Paternity leave

[jabjab]

So my fiance and I are expecting our first child in July. Been a crazy journey but it finally happened.

She is self employed and my employer gives me 3 months full pay months for pat leave. Would any of you feel guilty taking it?

When I told my manager that we were expecting they said "I assume you'll need at least a few weeks vacation har har" and in my head I'm thinking why would I not take the 3 months?

[ExtraSlow]

Take some time for sure. More for the wifes sake than for the kid, who won't remember any of that shit.

[tirebob]

So my fiance and I are expecting our first child in July. Been a crazy journey but it finally happened.

She is self employed and my employer gives me 3 months full pay months for pat leave. Would any of you feel guilty taking it?

When I told my manager that we were expecting they said "I assume you'll need at least a few weeks vacation har har" and in my head I'm thinking why would I not take the 3 months?

I wouldn't take it because I like working and my wife stayed at home. That said I did take a couple weeks of vacation when my kids were born just to get through the initial getting settled stage. I may sound like an ass but I was the provider and my wife was the home maker. I was good with that and so was my wife. Old school I guess.

[jabjab]

I'm old school in that sense too but if the company is offering 3 months full pay I think I'd be silly not to take it. I don't LOVE my job to put it first. I think it's more being there for my fiance and help WITH the dogs and take more house chores up, do some cooking etc

[littledan]

Ya for sure you want to be there for your dogs. They are your priority. Not your newly born child. Your dogs.

[jabjab]

Ya for sure you want to be there for your dogs. They are your priority. Not your newly born child. Your dogs.

What I meant is take the load off her, especially with two dogs. Probably will be stressful leaving her and having to adjust to that cause not everyone can handle them

[killramos]

Should you Feel guilty about taking it? No

Should you think long and hard as to the effect of your career prospects by taking it, only you can answer that.

As for the dogs, stick them outside. I am sure there are some 80 year olds wandering around for them to chew on.

[tirebob]

You get your wife used to you being there at her beck and call for three months, you will never get your balls back. I don't mean that to sound sexist but fact is she will not relinquish much after she has gained it. Yeah you need to help when you are home, but she needs to get used to you being away 10 hours a day and if that is from the hop (or close to it) then it makes pulling off that bandaid a whole lot easier. I love my wife and will do virtually anything for her, but she also knew that she had a job to do too and I wasn't going to be there during the day, often 6 days a week. When the kid is a baby and can't move around they are easier than once they get mobile anyways.

Also, I don't know your relationship with work, but if you are hoping for ladder climbing in the company, being the guy who takes everything he can in entitlements and leaves for 3 months at a time when a baby is born might just make the other guy look like a more reliable candidate to move up, right or wrong. That is just how the company looks at people when big decisions need to happen.

[ThePenIsMightier]

If you're unionized, obviously take it. If not, probably still take at least half of it. What were they really thinking by offering that if they didn't think anyone would take it? Is your entire workplace a reenactment of the marshmallow delayed gratification game for toddlers?
They can fire whatever gifted Human Resources SRS Professhunnal CHRP/WKRP told them they needed that instead of firing you.

I don't spend time worrying that my maxing $500 worth of annual massages made the last company layoff ___% of the staff during CoVid or the last oil plunge or ____ crisis.

Business isn't personal. The blood is still ankle-deep outside of Suncor's building.

[88CRX]

Step 1: Be good at your job.
Step 2: Take all the time off you’re given.

If you’re given flack for taking time off hopefully you did step 1… so you can tell you manager to shove it and go somewhere else.

[ercchry]

Step one: get a new job
Step two: tell old job you’re taking pat leave
Step three: go to work at new job instead

3-D chess :rofl:

[88CRX]

Step one: get a new job
Step two: tell old job you’re taking pat leave
Step three: go to work at new job instead

3-D chess :rofl:

Slow. Clap.

[jabjab]

Step 1: Be good at your job.
Step 2: Take all the time off you’re given.

If you’re given flack for taking time off hopefully you did step 1… so you can tell you manager to shove it and go somewhere else.

Good enough that I got an exceeds expectations on last year's performance rating. I won't get this year I'm thinking if I take the 3 months

[XylathaneGTR]

I took a few months off (before my employer even paid pat-leave) after our daughter was born. Those first few months are really good for bonding, and you're there to help mom out because you're both going to be bagged. If they give you flack for it, you can use some of that time to look for a better jerb, too! Congrats playa.

[vengie]

Honestly, take a few weeks off and that's it.
Dad is essentially useless for baby in the first few months anyways aside from changing diapers.

[dj_rice]

Be a man. Do the right ting

[schurchill39]

I took a month off with each of my kids kids and it was the best thing I could have done. Sure, helping mom out was huge but it was a pretty formative time for bonding with the kids so that time I took was for selfish reasons. Another big part of that time off was to help play interference for overly eager and imposing family members who tried to make the new baby about themselves.

I would clarify with your employer if that 3 months pat leave has to be taken at once. I know a few guys whose wives returned to work early that split their alloted time up when baby was born and in the last month or so before child care started. Also, not that I agree with how it turned out, but there were a couple of guys at one of my previous jobs who took full pat leave and it was definitel a career limiting move on their behalf. If you dont care to move up and are happy in your current role then giver, but for these guys it definitely affected their ability to progress in their careers (with that employer / network). I think its retarded because I am a huge proponent of fathers being as active as possible in their kids lives, but thats the unfortunate reality of being a man. I know its not for everyone and society has very clear gender roles for us so as long as you are aware of that then do whats right for you and your dogs (and wife/newborn too I guess).

[brucebanner]

Child 1 - took 3 weeks off

Child 2 - 4 months off

Looking back, I should've done the same for first child. Time off is invaluable, would take the time, every time.

[ExtraSlow]

The thing with "setting expectations" around the house that Bob brought up is fair. I think he's right that you want your behaviour with your wife to be predictable and consistent. Now, if that means you do or don't take time off for the baby, well, that's up to you to interpret in the context of your own relationship.

Kind of the same thing with your career honestly. Some jobs, you want to be "the guy who's always taking care of things", so taking a bunch of time off may not be in your best interest. Others, well, you want to se the expectation that you do you work and then go home.

As for what's good for the kid, I'm of the opinion that true newborns are basically just slugs and attachment forms far later in life. But others disagree. To me the main argument for taking time off was to help the mom out and run interference for family members.


One thing about parenting, and it's taken me a long time to understand this properly, is that you have to be true to yourself with your parenting techniques. You can't "fake" your way to being a certain style of parent. If you are a warm and snuggly guy, super. If you aren't, you aren't, and the kids can figure out how to love any type of dad who genuinely loves them in his own way.

[killramos]

And for everything else.

There is always a stripper pole.

[bjstare]

I took ~4 months with each of my kids. My employer offers it paid/encourages it. There are a number of people here that have posted something to the effect of "it might impact your upward mobility at work" - this totally depends on your company. I'm sure it's true at many places, but it's not been the case for me. It hasn't hurt me at all.

3 months is fuck all in the grand scheme of your career, but it can be a very important 3 months making sure your wife has the support she needs, esp if she has PPD or something.

[jabjab]

Im confirming with HR this morning if it needs to be taken all at once but I'm almost certain it does. The place I work had layoffs not too long ago and I feel being "loyal" or whatever you want to call it to a company doesn't mean much these days. Imagine not taking the full 3 months and then getting laid off, it's something we can't control.

What I can control is helping my spouse with our child, helping around tur house and being that buffer between our families. If I can split up the time that would be ideal.

[bjstare]

Im confirming with HR this morning if it needs to be taken all at once but I'm almost certain it does. The place I work had layoffs not too long ago and I feel being "loyal" or whatever you want to call it to a company doesn't mean much these days.

Being more valuable to the business than your peers is what keeps you from getting laid off, and value is not always correlated to bum-in-seat time at the office (obviously, this is highly dependent on what you do for work). Loyalty is not relevant, it's not part of the conversation when people are getting laid off.

[ExtraSlow]

Loyalty is for dogs. Has nothing to do with a work discussion.

[jabjab]

Being more valuable to the business than your peers is what keeps you from getting laid off, and value is not always correlated to bum-in-seat time at the office (obviously, this is highly dependent on what you do for work). Loyalty is not relevant, it's not part of the conversation when people are getting laid off.

There were 2 people I know from my work who would work while on vacation and 1 of them was someone who carried alot of knowledge in his department but still got laid off. I've been through two lay off cycles here and decisions are made at a high enough level level that they let go people that they don't even know what their day to day is. In a large company that's how it works, mid sized to smaller firms I can see your point about effecting your career

[ExtraSlow]

For sure, in a big company, not taking your vacation and other entitlements is basically just giving yourself a pay cut.

[LilDrunkenSmurf]

I took 6 weeks off when kiddo was born. 5 weeks pat leave, and a week of vacation. I regret nothing, and would happily take more time. If my wife wasn't working, and didn't get maternity leave, I would dip into that 12 months for sure. If my company is mad, well that's their loss, not mine.

[bjstare]

There were 2 people I know from my work who would work while on vacation and 1 of them was someone who carried alot of knowledge in his department but still got laid off. I've been through two lay off cycles here and decisions are made at a high enough level level that they let go people that they don't even know what their day to day is. In a large company that's how it works, mid sized to smaller firms I can see your point about effecting your career

I think we're mostly in agreement, but somehow your post is worded like you're debating me :rofl:

My point was that taking the time off is unlikely to affect your career in the long term.

Your example about letting people go when the decision makers don't know their day-to-day proves my point - those people clearly aren't super valuable/are easily replaceable, otherwise someone would know what they do day-to-day and raise a stink when they appeared on the cut list. I work at a (really) big company, and I have a say in which people get promoted or let go, I'm speaking from experience.

[riander5]

Take it closer to the 1 year mark vs right at the beginning

[tirebob]

I should also say, if my wife was the primary bread winner and my money making was secondary, I would happily be the one to stay home with baby. I realized my comments could have been taken as sexist or misogynistic but that wasn't the intent. I was speaking more to the roles each parent adopts moving forward after childbirth because the fact is, parenting is rarely a perfectly equal sharing of workload. There is almost always one parent who is primary and another parent who is the filler-inner as possible.

Do understand it is not solely time spent that creates bonding. It is the quality of time spent that makes a parent. That goes for time with your wife during this life changing experience too... I get that.

[LilDrunkenSmurf]

I should also say, if my wife was the primary bread winner and my money making was secondary, I would happily be the one to stay home with baby. I realized my comments could have been taken as sexist or misogynistic but that wasn't the intent. I was speaking more to the roles each parent adopts moving forward after childbirth because the fact is, parenting is rarely a perfectly equal sharing of workload. There is almost always one parent who is primary and another parent who is the filler-inner as possible.

Do understand it is not solely time spent that creates bonding. It is the quality of time spent that makes a parent. That goes for time with your wife during this life changing experience too... I get that.

100% this. I told me wife if she makes more than me, I will happily be the stay at home parent, hands down.

[jabjab]

I think we're mostly in agreement, but somehow your post is worded like you're debating me :rofl:

My point was that taking the time off is unlikely to affect your career in the long term.

Your example about letting people go when the decision makers don't know their day-to-day proves my point - those people clearly aren't super valuable/are easily replaceable, otherwise someone would know what they do day-to-day and raise a stink when they appeared on the cut list. I work at a (really) big company, and I have a say in which people get promoted or let go, I'm speaking from experience.

Apologies, didn't mean to sound combative. There was this one person who was cut from a project we are doing where she was the ONLY person who knew what to do for a certain aspect of this job. The group was left scrambling after she was let go and cause a shit load of issues for the entire month. My company managers told us they don't know who's being cut until the day of and only the VPs know, that also could be a load of crap

[Tik-Tok]

I took 3 weeks when mine was born. For us it was only slightly too little and 4 weeks would have been nicer, but I can't fathom how 3 months would have been helpful unless my wife had complications with the birth and needed surgery.

As mentioned by a couple of people, this isn't so much for you bonding with the kid, it's more helping your wife.

[Ukyo8]

Our boy was born in the beginning of January, I took 2 months off work. Wish I could have taken way more to be honest, it's a very special time you'll never get back.
When you're 80 years old you'd probably give up almost anything to travel back in time and spend a day with your baby when they were a new born.

I think you feeling guilty about taking the time off is silly, if you left your job tomorrow they'd be fine and probably forget about you within a few days. Your family is what truly matters.

[riander5]

Expanding on my point - our kid was born in October, I took 2 months pat leave the following summer (July / August)

Unless your employer sucks, you should get some time home when they are first born and hopefully a tad of flexibility.

Spending 2 months with a 9-12 month old is a blast.. theres only so much you and your wife can do all day with a newborn.

[JRSC00LUDE]

If a place punished you for taking the paternity/maternity leave they they offer, I wouldn't want to work there.

[Twin_Cam_Turbo]

A friend of mine had their child 6 hours before he started a new job, he showed up on his first day and they sent him home for a week thankfully.

[killramos]

If a place punished you for taking the paternity/maternity leave they they offer, I wouldn't want to work there.

Is it punishment to acknowledge the reality that the world doesn’t stop spinning when someone takes time off?

[tirebob]

A friend of mine had their child 6 hours before he started a new job, he showed up on his first day and they sent him home for a week thankfully.

That actually happened to me when my daughter was born... I just had quit a job with a chain tire store who bought the independent I was working for, I called up a friend who owned a company and he hired me on the spot. I was supposed to start that Monday and my wife went into labour at like 2:00am that morning so I never showed up as I was in the hospital and the birth was troublesome.

I called him at 10:00am apologizing and explained what was going on and he said to take the next couple weeks off paid and we will just call it my first two weeks of vacation (this was before paternity was available for dads to take). I always appreciated that!

- - - Updated - - -


Is it punishment to acknowledge the reality that the world doesn’t stop spinning when someone takes time off?

This... It isn't punishment really to acknowledge that certain positions require a specific individual whose presence is critical to proper operations.

[brucebanner]

Is it punishment to acknowledge the reality that the world doesn’t stop spinning when someone takes time off?

Do you think 1 person is singularly important enough that the company can't manage without them in the big scheme of things? Are there exceptions to this? Absolutely but generally speaking? Nah

[SKR]

If a place punished you for taking the paternity/maternity leave they they offer, I wouldn't want to work there.

I'd be interested to know what other parts of their compensation people are willing to give back to protect their chances at career advancement.

[killramos]

Do you think 1 person is singularly important enough that the company can't manage without them in the big scheme of things? Are there exceptions to this? Absolutely but generally speaking? Nah

“Manage” is an expensive word in this context.

Pretending it’s not is just keeping your head in the sand.

[JfuckinC]

depends on the size of the company, we are small, if someone left for 3 months we'd be fucked lol If someone left Wood for three months no one would notice cause everyone there is fucking useless anyway :poosie:

[LilDrunkenSmurf]

That actually happened to me when my daughter was born... I just had quit a job with a chain tire store who bought the independent I was working for, I called up a friend who owned a company and he hired me on the spot. I was supposed to start that Monday and my wife went into labour at like 2:00am that morning so I never showed up as I was in the hospital and the birth was troublesome.

I called him at 10:00am apologizing and explained what was going on and he said to take the next couple weeks off paid and we will just call it my first two weeks of vacation (this was before paternity was available for dads to take). I always appreciated that!

- - - Updated - - -



This... It isn't punishment really to acknowledge that certain positions require a specific individual whose presence is critical to proper operations.

If I work at a company, where my presence is so critical that I can't take a few months off, then they better be paying me in the 7 digit range, of they'll have 7 digit losses when I leave.

[brucebanner]

“Manage” is an expensive word in this context.

Pretending it’s not is just keeping your head in the sand.

Situation dependent


depends on the size of the company, we are small, if someone left for 3 months we'd be fucked lol If someone left Wood for three months no one would notice cause everyone there is fucking useless anyway :poosie:

This is probably a more important factor. In my case, my role was backfilled while I was gone the second time but our team is small and it was pretty much required. On other teams, people were not backfilled as their team was big enough they could make it work.

So, I stick by my general statement. Of course there are exceptions.

[tirebob]

Do you think 1 person is singularly important enough that the company can't manage without them in the big scheme of things? Are there exceptions to this? Absolutely but generally speaking? Nah

In management, sales, specialized knowledge etc it is very common actually, especially in smaller companies where there is less/no crossover of knowledge and able bodies. If you are a peon, or you simply do not care about your work enough that it is a worry then certainly you are right, but again, it always depends on the situation and only the person in question can decide what is best for them and their career.

Just blanket saying a company is shit because they are not in a position to balance this aspect and you should just quit if they don't like it is short sited and may in fact make life more difficult for not only the new parent but also the other employees lives who have to cover for them and well as the company as a whole. It is all about balancing what is best in your specific situation.

[Hallowed_point]

Do you think 1 person is singularly important enough that the company can't manage without them in the big scheme of things? Are there exceptions to this? Absolutely but generally speaking? Nah Yes, they are called Engineers.

[bjstare]

depends on the size of the company, we are small, if someone left for 3 months we'd be fucked lol If someone left Wood for three months no one would notice cause everyone there is fucking useless anyway :poosie:

Yeah it's impossible to make an accurate overarching statement. The answer changes based on the size of company, industry, resourcing strategy, etc etc etc. Every single company is different, and the person considering taking the time off should have a pretty good idea about how feasible it is, and how much of an impact it will/won't have.

[Tik-Tok]

Our boy was born in the beginning of January, I took 2 months off work. Wish I could have taken way more to be honest, it's a very special time you'll never get back.
When you're 80 years old you'd probably give up almost anything to travel back in time and spend a day with your baby when they were a new born.


I feel the opposite. I barely remember anything from the first year except a blob that slept, cried, shit, and sucked the life out of my wifes tits.

Spending time with a kid over two years old though, that's definitely valuable memories for both of you. Even looking at photos of my daughter when she was 6 months is a big "meh", but that time we put her built her tricycle "together" when she was 3? Or me reading to her while we were hanging out on the hammock? Fucking priceless.

[jabjab]

The company I work at has over 11,000 employees between Canada and the United States. The group I'm is working on a specialized project. I'm the main person doing the day to day on it while the supervisor works on the transition itself. We recently hired a sr specialist in the group for back up. This person isn't fully caught up to speed but could probably fill in for a few months. I just don't want to burden Co workers

[JfuckinC]

why not take Pat leave but accept calls and meetings? take the time but don't leave them high and dry.

[jabjab]

why not take Pat leave but accept calls and meetings? take the time but don't leave them high and dry.

That's a not bad idea, I'd be good with that kind of compromise

[darthVWader]

Tell work you're taking the 3 months. Tell the wife you're taking 3 weeks. Enjoy your free time

[SKR]

Am I wrong in thinking that companies that offer 3 months leave, and companies that have to hang a for sale sign on the door if someone leaves for 3 months, don't really overlap all that much?

[ThePenIsMightier]

Tell work you're taking the 3 months. Tell the wife you're taking 3 weeks. Enjoy your free time

#PowerPlay

[JRSC00LUDE]

Am I wrong in thinking that companies that offer 3 months leave, and companies that have to hang a for sale sign on the door if someone leaves for 3 months, don't really overlap all that much?

This.

Don't offer it if you can't honour it or, won't honour it in good faith.

[ExtraSlow]

I'd be interested to know what other parts of their compensation people are willing to give back to protect their chances at career advancement.

Tell them you don't want your bonus too....

[g-m]

I feel the opposite. I barely remember anything from the first year except a blob that slept, cried, shit, and sucked the life out of my wifes tits.

Spending time with a kid over two years old though, that's definitely valuable memories for both of you. Even looking at photos of my daughter when she was 6 months is a big "meh", but that time we put her built her tricycle "together" when she was 3? Or me reading to her while we were hanging out on the hammock? Fucking priceless.

I'm with you. I can't imagine anyone actually enjoying that first month(s). I'm firmly convinced that anyone who says they enjoyed it are either lying or have some cultural thing where it needs to be perceived that way.

I can't explain it. I dreaded coming home from work. That said I'm taking 1 month of parental leave in May and going to Crete with the family. The little guy will be 7-8 months or so and that'll be awesome. But sitting at home with a screaming leech? No thanks.

[schurchill39]

I'm with you. I can't imagine anyone actually enjoying that first month(s). I'm firmly convinced that anyone who says they enjoyed it are either lying or have some cultural thing where it needs to be perceived that way.

I can't explain it. I dreaded coming home from work. That said I'm taking 1 month of parental leave in May and going to Crete with the family. The little guy will be 7-8 months or so and that'll be awesome. But sitting at home with a screaming leech? No thanks.

I thought the first month was fucking awesome. It got better when they were older for sure but I wouldn't have traded that first month for anything. My daughter was born March 15, 2020 the day before the world shut down for covid and because I was a consultant at the time I effectively got 4 months off at home with my family and it was the best. Am white, have no culture... maybe I'm more of an exception than the norm though so :dunno:

[Xtrema]

#PowerPlay

Until getting busted on a Christmas party down the road. :D


There were 2 people I know from my work who would work while on vacation and 1 of them was someone who carried alot of knowledge in his department but still got laid off. I've been through two lay off cycles here and decisions are made at a high enough level level that they let go people that they don't even know what their day to day is. In a large company that's how it works, mid sized to smaller firms I can see your point about effecting your career

Value is what's brought to the table relative to cost. If management thinks they can do without the expertise due to cost, off they go.

[ThePenIsMightier]

I thought the first month was fucking awesome. It got better when they were older for sure but I wouldn't have traded that first month for anything. My daughter was born March 15, 2020 the day before the world shut down for covid and because I was a consultant at the time I effectively got 4 months off at home with my family and it was the best. Am white, have no culture... maybe I'm more of an exception than the norm though so :dunno:

I'm with you. I loved holding them while they fell asleep.

[LilDrunkenSmurf]

I thought the first month was fucking awesome. It got better when they were older for sure but I wouldn't have traded that first month for anything. My daughter was born March 15, 2020 the day before the world shut down for covid and because I was a consultant at the time I effectively got 4 months off at home with my family and it was the best. Am white, have no culture... maybe I'm more of an exception than the norm though so :dunno:

Absolutely. Kiddo is 5 months old, and I miss the first 3 months. There was some exhausting times, but she was so fucking cute, and would just laugh at me. And when she slept on me, it was heaven.

[holden]

So don't take the full amount of company provided fully paid parental leave? Got it.

What about vacation/PTO? Should I also leave some of that on the table at the end of each year? Should I also insist to pay more of my medical/dental fees instead of letting the company insurance pay for it?

[brucebanner]

Enjoyed the fresh baby stage, napping on me was one of my favorite parts of it.

Granted my kids are both very young but every stage so far has very enjoyable things about it.

[jabjab]

So don't take the full amount of company provided fully paid parental leave? Got it.

What about vacation/PTO? Should I also leave some of that on the table at the end of each year? Should I also insist to pay more of my medical/dental fees instead of letting the company insurance pay for it?

Good point, these are part of the benefits when joining a bigger company. Why not utilize them. Paternity leave is not the same as stress leave

[holden]

Good point, these are part of the benefits when joining a bigger company. Why not utilize them. Paternity leave is not the same as stress leave

OP, seems like you coming more from a place of not wanting to burden others rather than maximizing advancement. Seems like a good compromise is to do what the other poster advised and be available for DMs and occasional calls/meetings while you are technically off the clock, helping to support the Sr. Specialist. I believe with secondary leave you usually have up to a year after birth to take it, so maybe take a few weeks off at birth and the 3 months a little later when the other person is up to speed.

When trying to make some tough decisions I like to think in extremes to make it easier.

- if you take the 3 months off and the project went off the rails, would you regret taking the time off?
- if don't take the 3 months off and got a promotion and raise later this year, would it have been worth it?
- if you didn't take the 3 months off and were still part of future layoffs, would you have wished you did?
- if god-forbid something happened and you lost the child at an early age, would you have regretted taking the time off?

Speaking in meta terms, I think dads taking longer leaves takes some stigma off moms doing the same. Since some of the viewpoints in this thread are really against taking time off, I would imagine their view of female employees taking even longer leaves would be similarly negative.

[ThePenIsMightier]

Be progressive and become a male stay-at-home mother.

https://youtube.com/shorts/9XbuuIOMTQQ?si=3oOQ67jeWyFgvR3K

[bjstare]

Speaking in meta terms, I think dads taking longer leaves takes some stigma off moms doing the same.

This is why it's highly encouraged for dads to take time off at my company. #genderequality

My company is very woke, and for the most part its insufferable, but there are some good things that come out of it.

[g-m]

3 months though? I get bored if I take a 3 WEEK vacation. My wife literally can't wait to get back to work and our son just turned 6 months. She'll go back right after we get back from Greece

[bjstare]

Different strokes. I didn't miss my job at all, and there's a long list of things I'd rather spend time doing than working. I wish I loved my job more than relaxing with my wife and kid, it would make it much easier to dedicate all my time to it :rofl:

[jabjab]

Yes, I come from a place of not wanting to burden people but that is a flaw that I have due to how I was raised growing up. Advancement is hard in my current group, the next step up is a Sr Specialist and we already have one in the group (hence my back up). They have stated that there can only be 1 Sr specialist in a group at time which is some BS office politics.

-the project will not fall off the rails if i take 3 months off, the supervisor will not allow that to happen
-i got a pretty good raise this year and an exceed expectations on performance review , i asked what about a promotion and they told me there can only be 1 senior specialist at a time so moving groups in the future is on my goal list
-yes i would have wished i took the 3 months off if there were layoffs
-yes i would regret not spending time with my child if something bad were to happen.

I have decieded that I will take the 3 months pat leave because its a benefit that was made available to help work/life balance. I believe its part of the total compensation package and to me, work is a way to pay the bills. If i owned my own business i'll be singing a different tune but corporate world can be a bunch of bullshit politics that if i just focus on my new family i'll be fine.

[black_2.5RS]

I took 4 months off for each kid (2). I didn't take it right away, I think I took it right around the 6-12 month mark. It was the best time ever. I don't believe it hurt my career either.

[LilDrunkenSmurf]

3 months though? I get bored if I take a 3 WEEK vacation. My wife literally can't wait to get back to work and our son just turned 6 months. She'll go back right after we get back from Greece

Only boring people are bored. I have lots to do around the house, and would happily retire at this age if I could afford it.

[killramos]

If I’m not at work I spend money.

Retirement is expensive

[Swank]

Sounds like working from home and "only call me if the floor is actually lava" might be the middle ground that would put you at ease. Kinda like what holden was mentioning. If your tasks require you to be on site then disregard.

[XylathaneGTR]

They have stated that there can only be 1 Sr specialist in a group at time which is some BS office politics.
[...]
i got a pretty good raise this year and an exceed expectations on performance review , i asked what about a promotion and they told me there can only be 1 senior specialist at a time so moving groups in the future is on my goal list
Not that I'm recommending this, but what if the current Sr. Specialist was the Nancy Kerrigan to your Tonya Harding? Hm?

[nismodrifter]

Took 2 weeks off with first.
Took 1 month off with second.
I am never truly "off". I check incoming documents/reports routinely while at home (I'm legally obligated to) and I check in with my secretary every other day. They know to call me if there truly is a real emergency that cannot be addressed by my colleagues.

Take the time off. Life is short. Enjoy that very special time with your children. You only get to experience that phase once (though this can be said for each and every day).

[88CRX]

Took 2 weeks off with first.
Took 1 month off with second.


Exactly what I did. A+ would recommend.

I'm not obliged to work while 'on vacation' (I used vacation time), and some team members/staff needed the eye opener to figure shit out in my absence so I legit took a month off with zero work contact. First time in 20 years I've ever done that. Was great... till I returned to a backlog of a month of shit to deal with hah.

[jabjab]

I met with a male employee who has taken the new 3 month pat leave to discuss it. He knows my current manager and said that she would know all about it the new pat leave benefits.

I felt confident and let my manager know after that I look to use the 12 weeks pat leave and she acted surprised that there was this benefit available. Seems like an odd reaction and my impression is that they didn't want me to find out.

[holden]

I met with a male employee who has taken the new 3 month pat leave to discuss it. He knows my current manager and said that she would know all about it the new pat leave benefits.

I felt confident and let my manager know after that I look to use the 12 weeks pat leave and she acted surprised that there was this benefit available. Seems like an odd reaction and my impression is that they didn't want me to find out.

Cold-blooded. Can't imagine trying to deny a direct report benefits afforded by the company.

[ExtraSlow]

118726

[bjstare]

she acted surprised that there was this benefit available. Seems like an odd reaction and my impression is that they didn't want me to find out.

That's a shitty manager. She either:
a) didn't actually know about something she was almost definitely informed about
b) is being a crooked bitch and knew about it but "acted" surprised to make you feel weird about it

[killramos]

It’s weird. I swear someone around here said something like this would happen.

Meh

Cats out of the bag now, take the time and shop for a new job while the baby naps

[ExtraSlow]

Always makes good sense to have an updated resume, a current LinkedIn profile, and touch base with your allies.

[jabjab]

That's a shitty manager. She either:
a) didn't actually know about something she was almost definitely informed about
b) is being a crooked bitch and knew about it but "acted" surprised to make you feel weird about it

If I was a supervisor or manager and I found out one of my employees is expecting a child I would ask them if they have thought about what they planned on doing for time off so I can prepare well ahead of time. That way it's all out in the open and everything is well planned out.

[Hallowed_point]

Ironically, ended up on the wrong end of this exact situation at work. Coles notes, coworker went on paternity leave, advised they told all their clients that they would be away for 4 weeks and only emergencies would be handled. Found out he did none of those things and have been dealing with his understandably angry clients since.

Absolute clown move to peace out and leave a complete mess for your coworkers plus having the audacity to lie about telling clients he would be away to HR/Co-workers.

If he still has a job when he returns, I'll be very disappointed.

[jabjab]

Ironically, ended up on the wrong end of this exact situation at work. Coles notes, coworker went on paternity leave, advised they told all their clients that they would be away for 4 weeks and only emergencies would be handled. Found out he did none of those things and have been dealing with his understandably angry clients since.

Absolute clown move to peace out and leave a complete mess for your coworkers plus having the audacity to lie about telling clients he would be away to HR/Co-workers.

If he still has a job when he returns, I'll be very disappointed.

What sort of industry are you in if you don't mind me asking. For me to go on paternity leave I need to put it on our hr system ahead of time. I also told my managers well in advance. There really isn't a way to do what your co worker did in a corporate setting

[Hallowed_point]

What sort of industry are you in if you don't mind me asking. For me to go on paternity leave I need to put it on our hr system ahead of time. I also told my managers well in advance. There really isn't a way to do what your co worker did in a corporate setting
I'm in the professional management world, can't get into specifics on that but as this guy does almost everything over the phone (old school) I think he was able to pull a fast one by claiming he told all clients. They trusted him and here we are. Also the compassionate side as he left a couple days earlier than anticipated, but still you knew your wife was due any day now. Plus if you actually cared, you would've remoted in. Didn't even setup an out of office for Outlook before running out the door.

[bjstare]

I'm in the professional management world, can't get into specifics on that but as this guy does almost everything over the phone (old school) I think he was able to pull a fast one by claiming he told all clients. They trusted him and here we are. Also the compassionate side as he left a couple days earlier than anticipated, but still you knew your wife was due any day now. Plus if you actually cared, you would've remoted in. Didn't even setup an out of office for Outlook before running out the door.

TIL professional management was an actual job.

[ExtraSlow]

An actual job with no oversight or reporting and you can pretend to do it all over the phone. Sounds sweet.

[schurchill39]

What sort of industry are you in if you don't mind me asking. For me to go on paternity leave I need to put it on our hr system ahead of time. I also told my managers well in advance. There really isn't a way to do what your co worker did in a corporate setting

His coworker told his company that he was leaving, Hallowed_point is upset that this dude told everyone that his clients knew he was leaving but he actually didn't. So when the clients were trying to reach out to him to ge things done and he wasn't getting back to him they found out he took pat leave without telling them so everyone was left scrambling. Putting it in your management system wouldn't address the issue of communicating to your clients that you will be away, your comment about "wouldn't be able to do that in a corporate setting" doesn't make any sense Mar.


TIL professional management was an actual job.

I thought companies like KPMG and McKinsey & Co. were pretty well known? Unless OP is in real-estate and was just hyping it up with "professional management"
EDIT: Ignore me, I'm a moron

[bjstare]

I thought companies like KPMG and McKinsey & Co. were pretty well known? Unless OP is in real-estate and was just hyping it up with "professional management"

Professional Management =/= Management Consulting. Like not by a long shot. :rofl:

[killramos]

I think management consulting is a different thing that BJ is well aware of

- - - Updated - - -


Professional Management =/= Management Consulting. Like not by a long shot. :rofl:

Ya that

[schurchill39]

Well then I'm an idiot and I'll just sit back down...

[bjstare]

Well then I'm an idiot and I'll just sit back down...

Well, you're not entirely off base. Management consulting is questionable as well.

[killramos]

Questionable at best haha

But then again, if your internal staff are morons you are just asking for it.

It really is no surprise that the feds need McKinsey to tell them when to take a leak.

[riander5]

I'm in the professional management world, can't get into specifics on that but as this guy does almost everything over the phone (old school) I think he was able to pull a fast one by claiming he told all clients. They trusted him and here we are. Also the compassionate side as he left a couple days earlier than anticipated, but still you knew your wife was due any day now. Plus if you actually cared, you would've remoted in. Didn't even setup an out of office for Outlook before running out the door.

What does a professional manager do

[SKR]

What does a professional manager do

Gets paid to manage, compared to amateur managers who mostly manage on weekends and when time is available. Historically, only amateur managers were allowed to compete in the olympics.

[ExtraSlow]

Gets paid to manage, compared to amateur managers who mostly manage on weekends and when time is available. Historically, only amateur managers were allowed to compete in the olympics.

You are nailing it this week.

[killramos]

It’s important to distinguish from the EIT’s of Management