Are you happy you had kids?

[403Gemini]

Yeah this is a weird topic I know... I've been with my wife a total of 12 years and we've talked about kids quite a bit and we're both in our early 30's now (I'm 31, she's 30) so we're getting to that point of making "the decision" to finally have them or not.

Our stance is, right now neither of us actually WANT the kids, I know that sounds harsh, but we do realize when we get older we will regret not having them.

I'm certain I will love them, I love babies and I love interacting with friends and families kids - HOWEVER I'm not looking forward to the giant change in my life. Like today watching TV i just spontaneously asked my wife if she wanted to go to San Francisco sometime and she said "of course!" .... then I started thinking "Well fuck.... if we have a kid next year that won't be happening any time soon" so I'm not looking forward to that drastic change. Our plans to go back to Scotland with her dad will have to be put on hold... or never happen.

Yes, it's selfish thinking - I acknowledge this and I honestly don't care.

So putting this to the parents and even asking for peoples input who don't have kids - what are your HONEST thoughts. I'm getting SO FUCKING TIRED of hearing all these new parents (1 child, less than 6 months old) "OH IT'S THE BEST THING THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED TO ME!" - be honest, if you have kids and you hate it, let me know . I'm of course not going to base my entire decision off this one thread and strangers input, just wanted to know what peoples true thoughts are ;)

Again, I know this is a weird thread, I'm just wondering are these feelings normal? Before you had your kids, did you feel the same way? Do you ever get over it? I'm sure you look at your kids and absolutely adore them but are there days where you just think "Fuck I wish I didn't have them" (and seriously mean it, not just "oh they're being a pain in the ass this dinner!" )

One thing I liked hearing from one of my friends who has 2 boys - he said "For 23 hours of the day , you will hate them. You will hate how they destroy your house, your vehicle, how messy they are, how much noise they make - but then you get that 1 hour every day where you see them learn something knew, or you teach them something and you see them light up - this 1 hour makes the other 23 totally worth it"

[403Gemini]

I guess I should also add on - I don't know how to raise a kid in this world. I'm honestly terrified of that, and i know this sounds like a cop out - but when Robin Williams died his daughter had to shut down her twitter and instagram account because people were sending her photoshopped photos of dead bodies with her dads face on them.

This world is honestly fucking sick - I grew up in the 80's where if you made fun of somebody , you saw the pain and it made you stop (unless you were a jerk/bully ;) ) but kids now can't get away from it , and it's taken to such extreme levels. If any members have teens/preteens as well, I'd like to hear, how do you manage this? Of course you want to give them their freedom, but its a totally different world out there now - it's not the same when we grew up so how do you adapt? I don't want to punish my kid by taking away his/her phone or computer because they are being bullied and getting it on the computer :(

[Tik-Tok]

Im 36, she's 33, and we're having our first in January... youve got a few years left to decide, lol.

[FraserB]

Just gonna leave this here.

Test 1: Preparation

Women: To prepare for pregnancy

1. Put on a dressing gown and stick a beanbag down the front.

2. Leave it there.

3. After 9 months remove 5% of the beans.

Men: To prepare for children

1. Go to a local chemist, tip the contents of your wallet onto the counter and tell the pharmacist to help himself

2. Go to the supermarket. Arrange to have your salary paid directly to their head office.

3. Go home. Pick up the newspaper and read it for the last time.


Test 2: Knowledge

Find a couple who are already parents and berate them about their methods of discipline, lack of patience, appallingly low tolerance levels and how they have allowed their children to run wild.

Suggest ways in which they might improve their child's sleeping habits, toilet training, table manners and overall behavior.

Enjoy it. It will be the last time in your life that you will have all the answers.


Test 3: Nights

To discover how the nights will feel:


1. Walk around the living room from 5pm to 10pm carrying a wet bag weighing approximately 4 - 6kg, with a radio turned to static (or some other obnoxious sound) playing loudly.

2. At 10pm, put the bag down, set the alarm for midnight and go to sleep.

3. Get up at 11pm and walk the bag around the living room until 1am.

4. Set the alarm for 3am.

5. As you can't get back to sleep, get up at 2am and make a cup of tea.

6. Go to bed at 2.45am.

7. Get up again at 3am when the alarm goes off.

8. Sing songs in the dark until 4am.

9. Put the alarm on for 5am. Get up when it goes off.

10. Make breakfast.

Keep this up for 5 years. LOOK CHEERFUL.


Test 4: Dressing Small Children

1. Buy a live octopus and a string bag.

2. Attempt to put the octopus into the string bag so that no arms hangout.

Time Allowed: 5 minutes.



Test 5: Cars

1. Forget the BMW. Buy a practical 5-door wagon.

2. Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and put it in the glove compartment. Leave it there.

3. Get a coin. Insert it into the CD player.

4. Take a box of chocolate biscuits; mash them into the back seat.

5. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car.




Test 6: Going for a walk


1. Wait.

2. Go out the front door.

3. Come back in again.

4. Go out.

5. Come back in again.

6. Go out again.

7. Walk down the front path.

8. Walk back up it.

9. Walk down it again.

10. Walk very slowly down the road for five minutes.

11. Stop, inspect minutely and ask at least 6 questions about every piece of used chewing gum, dirty tissue and dead insect along the way.

12. Retrace your steps.

13. Scream that you have had as much as you can stand until the neighbors come out and stare at you.

14. Give up and go back into the house.

You are now just about ready to try taking a small child for a walk.


Test 7: Conversations with children

Repeat everything you say at least 5 times.


Test 8: Grocery Shopping

1. Go to the local supermarket. Take with you the nearest thing you can find to a pre-school child - a fully grown goat is excellent. If you intend to have more than one child, take more than one goat.

2. Buy your weekly groceries without letting the goat(s) out of your sight.

3. Pay for everything the goat eats or destroys.

Until you can easily accomplish this, do not even contemplate having children.


Test 9: Feeding a 1 year-old

1. Hollow out a melon

2. Make a small hole in the side

3. Suspend the melon from the ceiling and swing it side to side

4. Now get a bowl of soggy cornflakes and attempt to spoon them into the swaying melon while pretending to be an aeroplane.

5. Continue until half the cornflakes are gone.

6. Tip the rest into your lap, making sure that a lot of it falls on the floor.


Test 10:TV

1. Learn the names of every character from the Wiggles, Barney, Teletubbies and Disney.

2. Watch nothing else on television for at least 5 years.


Test 11: Mess

Can you stand the mess children make? To find out:

1. Smear peanut butter onto the sofa and jam onto the curtains

2. Hide a fish behind the stereo and leave it there all summer.

3. Stick your fingers in the flowerbeds and then rub them on clean walls. Cover the stains with crayon. How does that look?

4. Empty every drawer/cupboard/storage box in your house onto the floor and proceed with step 5.

5. Drag randomly items from one room to another room and leave them there.


Test 12: Long Trips with Toddlers

1. Make a recording of someone shouting 'Mummy' repeatedly. Important Notes: No more than a 4 second delay between each Mummy. Include occasional crescendo to the level of a supersonic jet.

2. Play this tape in your car, everywhere you go for the next 4 years.

You are now ready to take a long trip with a toddler.


Test 13:Conversations

1. Start talking to an adult of your choice.

2. Have someone else continually tug on your shirt hem or shirt sleeve while playing the Mummy tape listed above.

You are now ready to have a conversation with an adult while there is a child in the room.


Test 14: Getting ready for work

1. Pick a day on which you have an important meeting.

2. Put on your finest work attire.

3. Take a cup of cream and put 1 cup of lemon juice in it

4. Stir

5. Dump half of it on your nice silk shirt

6. Saturate a towel with the other half of the mixture

7. Attempt to clean your shirt with the same saturated towel

8. Do not change (you have no time).

9. Go directly to work


You're now ready for kids.

[403Gemini]

Originally posted by FraserB
Just gonna leave this here.
*SNIP*

:clap: Fuck me it's so true, this is always what is lingering in the back of my mind when I think about kids.
ALL.
OF.
THIS.

[Seth1968]

My 1 kid is now 19 years old and doing fine.

Would I do it again? FUCK NO!

There's a reason why the doctor in the Simpsons hands the pregnant Homer and a Marge a pamphlet titled, "So you just ruined your life".

[FraserB]

Originally posted by 403Gemini


:clap: Fuck me it's so true, this is always what is lingering in the back of my mind when I think about kids.
ALL.
OF.
THIS.

My biggest fear is the car part. My vehicles are spotless and I doubt the idea of my future wife driving a beater and me having the nice car would fly.

[Tik-Tok]

Originally posted by 403Gemini
"OH IT'S THE BEST THING THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED TO ME!"

Isn't this a biological thing, to stop parents from eating their children? Or put another way... misery loves company... you should TOTALLY have kids :rofl:

Seriously though. I've heard quite a few people say they wouldn't do it over again. It's easy to say that now, but in 40 years it's entire possibly you'll regret not having them.

[403Gemini]

Originally posted by FraserB


My biggest fear is the car part. My vehicles are spotless and I doubt the idea of my future wife driving a beater and me having the nice car would fly.

Yep, I keep my Edge in excellent shape - very clean inside and out... and I know this will change (I think back to when I kept squeezing a ketchup pack as a kid and it sprayed all over the car's roof... :facepalm: )


Originally posted by Tik-Tok


Isn't this a biological thing, to stop parents from eating their children? Or put another way... misery loves company... you should TOTALLY have kids :rofl:

I think it's honestly part them (the parents) trying to brainwash themselves into thinking it is the best thing. If you tell a lie enough you start to believe it, right? :rofl:

[spikerS]

I would totally do it again. My daughters are awesome. Yes, there are some drawbacks to it, like having to plan vacations around school and all that, but then, there are a lot of bonuses to it too.

It gives you an excuse to buy toys again, and you can get away with playing with them.

The first time your kid calls you "dad", nothing else will ever compare

sure, things are more expensive, have to do more planning to make things work, whatever, but the rewards of raising kids is well worth it, 100 times over.

[403Gemini]

Originally posted by spikerS

It gives you an excuse to buy toys again, and you can get away with playing with them.


You stopped?! ;)

[spikerS]

Baygirl still makes fun of me anyways. She always says "You're such a boy!"

She won't take me to the lego store anymore, but I wear that like a badge of honor.

[Mista Bob]

Originally posted by 403Gemini

Our stance is, right now neither of us actually WANT the kids, I know that sounds harsh, but we do realize when we get older we will regret not having them.

Why would that sound harsh?

Oh right.... because it would probably offend the "OH IT'S THE BEST THING THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED TO ME" kinda people.
I'm sure they totally aren't just trying to convince themselves or anything.

Nothing wrong with not wanting kids, even for the rest of your life.
Ultimately the decision can only come from you and should not be influenced by anyone, not even your significant other.

[spikerS]

^^
Bingo. Either you want kids, or you don't.

If you don't want one, and you end up with one, you are going to resent it all the time, and the kids are smart enough to know that too, and then they grow up unhappy and feeling rejected.

Only do it if you are 100% committed to it.

[Jsen-DC2]

yeah im a young father i had my kid when i was 22 now 24, sure i missed alot of potential "fun times" or what not, but honestly my kid amuses me everyday, its joy watching him learn new things and try to talk to you. There are times when i take the long way home just to stay away from the inevitable but as soon as i get home its nice to have someone that really loves you, wants to sit on your lap n shiet. one of the best feelings. but yeah i would love to have my old life back but then again, what else was there to do, all my friend just party anyways :dunno:

i plan on having 2 more while retaining my race car lol :burnout:

[nzwasp]

I wouldnt regret it, infact i have one girl who is 2 and another one on the way. I think in terms of how much it affects your life it totally depends on your parenting style. If you are totally hands of controlling their every step then you might have a crappy time, I know people who have a near 2 year old and still get up 4 times a night with them. My kid has been sleeping through the night (5 hours or longer) since 2 months old.

Every day I wake up at 6.30 am and get her ready then take her to daycare, work all day pick her up around 4 or 5pm play and dinner for an hour then she goes to bed. Then the wife and I have 4 hours of peace for the night until the next day when it happens again.

I actually find the daily routine - mon to fri pretty easy, its the weekends that are harder because you have to spend every waking moment watching them, playing with them etc.

[speedog]

Originally posted by 403Gemini
Our stance is, right now neither of us actually WANT the kids, I know that sounds harsh, but we do realize when we get older we will regret not having them.
So don't have them now - just realize that as time passes, the ability of having a safe-to-term baby is decreasing.

So if, at some point in the future, you and your wife decide you want to have kids and the biological clock deal is working against you in a big way, then consider adoption.

The problem right now neither of you want the kids and just having a child because you might regret it in the future is not the right way to go about this - the regret you might have in having one now might not be something either of you might be able to get past.

Having kids is a big deal or at least it should be and one should be ready to deal with all the challenges that raising a child brings with it, be it your own child or one that you adopt.

[egmilano]

I have a new born, I never planned on having a kid in my mid 20's. I always thought mid 30's.... Honestly having one makes me and the wife want more. The feeling when you hold your kid for the first time and they look into your eyes is unreal, I'm happy we have our son and to be honest the nine months leading up I was stressed out ! Didn't know if I were ready and thinking WHY ME ! Haha now that I have him I couldn't think of life without. Both of our family's are super supportive, brother in law has a 4 year old daughter so we spent tons of time with her before we made our choice. I don't think you'll regret it..

[speedog]

For the record, have three of my own and my Asian son by another mother.

Every experience with them has been well worth the time and things/hobbies that I have left on the side haven't been missed as my life has evolved to include things I could've never imagined being a part of my life before I had kids.

That said, there is no right magical age to have kids - it's just something you have to figure out on your own. Just be sure you have enough maturity to handle all that will be thrown your way and above all, realize that being selfish when raising a family will do you no good at all.

[baygirl]

Let me start by saying I love my girls more than life itself. At 5 and 9 they are growing into great little humans. I wouldn't change a thing. However would I start again with a third? Umm, no. We have the best of both worlds right now. Every 2 weeks we end up with 48 hrs kid-free. Unfortunately because we do have kids we don't always have a lot of money to spend during that free time lol

The people who say life doesn't have to change that much are wrong or extremely selfish. Sure, in the beginning you can pretty much take the baby anywhere. However as the baby grows, routine such as regular meal times and bedtimes become important. Want to visit a friend and stay til 10 or 11? With a baby that's no big deal, the baby will sleep anywhere. Do that with a 4 year old and you have a sleep deprived, cranky kid the next day. You have to plan everything around school and extra curricular activities. Even when you plan something, you might have to change those plans if the kid ends up sick.

I like that you are looking at the big picture. You are not being selfish, you are being smart. This is a big decision and there's no going back. The rewards are definitely worth it to me, but I realize that it isn't for everyone.

[rage2]

I'm not even going to pretend to be an expert in parenting. I will, however, dive into the car scenarios.

You don't have to give up cars at all with kids. I'm really anal about the cars being clean, and the kids get that. No food or drinks in the car. Long trips are an exception, but they're super careful because they know how anal I am about it.

As for car choices, realistically unless you have 3 kids, not much is going to change. We take the C BS out as a family all the time, that's with 2 kids in the back. The CLS, another 4 seater, is even better with easy access via the back doors. The only car I really had issues with was the 911, and mainly because I couldn't carry anything such as skating gear, which involved a walker thingy for learning how to skate. As such, the 911 really only works for short trips to dinner.

One thing I've learned, is that all kids are different. Read up on everything you want and chances are your experience will be completely different. We got lucky on our 2nd, he sleeps 12 hours a night since he was born, so we get awesome sleep every single night haha. I can count on one hand how many nights we had our sleep interrupted, mainly due to teething.

[01RedDX]

.

[benyl]

Originally posted by FraserB


My biggest fear is the car part. My vehicles are spotless and I doubt the idea of my future wife driving a beater and me having the nice car would fly.

One day after cleaning my car. It fucking sucks, but I would still have my kid.

http://i1216.photobucket.com/albums/dd364/bwinkelm/E03E6BB7-5A38-4544-8052-566DF3B7A20F_zpswmubv1cm.jpg (http://s1216.photobucket.com/user/bwinkelm/media/E03E6BB7-5A38-4544-8052-566DF3B7A20F_zpswmubv1cm.jpg.html)

[rage2]

Originally posted by benyl
One day after cleaning my car. It fucking sucks, but I would still have my kid.
Seat back protectors. That, and pretend to be disappointed whenever it gets dirty. They'll learn quickly to respect the cars haha.

[spikerS]

Originally posted by benyl


One day after cleaning my car. It fucking sucks, but I would still have my kid.

http://i1216.photobucket.com/albums/dd364/bwinkelm/E03E6BB7-5A38-4544-8052-566DF3B7A20F_zpswmubv1cm.jpg (http://s1216.photobucket.com/user/bwinkelm/media/E03E6BB7-5A38-4544-8052-566DF3B7A20F_zpswmubv1cm.jpg.html)

Shit, compare that to my truck...I would eat off those floor mats. :rofl:

[Ca_Silvia13]

Ya just to add, you can keep your cars and have a family. You can teach your kids to respect your cars. And yes the first two years are a little rough. But, being young enough to truly enough childhood again, right alongside your own children is priceless.

On another note, just think about when your kids will be 16-18. You still have to go pick their drunk ass up at least once. You wanna be 40 or 60 when that happens?

[lint]

There is no right time to have kids, and there is no manual for being a parent. Only you can say if life is better or worse, but it's certainly different. Being a parent has it's ups and downs, but wouldn't trade my poo-heads for anything.

Nothing wrong with not wanting kids, better to know that before you have them.

[max_boost]

Can't do it. Maybe it'll change later on.

[M.alex]

Originally posted by Ca_Silvia13

On another note, just think about when your kids will be 16-18. You still have to go pick their drunk ass up at least once. You wanna be 40 or 60 when that happens?

If you have to do that then you failed as a parent.

[msommers]

Get a dog first?

[Ca_Silvia13]

Originally posted by M.alex


If you have to do that then you failed as a parent.

Kids experiment with alcohol and those experiences don't always go well. Doesn't reflect on parenting, it reflects on the dumbass decisions that most typical 18 year olds make.

[firebane]

I'm 35 my girlfriend is 30.

Neither of us want kids. I had a kid with a woman and it turned into a massive mistake and of which I no longer see the child either.

As it has been said your entire life has to change and revolve around a small person and I will openly admit to being extremely selfish in not wanting to do that.

[Tik-Tok]

Originally posted by rage2

Seat back protectors. That, and pretend to be disappointed whenever it gets dirty. They'll learn quickly to respect the cars haha.

Disappointment? I thought you were Chinese? Aren't you supposed to grab whatever is closest and start whipping them? :rofl:

[jdmXSI]

Originally posted by M.alex


If you have to do that then you failed as a parent.

On the contrary, I think you have succeeded as a parent. I would much rather them call me to pick their drunk ass up then drive home with someone who is impaired. But im sure that is a topic for a differnt discussion.

[kvg]

Originally posted by jdmXSI


On the contrary, I think you have succeeded as a parent. I would much rather them call me to pick their drunk ass up then drive home with someone who is impaired. But im sure that is a topic for a differnt discussion.

:thumbsup:

[spikerS]

Originally posted by jdmXSI


On the contrary, I think you have succeeded as a parent. I would much rather them call me to pick their drunk ass up then drive home with someone who is impaired. But im sure that is a topic for a differnt discussion.

I was going to post exactly this.

I think you would have succeeded as a parent if your kid calls you at 2am to pick their drunk ass up, rather than them driving with someone else who is just as drunk, or driving themselves.

I will go pick my girls up EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. without so much as a word of complaint.

I think that is a totally responsible decision, and one that I would be happy to instill in my prodigy.

[FraserB]

Originally posted by jdmXSI


On the contrary, I think you have succeeded as a parent. I would much rather them call me to pick their drunk ass up then drive home with someone who is impaired. But im sure that is a topic for a differnt discussion.

Exactly. My parents told me to call them no matter what the time and they'd pick me up. I told my younger sister the same and have driven her home more than once when my parents were away or it was late.

[Twin_Cam_Turbo]

I kinda want a kid when I am in my mid to late 20s. Knowing full well my mom will babysit EVERY DAY for me haha.

[Tik-Tok]

Originally posted by baygirl
This is a big decision and there's no going back.

Wait... so 42nd trimester abortions WEREN'T legalized??? FFFFuuuuuu

[black_2.5RS]

I wish I had our daughter sooner! I wouldn't change anything. Extremely rewarding and the times I spend w/ her are the best times of my life. Seriously, go the parental route - you won't regret it.

[HiTempguy1]

Originally posted by 01RedDX
One important consideration is loss of wife's income and whether or not she wants to go back to work after. My wife loves her career and didn't want to give it up, it was definitely me who wanted kids and not her.

The girlfriend and I have talked about this. She can be a bit naive about things sometimes. She's super gungho to have kids (not for another 5 years anyways, but we've talked about our opinions on the subject).

She wants to work. She says no way, no how is she stay at home mom. Which is cool by me, next best thing to dinks is still Dual Income!

I pointed out to her though that if she wants to have two kids, she'll be taking essentially two years off anyways (if they are separated by 2 years of age). I mean, I know some mothers who have been pregnant, had the kid, went back to work, and then had another kid. But as I told her, that can be a significant holdback in her career.

I think women are in a tough place. In my (man's) mind, if I were in the same position, I'd stay at home for 4 years (1 year pregnant, one year to recover/look after newborn, rinse and repeat for the 2nd one). I'd try a part time job/at home job. Then when the 4th year hit, I'd start focusing on a "career" again.

[kenny]

Originally posted by rage2
We got lucky on our 2nd, he sleeps 12 hours a night since he was born, so we get awesome sleep every single night haha. I can count on one hand how many nights we had our sleep interrupted, mainly due to teething.

:rofl: Pretty sure you just slept through all the night time feedings when he was a newborn.

[JaffX]

Originally posted by Twin_Cam_Turbo
I kinda want a kid when I am in my mid to late 20s. Knowing full well my mom will babysit EVERY DAY for me haha.

haha that's what was thinking of doing too :rofl:

[egmilano]

Originally posted by JaffX


haha that's what was thinking of doing too :rofl:

Haha Moms are great. My mom turned the guest room aka my old room into a nursery for when my boy stays over .... The kids only 2 months ! She's friggin crazy. her friends even did a pamper party before the baby shower .... My garage has diapers to last us 8 months , 5 diapers a day it's a lot of boxes stacked. My neighbours probably think wtf when every time my garage is open haha ...

[guessboi]

I have a 28 months daughter and a son on its way in September.
Did it change my life? - HELL YES, did I regret it - HELL NO. (although I don't plan to have a 3rd...lol)

All of my time is now consumed with work and family - always busy and never have time to be bored.

Yes I wish I have more time to drive my cars but I am ok with that.
I have 3 garage queens - driven 5,000 km less combined in the past year. :rofl:

[nonofyobiz]

Originally posted by 403Gemini
Yeah this is a weird topic I know... I've been with my wife a total of 12 years and we've talked about kids quite a bit and we're both in our early 30's now (I'm 31, she's 30) so we're getting to that point of making "the decision" to finally have them or not.

Our stance is, right now neither of us actually WANT the kids, I know that sounds harsh, but we do realize when we get older we will regret not having them.

I'm certain I will love them, I love babies and I love interacting with friends and families kids - HOWEVER I'm not looking forward to the giant change in my life. Like today watching TV i just spontaneously asked my wife if she wanted to go to San Francisco sometime and she said "of course!" .... then I started thinking "Well fuck.... if we have a kid next year that won't be happening any time soon" so I'm not looking forward to that drastic change. Our plans to go back to Scotland with her dad will have to be put on hold... or never happen.

Yes, it's selfish thinking - I acknowledge this and I honestly don't care.

So putting this to the parents and even asking for peoples input who don't have kids - what are your HONEST thoughts. I'm getting SO FUCKING TIRED of hearing all these new parents (1 child, less than 6 months old) "OH IT'S THE BEST THING THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED TO ME!" - be honest, if you have kids and you hate it, let me know . I'm of course not going to base my entire decision off this one thread and strangers input, just wanted to know what peoples true thoughts are ;)

Again, I know this is a weird thread, I'm just wondering are these feelings normal? Before you had your kids, did you feel the same way? Do you ever get over it? I'm sure you look at your kids and absolutely adore them but are there days where you just think "Fuck I wish I didn't have them" (and seriously mean it, not just "oh they're being a pain in the ass this dinner!" )

One thing I liked hearing from one of my friends who has 2 boys - he said "For 23 hours of the day , you will hate them. You will hate how they destroy your house, your vehicle, how messy they are, how much noise they make - but then you get that 1 hour every day where you see them learn something knew, or you teach them something and you see them light up - this 1 hour makes the other 23 totally worth it"

I'm not going to read through this whole thread, but as a parent of a 6 and 3 yr old...quit being such a selfish pu$$y! geeeezus do something significant with you life.

a trip to san fransisco? wow.

...oh wait...maybe you shouldn't have kids.

edit:...i just don't even comprehend how ppl are considering their JOB as equally, or more important, than creating a human. or other material things for that matter.

[egmilano]

I worked with an older fella in his 50's, never wanted kids until he was in his 40's and it was just too late... He said multiple times when we had discussions at work about my little guy coming that it's the biggest mistake he made in his life. Felt pretty bad about it but it made me realize how lucky I was to have one on the way. He's retiring and the closest thing for him is his niece and nephew but he said it's just not the same. He let money and drinking with his gf's all the time blind him from what really mattered he said.
I think the only thing worse would to be like firebane the proud deadbeat dad, so "extremely selfish" ballin in his 96 teggy not having to take care of or have his life revolve around a small person, clearly doesn't even know what fatherhood is .... Guys like him deserve to be dropped off in Siberia .... Makes me sick

[spikerS]

Originally posted by nonofyobiz


I'm not going to read through this whole thread, but as a parent of a 6 and 3 yr old...quit being such a selfish pu$$y! geeeezus do something significant with you life.

a trip to san fransisco? wow.

...oh wait...maybe you shouldn't have kids.

edit:...i just don't even comprehend how ppl are considering their JOB as equally, or more important, than creating a human. or other material things for that matter.

WTF? pass judgement much?

Having kids puts a big limit n your lifestyle that not everyone wants to accept. Is it being selfish? I don't think so. Who exactly does he have to share with? a twinkle in his eye?

Fuck man, relax. your soap box only has 3 legs...Having kids is not for everyone.

[spikerS]

Originally posted by egmilano

I think the only thing worse would to be like firebane the proud deadbeat dad, so "extremely selfish" ballin in his 96 teggy not having to take care of or have his life revolve around a small person, clearly doesn't even know what fatherhood is .... Guys like him deserve to be dropped off in Siberia .... Makes me sick

What makes him a deadbeat? do you know his story, or why he does not see his kid? Do you know if he pays child support?

please, do tell.

[firebane]

Originally posted by egmilano
I think the only thing worse would to be like firebane the proud deadbeat dad, so "extremely selfish" ballin in his 96 teggy not having to take care of or have his life revolve around a small person, clearly doesn't even know what fatherhood is .... Guys like him deserve to be dropped off in Siberia .... Makes me sick [/B]

Wow tough guy huh.. Always easy to judge a person without knowing the entire story and just assuming someone is a dead beat dad. :bullshit:

[Sugarphreak]

...

[egmilano]

Originally posted by spikerS


What makes him a deadbeat? do you know his story, or why he does not see his kid? Do you know if he pays child support?

please, do tell.

Saying you don't even see your kid, and implying you want nothing to do with it because your selfish and don't want a life that it says a lot about the type of sperm donor he is. Sad when kids grow up unwanted by a parent. Given his attitude I doubt the courts was even an option he thought about if there was a need or want for him to see it ..

[firebane]

Originally posted by egmilano


Saying you don't even see your kid, and implying you want nothing to do with it because your selfish and don't want a life that it says a lot about the type of sperm donor he is. Sad when kids grow up unwanted by a parent. Given his attitude I doubt the courts was even an option he thought about if there was a need or want for him to see it ..

Your completely misconstruding what I said and completely derailing this thread. :thumbsdow

[hampstor]

I have 3 boys and I do not regret having them. Despite how much of a turd the middle child can be at times, I'm happy I have them.

Yes, having 3 kids can limit car choices - pretty much anything with 2 doors is out of the question if you have a family of 5. If you buy the right car seats, you can fit 3 across the back of most 4 door cars (we had 3 in the back of a 03 Nissan Sentra).

[egmilano]

Originally posted by firebane


Your completely misconstruding what I said and completely derailing this thread. :thumbsdow


All I did was answer a question about a statement I made regarding a picture you painted...:dunno: spikers was right though pretty quick to judge which was wrong of me ... Anyway to the op my point is some people regret not having kids which blows but at the same time having a kid and not being there for it is worse and only going to hurt the kid whether the kid shows it or not growing up. You'll know when you and your lady are ready you still have lot of time ! So travel if it's something you want before you commit to a child :clap:

[benyl]

Originally posted by Sugarphreak

I think if I could enjoy my 30's for another 20 years or so, I'd consider kids. However right I am just finding that life is too short, I've got a lot of things I still want to do and not a whole lot of time left. Kids would basically shut down a lot of those dreams instantly. Right now I have a lot of disposable income, the ability to take off for vacations anywhere and any time, I have a great career, I have peaceful nights, and minimal cleaning around the house... life is pretty good.

Kids is something you have to want, and unless one of my guys makes it past the goalie it isn't something I will be doing.

We had a kid pretty late. Didn't really affect my lifestyle at all. Still do 2-3 big ass vacations. Fuck-off whenever I like. I will have no problem taking my kid out of school for a week or two to head to Hawaii or Disney (land or World). We've only had one bad trip with our kid out of a dozen or so in his first 3.5 years. He's been to LA, Orlando, Miami, Mexico, Jamaica, Haiti, Maui, Honolulu, Las Vegas (bad trip), Vancouver, and Toronto. He's been awesome to travel with.

I can't imagine having had a kid in my 20s. I'd be fucking poor and miserable.

The drawback of being older is being tired. Not from the sleepless nights, but from the energy the kid takes out of you.

Kids aren't for everyone, but I know people without them and when your friends and family start dying of old age, it sure gets lonely with all that "money."

Edit: I take that back. It did affect my car choices. I would have a C63 BS sitting in my driveway, but 2-doors just isn't practical. rage2 makes it work, but I'm too lazy to throw two kids and a grandma in the back of a coupe.

[Sugarphreak]

...

[Mista Bob]

Originally posted by nonofyobiz


I'm not going to read through this whole thread, but as a parent of a 6 and 3 yr old...quit being such a selfish pu$$y! geeeezus do something significant with you life.

a trip to san fransisco? wow.

...oh wait...maybe you shouldn't have kids.

edit:...i just don't even comprehend how ppl are considering their JOB as equally, or more important, than creating a human. or other material things for that matter.

:rolleyes:
Please tell me you are joking.

[bignerd]

Wow, a lot of not helpful posts in here.

I have never been one of those people that feels I need kids to complete my life but I have also never been totally against the idea of it either.

Everyone I have ever asked that does have kids does say yes, it is absolutely worth it.

I figure based on my older brothers experiences and mine, my mother had children (the two of us) because it was what she was "supposed" to do. Her style of parenting could be best described as indifferent. We weren't neglected in any way, but she was short of patience and it wasn't a close, warm, loving relationship from what I have seen other families have.

My mother recently passed after being ill. My brother was there when she did, and she actually died in his arms while he helped her with something. This to me was comforting, the thought of dying alone is scary, and sad. Also not a reason to have children, but family is important. I also hope/want to parent differently/better.

I also sort of battle with the fact for now I think I would only want one child, but I am close with my brother and he is really the only family I have left-I wish I had more siblings so am sort of confused on those feelings as well.

If you are waiting for the "right time" to have them, there is NO right time.

Sorry if that was sort of confusing, but have been thinking about this a LOT lately so not sure if it helps any.

[DeleriousZ]

My uncle was 65 and his wife was 40something when they had a kid, so don't worry guys, you can wait quite a while and still have kids :P

[A790]

Originally posted by nonofyobiz


I'm not going to read through this whole thread, but as a parent of a 6 and 3 yr old...quit being such a selfish pu$$y! geeeezus do something significant with you life.

a trip to san fransisco? wow.

...oh wait...maybe you shouldn't have kids.

edit:...i just don't even comprehend how ppl are considering their JOB as equally, or more important, than creating a human. or other material things for that matter.
There are seven billion people on the planet. Choosing not to have kids is hardly selfish.

[Tik-Tok]

Originally posted by DeleriousZ
My uncle was 65 and his wife was 40something when they had a kid, so don't worry guys, you can wait quite a while and still have kids :P

It's a lot easier for a guy to have a kid that late in life, than a woman :rofl:

Personally, I've always been on the fence. I never have had the urge to have children, but wasn't against them either. If it were 100% solely up to me, I would probably not have them, just because it's easier, and I'm lazy, lol.

So I left it up to my wife, because I didn't want my indecision to leave her feeling regret in 20 years. The only caveat was that I'm getting 'fixed' at 40, no matter what. My father-in-law had my wife and her sister at age 38 and 41, and he did alright by them, so I figured 40 was a good cut off age, as I don't want children in the house (<18) when I'm retired.

[Aleks]

We have 3 kids, all under 5 years old. Wife never went back to work after 1st one. I'm not one of those people that pushes the kid agenda on all my friends. I totally understand there are people out there that don't want kids and that's 100% fine.

When they are gone for a sleepover at inlaws or something house just feels a bit empty and I do miss them. This, despite of having moments here and there where I feel like we should have stopped at 1 :rofl:

Overall I would do it again and maybe even earlier. I was 28 when we had our first.

[msommers]

Originally posted by A790

There are seven billion people on the planet. Choosing not to have kids is hardly selfish.

Very true. Though it's interesting that population is expected to plateau or even decline, as current trends are showing.

[Seth1968]

Originally posted by nonofyobiz


I'm not going to read through this whole thread, but as a parent of a 6 and 3 yr old...quit being such a selfish pu$$y! geeeezus do something significant with you life.

a trip to san fransisco? wow.

...oh wait...maybe you shouldn't have kids.

edit:...i just don't even comprehend how ppl are considering their JOB as equally, or more important, than creating a human. or other material things for that matter.

Holy fuck.

I'm agnostic, but I'll pray for your kids.

[A790]

Originally posted by msommers


Very true. Though it's interesting that population is expected to plateau or even decline, as current trends are showing.
Good. There are about 3 billion more people than the Earth can reasonably sustain.

My wife and I don't want kids. We talk about it frequently, and the conclusion every time is that we just aren't there. Mind you, I'm 27 and she's 25 so that may change (for that reason I haven't gotten snipped yet).

I don't see us with kids, ever, and I have no problems with that.

[Disoblige]

Originally posted by nonofyobiz


I'm not going to read through this whole thread, but as a parent of a 6 and 3 yr old...quit being such a selfish pu$$y! geeeezus do something significant with you life.

a trip to san fransisco? wow.

...oh wait...maybe you shouldn't have kids.

edit:...i just don't even comprehend how ppl are considering their JOB as equally, or more important, than creating a human. or other material things for that matter.
Holy shit, this post was awe-inspiring. I'm sitting here feeling so insignificant at the moment. Need. To. Make. Babies. NOW. :rofl:

[Seth1968]

Originally posted by A790

Good. There are about 3 billion more people than the Earth can reasonably sustain.

My wife and I don't want kids. We talk about it frequently, and the conclusion every time is that we just aren't there. Mind you, I'm 27 and she's 25 so that may change (for that reason I haven't gotten snipped yet).

I don't see us with kids, ever, and I have no problems with that.

Kudos on you, your wife, and everyone else who questions such regard.

It's time we rid ourselves of this idiotic notion that we're selfish for not wanting kids, when indeed, the opposite is true.

Blame that shit on religion too!:)

[403Gemini]

Originally posted by msommers
Get a dog first?

Haha I've always joked about being "that dog guy" - Grew up with 5 dogs throughout my childhood, have my own now, absolutely love them because it's what I know. I know the next dog I own will be easier to train than the last , and I don't really need to worry about the "world changing" (like cyber bullying etc now) like I do kids.


Originally posted by nonofyobiz


I'm not going to read through this whole thread, but as a parent of a 6 and 3 yr old...quit being such a selfish pu$$y! geeeezus do something significant with you life.

a trip to san fransisco? wow.

...oh wait...maybe you shouldn't have kids.

edit:...i just don't even comprehend how ppl are considering their JOB as equally, or more important, than creating a human. or other material things for that matter.

I wasn't going to reply to your post, but your judgement was so glib I thought I would.

The example of San Francisco was just that - an example. In our current status, if we wanted to check out San Francisco, we would hop on a website today and buy our tickets for next weekend. Because we don't have kids we've been able to experience China, Japan, Amsterdam, Paris, and still make 2-3 trips down to various spots in the States every year. With kids, the option of getting away for a spontaneous weekend flies out the window. The larger trips to other countries is pretty much out the window since kids become a money vacuum.

People like you who think "CHILDREN ARE THE FUTURE!" and that's all there is too this world, then aggressively judge other people on their choices are honestly the most fucking boring people to talk to. Does most of your stories with friends start with "You'll never believe what my 3/6 year old did the other day!!!" - Nobody cares, not even your friends with other kids, because their kids do the same thing too.

ANYWAY

I do appreciate all the tips/advice in this thread - aside from the derailment of page 3 with the back and forward between egmilano & firebane lol.

Do those of you with kids still have an arrangement with your spouse where you get a night a week where you can still go out with your friends? Speaking with my wife more last night, we have an "agreement" (how we'll manage to stick to it we'll see haha) is neither of us want to lose our own identity still - so usually Thursdays is a night that i've been getting together with friends for about 8 years now, I told her how important that is for me (I don't stay out much later than 8:30 / 9:00 pm) - with that I would look after the kid(s) on another weeknight or afternoon on a Saturday/Sunday. I think it's good to give 1 on 1 time bonding with the kid that way and still gives the other person a break.

Honestly, I think I would absolutely regret it if we didn't have them. Thinking about coming home and picking them up or playing with them excites me. Imparting knowledge on them really excites me - I mean with every dog I've owned (I know, bad correlation ;) ) it's so exciting when you see them learn something new like a trick or when they are still a puppy and first discover an airplane flying overhead - I can only imagine a kid learning something new or discovering something and that look of amazement must be 1000% more rewarding.

I think the biggest thing is I'm a lot like Sugarphreak where my own upbringing wasn't awesome. My parents were amazing, but seeing aunts/uncles/grandparents leech off of them drove me nuts. Family gatherings became angst filled and more of a test of patience than an enjoyment/celebration - It actually took me about 5-6 years of being with my wife before getting used to going over for family dinners and not getting stressed/worried about it because i would build up anxiety from just my personal experiences with how stressful my family gatherings were, and I don't want my kids to have to deal with that - that said we have such a great family structure now I think I can break the cycle. My sister & husband and my wifes sister & husband are all relatively stable people. My wifes dad is going to be retiring this year and has offered to babysit for us when we go to work for the first few years which is awesome.

Any , appreciate it guys :)

[D'z Nutz]

Originally posted by nonofyobiz


I'm not going to read through this whole thread, but as a parent of a 6 and 3 yr old...quit being such a selfish pu$$y! geeeezus do something significant with you life.

a trip to san fransisco? wow.

...oh wait...maybe you shouldn't have kids.

edit:...i just don't even comprehend how ppl are considering their JOB as equally, or more important, than creating a human. or other material things for that matter.

I fucking hate people with this attitude. Imposing your values and beliefs onto someone else? I'd say that's selfish. If people do not want children, that's "nonofyobiz ".

I'm of the opinion that people shouldn't plan to have kids unless a) they want them and/or b) they can or want to care for them.

I know of a couple whose first kid was an accident and they were forced into marriage because of it. Marriage was falling apart so they had another kid to try and save it. It still wasn't working when they had a third. You can count on these clowns to drop their kids off at the grandparents every weekend so they can go partying and traveling. They're also broke as fuck from the constant shopping, partying, and traveling. Parents even took money the first kid was saving to buy toys so they could use it in Vegas. First kid is turning out to be socially awkward because of the lack of constant parental presence.

Now I'm not a parent and I'm usually pretty careful to criticize how people should be raising their children, but I'm gonna go out on a limb and say these two clowns shouldn't be parents since their children are a burden on them and they're unwilling to give up their lifestyle.

I don't think anyone should willfully have children if they cannot raise them in the best environment they can provide to the best of their ability.

[Seth1968]

Originally posted by D'z Nutz


I fucking hate people with this attitude. Imposing your values and beliefs onto someone else? I'd say that's selfish. If people do not want children, that's &quot;nonofyobiz &quot;.

I'm of the opinion that people shouldn't plan to have kids unless a) they want them and/or b) they can or want to care for them.

I know of a couple whose first kid was an accident and they were forced into marriage because of it. Marriage was falling apart so they had another kid to try and save it. It still wasn't working when they had a third. You can count on these clowns to drop their kids off at the grandparents every weekend so they can go partying and traveling. They're also broke as fuck from the constant shopping, partying, and traveling. First kid is turning out to be socially awkward because of the lack of constant parental presence. Parents even took money the first kid was saving to buy toys so they could use it in Vegas.

Now I'm not a parent and I'm usually pretty careful to criticize how people should be raising their children, but I'm gonna go out on a limb and say these two clowns shouldn't be parents since their children are a burden on them and they're unwilling to give up their lifestyle.

I don't think anyone should willfully have children if they cannot raise them in the best environment they can provide to the best of their ability.

So true, but good luck with that.

The thinking people either have no kids, or are questioning such.

On the other hand, the ignorant breed like rats.

[BigMass]

we chose not to have kids and the only thing I'm bitter about is parents getting tax breaks. It should be the exact opposite as those that have kids put a higher burden on the planet in terms of a carbon footprint and those that chose not to have kids should get a tax break for making that sacrificing and thinking about the planet. I don't care if someone has 10000 kids, good for them, I just don't want to be the one to subsidize their breeding.

[01RedDX]

.

[The_Rural_Juror]

Originally posted by D'z Nutz


I fucking hate people with this attitude. Imposing your values and beliefs onto someone else? I'd say that's selfish. If people do not want children, that's &quot;nonofyobiz &quot;.

I'm of the opinion that people shouldn't plan to have kids unless a) they want them and/or b) they can or want to care for them.

I know of a couple whose first kid was an accident and they were forced into marriage because of it. Marriage was falling apart so they had another kid to try and save it. It still wasn't working when they had a third. You can count on these clowns to drop their kids off at the grandparents every weekend so they can go partying and traveling. They're also broke as fuck from the constant shopping, partying, and traveling. Parents even took money the first kid was saving to buy toys so they could use it in Vegas. First kid is turning out to be socially awkward because of the lack of constant parental presence.

Now I'm not a parent and I'm usually pretty careful to criticize how people should be raising their children, but I'm gonna go out on a limb and say these two clowns shouldn't be parents since their children are a burden on them and they're unwilling to give up their lifestyle.

I don't think anyone should willfully have children if they cannot raise them in the best environment they can provide to the best of their ability.

Truth smackdown.:clap:

[BigMass]

Originally posted by 01RedDX


Nice sanctimonious post BM but don't worry you're not subsidizing anyone, if anything our kids will be subsidizing you when you're old and useless and alone and a burden. :)

don't put our economic Ponzi scheme on me. I didn't come up with it. It's a terrible system to need more people to pay for previous debts. Also I wasn't trying to be sanctimonious. I was making a rational statement. Those that see facts and reason as sanctimonious have an emotional bias to their position. If the system if flawed you don't fix it by piling more shit onto it to keep it going just because you're able to benefit most from it. That's the definition of being selfish. You remove the system and start over.

[FraserB]

You could also make the argument that people with kids support the economy more than a single person. Incomes being equal, the people with kids are going to be spending more in the community than the person without kids.

[A790]

Originally posted by FraserB
You could also make the argument that people with kids support the economy more than a single person. Incomes being equal, the people with kids are going to be spending more in the community than the person without kids.
How do you figure that?

[Kloubek]

I really don't have time to read this whole thread, so I'm just going to put down my own thoughts.

Firstly, don't be terrified of not knowing what to do. Kids are resilient, and will bounce back from any mistakes you make. (Save, for perhaps, actually not caring for/about them... but I doubt that will be the case here)

Second, it changes EVERYTHING. Especially if you don't have anyone to watch a child for you. My wife and I don't really, and that makes spontaneous things almost impossible and outings alone rare. Take anything you know about life and living and throw it out the window because everything will change.

Third, be prepared for a lot of struggles. Kids will have issues you need to help them overcome. Our child had colic, and for the first 4 months if he was awake, he was screaming. For the next 2-3 months my son was fine, but would freak out any time he saw me. It was heartbreaking.

Fourth, raising a kid is expensive. There's all the initial buy of stuff, the ongoing buy of stuff, and things like daycare - which we pay nearly a grand for each month. Before a child, I had 3 sports cars at one point. Now I have one familymobile. It changes your finances dramatically.

So, if you aren't scared off yet, let me leave you with this:

My son is only two, and after we got past the first 6 months of hell, I haven't looked back. Having him has been by far the most gratifying experience of my life. It sounds unhealthy maybe, but prior to my son I didn't really know what my purpose was in life and why it was worth living. Now I live to see him, and make him the best man he can be as he grows up. To me, that's real. That's tangible.

Almost every day he does something that I didn't even know he was capable of. Kids are a sponge, and he watches us intently - then ends up mimicking us which is super neat to see. Watching him develop is simply amazing. And, of course, he is one more person to love and to love you back.

Children aren't for everyone. But if you decide to have them - make sure you are prepared to pour everything you have into being parents.... a child deserves nothing less.

[Sugarphreak]

...

[finboy]

IMO, I would hold off Wayne, it sounds like you still want to do lots of things that would be MUCH harder if you had kids. Considered adoption down the line? :dunno:

My girlfriend is scared of kids, and I can't fucking stand them, so we look forwards to being DINKS for a loooong time.

[01RedDX]

.

[Tik-Tok]

Originally posted by BigMass

You remove the system and start over.

Or, you could just remove yourself from the system. A few countries don't have our so called "ponzi scheme" system. Go on move out there, and enjoy life under a different system.

Or are you too comfortable using the system we have to be bothered?

[nickyh]

I have not read all the posts.
When i was in my 20's i was pretty sure i never wanted kids, i hit 32 and it was all i could think about.
Years later i have spent a lot of time and energy trying to get pregnant and stay pregnant, sometimes what you think is the hardest choice and whether or not you want them is taken away from you. The hardest choice then becomes when do you stop trying.
There is nothing wrong with being child free, but in my mind i am childless.

My husband and i are on a new path and we are now learning to live life again, he has his hobbies and i'm lookng into mine. With luck, we will have more than enough money so when we need to be shoved into a home we can afford the best care money can buy and instead of a kid being our legacy i plan to leave the money to organizations that will benefit from it.
We are going to enjoy our money and free time while we can, once we are mortgage free in 10 years then we can travel and see the world together with nothing to hold us back.

[finboy]

Originally posted by nickyh
With luck, we will have more than enough money so when we need to be shoved into a home we can afford the best care money can buy and instead of a kid being our legacy i plan to leave the money to organizations that will benefit from it.


I never quite understood why people need a legacy left behind, be it kids or otherwise :dunno:

[BigMass]

Originally posted by finboy


I never quite understood why people need a legacy left behind, be it kids or otherwise :dunno:

when the universe dies of heat death this entire charade will be over. Seems rather pointless to care about a legacy when it's all gone in the end anyway.

[max_boost]

Why complicate it so much. Do what you love. Life is about choices. If you want kids, have them! If you don't, just wait. :dunno:

[ExtraSlow]

I know a lot of people who had kids because they thought they should, and they were not happy with the choice. My opinion is that the #1 cause of divorce is different expectations about kids and child-rearing.

[BerserkerCatSplat]

Originally posted by finboy


I never quite understood why people need a legacy left behind, be it kids or otherwise :dunno:

To be fair, I don't think it's unusual or wrong for a person to want their life to have influence after their passing. To many it's a way to give meaning to a finite existence.

I really enjoyed reading the thread, nice to see lots of perspectives on the issue. My S/O and I have been operating under the no-kids assumption but it's tough not to mull over the possibilities. Personally I'm not wrapped up in the mystique of the idea, I'm not great with toddlers and kids under 5ish tend to drive me nuts even in small doses. Other people have given us the oh but you'd be such good parents thing but I just can't imagine being even partly in charge of raising a human being.

On the other hand, we've got friends that absolutely seem to know they want a family and it's great to see them taking on that challenge.

[JRSC00LUDE]

Originally posted by Tik-Tok


Or, you could just remove yourself from the system. A few countries don't have our so called &quot;ponzi scheme&quot; system. Go on move out there, and enjoy life under a different system.

Or are you too comfortable using the system we have to be bothered?


People like him/her will be pointing out problems till they die but never affect a solution. They've been around for as long as humankind.

[anomaly2]

I read all posts here, but I think trying to have kids might be problem too sometimes, not everyone is fertile, possible shooting blanks so maybe no babies even if you wanted babies. Just my opinion.....

[Env-Consultant]

I'm having kids after I get married (next July) - if we can't pull it off, we'll adopt. I hate people that say things like "ohhhh well I can't adopt, the kid isn't part me." Yeah - thank god the kid doesn't have your predispositions to numerous diseases and to your obesity - your genes aren't the creme de la creme bro. The kid will be more you than anyone else if you raise them properly and actually act as a decent parent (I.e. your life now belongs to your kids - you give them a good childhood and do whateber you can for them until you take your last breath). I've had my fun. At 26, I'm set up and ready to be selfless.

Imagine being 50 and not having kids - your parents are gone, your siblings have their own kids - it's just you and your spouse. To each their own - just not for me.

[n1zm0]

This time is coming close for us, within the next 2 years it's going to happen I think, but we're still wanting to travel, love kids and their hilariousness but have no experience actually caring for one under 5. The biggest issue I always think about it, the later you wait, the vision of taking care of a 5 year old when you're 40+ or something always flashes before me, I don't want to be that age chasing around a little kid I don't think.

[Graham_A_M]

Originally posted by Env-Consultant
Imagine being 50 and not having kids - your parents are gone, your siblings have their own kids - it's just you and your spouse. To each their own - just not for me.

Doesn't bother me in the least, Ive had these talks with my bro, and its the same thing, We both love our freedom, money & free spirit too much... We're both fine with our 100++ year old Multi million dollar family farm dying with us, Its just not worth the cost of raising a family to us, to continue the "legacy".

You're 100% correct, to each their own, but with the worlds population spiraling out of control, I feel no need to add to this problem. :dunno:
Given how bottomless my heart is, how smart we are as a family and how hopelessly self-less I am, I know Id make an absolutely brilliant parent, but its just not what I ever (EVER) wanted to do with my life, so why voluntarily go down a path I dont want to take? :dunno:

Ive had these talks with co-workers, with them saying "well you gotta pass on your gene's" no....... why? Tell me why? Lets say hypothetically speaking our availability towards fossil fuel ended in my life time, an extremely large percentage of the worlds population would starve to death, people dont realize how subsidized our lives have become over it. Why raise kids into a life to which that may happen? I can go on and on and on and on and on for the next hour, but I dont see the point past this.

[finboy]

Originally posted by Graham_A_M


Doesn't bother me in the least, Ive had these talks with my bro, and its the same thing, We both love our freedom, money &amp; free spirit too much... We're both fine with our 100++ year old Multi million dollar family farm dying with us, Its just not worth the cost of raising a family to us, to continue the &quot;legacy&quot;.

You're 100% correct, to each their own, but with the worlds population spiraling out of control, I feel no need to add to this problem. :dunno:
Given how bottomless my heart is, how smart we are as a family and how hopelessly self-less I am, I know Id make an absolutely brilliant parent, but its just not what I ever (EVER) wanted to do with my life, so why voluntarily go down a path I dont want to take? :dunno:

Ive had these talks with co-workers, with them saying &quot;well you gotta pass on your gene's&quot; no....... why? Tell me why? Lets say hypothetically speaking our availability towards fossil fuel ended in my life time, an extremely large percentage of the worlds population would starve to death, people dont realize how subsidized our lives have become over it. Why raise kids into a life to which that may happen? I can go on and on and on and on and on for the next hour, but I dont see the point past this.

:thumbsup:

[JRSC00LUDE]

I didn't mean to have a kid, that's no secret to anyone who knew/knows me and I imagine, were I to hit 88 mph and end up back there, I wouldn't have one now.

That being said, "Do I regret it?"? Nope. Little man is awesome and I'm just going to continue adjusting my goals/plans and be the best dad I can possibly be until one of us isn't here any longer. Life's to short for regrets, fucking adapt and overcome and be more awesome. If you can't do that, get the fuck out of the way. :thumbsup:

[Anomaly]

Originally posted by 403Gemini

Our stance is, right now neither of us actually WANT the kids, I know that sounds harsh, but we do realize when we get older we will regret not having them.
.....
Yes, it's selfish thinking - I acknowledge this and I honestly don't care.


It's not selfish at all, there's a ton of shitty parents out there who shouldn't have kids, or who had kids for the wrong reasons.

I'm 29 and married and we have the same thoughts as you. Neither of us particularly want kids right now, as we enjoy our hobbies and travel. I feel like one day when I'm old I would probably regret it. But that's not enough reason to have kids. I guess We're both waiting for that moment or our internal clocks to so suddenly change :dunno:
You aren't alone :)

[freshprince1]

Originally posted by 403Gemini
Yeah this is a weird topic I know... I've been with my wife a total of 12 years and we've talked about kids quite a bit and we're both in our early 30's now (I'm 31, she's 30) so we're getting to that point of making &quot;the decision&quot; to finally have them or not.


...didn't read everyone's replies. Parent of 3 kids, (7, 5, 8months). We're both in our early 30's.

Totally worth it. Hands down, no question.

Is it hard? Yes...very much, yes. Does it change your life? Entirely. Do I miss my freedom? Sometimes. Knowing both sides of the story, would I change anything? No.

This is a deep subject, and is different for everyone. Being a parent opened up a whole world of emotion and gratification that I never understood, even though you hear people talk about it. We had a 4 year gap in between our first 2, and our 3rd, and I love having another baby in the house.

Every time you see your kid smile, and bee happy, you instantly forget about all the hard times.

Another factor is seeing my grumpy father in law turn in to a big softy when our first daughter was born. Having kids changed him, having grandkids changed him even more. So there's also that to look forward to later on down the road.

Make the decision that's right for you and your wife. But since you're asking my opinion, I say you'd be robbing yourselves of so much love, fulfillment, growth, learning and legacies if you decide to not have kids.

Good luck!

[Lex350]

Having kids: The hardest, best, worst, frustrating, mind blowing, wonderful, aggravating thing I've experienced.....and I wouldn't change a thing. I'm so much a better person and have lived a much deeper life for having them. I've learned a ton from them.


That said, it isn't for everyone.

[a social dsease]

I'm 26, can't wait to have kids! Just going to wait a few more years until we are better able to handle it (financially).

[BlueHaloGirl]

Having kids is a big decison that each couple has the right to make. I think it's great to actually take the time to think through if you want them or not.
I enjoy kids...but other people kids eventually go home and you get a break.

My husband and I have discused this topic and together decided that we are not having kids. (we have a dog) Some will call it sellfish but I disagree..the world has tonnes kids, what's the difference if we decide not to add to the poplulation.

Our reasoning..they are expensive. We both want to retire early and enjoy life. We want to pay our mortage off and have the toys (cars, boats, RV) go on vacation when we want and be able to afford them. Selfsh...NO it's our choice not yours.
For me personally..I'm scared to hell of the whole thing! From a womans prespective....I'm scared of my body changing...having swollen feet, bad back and carrying it for nine months and being in so much discomfort I can't sleep, stand, sit or walk far. I have a girl pregnant at my work and I feel sorry for how sick she is and tired she always looks. Does that make me want to be pregant...hell no!!! Not to mention giving birth.......ouch!!!!!
I know that your all going to say ya but that's only the the beginning and it's all worth it once you hold your child in your arms....ok I'll give you that, it would be an amazing feeling.

It still does not change how I feel and my husband feels. We have both agreed that we don't want children and are happy with the descison....however we did agree that if one of us changes our mind that we would discuss the subject again. Of course keeping in mind our ages.