One Thing You Would Say To Your Mother/Father?

[baygirl]

If you knew one of your parents(specifically the one you are closest with) was living on borrowed time, what is the one thing you would say to him/her? How would you let them know how much they have meant to you?

[dj_rice]

I wouldn't say anything. Just a big long hug. Growing up asian, we never really hugged or shared our feelings.

[RNB11]

:werd: Asians do not share feelings as well as we should, there's always a lot of regret when time gets near.

[[Yu]]

I am kind of in this situation, except I'm the one who is in the position of your parents (not entirely the same that is).



I'm first generation Canadian but I am Chinese, I have been waiting for a transplant and finally going to get one in the near future. I myself have been doing my best for the last 3-4 years to try to get close to my parents and learn to share feelings.

I have tried to even adapt the way I talk to them, but even then I can't figure out how to really have a deep conversation with them. At this point I have finally accepted that the way we (as in people of our generation) talk and how they talk will never be the same and that changing is not a common thing they do. Just letting them know that you love them and spending quality time with them seems enough. I can tell that when I do things with my parents no matter how small the thing is (like go to TnT with them, or go out for a brisk walk) and just overall do things they do in their everyday life is more than enough for them.

I know this situation isn't the same but I know how difficult it is to talk to Asian parents and it seems to be the consensus with the population of Asians on beyond.

For the people who haven't really faced the issue of wanting to be able to talk to their parents, it isn't too late to try (I started when I was ~20). Just keep doing your best and take things one step at a time because perhaps in the future, time may be a luxury and you don't want to regret not being able to share quality moments with your parents.

[K3RMiTdot]

Originally posted by dj_rice
I wouldn't say anything. Just a big long hug. Growing up asian, we never really hugged or shared our feelings.

very true, i dont quite have convos with my parents like white people do.

At the same time, they care for us in ways that we will never know.

[Redlyne_mr2]

share moments not feelings

[Tik-Tok]

Originally posted by baygirl
If you knew one of your parents(specifically the one you are closest with) was living on borrowed time, what is the one thing you would say to him/her? How would you let them know how much they have meant to you?

"I quit my job, and we're moving back to the island."

[baygirl]

Sharing moments or showing affection is not really an option as he is in Newfoundland and I am in Calgary. And to be honest he is not the type of man you walk up and hug(my sister asked for a hug and his response was what for lol?)

Originally posted by Tik-Tok


"I quit my job, and we're moving back to the island."
Did that for 5 months this year......

[Unknown303]

YOLO

[sputnik]

The last time I saw my dad alive was as he was heading into heart surgery for the sixth time...

I gave him a big hug and said "I love you Dad, see you later".

[kvg]

I would say "thank you".

[msommers]

Originally posted by Redlyne_mr2
share moments not feelings

Bingo.

[Feruk]

Originally posted by Redlyne_mr2
share moments not feelings
+1. Feelings are for chicks.

[Disoblige]

Originally posted by Redlyne_mr2
share moments not feelings
:werd:

Although I agree most Asian families don't share feelings very much with each other, a lot of parents would do anything for their kids and really the best thing their son/daughter could do is spend time with their family.

95% of my white friends moved out during or after university from their parent's house and don't really associate with them anymore.


Originally posted by [Yu]
I can tell that when I do things with my parents no matter how small the thing is (like go to TnT with them, or go out for a brisk walk) and just overall do things they do in their everyday life is more than enough for them.

Exactly.

[flipstah]

I hang out with my parents as much as I can and while we don't go "Family Ties", we know we all love each other and just enjoy what little time we have together.

[msommers]

Originally posted by Disoblige
95% of my white friends moved out during or after university from their parent's house and don't really associate with them anymore.

Funny, I would say it's way less or not even half. Come to think of it, I think almost all my friends I'm close with have the usual Sunday dinner at minimum. Overall though, my family isn't really that close with each other so I make an effort to see them often.

[EK 2.0]

Originally posted by Redlyne_mr2

share moments not feelings

This...

Our family has suffered a lot of loss through the years...all sorts of family members young and old. And while feelings are great. It's the moments that you will carry with you for the rest of your own days....

That being said...for the very few people that are close to me...I never ever go a day without telling them that I love them, and that they are appreciated to me in some manner...As you never know if that would have been the last time that you ever get to tell them (whether you pass on or they do and I don't want that on my shoulders...call it selfish if you must)

But to my parents...even though my father and I are not the closest....and we are of south asian lineage...I would tell them "thank you...and not to worry about me...or my sisters...that we will be ok"....

[Disoblige]

Originally posted by msommers


Funny, I would say it's way less or not even half. Come to think of it, I think almost all my friends I'm close with have the usual Sunday dinner at minimum. Overall though, my family isn't really that close with each other so I make an effort to see them often.
Hmm, maybe!
I just know in my case, almost all of my Asian friends are still living at home with parents, and I can't even think of any white colleagues/white friends I know at the moment who's still living with parents. There must be a couple but I can't think of any. Most of them moved out and are living with roommates.

[msommers]

Yeah I think a lot of whities are like that once school is over and working.

[flipstah]

For what I've observed, Filipinos tend to be closer than other Asian familiies. Perhaps it's the Spanish-way of life.

All Chinese people care about is that their first-born is a boy lol jkjk.

[baygirl]

I'm not overly close with my family(there's a reason I live >6000km away lol), however my father is different. Spending time is not an option obviously(after just spending 5 months back there going for a visit isn't really an option), so I'm trying to figure out what I can say to him. I know it has to come from me, but am having trouble finding the words, hence this thread.

[Tik-Tok]

In that case, KVG has it spot on.


Originally posted by kvg
I would say "thank you".

Also, make sure he knows you'll be there for your mom (or his current wife). Those are two thing I would want to hear from any child of mine.

[krazykhoja]

South Asian heritage -- same as others have said, never really had the long/deep conversations. However, saying "thank you for all you've done and taught me" and "if I could be half the parent you are, my kids will be lucky". Remember our parents have done more for us than we will know, just letting them know you appreciate them and all they did, I think would be something great for any parent to hear.

[jonnycat]

With my Dad, I had no warning, my parents were seperated most of my life so I had no info from anyone else. I had been concerned about his health but in reality I had no clue it was nearing the end. He was 63. I would have really liked to have said thank you and gotten one last hug.

[dj_rice]

Originally posted by Disoblige

:werd:

Although I agree most Asian families don't share feelings very much with each other, a lot of parents would do anything for their kids and really the best thing their son/daughter could do is spend time with their family.

95% of my white friends moved out during or after university from their parent's house and don't really associate with them anymore.


Exactly.


That is true. Since I've moved to Edmonton, I try to visit my parents every few months. Everytime I come visit, my mom cooks me 2 weeks worth of food to bring back and always giving me gas money. Said they appreciate me coming back to visit them. I guess that me coming back shows them I care. And that's priceless to them.

[reiRei]

"Thank you" is very powerful to say to your parents.

I look back on the years that my father missed on our lives when he was working long haul, knowing that he'd miss out on the little things growing up, knowing.. in 10 years of our life, he'd only been part of 5-6 of them.. but sacrificing that time in order to send both of his kids to college and put food on the table, and a roof over our heads.

Or even the number of years my mom spent as a "single mom" while my dad was driving, trying to raise two teenagers... There are so many words I could say to my parents, but I know that for them.. Thank you is probably the best thing to hear.

Nowadays, both my brother and I live in BC... and the simple joy of heading over to Calgary to visit my parents is something that we all look forward to, my Dad's health is slowly deteriorating, so any simple time that I can spend with him is valuable (even if it's just sitting on a bench at the mall, watching people go by).

We grew up pretty close to our parents (we're filipino), but we never say "I love you" because we already know that we love each other, just the simple act of appreciation goes a long way.

[BokCh0y]

Asian family, never any emotions on the "i love you " level.

It wasn't until my mom found out she had terminal cancer that she really started to use those words, and it still was few and far between. Typical Asian I guess, but was nice to hear it from her...finally.

I watched my mom take her last breath, it was the first person I've seen die. Dealt with death before, in that I knew they were dying or saw the person after they had already passed, but never physically saw anyone die. It was...well, I relive it in my mind all the time, just cycles through over and over. I wish no one has to see that, especially if it's someone really close to you, but I am glad I was by her side.

Things I said to her before she passed? I spent more and more time with her and everytime i left for work or something like travelling, i talked to her and reminded her how much i loved her, like it was going to be the last time I would ever see her, and one day...it was.

The only thing i can say is to remind them how important they are to you, thank them for what they've done for you if anything, spend as much time as you can with them, just be there. I really don't know what else...make peace with them. Biggest thing I guess is to reassure them they raised you well and you appreciate them and you'll never forget them. that's really all I can say...it just happens to be honest, knowing what to say to them.

[Cos]

.

[max_boost]

My parents are only 20 years older than me. I'll probably die before they do. :nut:

[kenny]

This thread reminds me of this video...

4fRPpSYr220

[cam_wmh]

This thread makes me sad. One day I too will out live my folks, and it scares me. :(

[r3ccOs]

Originally posted by kenny
This thread reminds me of this video...

4fRPpSYr220

there was another one posted from the govt of HK, but in all honesty... it was that generation that lacked any sort of compassion and lacked the ability to manifest their emotion other than being cruel and punishing sadists for their children not living up to their percieved standards...

Its amazing that we live in a world where children are entitled, and are encouraged that they can do anything, with parents who whole heartly belive their own kid have the predisposition to be ANYTHING

yet the Chinese in that generation just belive their children "should" be a dr., laywer, engineer and anything less is a compromoise and a disgrace.

regardless I have double standards... to my Mom... all I can say is: "finally"

to my father, I'd give him a big hug and share whatever time we have left together

[joyridder]

I grew up without my parents, living in different situations. My older sister raised my younger sister and I. As a result, we have an incredible bond. I owe my life to my sisters, without them I certainly would not be the same person I am today.
During my teenage years I got very close to my Dad, and his new wife and kids. As an adult, I am very close with them still. We are a very openly loving family. I always tell my Dad how much I am thankful for him in my life.
My Mom ws a lost soul when we were younger.It took a near death experience for her to become somewhat stable and tolerable. I am the only one to really look after her, even communicate with her. It took me a long time to get there, but I am grateful to be able to have a relationship with her.

Life is too short to "wait" to tell someone how you feel. I tell my parents that I am thankful and truly lucky to have them in my life everytime I see them. Its a dreadful thought that one day they will not be there physically, but rather in spirit.

[BokCh0y]

Here. This sums it up:

http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c103/Stinky_tofu/animalcrossing_mirror_zpsa19312bb.jpg

[ganesh]

Originally posted by baygirl
I'm not overly close with my family(there's a reason I live >6000km away lol), however my father is different. Spending time is not an option obviously(after just spending 5 months back there going for a visit isn't really an option), so I'm trying to figure out what I can say to him. I know it has to come from me, but am having trouble finding the words, hence this thread.

I am some what in the same boat. Not overly close to my fmaily. They are in Asia and I am here. Recently I lost my mom all I can say is just talk to them you don't need to say any thing. Parents don't expect words or actions they just know. Speak to him as much as you can.

[HyperZell]

^^ more powerful as a video (the music, To Zanarkand, really does it for me).

XyCk2ygkqEU

[Kritafo]

I didn't say anything to my father that was almost 20 years ago. I haunts me every day I didn't say thank-you or sorry or how much I love him. Even though I know he passed away knowing how much I loved him it hurts me I was too frightened to say goodbye. I told my mom everything I had to say the bad the good. We laughed we cried I had closure. You don't have to wait until your parents or siblings are sick or dying to say the things you need to say. Take the time say it move on and love. You never know if you will have a next time.

I think it's different for everyone.. do what you know you can live with. You are the one that is left behind and it is never the same.

Between my husband and I we have lost all parents with us by their sides until their final breath, 3 siblings to their final breath. We have a single sibling each left behind. I tell my children 1000 x's a day I love them. My sister and I are very close we speak nearly everyday on the phone or email.

[max_boost]

It's different for me I guess. I see my parents every freaking day. Try working with them 350+days a year for the past 17 years. :nut: :dunno: