Wedding gift sparks controversy.

[spikerS]

So this was given to a wedding couple recently as a wedding gift.
https://fbcdn-sphotos-g-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/1003650_591845597516047_794706942_n.jpg

Personally, I thought it was cool, thought out, presented nicely.

Apparently the bride didn't...

You get a text message from the bride:


I want to thank you for coming to the wedding Friday, I’m not sure if it’s the first wedding you have been to, but for your next wedding … people give envelopes. I lost out on $200 covering you and your dates plate . … and got fluffy whip and sour patch kids in return. Just a heads-up for the future.

My response would have been something like, well, go shove those sour patch kids up your ass, and send me a pic like this one (http://www.obviouswinner.com/storage/post-images/jet-puffed-girl.jpg?__SQUARESPACE_CACHEVERSION=1316002856175) .

I seriously believe that because it is Brides involved, yes brides, as in the plural form, explains a lot. That much estrogen in any room is a time bomb.

Here is a sample of some emails exchanged between the two parties:


Gift-givers: “… to ask for a receipt is unfathomable. In fact it was incredibly disrespectful. It was the rudest gesture I have encountered, or even heard of.”

Newlyweds: “Weddings are to make money for your future … not to pay for peoples meals. Do more research. People haven’t gave gifts since like 50 years ago! You ate steak, chicken, booze, and a beautiful venue.”

Gift-givers: “It’s obvious you have the etiquette of a twig, I couldn’t care less of what you think about the gift you received, “normal” people would welcome anything given, you wanna have a party, you pay for it, DON’T expect me to.”

Newlyweds: “You should have been cut from the list … I knew we were gunna get a bag of peanuts. I was right.”

Personally, inviting people with the expectation of turning your wedding into a money making venture is friggin retarded.

I will say this for the bride, the Venue was delicious!

source. (http://www.thestar.com/life/2013/06/19/wedding_gift_spat_spirals_out_of_control_after_bride_demands_to_see_receipt.html)


OHH! it gets better, more details!


Spectator Editor-in-Chief Paul Berton received this email from a reader Monday.

The writer posed a question about a wedding gift, the recipients' reaction and the rapidly escalating conversation that followed.

The issue has already become a local internet sensation which has people firing online broadsides at one side or the other. And it threatens to spread much wider.

The writer wanted to know who's right. Let him (and us) know by commenting or submitting your thoughts via Talk to Us. Follow the links from the home page You must be a registered user to comment or submit.

(We are identifying only the people who have agreed to be named. The string is presented as we received it.)

Hi Mr. Burton,

I think I may have a story that is up your ally, there are quite a few details, so I will try to be as brief as possible. I would prefer it if the names could be changed, if you go with this.

On a recent Friday I was invited (plus guest) to the wedding of a girl (I was her boss at a family, corporate style restaurant, I have since left the restaurant). The ceremony was at 2PM with reception to follow at 5:30.

The ceremony was short and sweet, the brides said their "I dos" at a lake side garden in Stoney Creek.

As a gift, my Girlfriend and I gave them a wicker box with a hinged lid, filled with food items, most of them PC Black Label, including: tri-color pasta, salsas, Balsamic vinegar and Olive, Gourmet croutons, Panko Breading, Pesto, some baking ingredients, Biscuits from Godiva and a few 'Fun' items like Marshmallow Fluff, Sour Patch Kids and Butterscotch sauce.

On the card we wrote "Life is delicious....Enjoy"

The day following the wedding I received this text from the Bride I worked with:

"Heyyy I just wanna say thanks for the gift but unfortunately I can't eat any of it lol I'm gluten intolerant. Do u maybe have a receipt"

To which I replied:

"Ahh shit! Really!?

"We had a great time. Thank you again for allowing us to be a part of the celebration."

To be honest, I was a little thrown off by this. A few weeks before the two of them came to eat at the Italian restaurant I currently work at (paying with the Gift Card I had my owner donate to their doe and doe.....but I digress), and both ate pasta, and not our gluten free stuff either.

I wrote it off as post wedding jitters, or a onetime laps in etiquette. Shared the text with my girlfriend, "hmmmed" and "hawwwed" over whether to dig the receipt out of the kitchen garbage can, and did a whole lot of head scratching.

The next morning (Father's Day) while having Brunch with my daughter, girlfriend and girlfriend's daughter (Which was amazing, at Spencer's on The Water in Burlington) I received this text:

"Hey (writer) it's (Bride 1's) wife Laura. I want to thank you for coming to the wedding Friday. I'm not sure if it's the first wedding you have been to, but for your next wedding... People give envelopes. I lost out on $200 covering you and your dates plate... And got fluffy whip and sour patch kids in return. Just a heads up for the future :) "

At this point I am PISSED OFF to say the least. After mulling over it for a few hours I decided to send them both an email via Facebook (I would have sent it to their personal e-mail address, but I don't have either. That is how close we all are) This is the message I sent:

"Hi , I want to tell you how incredibly insulted I am in both of the messages you have sent me over the last two days. (Bride 1), I am sorry that you have intolerance to Gluten, I am sure that makes life difficult at times. However, to ask for a receipt is unfathomable. In fact it was incredibly disrespectful. It was the rudest gesture I have encountered, or even heard of. That is until you, Laura, messaged me today.

Laura, the message you sent to me today was by far the most inconsiderate, immature, greedy, and asinine thing I have ever had the displeasure of seeing.

This is not even close to being the first wedding I have attended, and actually I have done a lot of research on wedding etiquette, a step in the process the two of you clearly skipped over (clearly displayed by Laura chewing gum, like a cow does hay, while walking down the aisle). Here is some help for you..just a heads up for the future.

The Bride's Etiquette Guide: Etiquette Made Easy, Second Edition. Here is the link.

Too bad you didn't read this, or any other etiquette guide prior to your "big day". In respect to this particular topic, I would turn your attention to pages 147-149. I am sure you will not bother to follow this link, so I will fill you in. Not only is it wrong to have an expectation of any sort of gift, it is the ultimate insult to your family and friends to mention a gift of monetary value at all, let alone be so boorish to message someone with your disappointment in said gift. Also, you should never host a party that you cannot afford, or expect your guests to pay for it. On that note, I seriously doubt that you had an expense of $100/plate. If you did, you were taken for a ride.

In retrospect, this is the exact style of behavior I should have expected from the two of you, when you used the gift card donated to your doe and doe for a personal date night, then had the gall to ask your server for the "friends and family discount".

I'm sure that one, or the two of you will mature, and grow into adults who will take a different, more respectful, LOVE based approach when you invite guests to your next wedding."

At this point I thought we were done....Boy was I wrong

The texts continued:

Laura:

Again... Out of 210 people at a wedding... The only I gift I got from all was yours... And fluffy whip and sour patch kids. Your Facebook message had nothing to do with the gift. Weddings are to make money for your future.. Not to pay for peoples meals. Do more research. People haven't gave gifts since like 50 years ago! You ate steak, chicken, booze, and a beautiful venue. To be exact the plates were $97 a person... But thanks again for the $30 gift basket my wife can't even eat. If anything you should be embarrassed for being so cheap and embarrassing yourself walking in with a gift basket probably re gifted cheap ass. Again.. Out of 210 people, you were the talk and laugh of the whole wedding!!!! Worst gift ever story Is being passed along to everyone!! How about you tell people what you gave as a 2 person gift to a wedding and see what normal functioning people say about it!! Do a survey with people u know... And tell me what 100% of them tell you!! Wake up dude

Me:

it's obvious you have the etiquette of a twig, I couldn't care less of what you think about the gift you received, "normal" people would welcome anything given, you wanna have a party, you pay for it, DON'T expect me to, I don't care what you or anybody thinks, you should just be happy your sham of a marriage is legal dude!

(Admittedly, throwing the legality of same sex marriage at them was wrong, I strongly believe in same sex couples rights to marry. I was mad, and lost my train of thought for a brief moment )

Laura:

Lol. Your an idiot. Go research more on life

You should have been cut from the list.. I knew we were gunna get a bag of peanuts.. I was right

Me:

Never argue with an idiot. They will bring you down to their level and beat you with experience. - George Carlon.

You just proved this to be true.

Laura:

Thanks for the fluffy whip :). Have a good day

Now, my ask to you Paul...Will you help me by asking your readership, whom I believe are "normal functioning people", if what my girlfriend and I gave is acceptable. The bride did tell me to ask people I know, but I figured they may just take my side, so I turn it to the Spectator, and the great people of the 905/289.
Source #2 (http://m.thespec.com/news-story/3845206-have-your-say-about-the-wedding-gift-firestorm/)

[Tik-Tok]

“Weddings are to make money for your future … not to pay for peoples meals

LoL... wut? And here I thought weddings were to enjoy your ceremony with friends and family.

[ZaneK]

your wedding gift should always cover the cost of having you there.

[spikerS]

Originally posted by ZaneK
your wedding gift should always cover the cost of having you there.

disagreed.

You should never spend more on your wedding that what you can afford. Expecting people to pay for, or subsidize your wedding is plain wrong.

Using your argument, I would be further ahead to just buy all the gifts for myself, and throw a party at a bar instead.

You invite people to come to your wedding to celebrate your union, not to fleece them.

[HuMz]

Bride is a c*nt. Weddings aren't about recovering the costs from your guests. Was it a shitty gift? No question it was, none the less its still a gift.

[dj_rice]

Okay I've been to asian weddings and given money in lee-cee? but those were all my friends wedding so giving them money wasn't a big deal. (Asian weddings you always make profit)


I had an upcoming caucasian wedding to go to next weekend, this one is co-worker invite. What is a proper gift or cash amount to give them?It's being held at some pub/grill so doesn't look too expensive.

[spikerS]

Originally posted by dj_rice
Okay I've been to asian weddings and given money in lee-cee? but those were all my friends wedding so giving them money wasn't a big deal. (Asian weddings you always make profit)


I had an upcoming caucasian wedding to go to next weekend, this one is co-worker invite. What is a proper gift or cash amount to give them?It's being held at some pub/grill so doesn't look too expensive.

ask if they have a gift registry somewhere and go from there.

it all depends on what you can afford, and how well you know them.

[Lex350]

When I invited people to my wedding it was because I wanted them there to share the day and have a great party. No gift was required. Wow, some popel just don't have a clue in life. Greedy materialistic fucks!

[heavyfuel]

What a greedy bitch. I feel bad for the dude who's stuck with that now.

[spikerS]

Originally posted by heavyfuel
What a greedy bitch. I feel bad for the dude who's stuck with that now.

it was a lesbian wedding.

[Mixalot27]

The perfect gift would have been a double ended dildo imo.

[pf0sh0]

Originally posted by Mixalot27
The perfect gift would have been a double ended dildo imo.

hahaha


but yah, what a bitch..

[FraserB]

Originally posted by spikers


it was a lesbian wedding.

Without pictures, his comment might still apply:nut:

[lilmira]

A bag of cucumbers from costco.

[Quiet10]

Gift was a bit cheesy, but it was still thoughtful. Definitely the wrong reaction from the couple...:thumbsdow

[botox]

Originally posted by spikers


it was a lesbian wedding.
This answers all the questions HAHA! I've been to a lot of weddings, mostly Asian but no lesbian weddings but I'll assume it's the same. Most people give envelopes but a lot of people give gifts as well. I remember getting some $20 envelopes at our wedding and I would give that basket a $30-$40 value so it's not that bad. I guess the saying "it's the thought that count's" isn't true in this case.

[heavyD]

I don't believe being invited to a wedding should corner you into giving an elaborate gift but honestly I have been to a fair bit of weddings and have never seen anything like that gift. Almost seems like it was meant as a joke. Cookies and Jolly Ranchers as a wedding gift? Either this was the first wedding the guest has ever been invited of they are head in the cloud granolas. Even if you don't want to spend much money there are much better cheap gifts than this that looks like a 'get well' basket that isn't really appropriate for a wedding gift IMO.

On the flip side I feel for the groom (or whatever they call the man of the relationship in a lesbian wedding) getting hitched to such a petty, materialistic woman. Yes the gift sucked ass and possibly even a little insulting but just let it go and move on. There is nothing to be gained from making an ordeal about this.

IMO both parties are losers here.

[speedog]

Originally posted by ZaneK
your wedding gift should always cover the cost of having you there.
Really? And how would you propose one would estimate that cost?

[flipstah]

Life is still delicious if you gift out a nice bottle of wine and selective cheeses.

The bride is still a tool though.

[sr20s14zenki]

IMO the couple that gave the gift, were trying to think outside the box, and give something more from the heart, not monetary like EVERYBODY ELSE.

This is why my wife and i never fucked around with the wedding bullshit. Justice of the peace, her parents, my parents and brother, pictures, lunch at a greek restaraunt, the end.

[Hallowed_point]

I know cash is a big thing in asian culture for celebrations so I don't believe it's taken as rude to ask for cash? But generally speaking, very low class for bridezilla to react this way! Weddings can really bring out the worst in some people I guess.

[403ep3]

The gift sucks but the bride is rude too.

I always give cash, enough to atleast cover my attendance.

[sputnik]

I dunno. I thought the present was pretty clever.

Better than an ugly set of steak knives or wine glasses I will never use.

Anyone calculating the value of their wedding gifts should be kicked hard enough to not be able to reproduce.

Do Asian people just have big weddings to collect more cash?

[ga16i]

I'm Asian and think it goes both ways. The host (inviter) shouldn't expect a gift and be grateful for anything received and the guest (invitee) should cover their attendance plus gift. I also try not to make a habit of going to a wedding where I would hesitate to gifting $100 / person minimum and optional present. If I had to think about it, I'm probably not going haha.

[l/l/rX]

If I were to give that basket, I would have gone with a better brand than PC though.

Also, on a recent destination wedding, not one person was expected to give a gift, spending all that money to go there and be there was more than the bride and groom could ask for.

On my wedding day, I'd expect a total loss.

[lilmira]

If you just want people to cover their own meals, I have a great idea.

Just book a table at any restaurant, other tables with strangers there will pay for their own meals, done.

You invite the guests because you want them to BE THERE. If you just want money, just ask them for money.

Hey I'm getting married and I'm poor, give me a few bucks would ya?

[Disoblige]

They must be poor as fuck making a big deal over $200 lol. If they can't afford $97 dinners, then don't do it. They had 210 people, and had to call out a couple over something so petty.

Good job bride. And I feel worse for the husband who has to deal with her sorry ass.

[Kavy]

Originally posted by ZaneK
your wedding gift should always cover the cost of having you there.

When I got married I invited people to the wedding to share the special day with me and my wife not to cash in. Seems like a pretty douche bag move to expect people to pay for a party you invited them to.

Do you ask people to pay you half when they come over to watch a movie you bought?

[GTS4tw]

Originally posted by ZaneK
your wedding gift should always cover the cost of having you there.

You must be very close with your friends and family :rofl:

[SOAB]

giving an actual gift is so old school. nobody need a toaster, or china or bedsheets or anything that you may think is clever. a gift basket like that is just tacky. the brides were right to be pissed but wrong with how they dealt with it.

if i choose to attend a wedding that i've been invited to, i will ALWAYS give enough cash to cover my meal and a little extra depending on how much i like the couple.

although, most weddings i attend have an open bar and a 10 course meal.

[ga16i]

Originally posted by sputnik

Do Asian people just have big weddings to collect more cash?

Kind of... the Chinese anyway, we're supposed to respect our elders and the older you are the more you're supposed to give to the youngin's. So we'll stack our weddings with old people out of duty and obligation, but as a result the elders will pile on the cash and gold. If you're from an older generation and you receive an invite from someone from a younger generation, you're still obliged to send a gift even if you're not attending. It's a big circular clusterF@#$ determined by the bride and groom's parents. Your uncles (father's brothers) especially would not cheap out on you (your father's offspring) and he wouldn't cheap out on them. The same goes for the family friends that attend, sure there's somewhat large amounts of cash being moved around, but it ends up being fairly equal for everyone involved. Unless you're a childless couple. But then you'll get good will from your nephews and nieces instead. Which may not be a bad thing depending on your relationship in your old age.

[AndyL]

We're entitled to our entitlements! :rofl:

Fawk, people these days... We actually invited the people we wanted there - paid for an open bar, and didn't tally up gifts/costs/etc.

A pair of bridezilla's - good riddance :)

[sputnik]

Originally posted by ga16i


Kind of... the Chinese anyway, we're supposed to respect our elders and the older you are the more you're supposed to give to the youngin's. So we'll stack our weddings with old people out of duty and obligation, but as a result the elders will pile on the cash and gold. If you're from an older generation and you receive an invite from someone from a younger generation, you're still obliged to send a gift even if you're not attending. It's a big circular clusterF@#$ determined by the bride and groom's parents. Your uncles (father's brothers) especially would not cheap out on you (your father's offspring) and he wouldn't cheap out on them. The same goes for the family friends that attend, sure there's somewhat large amounts of cash being moved around, but it ends up being fairly equal for everyone involved. Unless you're a childless couple. But then you'll get good will from your nephews and nieces instead. Which may not be a bad thing depending on your relationship in your old age.

Sounds like an elaborate Chinese wedding Ponzi scheme to me.

Whatever happened to weddings being a celebration and a party for the couple?

[l/l/rX]

Originally posted by SOAB
giving an actual gift is so old school. nobody need a toaster, or china or bedsheets or anything that you may think is clever.


You just need to be original with your gift idea. Me and a buddy got my tattoo artist to throw this wicked piece of japanese styled tattooed art onto a blank skateboard.

[Tomaz]

This happened to a friend of mine too. At least the bride hasn't attacked anybody that I know of. And I was "that guy" that showed up with nothing and was part of the wedding party. lol

The wedding night she spent in the hotel room opening gifts and crying over how little she ended up with. :nut:

[D'z Nutz]

Originally posted by Tomaz
The wedding night she spent in the hotel room opening gifts and crying over how little she ended up with. :nut:

I bet she was pretty upset with the lack of presents too.

[Kavy]

Originally posted by D'z Nutz


I bet she was pretty upset with the lack of presents too.

Zinggggggggggg

Haha

[ga16i]

Originally posted by sputnik


Sounds like an elaborate Chinese wedding Ponzi scheme to me.

Whatever happened to weddings being a celebration and a party for the couple?

It is very much like a Ponzi scheme and can only continue if there's new blood, the whole thing will fall apart if you fail to extend the family line. Part of the reason why we're number one at human production haha. It's not just weddings either, it extends to New Years, birthdays, and other celebrations. If you're lucky enough to have lots of Aunts and Uncles, you should be rolling in it when you're a kid.

That was usually not the point, traditionally it was more a joining of families. It's just been the last few decades where it's moving towards being about the couple. I'd say as recently as my parent's generation when you first meet the potential parent inlaws they'll grill you about the occupations, home village and such of your grand parents and the rest of your family and ancestors. That stuff was serious business. Even today when you see the invites, it says the son/ daughter of such and such is getting married and the parents requests your presence, and at the banquet it's your family names that's being displayed e.g., Chan and Lee or something.

[spikerS]

Originally posted by Tomaz
This happened to a friend of mine too. At least the bride hasn't attacked anybody that I know of. And I was "that guy" that showed up with nothing and was part of the wedding party. lol

The wedding night she spent in the hotel room opening gifts and crying over how little she ended up with. :nut:

If I am in the wedding party, I don't normally give a gift, or it is something small, as I am usually busting my ass to help the wedding go off without a hitch.

[heavyD]

Originally posted by sr20s14zenki
IMO the couple that gave the gift, were trying to think outside the box, and give something more from the heart, not monetary like EVERYBODY ELSE.



Originally posted by sputnik
I dunno. I thought the present was pretty clever.



I think you guys are giving them far too much credit for just walking into the treats section of Superstor and spending $25 on junk food. If you think that's thoughtful or thinking outside of the box I suggest you stick to cash at any weddings you are invited to lol.

[sputnik]

Originally posted by heavyD
I think you guys are giving them far too much credit for just walking into the treats section of Superstor and spending $25 on junk food. If you think that's thoughtful or thinking outside of the box I suggest you stick to cash at any weddings you are invited to lol.

I stick with cash because I am lazy.

That said. When I got married I didn't get out the calculator to recalculate our net worth per guest invited.

[finboy]

Ugh, soooo classless to demand cash at a wedding, if you want to throw a party that costs tens of thousands, that cost is on YOU. I can't decide if that is worse than having a destination wedding then being pissed at people who won't pony up $2500+ to attend.

[sputnik]

Originally posted by ga16i


It is very much like a Ponzi scheme and can only continue if there's new blood, the whole thing will fall apart if you fail to extend the family line. Part of the reason why we're number one at human production haha. It's not just weddings either, it extends to New Years, birthdays, and other celebrations. If you're lucky enough to have lots of Aunts and Uncles, you should be rolling in it when you're a kid.

That was usually not the point, traditionally it was more a joining of families. It's just been the last few decades where it's moving towards being about the couple. I'd say as recently as my parent's generation when you first meet the potential parent inlaws they'll grill you about the occupations, home village and such of your grand parents and the rest of your family and ancestors. That stuff was serious business. Even today when you see the invites, it says the son/ daughter of such and such is getting married and the parents requests your presence, and at the banquet it's your family names that's being displayed e.g., Chan and Lee or something.

Chinese people should perhaps just think twice about inviting non-Chinese people to their wedding/money-exchange party.

Or at least reconsider on what terms they value their friendships.

[DeleriousZ]

Jesus fucking christ, some of you people are retarded.

A wedding is a ceremony to wed two individuals into one bonded pair. It's a celebration of their love for each other.

Getting pissed over wedding gifts is so incredibly shallow and greedy. Should just be happy enough that the people you invited showed up to celebrate with you.

[ga16i]

Originally posted by sputnik


Chinese people should perhaps just think twice about inviting non-Chinese people to their wedding/money-exchange party.

Or at least reconsider on what terms they value their friendships.

If non-Chinese are invited to the banquet, they are exempt from any Chinese customs and traditions. No one would think them weird for not participating, it's just not what the "non-Chinese" do and that's understood. They wouldn't be told anything, they'd just see red envelopes being given at guest registration. If you brought a gift, awesome it'll be kept with other valuables received, if not, no big deal. People in general don't bring a gift to the banquet anyway. Non-family of any sort is rarely present when gold is being given during the tea ceremonies.

If your Chinese hosts talks $hit about your gift to anyone, it'll be taken as a sign of ill manners and poor family upbringing and frowned upon. They'll probably get quite a talking to from their family for years to come haha.

[Kg810]

Originally posted by heavyD
I think you guys are giving them far too much credit for just walking into the treats section of Superstor and spending $25 on junk food. If you think that's thoughtful or thinking outside of the box I suggest you stick to cash at any weddings you are invited to lol.

This.

That gift is shit.

[civic_stylez]

The thing is, that wedding gift with cookies and sour patch kids would actually get used! Ive seen so many couples that have half their gifts in their basement still unused.

[anarchy]

Originally posted by SOAB
giving an actual gift is so old school. nobody need a toaster, or china or bedsheets or anything that you may think is clever. a gift basket like that is just tacky. the brides were right to be pissed but wrong with how they dealt with it.

if i choose to attend a wedding that i've been invited to, i will ALWAYS give enough cash to cover my meal and a little extra depending on how much i like the couple.

although, most weddings i attend have an open bar and a 10 course meal.

:werd:

I don't agree with how bridezilla reacted, it's petty to send a text and ask for a receipt. What good is it to get $30 back from Superstore lol. Just suck it up and move on.

But honestly, that gift is garbage. I don't see any thought there whatsoever. It's a wedding, not a 8 year old's birthday party.

Maybe it's my Chinese tradition but I always cover my cost and then some - so $100 minimum. Not everyone will do that and that's just the way it is, nothing to get upset about.

[nickyh]

I had some people at my wedding that never even gave me a gift or anything. Who cares.

The point should be, it's a celebration of a union.

Yes, the is an "implied rule" that you pay your way but it's entirely up to the couple attending if they want to follow that.
I don't know your financial situation and am I supposed to present everyone with a breakdown of their food and booze. Are you supposed to also prorate the associated wedding costs right down to flowers to each guest as well?

[JRSC00LUDE]

Her "friends" have a monetary value attached to their worth.

What a cunt.

[Hallowed_point]

Originally posted by civic_stylez
The thing is, that wedding gift with cookies and sour patch kids would actually get used! Ive seen so many couples that have half their gifts in their basement still unused.

Very good point!!

[AndyL]

My issue with weddings these days - are mostly that people actually think of this is a "way to get money".

A (now former) friend of ours, actually decided they wanted to buy a house - so they got married... After 3 kids and 10 years of living together - This was their way to "rustle up a downpayment".

Now I say former - because yeah, we turned down the invitation, and request to be part of the wedding party... Or send a gift... When they outright tell you it's how they're funding their house downpayment; you know it's just an extortion attempt...

[Myrrinda]

I'd rather a box full of food than a toaster. I would also never base my guest list on what I hope to be able to extort from people. If I have friends that can't afford to buy me gifts, I'm not going to leave them off the list! That's crazy.

[thrasher22]

What a bitch! If a big part of the reason you're getting married is to make a bunch of money, start throwing separate parties and charge cover :dunno:

I'm getting married next summer, and the guest gifts (should they feel so generous) have nothing to do with our budget. However if anyone asks about gifts/a registry, I'll always request cash. We live in a 600sq ft house, I don't want any more stuff.

[403Gemini]

Originally posted by finboy
Ugh, soooo classless to demand cash at a wedding, if you want to throw a party that costs tens of thousands, that cost is on YOU. I can't decide if that is worse than having a destination wedding then being pissed at people who won't pony up $2500+ to attend.

Haha I guess I'm pretty classless. I'm asking for just money for my wedding, but on the invitation it will be for "donations to our honeymoon" , we're not super high income and our vacation is typically a trip down to California, so it would be nice to go to Mexico or Hawaii with some of the money we collect from the wedding + what we typically spend on a trip to California.

We've lived with each other long enough that our house is full of everything we need, anything else we'd get would just be clutter.

That being said if I opened up an envelope and only got a $20.00 , I'd still be grateful because it's $20 I didn't have prior and I know not everybody can spend $100+ on every wedding they go to.


Originally posted by civic_stylez
The thing is, that wedding gift with cookies and sour patch kids would actually get used! Ive seen so many couples that have half their gifts in their basement still unused.

This as well, I would have consumed most of everything in that box within a week and enjoyed every minute of it lol

[Kaos]

All I'm going to say is... Marshmallow fluff. You can't fuck with that. It's priceless.

[Graham_A_M]

Originally posted by DeleriousZ
Jesus fucking christ, some of you people are retarded.

A wedding is a ceremony to wed two individuals into one bonded pair. It's a celebration of their love for each other.

Getting pissed over wedding gifts is so incredibly shallow and greedy. Should just be happy enough that the people you invited showed up to celebrate with you.

Very much agreed. Those bitches are utterly pathetic. Im glad as a couple of dikes they can't have kids, since that would be catastrophic. To raise children with that mentality is precisely what we don't need any more of.

I'd never ever (ever) invite people and expect to make money off of them, that's grossly selfish and tells me what they realistically value in friendships.
A marriage is a union of two people, and an awesome party held by those closest to the two people. Nothing more, yes it'll cost money, which is to be expected. To expect people to give you more then the cost of inviting them is grossly disrespectful.

[codetrap]

I had something like this happen.

The History: He and I went to NAIT together. I lived in Fort Saskatchewan and he lived in Sherwood Park. I went out of my way every day to pick him up on the way to NAIT, then dropped him off after school. Never asked him to cover gas money or contribute to parking expenses, or for maintenance costs. When we did stuff on the weekends, I'd always drive because I had a car, and he didn't. Never a dollar for gas money in 2 years. Before him and his g/f got married, I used to travel up to EDTN from Calgary regularly and would crash on their couch to visit, and usually ended up going out to the pub and I'd buy drinks/foods to say that's for the place to stay. Never did they drive down to Calgary to visit me. It was always too hard, or they were too busy, or they didn't have the cash to come down.

Back to the wedding:.. so I'm broke ass, barely scraping by supporting a g/f in ACAD taking glass, and trying to get the cash together for a wedding. I had literally had to replace my car the week before because my g/f wrecked it by loading a tiburon with a bunch of plate steel in the back. Bent car's don't drive straight.

I knew they had everything they needed, and they did register of course. I looked over the registry and there was nothing on it I could really afford. Knowing they were both gamers, I thought I'd try something out of the box. I searched high and low and found a copy of this old classic game that he always talked about. Finally found and original unopened box of it, and wrapped it up. I felt kinda bad about it, because I usually tried to be generous, but I just couldn't do any better. Went to the wedding, and had a good time. It was a cash bar at a hotel on the south side somewhere.. delta maybe? Didn't really see them during the wedding, but they were busy, so I didn't think too much of it. Then I was invited to come back up for a visit a week later. I tried to decline, because I didn't really have the gas money, but they insisted.

So, totally unsuspecting, I drive up for a visit. When I get there, something is a little off.. they've got all this really nice stuff stacked in boxes around their apartment. Then I got the "talk", explaining to me that my gift really sucked, and that I should be ashamed of myself, and how their family had spent so much money on these really nice gifts. They then started going over the values of the specific gifts, he had looked up the prices online, and how that I should have bought something that covered the cost of my plate. He had it all in a spreadsheet. Gift, person, cost. I was just stunned. I didn't know how to react. So, I just said sorry, grabbed my stuff and left. There was a couple of emails exchanged later, but it pretty much ended up being the end of that friendship.

After years of me laying out cash, ALWAYS being the guy that paid, NEVER asking for anything in return, this is what they got hung up on. The fact that I wasn't able to buy a really nice gift to pay for my plate because I simply couldn't afford it. To this day I'm hesitant about going to weddings because I don't want to offend by being too cheap, and I can't really afford to be too generous. I do make decent money, but a good 30% of my gross goes into savings for retirement, and another good chunk goes into paying off debt like cars/house/etc. So we keep track pretty carefully so we can have a good life. While I'd like to give a thousand dollar gift, I just can't afford that.

As an aside, for my wedding. I wanted to put "no gifts or cash, just you" on the invitations. I got overruled by my mom, wife, mother-in-law, and pretty much everyone on it. I just called everyone personally for the RSVP and told them verbally instead. :angel: People still brought gifts of course, I couldn't stop them, but I ensured that nobody felt ashamed if they couldn't afford it. I wanted THEM, not their cash, or their stuff.

[Disoblige]

Wow reading that makes me angry, mainly because I know people like this as well. Needless to say I don't hang out with those kinds of people anymore.

What kind of friends do that to each other..

Honestly, I wish some of my friends were more considerate, but it is what it is. I just don't pick up the tab as often any more because of it though. I totally want to, but the abuse of it totally turned me off.

[sexualbanana]

Originally posted by ga16i


Kind of... the Chinese anyway, we're supposed to respect our elders and the older you are the more you're supposed to give to the youngin's. So we'll stack our weddings with old people out of duty and obligation, but as a result the elders will pile on the cash and gold. If you're from an older generation and you receive an invite from someone from a younger generation, you're still obliged to send a gift even if you're not attending. It's a big circular clusterF@#$ determined by the bride and groom's parents. Your uncles (father's brothers) especially would not cheap out on you (your father's offspring) and he wouldn't cheap out on them. The same goes for the family friends that attend, sure there's somewhat large amounts of cash being moved around, but it ends up being fairly equal for everyone involved. Unless you're a childless couple. But then you'll get good will from your nephews and nieces instead. Which may not be a bad thing depending on your relationship in your old age.

For the most part, Chinese weddings are a display of how wealthy you (and your family) are because the entire Chinese culture centres around wealth and money. Hence why Chinese weddings often how so much fucking food.

Large Chinese weddings aren't uncommon because the bride and groom's parents will invite anyone and everyone that they have even the slightest connection to (think being a 3rd degree connection on LinkedIn), so it's not uncommon to go to a wedding where the bride and groom only know like 25% of the people there.

On the flip side, invitees don't want to look like they're not flush with wealth so they in turn will gift a large amount of cash or something extravagant.

[Disoblige]

Originally posted by sexualbanana
Hence why Chinese weddings often how so much fucking food.
Haha, if you been to enough of them, you get tired of it.
Cold cuts tray -> soup -> fried shrimp claws maybe? -> veggie dish -> another veggie dish -> lobster -> fish -> fried rice -> noodles -> complimentary bowl of dessert.

Same stuff every single time.

On my wedding, I can guarantee you I'm not doing a Chinese dinner. Fucking tired of it.

[DeleriousZ]

Originally posted by sexualbanana


For the most part, Chinese weddings are a display of how wealthy you (and your family) are because the entire Chinese culture centres around wealth and money. Hence why Chinese weddings often how so much fucking food.

Large Chinese weddings aren't uncommon because the bride and groom's parents will invite anyone and everyone that they have even the slightest connection to (think being a 3rd degree connection on LinkedIn), so it's not uncommon to go to a wedding where the bride and groom only know like 25% of the people there.

On the flip side, invitees don't want to look like they're not flush with wealth so they in turn will gift a large amount of cash or something extravagant.

Damn man, talk about a shallow culture :confused:

[dj_rice]

Originally posted by Disoblige

Haha, if you been to enough of them, you get tired of it.
Cold cuts tray -> soup -> fried shrimp claws maybe? -> veggie dish -> another veggie dish -> lobster -> fish -> fried rice -> noodles -> complimentary bowl of dessert.

Same stuff every single time.

On my wedding, I can guarantee you I'm not doing a Chinese dinner. Fucking tired of it.



By the time the fried rice and noodles come around, I'm already stuffed. And the dessert is usually crappiest dish of the dinner. Either some sugary red bean dish or boiled taro potato soup thing.

Last one I went to at Forbidden City has your order but 1 less veggie dish and replaced with deep fried chicken.


But yes, sexualbanana is right on the money. By fried rice/noodle time, the money had already been counted to see if they made profit or not which is always the case.

[eblend]

Man I don't even know what goes through someone's head when they even start to think to send someone a text like that over a wedding gift.

I had a small wedding myself in Canmore, only invited like 20-25 people, had a plated lunch and all that, good venue. I think I told people that no gifts are required. The wedding cost me just over 4k I think total, and for gifts we got various random things that were all used. We did get some cash as well, I think about 600 total or something, can't remember, but we didn't care. We threw a party for our family and friends to be there (my in-laws came all the way from japan). I would say all said and done my wedding cost us like 4k, I paid it gladly and we all had fun, no hard feeling anywhere and none of that bullshit. The whole "weddings are to make money for the future" is the most shallow things I have ever heard. Like shit....how about you make you own money for the future and stop leeching off others you selfless fucks.

Regardless, I feel good about myself just for the fact that thoughts of making money from my wedding never crossed my mind at all!

[bigbadboss101]

When I attend a wedding I at least give more than what the cost of having me there. The last two weddings I spent about $180 and $279 respectively on gifts. Some people I know spend $20 on gifts. I am thinking if I know the bride and groom well I should give a nice gift. It's about kindness and support. If one spends $20 on a wedding gift on people they know well on a once in a life time occasion imagine what they give to people they don't know?? Cheap cheap.

[max_boost]

$100/person has been the standard for Chinese weddings for how long now? Back then it was quite profitable but not sure about now. It's easily in the 6-700 range per table and that doesn't include booze.

It's just so much drama all around I get annoyed thinking about it. Ah just screw the entire thing. No need to get married, at all.

[Disoblige]

Originally posted by dj_rice

By the time the fried rice and noodles come around, I'm already stuffed. And the dessert is usually crappiest dish of the dinner. Either some sugary red bean dish or boiled taro potato soup thing.

Last one I went to at Forbidden City has your order but 1 less veggie dish and replaced with deep fried chicken.

Yeah, barely anyone eats the rice or noodles, even though it's meant as a filler.

Oh yeah, I forgot the chicken. There's a fried chicken dish as well.

[FraserB]

Either have to find a nice Chinese girl or a girl that doesn't want a huge wedding. I'd be more than happy with 25 people or so and spending $7-$8k and not making it back.

[SOAB]

Originally posted by bigbadboss101
When I attend a wedding I at least give more than what the cost of having me there. The last two weddings I spent about $180 and $279 respectively on gifts. Some people I know spend $20 on gifts. I am thinking if I know the bride and groom well I should give a nice gift. It's about kindness and support. If one spends $20 on a wedding gift on people they know well on a once in a life time occasion imagine what they give to people they don't know?? Cheap cheap.

this is the way i see it as well.

if i'm not willing to spend a little money for friends or family on a (supposedly) once in a lifetime occasion, what does that say about me? or my relationship with that couple?

if i don't care enough to spend a couple hundred on them, i won't attend their wedding because i am obviously not close enough to care.

[DeleriousZ]

Threads like these remind me how people in alberta have their heads (and wages) in the fucking clouds.

[finboy]

Originally posted by DeleriousZ
Threads like these remind me how people in alberta have their heads (and wages) in the fucking clouds.

:werd:

[SOAB]

Originally posted by DeleriousZ
Threads like these remind me how people in alberta have their heads (and wages) in the fucking clouds.

what does Alberta have to do with anything? this happens all over the world. giving people actual wedding gifts are a thing of the past.

if you're comfortable going to a wedding empty handed and saying that the bride and groom should be honoured that you came at all, that is good for you. but i don't think that is normal for other cultures.

[89s1]

That bitch is crazy, lots of people still give gifts (at least at my wedding 8 years ago.)

I got a cutlery set, a set of dishes, pots and pans, glasses. Upgraded the scatterfest of garbage that young people typically have.

So many other gifts too. Saved us buying all sorts of stuff, and since we were registered it was all what we wanted and would have bought anyway.

Ungrateful cunt. :dunno:

[woodywoodford]

Originally posted by SOAB

this happens all over the world. giving people actual wedding gifts are a thing of the past.

Where the hell do you get that idea? I've been to more than a dozen weddings in the last 5ish years, and every single one of them had tables full of gifts - dishes, linens, fun things, you name it. And these weddings haven't been confined to one social circle, I'm talking family, coworkers, school friends, childhood friends, everything. And should I ever get married, I expect the same. The only time gifts MIGHT be out of the norm would be older, common law couples getting married, who've long since furnished their lives together.

Re: the story, total cunts, both of them. even if the gift was completely unacceptable, anybody with half an amount of decency wouldn't say anything. "Just be glad you got anything at all" as my dad would say.

[Graham_A_M]

Originally posted by DeleriousZ


Damn man, talk about a shallow culture :confused:
You just noticed that now? I've seen this first hand with Chinese friends growing up, and yeah pure monetary based shallowness is the name of the game pretty much. It always blew my mind. :banghead:

[GTS4tw]

Originally posted by SOAB


what does Alberta have to do with anything? this happens all over the world. giving people actual wedding gifts are a thing of the past.

if you're comfortable going to a wedding empty handed and saying that the bride and groom should be honoured that you came at all, that is good for you. but i don't think that is normal for other cultures.

I'm glad I'm not part of that culture! I have never heard that giving gifts was a thing of the past until I read it here on beyond. Every wedding I have been to you give gifts that you think are useful, or funny, depending on your relationship to the couple. Often family such as parents or grandparents will give gifts of money or larger gifts like appliances or the honeymoon paid for. Friends will often give bottles of wine, or gifts like that basket of food. I have never been to a wedding where I was expected to bring money as a gift and if I was, and they mentioned it then I would make a point of going for the free food and give them sweet fuck all.

This seems like a culture clash more than anything.

[DeleriousZ]

Originally posted by Graham_A_M

You just noticed that now? I've seen this first hand with Chinese friends growing up, and yeah pure monetary based shallowness is the name of the game pretty much. It always blew my mind. :banghead:

I grew up in kelowna (well westbank). I had one chinese friend and knew about 4 chinese people (his brother and parents). I'm not exactly the most cultured dude lol.

[Swank]

The moment a gift is given out of expectation of payment it ceases to be a gift. Don't even get me started on the people who expect a 'gift' from people who were invited but could not attend.

[ga16i]

Originally posted by Graham_A_M

You just noticed that now? I've seen this first hand with Chinese friends growing up, and yeah pure monetary based shallowness is the name of the game pretty much. It always blew my mind. :banghead:

Yup, it is rather shallow. But really, ultimately A LOT of people's "goal in life" is to get money AND F@#$ bitches. That's it, everything else are just prerequistes for these two things and then you die and hope that your descendents are able to get money AND F@#$ bitches more successfully than you did. :D

[Tik-Tok]

Originally posted by DeleriousZ
Threads like these remind me how people in alberta have their heads (and wages) in the fucking clouds.

Well, what else is there here, really? We've got no culture or history other than the farming, ranching, oil and the Stampede, lol.

Money is the only thing that brings other stuff in. Nothing is deep rooted here.

[Tomaz]

I hope my wedding will just be a small party, if I have one at all. Maybe 50 ppl max. And no, I would never get pissed about how much or how little i received. I spent most of my life scraping by, so it would be very low of me to get pissed at others for not giving me "enough money".

[max_boost]

Originally posted by SOAB


this is the way i see it as well.

if i'm not willing to spend a little money for friends or family on a (supposedly) once in a lifetime occasion, what does that say about me? or my relationship with that couple?

if i don't care enough to spend a couple hundred on them, i won't attend their wedding because i am obviously not close enough to care.

:werd:


Originally posted by ga16i


Yup, it is rather shallow. But really, ultimately A LOT of people's "goal in life" is to get money AND F@#$ bitches. That's it, everything else are just prerequistes for these two things and then you die and hope that your descendents are able to get money AND F@#$ bitches more successfully than you did. :D

LOL! 3X.

Fuck there's a lot of truth to this post haha
:thumbsup:

[jaylo]

210 ppl invited and $97/plate this couple really splurged and they are now broke-ass and they are taking it out on this couple that gave them this gift

I'd say the gift is either from these stuck-up assholes that hated the newlyweds from the get-go and gave that gift to seek drama/attention (biggest troll couple)

...or they bitchin' because they were really broke at the time of the wedding (still recuperating from the cost)

Either way, the newlyweds should be grateful they had 210 friends and families that attended their celebration