Who pays Etiquette?

[BMDUBS]

So I have been dating this girl for about 2 months. She has invited me to her Cousins wedding at the end of the month. She is in the wedding party and I am attending as her guest. It is a Friday Saturday ordeal in Edmonton. Her dad has booked the hotel for us and paid on his credit card for the sum of $260.00 for the two nights.

Do I have responsibility to pay into the hotel here? what dos prope Etiquete say?

Should I pay half?
Should I pay all of it?
Or should I pay none of it?

[AE92_TreunoSC]

Etiquette says accept the generosity and be the best guests you can be. Buy the couple something nice.

[top_speed]

just pay all of it, then PIITB haha:rofl:

[beyond_ban]

Accept the gift and show your appreciation somewhere else. It can look bad if you try to deny someones generosity.

[BMDUBS]

Thanks for the replys so far. But the dad that paid for the hotel is my gf's dad who is the uncle of the girl getting married if that makes any difference. Not really his responsibility to pay to put me up but is i his responsibility to put his daughter up?

There will be no gift for him hahaha... I did intend on seeing where the couple getting married is registered.

[al-ti2d]

What'd the bird say when his cage broke? "Cheap cheap cheap"

Yes, you've been dating your gf for only 2 months, but her dad has the courtesy to get you your own hotel room that you can bang his daughter in... at least buy him a bottle of wine lol

[Spoons]

I always go with the bottle of wine. Make it something nice. Or whatever liquor he is in to (say if he is a scotch drinker or the likes). Just out right handing cash to him is rude, remember this is your girlfriends father, not your buddy who you're sharing a room with and paying half.

I always go out to Banff for May Long with my really good buddies and their parents. I go with a nice bottle of wine for the women, and I buy a couple nice cigars for the men because I know they like em. You impress the hell outa them.

[dexlargo]

If the question was "my girlfriend wants me to go to this wedding that I don't know anyone at b/c she's a bridesmaid, blah, blah, blah - who pays? Me, GF or split?" That's easy - you pay.

Not from an etiquette point of view, but from an it's early in the relationship, need to demonstrate my ability to take care of my girl point of view.

In this situation though, you've been trumped. It's her dad who's showing that he can look after his little girl. If you try to interfere, he will not appreciate it. You might offer to pay him, but when he politely declines - which he will - don't press the issue. Just say, "thank you." Nothing else is necessary.

If it really bothers you, take your gf and her parents out for supper some other time.

[wardpr68]

Uhhh... if it was me I would just ask the father "Hey, would you like me to pitch in half for the room? There's no reason you should be paying it all."

If he says no, which he likely will, I would say "Oh well, thank you very much! It's greatly appreciated!"

And then I would present him with some fine liquor before the reception and say "thanks again!"

[FixedGear]

I voted thinking for some reason that the girl was going to being paying, and that the dad just booked it on her credit card for her, but after reading some of the responses I'm not so sure.

If the dad is paying for it, don't worry about it. If your gf is paying for it, I think you should split the cost with her.

Have fun! :thumbsup:

[Smartiepants]

I agree with most of what's here, I'd offer to pay half, if it got turned down then show up with a gift.

[clem24]

Wow nice dad.. Paying for a room so you can bone his daughter in private?? :D Your GF *HAS* to be white. No way any Asian dad would ever do that ahahaha.

Anyway my opinion is this: let your GF deal with it. It's HER dad. Have HER talk to her dad that you offered to pay for the room. You don't need to deal with anything. If she comes back and says it's all good, be very gracious and thank him in person. If he would like to be reimbursed, be ready to man up and cut him a cheque. Done deal.

If there's anything I learned in my marriage course (had to do it to get married in a church, which we ultimately didn't do anyway) is that you ALWAYS deal with your own family, and let your significant other deal with their side of the family.

[wardpr68]

That's actually really good advice. Ignore what I wrote, do what clem24 said.

[ga16i]

If it's paid for, then don't worry about the hotel room any further and thank him. But do pick up the tab for all subsequent drinks and meals you share with her father.

[Mar]

2 months? Forget about it. Get her parents a nice bottle of wine or champagne and done.
I'd be more worried about the fact you're going to a wedding with a girl you've been with for only 2 months. Scary.

[wardpr68]

Originally posted by Mar
2 months? Forget about it. Get her parents a nice bottle of wine or champagne and done.
I'd be more worried about the fact you're going to a wedding with a girl you've been with for only 2 months. Scary.

While true, at least he is guarenteed to get him some. If not, wow.

[swak]

Hahah. I'm white, and even my parents wouldn't do that!

If you pull thru with her, you can guarantee yourself a rad father-in-law

[max_boost]

Ask the gf????

Or is this some sort of test????

[KRyn]

Originally posted by swak
Hahah. I'm white, and even my parents wouldn't do that!

If you pull thru with her, you can guarantee yourself a rad father-in-law


One can only assume that you and your family come from the N.E then. :rofl:

OP, offer to pay for the room. When the father declines which he most likely will, do what everyone else has mentioned. Figure out what he likes to drink, get him a nice bottle of what he likes to drink and drink it with him. Don't forget to make some comments about how lovely his daughter is. After which you should be heavily intoxicated. At this point take daddy's little angel back to the room he paid for and pile drive her through the mattress. In fact, give it to her so viciously she can’t walk proper the next day. So when her dad asks her, she has to make some story up about how she danced to much the night before and her legs are sore.
:thumbsup:

[GQBalla]

it's a trap...

[CanmoreOrLess]

Originally posted by BMDUBS
So I have been dating this girl for about 2 months. She has invited me to her Cousins wedding at the end of the month. She is in the wedding party and I am attending as her guest. It is a Friday Saturday ordeal in Edmonton. Her dad has booked the hotel for us and paid on his credit card for the sum of $260.00 for the two nights.

Do I have responsibility to pay into the hotel here? what dos prope Etiquete say?

Should I pay half?
Should I pay all of it?
Or should I pay none of it?

It depends on your future relationship with your GF, want it to continue in a positive light? You really do not want to be that guy who cheaped out and/or did not know how to do the right thing.

Whomever is paying for the room should be offered reimbursement, if this is declined (offer more than once depending on the culture), find an alternative way to cover the debt. A nice bottle or cigars, etc as mentioned.

You describe the wedding as an "ordeal", not doing the right thing will make many of your future family gatherings with your GF an "ordeal" for sure. Do it right and set the tone for the future. Dumping her a week after the wedding, do nothing and save a loon or two and know you could have done better.

[swak]

Originally posted by KRyn



One can only assume that you and your family come from the N.E then. :rofl:

OP, offer to pay for the room. When the father declines which he most likely will, do what everyone else has mentioned. Figure out what he likes to drink, get him a nice bottle of what he likes to drink and drink it with him. Don't forget to make some comments about how lovely his daughter is. After which you should be heavily intoxicated. At this point take daddy's little angel back to the room he paid for and pile drive her through the mattress. In fact, give it to her so viciously she can’t walk proper the next day. So when her dad asks her, she has to make some story up about how she danced to much the night before and her legs are sore.
:thumbsup:

Bahahaha... Not in the least (just old-school) :rofl:


But other than that ^^ Best advice.

[KappaSigma]

So hes paying for a room for you to bang his daughter in after a wedding. Score!

[frozenrice]

Surprised there hasn't been a post asking for pictures of the girlfriend yet...

;)

[black300]

Originally posted by frozenrice
Surprised there hasn't been a post asking for pictures of the girlfriend yet...

;)

Pics of bride... lol or your 2 month girlfriend... Just joking

Like everyone has said, just take a nice gift and you shall be fine. Plunge her extra hard just because her father paid for the room. Take advantage!:thumbsup:

[nonofyobiz]

I think its wierd to offer a gift after he tells you to not worry about it.

Just let your gf figure it out and if he ends up paying for the room, take them out to dinner in a month or something....

also, why the fck would he pay in the first place if that wasn't his intention? He would have just told hi daughter to book it. Hell I dunno, is he gonna be surprised when he sees your ugly mug there? haha

[FiveFreshFish]

Originally posted by Mar
I'd be more worried about the fact you're going to a wedding with a girl you've been with for only 2 months. Scary.

What are the alternatives? She goes solo? She goes with some other guy?

[msommers]

It's her dad, that "sweet baby girl" of his. He's not going to expect your to pay for the room for God's sakes. Don't turn it down and don't try to pay for it attempting to look like a big man, you'll look like an idiot and douche.

[J-hop]

Originally posted by clem24

If there's anything I learned in my marriage course (had to do it to get married in a church, which we ultimately didn't do anyway) is that you ALWAYS deal with your own family, and let your significant other deal with their side of the family.

Such weird advice. I guess understandable coming from a church. I guess I may be an exception as I've been with my gf for almost 7 years now and hit it off well with her parents right off the bat but I always go to her parents about stuff like that(and did so early on in our relationship). I think her parents appreciate that about me, I'm an independent person, I don't need her to play middle man and I just go straight to her dad or mom and talk to them no need to tippy toe. I guess that isn't the norm lately though as a lot of people i talk to dont have good relationships with their significant others parents...

Why not ask your gf OP? See what she says. She knows her dad better than anyone on beyond so she'll hopefully tell you what her dad would want, ie: If he would be offended by your offer

[Ben]

Did he book the room for her and the day of he'll be asking "and where are you staying? lol.

The advice in this thread is great as far as making a thank you gesture after offering once is IMO good. Its new in the relationship but dont establish yourself as a freeloader boning his little girl.

However that said based on based on him doing this after only being together 2 months, I'd expect him to give you a fist bump in the morning too. Hold onto her, she's a keeper.

Sometimes you just luck out though, and her old man is an awesome guy, my gf's dad is awesome in that right out of the gate I felt welcome and part of the family, he would have done that same thing you describe and not expected a dime because thats who he is, but you still have to offer.

I'd get him a nice bottle of something and share "character building" stories with him at the reception.

[DeeK]

I would offer to repay the money, but only once. If he insists on paying, he can't spite you for it later because you did offer.

Then just get him a bottle of wine as a thank you, be in his good graces and with your girl, PIITB.

[BMDUBS]

Well lets hold on here guys. Dads not as cool as you all seem to think! They invited me for dinner last week with all the other extended family and I ended up picking up the tab without even a fight or a gesture of offering to pay lol. He didnt even reach for the bill to the point to avoid awkwardness I reached. So he 'will' take the money if I offer.

I really think the girl is a keeper at this point so I think I am just going to pay. Im not looking to rock the boat on this one and $260 will not break my bank...

[max_boost]

Originally posted by BMDUBS
Well lets hold on here guys. Dads not as cool as you all seem to think! They invited me for dinner last week with all the other extended family and I ended up picking up the tab without even a fight or a gesture of offering to pay lol. He didnt even reach for the bill to the point to avoid awkwardness I reached. So he 'will' take the money if I offer.

I really think the girl is a keeper at this point so I think I am just going to pay. Im not looking to rock the boat on this one and $260 will not break my bank...

Do what you gotta do baller. :thumbsup:

You aren't doing it for the parents, you are doing it for her. Good man. :thumbsup:

[nonofyobiz]

THEY invited YOU to dinner and made you pay?? that's fked up.

:guns:

[ZorroAMG]

Wow, given what happened at the dinner last week, I'd just send him an email saying "thanks for the room, it's very generous of you"

LOL...

He invites you and his extended family and made you pay...milk this situation. Hell, order porn on the room too.

[turbotrip]

Originally posted by BMDUBS
Well lets hold on here guys. Dads not as cool as you all seem to think! They invited me for dinner last week with all the other extended family and I ended up picking up the tab without even a fight or a gesture of offering to pay lol.

Hahahah goddam how much was the bill? Mustve been expensive if the whole extended family was there. If it was, then u probably shouldn't offer to pay for the room