-26-2004, 12:59 AM
the night was split with the sound of seven screaming cylinders ...

LOL!!!
:rofl:

cappachihngo
02-26-2004, 01:30 AM
wow pretty good...

girlRACER
02-26-2004, 05:14 AM
Originally posted by DJ Glue_gun

I almost had him out of the hole, my three pounding cylinders thrusting me at least a millimeter back into my seat

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: lol....that story was hilarious.

-APEX-
02-26-2004, 11:36 AM
lol now thats a great story

the battel of the hopptey's or revenge of the roling crappy disco