Have you been attacked by a falcon lately? Step inside.

[Darell_n]

As it turns out, our shop south of the airport has a pair of large territorial birds in the area attacking people. My shop manager has been full on attacked twice this month now, bleeding badly from the head both times. This morning he left a trail of blood across the office. I saw one this morning and it would have been an easy 50 yard shot, if out in the country. City bylaw has not be able to do anything so far. Talking with the building owner, many of the other tenants in this building have been attacked and it is becoming a major issue with our safety dept and their love of PPE and paperwork.

What’s your take on this?

101087

[Buster]

Look at those black eyes glaring at you - matching its cold, black heart.

[ExtraSlow]

Yeah certainly illegal to shoot it. Nobody would break that rule.
All outdoor work must be done in teams of 2 or more. Ideally one member of that outdoor work team would be a senior manager, or a member of the safety committee, or a really hot chick.

[Darell_n]

We are not even working outside, just walking from our trucks 10 steps to unlock the rear door. Maybe we need an NHL / NFL tunnel or something. I suggested armed escorts.

[Sentry]

I suggest getting a bigger, angrier bird to fight it

[bjstare]

Birds are the worst.

[rx7boi]

Shoot that motherfucker and tell city bylaw to eat their own shit if they're too incompetent to respond.

[ZenOps]

Bow down to the apex predator.

Should leave out a strip of prime to appease and show fealty to the winged overlord.

[Mitsu3000gt]

Wear a helmet or carry an umbrella? Lol. An interesting problem indeed, at least you have some good stories.

[ExtraSlow]

I suggest getting a bigger, angrier bird to fight it

I like this best.

[JRSC00LUDE]

Birds aren't real.

[Buster]

Maybe your buddy has bad choice in headwear.

101090

[spikerS]

get some of that netting that gardeners use to grow peas and stuff on, and put it up in the air on sticks or something. if the fucker dive bombs you again, it hits the netting, and you have a nice bird delivered fresh for tonight's dinner. You can't shoot it, but maybe you can eat the fucker.

[sabad66]

Jesus, can’t say I’ve ever heard of anyone getting attacked by a bird enough to bleed.

What about going out with a steel pipe and beating the fucker when it gets close? Please install a webcam outside before you do this.

[killramos]

Tennis racket? Or baseball bat if you have hand eye coordination?

[ExtraSlow]

feather duster.

[Buster]

On a serious note: is it illegal to protect yourself against a protected animal?

[killramos]

feather duster.

It’s not an Asian child…

[Tik-Tok]

Get a Captain America shield, and watch it mope around about being a black man in America.

[Darell_n]

Tennis racket? Or baseball bat if you have hand eye coordination?

We’ve tried pipe and they are too smart for that.

- - - Updated - - -


Maybe your buddy has bad choice in headwear.

101090

Very much, but not his choice. He’s bald, haha.

[dirtsniffer]

friends parents had eagles roost at their acreage. Had to move the lawn with a hardhat and beekeeper face mask

[Darell_n]

On a serious note: is it illegal to protect yourself against a protected animal?

No, just equal force. A raptor is not going to kill you like a Grizzly bear.

[ExtraSlow]

so you have to fight it with a knife? That could make some good viewing. Start a youtube channel. Or would this qualify for onlyfans?

[JRSC00LUDE]

so you have to fight it with a knife? That could make some good viewing. Start a youtube channel. Or would this qualify for onlyfans?

False. You can only Edward Scissorhands the top of its head.

[lilmira]

show your pecker

[sabad66]

If push comes to shove you could always try fucking the falcon’s dad. Use a condom tho, don’t need any more bird flu viruses floating around the world

[Darkane]

I suggest getting a bigger, angrier bird to fight it

Steven Seagull?

[ExtraSlow]

Steven Seagull? you beautiful bastard Darkane.
101093

[e31]

I suspect that the hippie-jam-fest city bylaw protections are all thats stopping you (like for the nose hill coyotes attacking people).

Video the attacks for our entertainment, then liquidate the bird, if bylaw intervenes shout "Thats my purse, I dont know you!"

[Brent.ff]

Bylaw's not going to do shit, its not their realm (falls under AB Wildlife Act). Have you called F&W?

https://www.alberta.ca/fish-and-wildlife-contacts.aspx

I'd trade for a swainsons hawk over gophers any day..

[90_Shelby]

As an avid birdwatcher, that's either a Swainson's hawk or Red Tailed hawk, unfortunately not a falcon.

[Darell_n]

As an avid birdwatcher, that's either a Swainson's hawk or Red Tailed hawk, unfortunately not a falcon.

That’s why I just started calling it a raptor. I’m sure they would all hurt the scalp.

[Darkane]

you beautiful bastard Darkane.
101093

Bow

[colsankey]

Steven Seagull?

Fowlest pun heard today

[killramos]

101094

[suntan]

Steven Seagull?

Motherfucker.

[Doozer]

Bylaw's not going to do shit, its not their realm (falls under AB Wildlife Act). Have you called F&W?

https://www.alberta.ca/fish-and-wildlife-contacts.aspx

I'd trade for a swainsons hawk over gophers any day..

I second this. About a decade ago my inlaws had a hawk that made a nest in a tree in their front yard, just across from Nose Hill, and dive bombed them every time they went outside. Never drew blood, but F&W came and relocated the bird to Medicine Hat or something like that. FIL even got a cool picture next to the bird before they left. Was a helluva lot bigger on the ground than they appear in the air.

[Darell_n]

We will call Fish and Feathers in the morning. I hear you about how big they are. I have a Horned Owl in my freezer and it’s clenched claws are almost the size of a softball. Big enough to destroy your pussycat all night long.

[Buster]

We will call Fish and Feathers in the morning. I hear you about how big they are. I have a Horned Owl in my freezer and it’s clenched claws are almost the size of a softball. Big enough to destroy your pussycat all night long.

I have questions.

[Masked Bandit]

Tennis racket and bitchslap that thing back to the stoneage.

[Tik-Tok]

We will call Fish and Feathers in the morning. I hear you about how big they are. I have a Horned Owl in my freezer and it’s clenched claws are almost the size of a softball. Big enough to destroy your pussycat all night long.

So mount the owl on a stick. Horned owls prey on hawks.

[phreezee]

Draw eyes on the back of your helmet? ...attach branches?


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c2XZwktyjTU

[ZenOps]

https://www.zerohedge.com/medical/which-animals-could-you-beat-fight

Goose has a 50/50 chance of beating a human, if you average out life experience. By my estimation, goose would kick my ass, because they tend to go for the family jewels first, which is an instant on the floor type win.

[ThePenIsMightier]

It sounds like you don't have time to wait for the ideal Beyond.ca response. You need help right falcon now!

[Team_Mclaren]

dude updatE?

[Darell_n]

We’ve found the nest and it’s about 30 ft up in a Spruce tree across the street from us. Also has 2 very large babies inside it so once they all fuck off for winter the nest will be removed.

[Gman.45]

Sort of o/t - when my father was 1ish years old, my grandmother had set him on a bail of hay for a second while she was outside working, and turned her back on him for a few seconds. She suddenly heard him screaming, and some sort of raptor - hawk, falcon whatever - had its talons locked onto his head and was trying to take off. She got into a scrap with the bird and got some cuts herself. My father still has the scars from this on his head to this day, and he's 73 years old.

[Brent.ff]

So the raptor fucked your dad

[Gman.45]

So the raptor fucked your dad

Hard.

[schurchill39]

Hard.

pics or it didn't happen

[ThePenIsMightier]

Hard.


https://youtu.be/GsAdg5gbVQE