Top 5 Regrets From Dying People

[msommers]

For many years I worked in palliative care. My patients were those who had gone home to die. Some incredibly special times were shared. I was with them for the last three to twelve

weeks of their lives.

People grow a lot when they are faced with their own mortality. I learnt never to underestimate someone’s capacity for growth. Some changes were phenomenal. Each experienced a variety of emotions, as expected, denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually acceptance. Every single patient found their peace before they departed though, every one of them.

When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again. Here are the most common five:

1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.

It is very important to try and honour at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.

2. I wish I didn’t work so hard.

This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.

By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.

3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.

Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.

We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

Often they would not truly realize the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.

It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.

When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.

Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly. Choose happiness.


By Bronnie Ware

Source: http://theburiedlife.tumblr.com/post/27501710757/top-5-regrets-from-dying-people

Empowering? Sappy? Stupid? Kinda gay? However your view is, if and when you've finished reading this, it hopefully will make you think briefly of where you are and where you want to be.

[swak]

Fuck That.

Live life with no regrets.

[v2kai]

Fuck work! Time to go outside and enjoy life!

http://i.minus.com/izJYplZMAtAQ.gif

[95EG6P]

I can relate to some of the article Otherwise good read :)

[Boat]

Didn't resonate with me, but I am a spoiled gen Y. I can see why the top 5 list came out the way it did.

As said in the article, these are older generations of people and I think a lot of western values have changed and are changing since living and dying in the 20th/early 21st century. So I don't see them applying as much as they do to the older generations.

[Spoons]

I can solidly say I'm living all 5 of those. Especially number 2.

Go ahead, work your ass off, become "successful", make lots of money... But what is it worth if you don't have the time to enjoy it? (You can say what you want on that work hard to a position where you don't have to work. Most won't reach that)

[sevewone]

#2 for sure.

http://cellardoorfam.files.wordpress.com/2011/10/the-dalai-lama-when-asked-what-surprised-him-most-about-humanity-answered-man-because-he-sacrifices-his-health-in-order-to-make-money.jpg

[Seth1968]

Originally posted by swak
Fuck That.

Live life with no regrets.

Agreed.

You can hope you did more or less of this and that, but you have no idea if it would have turned out to be better or worse.

OFpMEtBTxHU

[Mibz]

What about those with boneitis?

[lellowrx7]

YOLO?

[theken]

Society makes it almost impossible to do anything on that list unless your poor. I cannot raise my 3 kids and support a house without doing the work I do now which leaves very little home time to spend with family and friends as well as live dreams. This country and prices and recession have made living a burden. Eat, work, eat, work, eat, sleep repeat, that's life now

[Spoons]

Originally posted by Mibz
What about those with boneitis?

I was so busy being an 80's guy, I forgot to cure it.

[black13]

Originally posted by theken
Society makes it almost impossible to do anything on that list unless your poor. I cannot raise my 3 kids and support a house without doing the work I do now which leaves very little home time to spend with family and friends as well as live dreams. This country and prices and recession have made living a burden. Eat, work, eat, work, eat, sleep repeat, that's life now

Even with the recession, your 100x better off than at least 80% of the people in the world who live on $10 a day.

It's really not that bad here in Canada. It's all about perspective though. If you keep comparing yourself to people higher up then you will spend your whole life trying to be them without enjoying what you have.

[Disoblige]

Live life with a balance.
Work hard, and have time to spend with your family, friends, and enjoy things you like to do.

All these things are possible, particularly if you are younger.

It's funny because a lot of people I know say "Oh I already know not to work too hard and enjoy life" and they are underachieving and lazy.

Riiiiiiight, you abide by #2 on purpose because you totally wanted to not work too hard. That's why you do nothing all day and just play video games :nut:

Edit: Fuck it, everyone should not listen to any of the rules so they can have the worst midlife crisis ever and be real-life Breaking Bad. Bad. Ass.

[Markll7]

lol Never knew there was so much Futurama love

[max_boost]

Check it. http://tinybuddha.com/

[SKR]

I think I'd regret doing whatever it was that put me on my deathbed the most. Looking back on missed opportunities would seem unimportant at that particular moment.

[M.alex]

Originally posted by Spoons
I can solidly say I'm living all 5 of those. Especially number 2.

Go ahead, work your ass off, become "successful", make lots of money... But what is it worth if you don't have the time to enjoy it? (You can say what you want on that work hard to a position where you don't have to work. Most won't reach that)

That's why you should find a job you enjoy. I've loved every single minute of the last 11yrs of my various career paths. Sure, i've (and still do) work 12hrs/day, but it's doing stuff I love.

Retirement is pretty boring, there's only so much golf, lifting weights, and building race cars one can take before your mind goes numb; work is fun because you can challenge yourself and prove that you're better than others.

[Seth1968]

Originally posted by SKR
I think I'd regret doing whatever it was that put me on my deathbed the most.

I sometimes think the same, but then realize that my "alternate choice" could have had a better or worse outcome.

Simply put, we don't know the consequences of the actions we don't take, so why regret anything?

[arian_ma]

Thanks for posting that, very insightful.

[SKR]

Originally posted by Seth1968


I sometimes think the same, but then realize that my "alternate choice" could have had a better or worse outcome.

Simply put, we don't know the consequences of the actions we don't take, so why regret anything?

Well, I was thinking more of being on me deathbed due to one specific action, like not looking before crossing the street and getting hit by a car. Of any decision I made in my life, I would regret that one the most. It was just a joke.

[Tik-Tok]

I love the guys in this thread in their early twenties saying "Fuck yeah I totally do all that!!!" :rofl:

Not saying you're going to change, but seriously save the OP and read it again when you're 40. Chances are you HAVE changed by then, because if you aren't living it up right now, there's something wrong with you, and if you aren't working hard to better your family when you're 40, there's also something wrong with you.

Of course it'll be a regret if you work too hard, but I'd rather work hard so my family can have a better life, than not. There's always a good balance. (C_Dave seems to be a good example of this, though I don't know him, just going by his posts)

[ZenOps]

You kids have it better than anyone.

I used to play "pong" and downloaded at 9,600 baud dambit... and I was happy. So was everyone else. Now people complain if there isn't a videogame sequel every other year.

Food from every corner of the globe, pineapples from Hawaii - which even royalty 100 years ago could not get (no planes) Apples that aren't one type, red delicious.

Regrets? Not many. Maybe not helping out as much as I probably could have.

[Mibz]

Originally posted by theken
Society makes it almost impossible to do anything on that list unless your poor. I cannot raise my 3 kids and support a house without doing the work I do now which leaves very little home time to spend with family and friends as well as live dreams. This country and prices and recession have made living a burden. Eat, work, eat, work, eat, sleep repeat, that's life now This isn't an attack or anything, but you have the choice to have kids, and the choice of how many you have. I can imagine that having 3 kids puts a strain on things in such a way that you have to work harder and longer, but I don't see how that's anybody's fault but your own. You knew that going into it. Even when I was a teenager I understood that children are fucking expensive and you need to be max_boost ballin' to be able to afford multiple kids -and- vacations -and- fancy toys.

If you go your entire life without having children then there's a good chance you'll avoid having to work so hard, but may have some regret later in your life. Again, that's a choice that individuals make and they should be aware of the consequences of their decision. It has nothing to do with anybody else.

[Spoons]

Originally posted by Tik-Tok
I love the guys in this thread in their early twenties saying "Fuck yeah I totally do all that!!!" :rofl:

Not saying you're going to change, but seriously save the OP and read it again when you're 40. Chances are you HAVE changed by then, because if you aren't living it up right now, there's something wrong with you, and if you aren't working hard to better your family when you're 40, there's also something wrong with you.

Of course it'll be a regret if you work too hard, but I'd rather work hard so my family can have a better life, than not. There's always a good balance. (C_Dave seems to be a good example of this, though I don't know him, just going by his posts)

See I'm an underachiever. I do well at my job, but I don't exactly strive to be the best or anything. I do the bare minimum, go into work, go home and have fun.

I'm in my 20's, but I really plan on nothing changing. I don't plan on having a family, I don't want kids.

NOW am I an underachiever in things that I love? Hell no. I am always trying to set personal bests in the gym, increase my skill with snowboarding, become a better person and try to be as compassionate as I can (in real life, not with you fucks ;) )

It's all relativity here. Work and money isn't important in my life. If I live life making the bare minimum enough for me to have a bit of fun, and survive, I would be completely happy with that. Hell my plan is late 20's go and move to Nelson, labour all summer and ride all winter. Some people think that is foolish, but some people are not me.

Fuck I may not be able to retire till I'm 80, but that is not of concern to me. I live life one day at a time, some people may say it is irresponsible that I am not planning for the future, but I live my life as if there is no future. The way I think everyone should, but lots of people struggle with uncertainties.

[max_boost]

Live your life for you. If that's what makes you happy spoons, all the power to you.
:thumbsup:

[Spoons]

Originally posted by max_boost
Live your life for you. If that's what makes you happy spoons, all the power to you.
:thumbsup:

Exactly!

Now do I wish I kind of had a 997 to rip around in like you? Definitely. But I can live life without one all the same.

Hell maybe I'll end up like Kramer, fall ass backwards into a ton of money. LOL

[Hallowed_point]

Originally posted by Spoons
Fuck I may not be able to retire till I'm 80, but that is not of concern to me. I live life one day at a time, some people may say it is irresponsible that I am not planning for the future, but I live my life as if there is no future. The way I think everyone should, but lots of people struggle with uncertainties.

I don't necessarily share your views, but I like your perspective on this :thumbsup:

[max_boost]

Originally posted by Spoons


Exactly!

Now do I wish I kind of had a 997 to rip around in like you? Definitely. But I can live life without one all the same.

Hell maybe I'll end up like Kramer, fall ass backwards into a ton of money. LOL haha I drive that 997 maybe once a week for an hour or so but I will tonight since I'm going on a hot date. :rofl:

I'll drive it even less next month when I get my class 6 and vroom vroom around in a 250 lol :burnout: :rofl:

[canadian booster]

i guess this fits in there somewhere too


If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be
it. The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by
scientists whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable
than my own meandering
experience…I will dispense this advice now. Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth; oh nevermind; you will not
understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded.
But trust me, in 20 years you’ll look back at photos of yourself and
recall in a way you can’t grasp now how much possibility lay before
you and how fabulous you really looked….You’re not as fat as you
imagine. Don’t worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as
effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing
bubblegum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that
never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm
on some idle Tuesday. Do one thing everyday that scares you Sing Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts, don’t put up with
people who are reckless with yours. Floss Don’t waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes
you’re behind…the race is long, and in the end, it’s only with
yourself. Remember the compliments you receive, forget the insults; if you
succeed in doing this, tell me how. Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements. Stretch Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your
life…the most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they
wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year
olds I know still don’t. Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees, you’ll miss them when they’re gone. Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll have children,maybe
you won’t, maybe you’ll divorce at 40, maybe you’ll dance the funky
chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary…what ever you do, don’t
congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either – your
choices are half chance, so are everybody else’s. Enjoy your body,
use it every way you can…don’t be afraid of it, or what other people
think of it, it’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever
own.. Dance…even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room. Read the directions, even if you don’t follow them. Do NOT read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly. Get to know your parents, you never know when they’ll be gone for
good. Be nice to your siblings; they are the best link to your past and the
people most likely to stick with you in the future. Understand that friends come and go,but for the precious few you
should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and
lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you
knew when you were young. Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard; live
in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft. Travel. Accept certain inalienable truths, prices will rise, politicians will
philander, you too will get old, and when you do you’ll fantasize
that when you were young prices were reasonable, politicians were
noble and children respected their elders. Respect your elders. Don’t expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund,
maybe you have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one
might run out. Don’t mess too much with your hair, or by the time you're 40, it will
look 85. Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who
supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of
fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the
ugly parts and recycling it for more than
it’s worth. But trust me on the sunscreen…

[Sugarphreak]

...

[Skyline_Addict]

I live my life...a quarter mile at a time?

[canadian booster]

Originally posted by Sugarphreak
^^ They played that at my grad, unimaginative idiots we had for a grad committee :facepalm:

nice! probably had some of that GreenDay "Good Riddance" playing too eh? oddly enough is the most misunderstood song ever *lol*


Originally posted by Skyline_Addict
I live my life...a quarter mile at a time?

for that, you can have any beer in the house, as long as it's a Corona

[Sugarphreak]

...

[canadian booster]

^^ win :clap:

[max_boost]

^^^ Class of 99? lol :eek:

[Sugarphreak]

...

[clem24]

Originally posted by theken
Society makes it almost impossible to do anything on that list unless your poor. I cannot raise my 3 kids and support a house without doing the work I do now which leaves very little home time to spend with family and friends as well as live dreams. This country and prices and recession have made living a burden. Eat, work, eat, work, eat, sleep repeat, that's life now

This is BS. If this is your life, then it's time to read that list over again and re-evaluate yourself. Can't support your house? Move into something smaller. Reduce your work hours. And get less pay. YOU are in control. You're obviously not getting the point of that list and when you're on your deathbed, you will recite these same things. Get it now?

[Spoons]

Originally posted by max_boost
haha I drive that 997 maybe once a week for an hour or so but I will tonight since I'm going on a hot date. :rofl:

I'll drive it even less next month when I get my class 6 and vroom vroom around in a 250 lol :burnout: :rofl:

Ah come on a 250?

YOLO Get a 600 or a 750 :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[Disoblige]

Guaranteed max_boost gets bored in a week. Not pressuring, not pressuring.

Just kidding, it'll be fun. No need to rush :D

[swak]

180% you are on the ball Spoons! [live life one day at a time]

For me, its not about money... If all i can afford is a townhouse at the peak of my career, then so be it. I live life to enjoy it.
"I work to live, not live to work" - a quote a co-worker said to me once. Stuck with me ever since.

Im moving to Winnipeg at the end of August to write my Masters - sold really everything i own to do so. Only because i want to - even though it'll put me in a crazy amount of debt when i can get a well-paying (not as appealing) job now with my undergrad.
Will this get me moreeee money? Maybe.
But really, what im doing all this for is to be able to say i've made a difference in society and give meaning to my existence - rather than being a slave on AutoCad, Opera, or some other software found on computers in cubiles (erm "open office concept spaces").
Live life! ... and enjoy the time spent with those around you.



Actually, on my last race, i regret not riding faster :D

[rvd]

More time in the sandbox.

[HiTempguy1]

I get the same "what are you doing with your life?!" thing from my family.

The people who are:

1) Parents - 50 years old. No hobbies. FINALLY are able to afford an acreage that they are going to sink all of their money into. My dad can't justify putting new tires on his 2002 SS Camaro (whoopdee doo). He drivers a truck with 350,000kms on it and my mom is in an Aveo. Not that possessions matter, but it goes to show how far hard work gets you...

2) Sister - 25 years old (26 in September) has spent the last EIGHT YEARS getting her shit together and finishing her RN while living in high level. She honestly has done NOTHING besides work and school.

Me? Graduated as a technologist at 21, got a cushy job, take whatever time off I want, and cruise around the country racing cars. Yea, I rent a 12'x12' bedroom and daily drive a Firefly because my racecar is worth $45k and I sink every last dime into it/events, but FUCK IT. You only live once, and I refuse to be a beaten, broken old man like my father who has earned over $100k per year for the past two decades (and had a relatively successful go at building houses before he started a business and didn't adequately protect himself from bankruptcy) and look where he is at now? He hasn't been snowmobiling in the mountains in almost 5 years FFS and that is what he LOVES :banghead:

And if I ever get serious about life, $150k/year is a hop skip and jump away in Ft. Mac.

[max_boost]

http://www.ted.com/talks/jane_mcgonigal_the_game_that_can_give_you_10_extra_years_of_life.html

[Seth1968]

Originally posted by HiTempguy1
I get the same "what are you doing with your life?!" thing from my family.

The people who are:

1) Parents - 50 years old. No hobbies. FINALLY are able to afford an acreage that they are going to sink all of their money into. My dad can't justify putting new tires on his 2002 SS Camaro (whoopdee doo). He drivers a truck with 350,000kms on it and my mom is in an Aveo. Not that possessions matter, but it goes to show how far hard work gets you...

2) Sister - 25 years old (26 in September) has spent the last EIGHT YEARS getting her shit together and finishing her RN while living in high level. She honestly has done NOTHING besides work and school.

Me? Graduated as a technologist at 21, got a cushy job, take whatever time off I want, and cruise around the country racing cars. Yea, I rent a 12'x12' bedroom and daily drive a Firefly because my racecar is worth $45k and I sink every last dime into it/events, but FUCK IT. You only live once, and I refuse to be a beaten, broken old man like my father who has earned over $100k per year for the past two decades (and had a relatively successful go at building houses before he started a business and didn't adequately protect himself from bankruptcy) and look where he is at now? He hasn't been snowmobiling in the mountains in almost 5 years FFS and that is what he LOVES :banghead:

And if I ever get serious about life, $150k/year is a hop skip and jump away in Ft. Mac.

Nice.

I'm no car mechanic, but the Firefly was a kick ass vehicle.

You couldn't kill one of those if you tried, and believe me I did.

BTW- On topic, get self employed and shit like that.

[msommers]

Originally posted by max_boost
http://www.ted.com/talks/jane_mcgonigal_the_game_that_can_give_you_10_extra_years_of_life.html

Nice one, Sam!

I couldn't help but notice this one

http://www.ted.com/talks/usman_riaz_and_preston_reed_a_young_guitarist_meets_his_hero.html

[theken]

Originally posted by Mibz
This isn't an attack or anything, but you have the choice to have kids, and the choice of how many you have. I can imagine that having 3 kids puts a strain on things in such a way that you have to work harder and longer, but I don't see how that's anybody's fault but your own. You knew that going into it. Even when I was a teenager I understood that children are fucking expensive and you need to be max_boost ballin' to be able to afford multiple kids -and- vacations -and- fancy toys.

Funny as it is "I" did not have a choice, my "wife" made those choices for me, she stopped taking birth control pills without telling me so that I would propose to her, and my last one survived a plan B attack....I know what you are saying, but at the end of the day everything is expensive not just kids...

[max_boost]

Yes everything is expensive. I know you are quite the hard worker Ken! :thumbsup:

[HiTempguy1]

Originally posted by theken

Funny as it is "I" did not have a choice, my "wife" made those choices for me, she stopped taking birth control pills without telling me so that I would propose to her, and my last one survived a plan B attack....I know what you are saying, but at the end of the day everything is expensive not just kids...

:confused:

Not going to lie, your life sounds like a Jerry Springer show in the making. How you had two more kids with a woman that forced you to have the first is beyond me...

[clem24]

Originally posted by theken

Funny as it is "I" did not have a choice, my "wife" made those choices for me, she stopped taking birth control pills without telling me so that I would propose to her, and my last one survived a plan B attack....I know what you are saying, but at the end of the day everything is expensive not just kids...

Are you married to the Kijiji girl...

[Kg810]

Originally posted by theken

Funny as it is "I" did not have a choice, my "wife" made those choices for me, she stopped taking birth control pills without telling me so that I would propose to her, and my last one survived a plan B attack....I know what you are saying, but at the end of the day everything is expensive not just kids...

:confused: :confused: :confused:

Totally reminded me of this meme
http://lh4.ggpht.com/-tsrYalH_G3o/T9H-tt_YVmI/AAAAAAAB3BI/kzCYrci2H0Y/s1600/creepy-girlfriend-meme-7b1a0b%25255B2%25255D.jpg

Does your "wife" also say any of these?
http://www.thechobble.com/2012/06/creepy-jb-fan-video-girl-has-entered.html?m=1

[masoncgy]

"I wish I didn't work so hard" ...

You don't really have much choice these days. You have to bust ass just to keep up. I understand the whole concept of not getting to live life and smell the roses, but really, the cost of owning a home, vehicle, groceries, etc consume far more income than ever before, while wages for the most part cannot keep up to inflation.

So... unless you want to live a rather mediocre existence, which is a pretty shitty feeling, you have to work hard to enjoy some of the finer things in life.

That's just my take. I work all of the time. I do it to provide a better life than I had for my family. It sucks, but it is what it is. I'd never want my wife or kids to have to just 'exist' ... that's just not good enough, in my opinion.

[Xtrema]

Originally posted by masoncgy
"I wish I didn't work so hard" ...

You don't really have much choice these days. You have to bust ass just to keep up.

Not unless you know about the Nexen deal before market opened today.......