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Graham_A_M
12-10-2013, 09:20 PM
I thought I'd make this thread for anybody that wants to share come comical staff christmas party shenanigans.

Wow, My staff Xmas party was this weekend... and I met everybodies wife/GF and so on....

Everything was fine, just chatting with people at my table until the topic turned to kids, (which I hate since I dont have any nor want any).

Anyway, the wife of one guy that I work with, she was gloating about her kids and how cute they are, then she told us her nine year old boy is a bit of a pervert. I asked why, she told us he likes to grab and touch her when they take baths together.

:eek: :eek: Yeah..... a 9 year old still taking baths with his mom, thats just straight fucked. I didn't think any kid would do that past the age of 4 or 5, leave alone with mom naked in the tub along with him. She's seemingly not overly bothered with the fact he grabs her boobs and whatnot, or so she says that the kid likes to do.

Shes laughing about it, everybody else at the table is dead silent, and just stare at their plates. :nut:

That went from a normal convo, to Awkward level 28, and thus myself just quickly switching tables to sit elsewhere.


Anyway, enough about me. Share.... :rofl:

themack89
12-10-2013, 09:40 PM
HAHA... I would love to see how this kid deals with the ladies when he is older.

Twin_Cam_Turbo
12-10-2013, 09:48 PM
WAT

lilmira
12-10-2013, 09:50 PM
So..........the roast beef is tasty eh?

boarderfatty
12-10-2013, 10:00 PM
Had the corporate christmas party for my tire shop, it was pretty entertaining. Get 400 trashy mechanics and tire techs with their significant others together and an open bar and it will always be a good time. Try and figure out which guys paid for their dates, bro's trying to fight bro's, others drinking until they were comatose. I had fun.

I also discovered that Red Solo Cup's have a shot glass variation called Lil Red Friends

http://i523.photobucket.com/albums/w351/jordanturbo/il_fullxfull406348412_mfyi1_zps573ba6bf.jpg (http://s523.photobucket.com/user/jordanturbo/media/il_fullxfull406348412_mfyi1_zps573ba6bf.jpg.html)

Sugarphreak
12-10-2013, 10:04 PM
...

colinxx235
12-10-2013, 10:09 PM
two years ago I had just started at a new EPC company along with an engineer girl from out east.


Xmas party was literally the friday we started. That week I had found out her bf had moved with her (dating a year) along with most of the other people who were around.

That friday a guy who was on vacation shows up to the party and she's all over him. and of course she goes home with him, sure made it awkward monday when he found out she had a bf and then everyone had to meet her bf not much later :rofl:

damn sluts :whipped:

CanmoreOrLess
12-10-2013, 11:20 PM
Originally posted by Graham_A_M
I thought I'd make this thread for anybody that wants to share come comical staff christmas party shenanigans.

Wow, My staff Xmas party was this weekend... and I met everybodies wife/GF and so on....

Everything was fine, just chatting with people at my table until the topic turned to kids, (which I hate since I dont have any nor want any).

Anyway, the wife of one guy that I work with, she was gloating about her kids and how cute they are, then she told us her nine year old boy is a bit of a pervert. I asked why, she told us he likes to grab and touch her when they take baths together.

:eek: :eek: Yeah..... a 9 year old still taking baths with his mom, thats just straight fucked. I didn't think any kid would do that past the age of 4 or 5, leave alone with mom naked in the tub along with him. She's seemingly not overly bothered with the fact he grabs her boobs and whatnot, or so she says that the kid likes to do.

Shes laughing about it, everybody else at the table is dead silent, and just stare at their plates. :nut:

That went from a normal convo, to Awkward level 28, and thus myself just quickly switching tables to sit elsewhere.


Anyway, enough about me. Share.... :rofl:

Sounds like a Seinfeld episode, Kramer would have had something to say no doubt.

Wrinkly
12-11-2013, 02:38 AM
The mother of the nine year old boy is surely bordering on pedophilia! If this was a dad/daughter situation ?!?! Wow!

lasimmon
12-11-2013, 09:22 AM
Last year I may have dipped my pen in company ink, after the Christmas party.. The worst part is a few of my work buddies figured it out and I never heard the end of it.

Although more entertaining was the fact essentially everyone got cut off by the bar staff. So the 15 or so people who were left piled into the Comedian's Winnebago that performed that night, and we all went to the bar. Looked like the guy was living in the thing hah.

RNB11
12-11-2013, 03:56 PM
Originally posted by boarderfatty
Had the corporate christmas party for my tire shop, it was pretty entertaining. Get 400 trashy mechanics and tire techs with their significant others together and an open bar and it will always be a good time. Try and figure out which guys paid for their dates, bro's trying to fight bro's, others drinking until they were comatose. I had fun.

I also discovered that Red Solo Cup's have a shot glass variation called Lil Red Friends

http://i523.photobucket.com/albums/w351/jordanturbo/il_fullxfull406348412_mfyi1_zps573ba6bf.jpg (http://s523.photobucket.com/user/jordanturbo/media/il_fullxfull406348412_mfyi1_zps573ba6bf.jpg.html)

That's awesome haha. Where can you get those?

desto2para
12-11-2013, 05:53 PM
Super store has those little red shot cups in no name brand

AudiPWR
12-11-2013, 05:59 PM
Hahaha. Fuck, it's my first year with an amazing company with so much to offer and I told myself and told my girlfriend that I'm not going to have more than 5 or 6 drinks. Well I woke up the next day, hungover as fuck and asked my girlfriend what happened last night.. She proceeds to tell me I was absolutely crazy, but in a good way.. I thought oh, okay. Monday comes around and I have over 10 emails titled "twinkle toes" and a photo of me spinning on my head on the dance floor.. Hopefully I made a great impression Hahahahaha.

CanmoreOrLess
12-11-2013, 06:53 PM
Originally posted by AudiPWR
Hahaha. Fuck, it's my first year with an amazing company with so much to offer and I told myself and told my girlfriend that I'm not going to have more than 5 or 6 drinks. Well I woke up the next day, hungover as fuck and asked my girlfriend what happened last night.. She proceeds to tell me I was absolutely crazy, but in a good way.. I thought oh, okay. Monday comes around and I have over 10 emails titled "twinkle toes" and a photo of me spinning on my head on the dance floor.. Hopefully I made a great impression Hahahahaha.

Be sure to update your Linkedin profile, show those new mad skills.

FraserB
12-11-2013, 07:12 PM
Graham starts, then wins the thread.

xnvy
12-11-2013, 09:48 PM
Originally posted by FraserB
Graham starts, then wins the thread. :werd: Give everyone else a chance Graham, c'mon! :D

Graham_A_M
12-11-2013, 10:30 PM
^ Hahaha. I just wish I had that whole convo on video, If I did I'd blurt out their faces and post in online. It was insanely weird, since she was almost proud of that as proof that her son isn't gay....

Well okay, that may be true that he is in fact straight... but there are SO many more wrongs to your way of finding that out.
Now I literally have a hard to time looking at him.... Making eye contact with him is very uncomfortable for me, I've yet to say a single word to him. I can honestly say I dont ever want to meet her ever again.... ever. Its ultra rare I meet someone I strongly dont like, but that sure changed this weekend. :nut: Wow

Its like, you do know what you're wife and son is up to dont you? :confused:


Originally posted by AudiPWR
Hahaha. Fuck, it's my first year with an amazing company with so much to offer and I told myself and told my girlfriend that I'm not going to have more than 5 or 6 drinks. Well I woke up the next day, hungover as fuck and asked my girlfriend what happened last night.. She proceeds to tell me I was absolutely crazy, but in a good way.. I thought oh, okay. Monday comes around and I have over 10 emails titled "twinkle toes" and a photo of me spinning on my head on the dance floor.. Hopefully I made a great impression Hahahahaha.


LMAO, wow you're a lot better drunk then I am. I usually remember everything, the fact you could do that sort of shit and not even remember it is epic.
Good times f0' sh0'.... :rofl: :rofl:

benyl
12-11-2013, 10:40 PM
Originally posted by Graham_A_M
^ Hahaha. I just wish I had that whole convo on video, If I did I'd blurt out their faces and post in online. It was insanely weird, since she was almost proud of that as proof that her son isn't gay....


Maybe the kid just wants to fuck his mom...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oedipus_complex

rob the knob
12-11-2013, 10:46 PM
what does mom look like?
sounds like she needs a real man.



Originally posted by Graham_A_M
I thought I'd make this thread for anybody that wants to share come comical staff christmas party shenanigans.

Wow, My staff Xmas party was this weekend... and I met everybodies wife/GF and so on....

Everything was fine, just chatting with people at my table until the topic turned to kids, (which I hate since I dont have any nor want any).

Anyway, the wife of one guy that I work with, she was gloating about her kids and how cute they are, then she told us her nine year old boy is a bit of a pervert. I asked why, she told us he likes to grab and touch her when they take baths together.

:eek: :eek: Yeah..... a 9 year old still taking baths with his mom, thats just straight fucked. I didn't think any kid would do that past the age of 4 or 5, leave alone with mom naked in the tub along with him. She's seemingly not overly bothered with the fact he grabs her boobs and whatnot, or so she says that the kid likes to do.

Shes laughing about it, everybody else at the table is dead silent, and just stare at their plates. :nut:

That went from a normal convo, to Awkward level 28, and thus myself just quickly switching tables to sit elsewhere.


Anyway, enough about me. Share.... :rofl:

Graham_A_M
12-11-2013, 10:50 PM
^ You'd have to drink a liquor store dry before you'd want to stick your sausage in that. She wasn't bad, but..... in this city? Oh god there are so many better finds. :nut:
Besides, after 4 kids, I think you can do better. ;)
Anybody with a half thimble full of game can find better then that.

xnvy
12-11-2013, 11:38 PM
My awkward story isn't that bad. I volunteer at a Mental Health Unit and when we're there we have to wear these bright red vests so people can identify us as volunteers.

Well my partner and I got invited to the patient Christmas Party by the Unit Manager and I met my partner at the volunteer room before heading up. She figured we wouldn't need our vests because we're not actually on duty.

So naturally security shits a brick when we get up there and aren't wearing them and refuse to let us in, then when we finally get in, they refuse to let us out. Which made no sense because there was tons of friends and family there and they were being let in with no trouble.

So I guess the party itself wasn't that awkward, it's my next shift that will probably be awkward but still nothing on you Grahma!

EDIT: I mean to write Graham but I like Grahma as well :D

HiTempguy1
12-12-2013, 11:29 AM
Off-topic, wtf is with everyone refering to their significant other (in this case, 99% of times a woman) as "partner"? :nut:

Rat Fink
12-12-2013, 11:59 AM
.

TomcoPDR
12-12-2013, 12:38 PM
Originally posted by Rat Fink
Back when I was a draftsman, my workplace was predominantly Asian and the Christmas party was based around an Asian supper. It consisted of several courses and all I ate was 1 spring roll and had 1 bowl of shark fin soup (wish I knew it was shark fin soup beforehand or I wouldn't have eaten it). The rest of the courses looked like stuff from fear factor, with the worst item being trays of cooked chicken feet and I completely lost my appetite seeing everyone suck the skin off the toes. There were only a few of us white guys there but I really wish they would've offered an alternative option (even just fries and a burger) for those of us that did not feel like eating feet.

You just made half of Beyond hungry for lunch

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/a/a8/Chicken_feet_The_Hague.JPG/400px-Chicken_feet_The_Hague.JPG

flipstah
12-12-2013, 12:40 PM
Fuck, I could use some dimsum right now.

Rat Fink
12-12-2013, 12:52 PM
.

TomcoPDR
12-12-2013, 12:56 PM
^ Dude, those look more like witch fingers for Halloween than chicken feet :barf: :barf: :barf:

Rat Fink
12-12-2013, 01:00 PM
.

bjstare
12-12-2013, 01:06 PM
I had chicken feet with some old roommates, but they looked even less appetizing.

They included talons, yes, but they were boiled, not grilled. In addition to that, they let them cool in a jar on the counter (in the broth) and would eat them for days afterward. Almost like boiled, pickled chicken feet.

They weren't as bas as they looked. Having said that, they looked pretty effin disgusting.

rage2
12-12-2013, 03:17 PM
One year at my Xmas party, Mibz started the rumor that my date was an escort, and people kept coming up to me to ask if she was an escort. I don't think he did it as a prank, he genuinely thought that she was an escort because all escorts have a random skill, and he was testing her by asking random shit throughout the dinner.

More funny than awkward.

schocker
12-12-2013, 03:29 PM
Does that make mibz an escort due to his karaoke skills? :rofl:

jwslam
12-12-2013, 03:50 PM
Originally posted by HiTempguy1
Off-topic, wtf is with everyone refering to their significant other (in this case, 99% of times a woman) as "partner"? :nut:
My coworker was introducing me and my date to her husband. "Hey this is (my name) and this is his... person (insert name). Ya' know, I didn't wanna make any assumptions"

Mibz
12-12-2013, 03:53 PM
I'm glad you said more funny than awkward, because it was seriously just hilarious.

I didn't come up with it randomly. Some other troublemaker planted that seed (zing?). From there, Curtis and I were equally responsible for ensuring it flourished.

First of all, her name. Totally fake. Porn star/escort name, 100%
Second, she had the unique "talent" of being able to tell your ethnicity with only your first name and a look at you. I put "talent" in quotes because I'm pretty sure she got 2/4 wrong.
Third, she didn't look like a hooker. We all know rage2 can afford the escorts that don't look like escorts. If she'd been trashy then we would've assumed friend of buh_buh's.
Lastly, nobody could tell us when/how they met. It was simply, "she's an old friend". Uh huh.


Originally posted by schocker
Does that make mibz an escort due to his karaoke skills? :rofl: I'm too good at karaoke and not good enough at being attractive to be a manwhore.

rage2
12-12-2013, 04:01 PM
I told you how we met. You fuckers just didn't believe me. For the record, a friend introduced us, and I explained that she was a friend of a friend. And of course that to you guys was a classic line for explaining an escort. :rofl:

Mibz
12-12-2013, 04:10 PM
"A friend".

If you were to ask me how I met a friend of a friend I'd say "My buddy *NAME GOES HERE* introduced us via *SITUATION GOES HERE*". If you just say "Friend of a friend" and leave it at that it's suspicious.as.fuck.

And you can't say "Well you wouldn't have known them" because Kenny was sitting right there. If Kenny doesn't know your friend, it's because your friend is a professional fucker.

EDIT: It has been brought to my attention that they originally met through a friend because she was interested in high-end watches. That story was actually told to us at the dinner.

AND IT WAS ANOTHER REASON THAT WE THOUGHT SHE WAS PAID TO HAVE SEX

rage2
12-12-2013, 04:16 PM
LOL the name would be irrelevant because you wouldn't know the person. I'm pretty sure I explained how we were introduced.

edit - fuck was Kenny there? He's met her before, so he must've been the troublemaker that started shit. And if Kenny was there, I guarantee you that I gave a name.

edit 2 - she's interested in watches because she came from money, not because she's an escort. :rofl:

flipstah
12-12-2013, 04:29 PM
"I'd like you to meet my date, Candy."

Mibz
12-12-2013, 04:30 PM
Originally posted by rage2
she's interested in watches because she cums for money FTFY

cam_wmh
12-12-2013, 04:33 PM
AHAHhAHa

benyl
12-12-2013, 04:37 PM
:rofl: :rofl:

rage2
12-12-2013, 04:37 PM
I've concluded that during those years, I was an alcoholic and everyone was just fucking with me while I was drunk, which was all the time.

She did not have a stripper/hooker/pornstar name. I had a legitimate story of how we met that was twisted around. I also recall that you guys started the rumor because you claimed she looked like a high end escort because she came in wearing a fur coat (I think).

I wish I had more memory of that night to defend myself here...

Mibz
12-12-2013, 04:45 PM
Originally posted by rage2
She did not have a stripper/hooker/pornstar name. BULL FUCKING SHIT. Get kenny, [GAGE], buh_buh or even SQ2 in here, they'll confirm it.


Originally posted by rage2
I also recall that you guys started the rumor because you claimed she looked like a high end escort because she came in wearing a fur coat (I think). Maybe. The fact that neither of us can remember all the reasons we thought she was an escort is probably a sign that we were completely justified.


Originally posted by rage2
I've concluded that during those years, I was an alcoholic and everyone was just fucking with me while I was drunk, which was all the time. No argument here :P

rage2
12-12-2013, 04:48 PM
Originally posted by Mibz
BULL FUCKING SHIT. Get kenny, [GAGE], buh_buh or even SQ2 in here, they'll confirm it.
Yea, you're definitely fucking with my lack of memory here. I've confirmed with Kenny that he wasn't even there that night. He was at a wedding, getting text updates of your little game.

flipstah
12-12-2013, 04:57 PM
:rofl: :rofl:

max_boost
12-12-2013, 05:00 PM
Lol pics of this friend/escort? Haha

kenny
12-12-2013, 05:07 PM
:rofl: :rofl:

One company Christmas party I really wish I attended but sadly I was not there and didn't start any of the rumors. In rage2's defense, she doesn't have a typical pornstar/stripper name. Maybe a Middle Eastern one, but definitely not of the North American variety.

403ep3
12-12-2013, 05:10 PM
Haha :drama:

flipstah
12-12-2013, 05:18 PM
Originally posted by kenny
:rofl: :rofl:

One company Christmas party I really wish I attended but sadly I was not there and didn't start any of the rumors. In rage2's defense, she doesn't have a typical pornstar/stripper name. Maybe a Middle Eastern one, but definitely not of the North American variety.

Ooo ethnic. Delicious.

Cos
12-12-2013, 06:41 PM
.

Graham_A_M
12-12-2013, 10:18 PM
Originally posted by Cos
Well I cant follow the escort story but I worked at a company where they had the history of hiring hot but useless front desk girls. The one when I started there was a smoke show. That christmas party in banff, after all day drinking, had a room at the Aurora just for us. When we walk in, she was on one of the bar tables with no pants, no underwear, and is dancing around like an idiot.

Needless to say in January we had a new girl and I dont think the owner was too happy about having to replace her. Haha

The new girl was a sunshine girl too though we found out later. :devil:

:rofl: :rofl: Wow dude.


Originally posted by xnvy
So I guess the party itself wasn't that awkward, it's my next shift that will probably be awkward but still nothing on you Grahma!

EDIT: I mean to write Graham but I like Grahma as well :D
Oh god dont start LOL. Look, I know I drive a Buick, but enough... two of my chick friends call me Gramps. :rofl: or Grahampa. Apparently Im the worlds oldest guy at 31.

Tik-Tok
12-12-2013, 10:19 PM
Originally posted by kenny
:rofl: :rofl:

One company Christmas party I really wish I attended but sadly I was not there and didn't start any of the rumors. In rage2's defense, she doesn't have a typical pornstar/stripper name. Maybe a Middle Eastern one, but definitely not of the North American variety.

Jasmine?