Subway at Lunch Time

[Spoons]

So I work in an office building, and everyday I take my lunch at 12. Now maybe once a week I go for Subway as a treat, and there is one only about a block away. So with that being said, I usually walk (weather permitting). Now, seeing that I work in an office building, everyone else goes for lunch at 12. So I would say, on average, there is about 15 people or so also walking to Subway. Shit gets lined up pretty quickly. So needlessly to say, the inevitable happened.

It started out pretty harmless. About two weeks ago people started to take notice everyone is leaving at the same time, and thus the line up that formed was basically just us from the office. People started exchanging looks, as if one another was sizing up the competition. I never really thought much of it, I look at plenty of people on my walk, mind you usually in another mind set.

Recently though I've been noticing people kinda of hop skipping. Kind of like taking a quick step. At this point I caught on. I thought to myself, "These mother fuckers. These brilliant bastards are trying to get to Subway faster than everyone else to beat the line." Nooooo fucking way I was letting that happen. A fire built inside me that I never felt before. "Could this be competitive spirit father always shunned me for lacking?" It must have been. I jolted a step ahead, and my god, I skipped right past those fools right into Subway... First.

But see I made a grave mistake at this point. While I didn't reach there at a much faster pace than the others, it alerted them. Now EVERYONE was aware of the charade that was unfolding in front of us. The next day, everyone was aggressively walking. I mean we were still at the stage that everyone fully knew what was going on, but no one truly wanted to admit it by sprinting... That is... Until today.

Today will quiet possibly never be forgotten. The harrowing, disgusting, and semi-psychotic things that went on today can not be erased. It will forever shape the man I am in the future, and change everything from here on out. If there is a hell, I am surely attending.

Now every now and again the group gets stopped at the cross walk. Few lucky make it past, while a herd will get stopped. At that moment everyone stands huffing, exchanging the dirtiest glares. I got the feeling that people started to really dislike one another. What was different about today is, the entire group got stopped at the cross walk.

Everyone standing there, clenched fists. Daggers in all directions beaming from each others eyes. Suddenly my eye caught another mans. The darkness, the absolute emptiness... I have never experienced such a bone chilling stare. It pierced right into my soul, and at that moment, I knew, that shit was about to escalate. This man was prepared to do anything. The wet saliva glistened off his lips as he could already taste his prize. The fire ignited once more inside me, but suddenly doused in high octane fuel.

I let out a roar as the man full out punched the woman next to him. Others charged as a full out melee broke out at the cross walk. Suddenly the walk changed, the white beacon arose. A bolt across the road jolted a near by car as the screams of agony of those left behind echoed. Not even the elderly couple out for their afternoon stroll was left unscathed.

I broke lose from the pack, my legs soared underneath me. But a darkness, a presence falls over me, and as I glance to my right... There he was. There was no fucking way I was letting him win.

The rules of the Subway line up is there is only one winner... The rest are waiting.

To be continued... (PART 2 ON PAGE 2)

[Type_S1]

Vote for ban. I always thought you were an idiot...but this is a new level.

Go back to your tiny inner office and process meaningless paper.

[project240]

Bring a sandwich from home tomorrow... You Win!:rofl:

[Masked Bandit]

THAT WAS AWESOME!!!

I can't wait for part two...well done!

[kvg]

Cool

[mugensix]

Hahaha im extremely baked, and that jusy played out infront of me in my mind -_- .. Thanks for making me shreak out like a little girl .. LOL! Part 2

[Twin_Cam_Turbo]

I cant wait for part 2 either, hahahaha!

[roopi]

Originally posted by Type_S1
Vote for ban. I always thought you were an idiot...but this is a new level.

Go back to your tiny inner office and process meaningless paper.

I agree.

[lasimmon]

Originally posted by Type_S1
Vote for ban. I always thought you were an idiot...but this is a new level.

Go back to your tiny inner office and process meaningless paper.

I vote ban for you.

That was awesome!! Can't wait for part 2!

[CompletelyNumb]

6/10

[Maybelater]

First world problems

[bourge73]

I wish I was baked please pm me with a hook up, so I can re read and enjoy this stupid post.

[My_name_is_Rob]

I was on the edge of my seat the whole time! Part of me thinks that i should eat at subway as well tomorrow, yet the other part of me thinks that maybe you have shares in the company and are trying to give them a local boost. :thumbsup:

[AndyL]

Mmmm Subway :drool:

[[Yu]]

haha I stopped reading half way. Sounds too much like copy paste material but slightly changed.

If not just copy and paste, epic commentary from what read hahah.

[schocker]

Originally posted by Type_S1
Vote for ban. I always thought you were an idiot...but this is a new level.

Go back to your tiny inner office and process meaningless paper.
Ya he's the idiot..... :facepalm:

[JfuckinC]

meh

[Kloubek]

Originally posted by mugensix
Hahaha im extremely baked

...and I'm going to guess he was when he wrote it too.

For chronics, by chronics.

[Maybelater]

Originally posted by schocker

Ya he's the idiot..... :facepalm:

Dude be careful, he might use his ball'n stacks of cash and influence to have you eliminated, that or he will give us commentary on how much he thinks particular workers in society deserve to make.

Personally I'd be really depressed if I spent my whole life sizing up everyone in society.

[black13]

Moral of the story...Subway is awful! Their chicken tastes like cardboard. The employees always look suicidal and its not as healthy as people make it out to be.

[Mitsu3000gt]

I haven't eaten at Subway in a long time. If I wanted a salt & chemical bomb, there are more delicious ways to do so. Some subs are much worse for you than a fast food burger as well. Everyone I know who eats there thinks it's healthy lol. Even if you ignore the calories, the chemicals and food fillers you're eating are probably worse.

[Rat Fink]

.

[JfuckinC]

Originally posted by Rat Fink


:werd:

I'd be even more depressed if I had to take lunch at exactly 12:00 with all the other coworkers as if we were all cattle being prodded through the chutes.

lol, i wonder what thats actually like....

[Maybelater]

Originally posted by Rat Fink


:werd:

I'd be even more depressed if I had to take lunch at exactly 12:00 with all the other coworkers as if we were all cattle being prodded through the chutes.

I have to do that at my job, but it is because of safety issues. One time a guy stayed past lunch and knocked himself out and they didn't find him chilling out in his own blood until a good thirty minutes passed. Kid was fine, just a concussion, but quite the find after break ends.

[dirtsniffer]

haha i thought it was funny.

please stop quoting type-s1. you're making my ignore list useless

[jibber]

Sounds like someone got their red Swingline taken away....

[95teetee]

Originally posted by [Yu]
haha I stopped reading half way I stopped reading at the part where Subway once a week was a 'treat'.

[msommers]

Okay so at my school we have faculty advisers that are assigned to students according to their last names. The faculty advisers help students with scheduling conflicts, general questions, help with internships/employment, etc. My adviser is named Jess Depew and as you can see she's pretty hot.

http://i38.tinypic.com/nodidc.jpg

The picture doesn't really do her justice but they're all I've got at the moment. She's like 25 and she's only been at the school a few years. Anyway, I have been looking into getting an internship with geology stuff over the summer, and the school helps coordinate these things with an internship database that's maintained by the advisers. You log on with your school ID and password and you can browse internships and stuff. I was having trouble logging on to mine so I went to go see Ms. Depew. That's where all the trouble started.

Firstly, I walked into office like 15 minutes early like an idiot and she's in the middle of lunch. So I awkwardly make stupid stall talk until she's finished.

"Oh, hey, what are you eating?"
"Salmon. I love it. I eat it practically everyday."
"Just salmon? That's pretty weird." Why the hell did I say this?
"Oh, well, I don't know. I try to eat healthy, natural foods...you know, like wild berries and honey and stuff."
"Yeah, I like food too." *facepalm*

Man, I was so nervous. Anyway, we finally begin squaring my stuff away. She looks up what I registered with in the beginning of the year. This is when the crap really hit the fan. This is how the conversation went:

"Okay, you're account name is [my name] and your password is ...'depewissexy'..."

Oh damn. I completely forgot that I put that as my password in the beginning of the year. What the hell was I thinking? It was probably the longest 20 seconds of my life before I finally got my balls together to stand up and leave. Just as I walk out the door she says,

"In the future, you might want to bear in mind what kind of things you want keep to yourself."

I was so freaking embarrassed I wanted to kill myself right then and there. I wanted to run the hell out of there and never, ever see her again. But something about what she just said kept me standing in her doorway. I decided to man up and apologize. I turned to her, looked her straight in the eyes, and swallowed my pride. And then, it hit me like a train full of bricks.

She was eating Salmon.

She tries to eat all healthy, natural foods, like wild berries and honey.

She told me that I might want to bear in mind what kind of things I want to keep to myself.

Ms. Depew was a bear disguised as a human.

Immediately, the bear saw that I had seen through its charade. It roared loudly and took a menacing swipe at me. I deftly avoided its claw and sprinted out of the office. The bear was soon in chase, crashing through the walls of the office as if they were made of paper. I jumped over the receptionist desk and ran out the back entrance. The bear followed, tossing the secretary aside like a rag doll. The bear began to pursue me through the street traffic. While I fought my way through the maze of vehicles, the bear simply careened its massive force through anything standing in its way. Cars veered off the road to escape the onslaught of grizzly force that was barreling down the road. The bear was gaining fast. I had no other option but to make my way into the nearest building: a preschool. I burst through the door, startling the children from their naps. Immediately, the bear slammed through the wall, crushing a child beneath his massive paws and burying several other children in sheet rock and debris. I maneuvered my way through the chaos towards the back exit. The pre-schoolers were little more than a screaming annoyance for the bear. Its massive paws cut swaths through the sea of toddlers with each swipe. I used the precious time these children had afforded for me to make my escape into the playground. I scrambled up a ladder to a fort-like structure. My goal was to walk across the monkey bars then jump to a tree which I could climb to the roof of the preschool and perhaps flag down a passing helicopter.

I began my trek across the monkey bars just as the bear charged outside, its teeth and claws still fresh with the blood of the innocent. It let out a monstrous roar and began its assault on the cheap, wooden playset. I let go of all caution and ran to end the end of the monkey bars. I leaped for the tree branch just as the bear's enormous girth came plowing through the entire structure. I grasped the branch tightly as the bear collided with the tree, sending it into a daze. I saw this as my one opportunity not for escape, but for victory. I leapt off the tree onto the ground and grabbed a stray bar that had been shorn from the play set. The bear was slowly coming to so I had to act fast. I ran to the beast and thrust the jagged end of the pole into its jaw and through it's skull.

The bear had been defeated. I shambled home in pain but victorious.There will be more blogs and more bears in the months to come.

But today, I returned home a champion.

[Maybelater]

lol op has been exposed

http://cache.ohinternet.com/images/6/6e/Copy-Pasta.jpg

[soccernut]

Why not go to lunch at 11:45?

[Spoons]

Originally posted by Maybelater
lol op has been exposed

http://cache.ohinternet.com/images/6/6e/Copy-Pasta.jpg

Shares the same writing style as me, but 100% not stolen material.

Part 2 will come this afternoon.

[project240]

Hopefully part 2 is about the rush to the 12th floor window after rereading part 1 and realizing how pathetic it sounds.

[~Leah~]

Not gonna lie... I want the last 5 mins of my life back lol

[Spoons]

Originally posted by ~Leah~
Not gonna lie... I want the last 5 mins of my life back lol

Too bad it's mine now.

[Disoblige]

It's clear in this thread the people who were high while reading this and those who are not ;)

[ekguy]

Originally posted by Maybelater
First world problems

at least he put it in a funny way lol.

I laughed a bit.

Same crap happens in my building for lunch rush everyday

[Jonel]

I personally thought it was entertaining but maybe that's just me.

My favorite was this section:
"I let out a roar as the man full out punched the woman next to him. Others charged as a full out melee broke out at the cross walk. Suddenly the walk changed, the white beacon arose. A bolt across the road jolted a near by car as the screams of agony of those left behind echoed. Not even the elderly couple out for their afternoon stroll was left unscathed."

Probably because of the roar and the punch, the way it plays out in my head is just plain awesome haha.

Even if it was a copy and pasta job, still entertaining for a mundane Friday morning lol.

[Sugarphreak]

...

[tirebob]

I'm at work and definitely not high and I must admit I enjoyed it as well!

Good job...

[Spoons]

Some people say that there is a moment in everyone's life. That one event that forever shapes your future. There is no going back, there is no undoing what has been done. You've made your decision, and now you grab it by the reigns and you take it. Some may say a piece of me died that gruesome day, some may say it made me stronger. But I tell you friends, none of it will ever be forgiven.

Here I was, head to head with what I could only imagine was the devil himself. A sheer evil seemed to follow in his every footstep. I swore a tree burst into flames behind him, but that can neither be confirmed nor denied. His nostrils flared as he bolted towards me. He knew I was too quick for him, and I was completely aware of this. I knew that I could beat his fat, pony tail rockin' ass at a foot race any day. He had to defeat me by hand.

THE PONY TAIL. I grasped it as hard as I could, ripping him down to the ground, his head smacked across the pavement. He was knocked out cold. Was this it? I surely expected some sort of epic fight. I mean for it to end that easily. My thumbs were already half cocked poised to enter someone's eye sockets, but for what? For nothing?

The darkness, the absolute void of what was good and bad, no such feeling could ever be contemplated. You see, much like war, the events that perspired that day left a hunger. An insatiable taste that lingered, completely unsatisfied. For fucks sakes I just took down Satan himself with little effort... What has come of me? Am I now the new keeper of such a destructive throne?

I brushed myself off and headed towards my kingdom, the yellow and green sign refracting light in every which way. The rest of the group was catching up. A few weaker individuals stopped to assess the man laying on the ground. Fools I thought. Someone approached me from the rear where I swiftly turned and round house kicked them in the ribs, jumped in the air with a fresh superman punch to the groin combo. To my dismay laid Kelly from accounting. This was my friend, a co-worker who I shared Subway with many times in the past. But this all meant nothing to me now. I was dead inside.

I stood there in front of Subway. My prize was already there. I won. But I kept going. I can not begin to describe the amount of blood that was shed in front of that store, and as I awoke from my blind rage, I stood above a heap of bodies, every single one moaning in pain. A silence filled the air. I slowly turned and entered the store.

The clerk stared at me in awe. My blood soaked dress shirt clearly alarmed him, but he took my order.

"One foot long Spicy Italian on herb and cheese"

"Sorry Sir, we are out of herb and cheese." His lips quivered as the words left his mouth.

"What do you fucking mean you are out of herb and cheese?"

A shriek boomed across the parking lot. The heaped figure of my nemesis still laid, motionless. A quick choke up of blood revived the broken soul. He reached over and grabbed his now ripped off pony tail. His pupil's quickly dilated as my omnipresent figure now dawned over him. A quick thud of my spicy Italian on whole wheat washed over his face as I reached down and clutched his pony tail.

"This is mine now old man."

As my enemy slowly drifted off into an eternal sleep, few words manages to escape his lips.

"With great power...." *cough*

"With great power.... Comes unlimited Subway."

[JfuckinC]

Originally posted by Sugarphreak


Shhhhhhhh!!!

lol get real, you go at 11:30..

[Masked Bandit]

Haters gonna hate...

I like the story.

Extra pickles please.

[bulaian]

Originally posted by JfuckinC


lol get real, you go at 11:30..

Shhhh! That's my time!

[max_boost]

lol well written or copied, good read though. I dislike subway. :barf:

[-relk-]

Im in the group that liked both. :thumbsup:

I say keep it up!

[Spoons]

100% created from my imagination. No copy and paste/took someone else's story and altered it.

This started out as just a simple little status on my Facebook. I have quite a few of them (honestly I just use Facebook mainly to post stupid shit to make people laugh). Anyway this story is loosely based on true events (people do actually speed walk to Subway).

My friends suggested I write a book. It's been done before, yes, and this is just one of the stories in it (it will be a compilation of short stories, all based loosely on my life). It may just turn into a passion project, but that is exactly what writing is for me, a passion. I wouldn't really expect much to come of it. But in that case, definitely not going to try and plaguer someone else's work. People who know me personally would completely read that in my tone and know it really came from me.

But I wanted to try it out with Beyond. Everyone is going to have haters, but I'm glad most enjoyed it.

[acura_el]

Good read! I don't know why, but I was half expecting it to end with the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air song.

[nj2Type-S]

i thought it was funny. got an awesome visual while reading the story lol!

[CMW403]

The quality of your writing isn't there, but Comedian Jim Norton has written two books filled with short stories just like this and they are HILARIOUS.

Seriously, if you have enough material and you are motivated, I say write a damn book!

[superboss]

Worst thread ever.. Really, you come on to Beyond and complain about the fuckin line at Subway. Fuck sakes!!!

[Paul]

Tweet

[SKR]

Originally posted by CMW403
The quality of your writing isn't there, but Comedian Jim Norton has written two books filled with short stories just like this and they are HILARIOUS.

His books are funny because he understands comedy. This writing is by someone who doesn't understand comedy.

[Spoons]

Originally posted by CMW403
The quality of your writing isn't there, but Comedian Jim Norton has written two books filled with short stories just like this and they are HILARIOUS.

Seriously, if you have enough material and you are motivated, I say write a damn book!

Keep in mind both parts were written just off the top of my head. Not much thought was put into it.

I have a note pad I keep of better ones that I've put more work in. I'll share at some point.

[Sugarphreak]

...

[jonnycat]

I really liked part one, it was a great lead up to what seemed like it could have a really funny ending. I kept envisioning a funny commercial, or a sitcom sequence.

[AA2001]

cool story bro! Gave me a pre-lunch laugh. Time to go!