Honeymoon registry

[3drian]

Hi there Beyond I wanna get your opinion on Honeymoon Registry for my upcoming wedding.

Its been a topic Ive been discussing with my girlfriend a lot lately, I guess its very common nowadays, but personally I think it is a bit tacky and I dont like the idea.

So am I in the wrong or simply overthinking it? We do have the money for our honeymoon, but she keeps insisting on the registry over asking for cash. So if you are going to a wedding would you rather put money towards their honeymoon online? or just give cash?

Let me know what your opinion is, thanks in advance!

[killramos]

Originally posted by 3drian

Its been a topic Ive been discussing with my girlfriend a lot lately, I guess its very common nowadays, but personally I think it is a bit tacky and I don't like the idea.



Big +1 from me and was a big bone of contention with me and the wife last year.

I was personally of the opinion that I didn't want to ask for gifts at all since we have no need for things ( been living together in our home for 2 years at that time) and don't have a kid on the way ( for baby shower type items that many ask for). I wanted to just designate a charity in lieu of gifts personally, which I was thankful that many guests took advantage of. I don't like accepting gifts from people who I know need the money more than I do.

In the end we compromised and I let her do a wishlist at a few registry places in town but also kept the charity in lieu on the invitation. No honeymoon registry though.

That aside, lots of people are going to give you cash money no matter what you say or do ( for some cultures its just in their nature ). So keep in mind that you are likely going to end up with a little nest egg that can be put towards the honeymoon anyways.

[BerserkerCatSplat]

I think it's a perfectly fine idea. Some people find giving (or asking for) cash to be extremely tacky, so having a honeymoon registry does make sense if asking for cash bothers you. Sure, it's basically the same as cash, but it puts some window dressing on it for the people that are bound and determined to give you something.

We will probably do a honeymoon registry for our wedding, it makes sense for us as we've been living together for over a decade and there just isn't much we need that falls under the normal "wedding gifts" category. I'm sure somebody's still going to buy us a breadmaker, though.

[3drian]

Originally posted by killramos

I don't like accepting gifts from people who I know need the money more than I do.


I agree with that 100%, I already feel super bad with all the money our wedding party has to spend on us, dresses, tuxes, parties, wedding showers, its crazy.

I currently have a pretty decent job and so does my girlfriend, been living together for 3 years and no kids, so I honestly would be fine with no gifts period, the wedding party and both our parents have done enough already.

Back on topic I think its the whole idea of asking people to pay for our trip bothers me a bit, I think i would much rather do a small registry at a store and call it a day. But I think shes pretty set on the idea, hence why I am asking on other peoples opinion.

[max_boost]

Cash. Always.

[cycosis]

^ I am going through the same thing right now. The fiancee and I are both employed with stable positions, been living together for several years but she wants a gift table.

I find it difficult to be comfortable with it considering so many in my social circle are either out of jobs or in financial distress.

I get there was a time and place for registries when young 20 something couples got married and had nothing in terms of household items but common! Im 30 and well equipped. I just want people to come have a blast at my wedding. Thats it, no expectations of anything.

[speedog]

Originally posted by 3drian


I agree with that 100%, I already feel super bad with all the money our wedding party has to spend on us, dresses, tuxes, parties, wedding showers, its crazy.

I currently have a pretty decent job and so does my girlfriend, been living together for 3 years and no kids, so I honestly would be fine with no gifts period, the wedding party and both our parents have done enough already.

Back on topic I think its the whole idea of asking people to pay for our trip bothers me a bit, I think i would much rather do a small registry at a store and call it a day. But I think shes pretty set on the idea, hence why I am asking on other peoples opinion.

Things have changed since I got married 25 years ago - I thought it was still normal for the couple getting married to pay for the wedding party's dresses/tuxes and similar stuff. Interesting.

[killramos]

Originally posted by speedog


Things have changed since I got married 25 years ago - I thought it was still normal for the couple getting married to pay for the wedding party's dresses/tuxes and similar stuff. Interesting.

I don't know if its normal or not but i paid for everything for my guys the weekend of the wedding because my wife had a certain standard of what she expected and my friends were all at varying levels of income etc. ( from students, to employed, to just lost his job and kicked out of his house ).

I think it just depends, my wife is MoH at one of her friends weddings next summer and as far as we know we are paying for her own stuff, rooms etc.

[sputnik]

Tacky.

Especially if you have been living together for some time.

Quite frankly I find it tacky whenever someone asks (or expects) certain gifts at their wedding.

[mr2mike]

Wedding gifts are a thing of the past. They were for people who got married at 20 and had nothing to start their new life with. Just getting a house together, etc.
Now, most have everything and getting a cash gift to put towards a large ticket item or paying down debt would be better.

Honeymoon Registry looks desperate. IMO.
I've also seen people charge money to dance with bridge or groom to pay for honeymoon too.

Is it a cash grab or a celebration of uniting and having close friends/family around?

[403ep3]

Getting married in a few months and we paid for dresses and suits.

Chinese wedding so accepting red envelopes. Registry = no good as we've been living together and have everything we need. Honeymoon registry = similar to cash imo

[austic]

We did a honeymoon registry as we are avid divers so it made sense. We also registered at a couple of places for some useless stuff for the people that insist on getting gifts. I did get a pretty cool darth vader toaster out to that so it worked out in the end.

[cam_wmh]

Do I understand this right.. A wedding AND honeymoon registry?

Massively tacky. Not remotely. Massively.

Like the collection plate being sent around a second time at Sunday mass, because the first time around, it wasn't to Deity's satisfaction.


Those who will give large gifts, will do so regardless.

[3drian]

Originally posted by cam_wmh
Do I understand this right.. A wedding AND honeymoon registry?

Massively tacky. Not remotely. Massively.


Its a matter of giving people choices, not making them give two gift that would be ridiculous. But I can now see how it can be confusing, so far I am honestly thinking of not adding anything gift related to the invitations

[cam_wmh]

Originally posted by 3drian


Its a matter of giving people choices, not making them give two gift that would be ridiculous. But I can now see how it can be confusing, so far I am honestly thinking of not adding anything gift related to the invitations

So there's an option then? One of the two? Not both?
How do you propose to "market" that to your guests?

Lol, there's no saving grace to this.

It's tasteless.

[killramos]

Its an option just like there is an option in the registry to pick either pots or steak knives? You can buy the bride and groom whatever you want on the registry, or something not on it. A wedding registry is just a big ass list of items you would like a gifts. In some cases with a store making sure that two of the same gift don't get purchased.

Hell I have heard of people who's parents just bought them every item on the registry list.

Contribute cash to the honeymoon is just a line item like anything else. In some cases this is set up in an account directly with a chosen resort so the cash never goes to the bride and groom directly.

You even have the option of not buying a gift if you don't want to. Its not like they ask for gift receipts before taking you to your seat :rofl:

How is this complicated to understand?

[lasimmon]

I will not bring cash to weddings that ask for it.

I get a gift if there is a registry.

I will donate to a charity in lieu if requested.

[BerserkerCatSplat]

Originally posted by cam_wmh


So there's an option then? One of the two? Not both?
How do you propose to "market" that to your guests?

Lol, there's no saving grace to this.

It's tasteless.

I don't see how this is confusing. It's like having a registry at a couple of different stores that carry different things - an outdoorsy couple might have a registry for The Bay for household stuff, and a registry/wish list at MEC for camping gear. It just gives guests more options if they want to give something. Nobody's being forced to buy something off of both, or either of them at all.

[austic]

See the way I see it gifts are up to the guests and no matter what you do people will complain.

You will have the older generation that demand a gift registry, you will have people that give cash, you will have the people that hate giving cash and would rather do a gift card or honeymoon fund and you will have the people that will complain about whatever they don't like.

We just provided options that gave everyone something they liked or could complain about.

I normally just give cash at a wedding :dunno:

Main thing I took away form the wedding is stop thinking about what everyone else thinks, do what feels right and makes you happy. At the end of the day everyone has a contradicting opinion so the only one that should matter is what the bride and groom want. you will fight less and enjoy more. :dunno:

[Disoblige]

Originally posted by speedog


Things have changed since I got married 25 years ago - I thought it was still normal for the couple getting married to pay for the wedding party's dresses/tuxes and similar stuff. Interesting.
It is, IMO. Getting the bridesmaids and groomsmen to spend a ton of time leading up to the big day, and still have to pay for their own clothes for YOUR wedding? I would feel pretty bad even if they didn't mind doing it.

[lasimmon]

Originally posted by Disoblige

It is, IMO. Getting the bridesmaids and groomsmen to spend a ton of time leading up to the big day, and still have to pay for their own clothes for YOUR wedding? I would feel pretty bad even if they didn't mind doing it.

Haven't been in a wedding recently have you?

[cycosis]

Pardon getting off topic, but what exactly does the wedding party do leading up to the event?

[killramos]

Originally posted by cycosis
Pardon getting off topic, but what exactly does the wedding party do leading up to the event?

Get drunk, party, make sure both sides are dressed sober and show up? Pretty much the same thing everyone does at a wedding.

Why do people pretend like weddings are anything more than the ultimate indulgence in a party?

That and a giant pissing contest for the parents and their friends.

:dunno:

[msommers]

Originally posted by Disoblige

It is, IMO. Getting the bridesmaids and groomsmen to spend a ton of time leading up to the big day, and still have to pay for their own clothes for YOUR wedding? I would feel pretty bad even if they didn't mind doing it.

This is what I thought too but apparently that's not the case?

Either way, weddings are so ridiculously expensive these days. Can you even have a moderately priced wedding for a total of 100 people? Is 100 a small lot or average? For the longest time I didn't know there was an engagement ring plus a wedding band for her! Clearly, not a wedding aficionado :rofl:

[403ep3]

You're looking at around 25k for maybe 120-150 people nowadays..

[sabad66]

We aren't going to do a registry at all. Just crossing fingers that everyone gives cash... won't be mentioning it in the invitation though.

[freshprince1]

Since you asked for opinions, I'll give you mine. I think a Honeymoon registry is tacky and comes across a little pretentious, "I want to do a fancy honeymoon but I don't really want to pay for it".

I'm more than happy to provide a gift, with a gift receipt, or just some cash. Feel free to do with it as you will...but it rubs me the wrong way if I were asked to pay for the Honeymoon.

But then again, I don't like asking for things, and have never gotten any handouts, so maybe that's where is comes from. Maybe it's me that has issues! :nut:

I say don't do it. If you want to put your gifts towards the honeymoon, then you do the footwork in returning the gifts for cash, etc.

[SOAB]

traditional Asian wedding, bring cash. how much will depend on how close you are to the couple. I have never, ever given a couple a gift. WTF do they need a toaster for? or linens? the cash will help them pay down any debt or go on a honeymoon, whatever they want.

there is no way I would have let me wedding party pay for their own suits, dresses, etc. now THAT is tacky. pretty sure that is a white people thing... :rofl:

[max_boost]

Originally posted by SOAB
traditional Asian wedding, bring cash. how much will depend on how close you are to the couple. I have never, ever given a couple a gift. WTF do they need a toaster for? or linens? the cash will help them pay down any debt or go on a honeymoon, whatever they want.

there is no way I would have let me wedding party pay for their own suits, dresses, etc. now THAT is tacky. pretty sure that is a white people thing... :rofl:

Remember to invite rage2, based on his posts he's a good dude to invite to the wedding. His lai see are quite :bigpimp: :bigpimp: :bigpimp: just make sure to have a couple bottles of his favorite Vodka. :D

[BerserkerCatSplat]

Originally posted by freshprince1
I think a Honeymoon registry is tacky and comes across a little pretentious, "I want to do a fancy honeymoon but I don't really want to pay for it".


How is that any different than a normal gift registry?

"I want some nice china, but I don't want to pay for it."
"I want a stand mixer, but I don't want to pay for it."
"I want a breadmaker, but I don't want to pay for it."

You can certainly debate the necessity of any kind of gift, but it just seems odd to differentiate them like that, especially when you're perfectly happy to give them cash that would then be used for the honeymoon anyway.

[gogreen]

I've only been to one wedding that had a honeymoon registry. At first it struck me as a bit odd, maybe even pretentious, but after giving it some thought it actually made a lot of sense, especially for people who have a lot of stuff already. This particular couple was going to Europe for their honeymoon so the registry items were things like lunch at the Eiffel Tower, museum tickets, etc. I thought it was nice to have the option of contributing to an experience rather than buying something disposable. I'm sure when they're old and grey they won't be reminiscing about the awesome towels they got at their wedding, lol.

As for suits/dresses, I coordinated with my friend who was getting married later the same year. He was one of my groomsmen, I was one of his, and our mutual friend was in both wedding parties so we did black suits and black shirts, just with different ties. I bought their ties for my wedding, he bought our ties for his. My wife's bridesmaids may have bought their own dresses but they were under $100 each.

Typically the wedding party will be put to work making invitations, setting up at the venue, etc., but we didn't want that so we just had the venue's people take care of the decorations and did all the invitations ourselves. Our wedding party basically just showed up the night before to run through the rehearsal.