Proposing (marriage) to a guy? [Archive] - Beyond.ca - Car Forums

X_plorer

03-14-2005, 04:05 PM

Okay, need to know what you guys and girls think.
A girl proposing marriage to a guy-yay or nay? And should I choose to do it, do I need a ring?

Basically what it comes down to is we have been dating for 7 years, living together for 6, own a home, cars, dog etc... I want to get married, he has said "we've been dating for 7 years, obviously we will get married" Not sure what the hold up is but regardless, I am tired of waiting and am considering taking matters into my own hands. If he said "no" I would have some serious issues with that.

lint

03-14-2005, 04:06 PM

Go for it. Friend of my gf did the same thing. He said sure.

QuasarCav

03-14-2005, 04:07 PM

That would be cool, Give it a try.

If all else fails at least you know who wears the pants;)

abyss

03-14-2005, 04:11 PM

Just get him to start reading Beyond and post "subtle" hints throughout the forum...worked for me! Or get a bunch of his friends to start pressuring him, that works too. But if you're really sick of waiting, just do it, and then if you want go out and buy an engagement ring for you, just take him and make him pay for it. Sounds like you need to push a little bit.

Melinda

03-14-2005, 04:12 PM

Definately a non traditional way of doing things, I had a friend who did that cause her boyfriend was dropping the ball hardcore. He said yes but apparently he wasnt in that spot and they didnt stay together much longer :(

If you think he'll say yes, then go for it! If you're worried, maybe try asking him and talking to him about it?

Aleks

03-14-2005, 04:16 PM

I might be a bit traditional here but I think a guy should always propose.

1badPT

03-14-2005, 04:17 PM

I know its not my place to say it but if you've already bought a house together, you've probably put the carriage ahead of the horse. Even though this probably should have been done before, I can't see why it can't be done now - but I think hell will be cold place if you wait for him because he's already got what he wants - the house the car and .... well you get the picture.

Its not too late. I would buy an engagement ring that you like, ask him if he'll marry you, then tell him to get down on his knees and give this too you :tongue:

JordanLotoski

03-14-2005, 04:17 PM

why not plan a trip to vegas. ask him down there

X_plorer

03-14-2005, 04:20 PM

Oh I have hinted and hinted-trust me-he knows.
I don't think he would say no since it has been seven years and we are very committed, like I said we have owned our home together for three years, consider each other family and are common law, marriage would not be much different but it is something that is important to me.

I figure it beats walking around for another 3 or so years with an engagement-ring sized chip on my shoulder.

Just drives me nuts everytime he talks about dropping $2500 on rims or buying a motorcycle...

brandon

03-14-2005, 04:20 PM

I say do it, nothing wrong with the girl wanting to get married and taking things into her own hands

Melinda

03-14-2005, 04:22 PM

Originally posted by Aleks
I might be a bit traditional here but I think a guy should always propose.
I think the same way as you, but I encourage a girl to take the reins if need be :)

sputnik

03-14-2005, 04:32 PM

If its been 7 years... I would thinkg that he doesnt want to get married and is just stalling.

There is really no excuse for not getting married and if he doesnt want to get married I would question how committed he really is in the relationship.

It only takes about 30 minutes in Hawaii to make it official. So using the "a wedding is such a hassle" is really no reason for not getting married.

rage2

03-14-2005, 04:35 PM

Is there a point of getting married this late in the game, other than to satisfy family with expectations of marriage? Legally, I think you're at the point where you have the same rights and stuff as married couples.

I know couples that are together for over 30 years, kids and all, and not married.

Just curious that's all heh.

t-im

03-14-2005, 04:38 PM

^ I agree...Is marraige that important right now?..i mean obviosuly you guys are both in love...

You guys will be happy either way..and will grow old togeter..like Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell. haha

abyss

03-14-2005, 04:40 PM

Some girls just really want to get married, to have a day where they are the center of attention (I don't feel that this is what a wedding is entirely about, but it does happen). I'm surprised you waited as long as you did though, I would've just asked him myself after like 5 years. For me, even though I was totally committed, marriage just feels like that little bit extra that was missing. Also, I am the only daughter in my family of 5 and Hampstor is the only son and eldest child in his family of 6 so it would really hurt my parents as well as his to not have a big celebration for both families and friends.

X_plorer

03-14-2005, 04:43 PM

Originally posted by sputnik
If its been 7 years... I would thinkg that he doesnt want to get married and is just stalling.

There is really no excuse for not getting married and if he doesnt want to get married I would question how committed he really is in the relationship.

It only takes about 30 minutes in Hawaii to make it official. So using the "a wedding is such a hassle" is really no reason for not getting married.

I wouldn't be considering asking him if I didn't think he was committed to me. His parents divorced when he was a child and he was moved around a lot between the two and I think it affected him more then he admits. That or it could be my age, I will just be 24 this summer and he is older than me so not sure if he is waiting for me to hit a certain age or something?

Originally posted by rage2
Is there a point of getting married this late in the game, other than to satisfy family with expectations of marriage? Legally, I think you're at the point where you have the same rights and stuff as married couples.

I know couples that are together for over 30 years, kids and all, and not married.

Just curious that's all heh.

I do not want to get married because of family expectations, I want to get married because it is something that is important to me, and I can't exactly explain why. I am not religious or anything but getting married is something I want to do during my lifetime and I know he is the one which is probably why I am getting so impatient. (Is 7 years impatient? I didn't think so.)

Also I do not want to be 50 and dating for 25 years and still referring to him as my boyfriend or signifigant other etc...

finboy

03-14-2005, 04:43 PM

Originally posted by rage2
Is there a point of getting married this late in the game, other than to satisfy family with expectations of marriage? Legally, I think you're at the point where you have the same rights and stuff as married couples.

I know couples that are together for over 30 years, kids and all, and not married.

Just curious that's all heh.

:werd:

i don't see what the big deal is with the whole "married" title :dunno:

abyss

03-14-2005, 04:49 PM

Originally posted by finboy

:werd:

i don't see what the big deal is with the whole "married" title :dunno:

It's the feeling women get when they get to introduce someone to their "husband" as opposed to boyfriend, or common law partner, or significant other.

finboy

03-14-2005, 04:53 PM

Originally posted by abyss

It's the feeling women get when they get to introduce someone to their "husband" as opposed to boyfriend, or common law partner, or significant other.

not to be a dick or anything, but thats it??? :dunno:

Melinda

03-14-2005, 04:56 PM

I dont know, having not been married yet I can't say for sure, but I would imagine having a closer bond being husband and wife rather than boyfriend and girlfriend. Truthfully, I hate the word boyfriend. When I say it, I feel like I'm in junior high. Not that I'm getting married tomorrow or anything, but as I said, I would think it would intensify a bond between 2 people. Plus it's that official way of telling the whole world how you feel about eachother, the ultimate committment :)

rage2

03-14-2005, 04:57 PM

Originally posted by abyss
It's the feeling women get when they get to introduce someone to their "husband" as opposed to boyfriend, or common law partner, or significant other.
The couple I'm talking about, they're not married, yet refer to each other as husband and wife (just so they dont have to explain). They're not religious, so they don't have any desire to get married.

Originally posted by Melinda
I dont know, having not been married yet I can't say for sure, but I would imagine having a closer bond being husband and wife rather than boyfriend and girlfriend.
That's what I thought too. Wasn't true. Don't set such high expectations for what it'd be like after getting married, because you're just setting things up for failure. I know it's a rough thing to say, but going through it all right now, it's the honest truth.

Originally posted by Melinda
Plus it's that official way of telling the whole world how you feel about eachother, the ultimate committment :)
Relationships is tough enough work, why complicate things more by trying to please anyone else but yourselves? A good piece of advice I read somewhere:

"The best relationships are undefined. Now that you got your answer, drop the labeling shit and just enjoy each others company and don't expect anything from either. The less you TRY to be this or that to each other and the more you just let it be and enjoy, the better chance you have for making it last."

abyss

03-14-2005, 05:10 PM

Originally posted by finboy

not to be a dick or anything, but thats it??? :dunno:

No, that's not it. I wanted to get married to share that day with my family and friends, and for me it represents a slightly different level of commitment. Plus almost every little girl dreams about getting married, I want to have a day that belongs to me and my husband where we can celebrate the fact that we took that step and got to share all of that with the people we loved. I want to do it to have my best friend involved as my maid of honour, I want to share stories with everyone about how we met, and the trials and tribulations we've faced in order to get to the point we're at.

And to Rage, that is totally understandable, to be married both people want to have to get married, and if they don't then they'll save some money and they'll still be happy. But they won't have that day, or those memories. Minh calls me his wife, and even though we're not married it is still a pretty accurate representation of our relationship. I am too greedy to settle for just that, I want my princess day and my photos, and my memories too much to be common law forever.

X_plorer

03-14-2005, 05:11 PM

I don't think "married" is so much of a title as it is a state of mind, spirit and living. Like I said I am not religious but I still have values and marriage is something I value.

My parents were happily married for 14 years(until my father passed away) and they would be till this day, yes granted everyone has problems, but they set such a great example I don't know why everyone wouldn't want this.

Like I said I don't expect things to change a ton between us if we do get marriend, but it is just another level of commitment that is very important to me. I don't need a huge wedding, but would like to make that commitment in front of our close friends and some family ;)

abyss

03-14-2005, 05:12 PM

Originally posted by X_plorer
I don't think "married" is so much of a title as it is a state of mind, spirit and living. Like I said I am not religious but I still have values and marriage is something I value.

My parents were happily married for 14 years(until my father passed away) and they would be till this day, yes granted everyone has problems, but they set such a great example I don't know why everyone wouldn't want this.

Like I said I don't expect things to change a ton between us if we do get marriend, but it is just another level of commitment that is very important to me. I don't need a huge wedding, but would like to make that commitment in front of our close friends and some family ;)

:werd: ^^ what she said. :)

Melinda

03-14-2005, 05:15 PM

^^ I'd never do something just to please other people, but just like the other girls in the thread, it is important to me to get married. There are some marriages that work, and some that dont. There are some non-marriages that work, and some that dont. I don't think getting married or not getting married puts you at any better position to fail or succeed, it's just more important to some than it is to others. My aunt and uncle never got married even though they have been together for several years and have a grown child together. Now however, they are dealing with a series of problems so it works sometimes and sometimes it doesnt.

finboy

03-14-2005, 05:16 PM

Originally posted by X_plorer
it is just another level of commitment

how so? :dunno:

rage2

03-14-2005, 05:22 PM

Originally posted by Melinda
^^ I'd never do something just to please other people, but just like the other girls in the thread, it is important to me to get married. There are some marriages that work, and some that dont. There are some non-marriages that work, and some that dont. I don't think getting married or not getting married puts you at any better position to fail or succeed, it's just more important to some than it is to others. My aunt and uncle never got married even though they have been together for several years and have a grown child together. Now however, they are dealing with a series of problems so it works sometimes and sometimes it doesnt.
I agree. But you're missing out on my most important point... don't expect anything more just because of the marriage title. I'm here reading how it's a whole new level of commitment, a closer bond, etc. High expectations and not getting it sucks.

Here's an analogy... think of a movie that's totally hyped, people talk about how awesome it is, huge summer blockbuster with huge ticket sales. Then you go watch it, and it didn't live up to the hype. You'll think that it sucks, even though really it was a pretty damn good movie, just didn't meet your expectations. Same can be applied for marriage.

Melinda

03-14-2005, 05:29 PM

Alright, I understand what you're saying. But even if there isn't 'more' that comes with getting married, it's always been something that has been important for me to do.

I would hope that a couple who decides to get married wouldn't NEED marriage to make their relationship special, it should be special already. It just really depends on the couple and what they feel is good for them. As a female part of a couple, I have always thought of meeting the right person and getting married as a goal of mine. Just like one of the other ladies said, girls dream about this since they're like 5, I know I have been. I don't think I would leave my Mr. right if he didn't want to get married but it would also make me think 'if he says he wants to spend the rest of his life with me, why wont he make it official'? So yeah, I would think it depends on the couple hugely. Besides, if you're already sure you've met the right person and want to spend the rest of your life with them, what's the harm in taking that step? (whether you regard it as significant or not)

X_plorer

03-14-2005, 05:31 PM

Originally posted by finboy

how so? :dunno:
I don't know many boyfriends or girlfriends that vow to stay with each other through sickness and health, financial problems, and worse... to honor one another etc...

Originally posted by rage2

I agree. But you're missing out on my most important point... don't expect anything more just because of the marriage title. I'm here reading how it's a whole new level of commitment, a closer bond, etc. High expectations and not getting it sucks.

Here's an analogy... think of a movie that's totally hyped, people talk about how awesome it is, huge summer blockbuster with huge ticket sales. Then you go watch it, and it didn't live up to the hype. You'll think that it sucks, even though really it was a pretty damn good movie, just didn't meet your expectations. Same can be applied for marriage.

Can I ask if you are married, dating, or divorced, single? If you do not want to answer I understand as it really none of anyones business, but since we are on the topic. You sound as if you speak from personal experience.

For some couples it would be a big change, those who have never lived together, never slept together etc... I think marriage would be a big wake up call to some of those people. For me, 7 years into the relationship I don't think there is a lot of hype or expectations being made.

SOAB

03-14-2005, 05:33 PM

i am fairly sure that things will be exactly the same after the wedding. you've been living together for 3 years, own a home together. isn't that what you do after you get married anyway?

so why is it different? cause you didn't blow 10g's on a party?

wanna share with friends and family? cook dinner for everyone at your place, tell them you are getting married in Vegas and be done with it.

too much hassle just for a reason to party....

rage2

03-14-2005, 05:34 PM

Originally posted by Melinda
I don't think I would leave my Mr. right if he didn't want to get married but it would also make me think 'if he says he wants to spend the rest of his life with me, why wont he make it official'?
Could be many things influencing his decision. Came from a broken family? Seen friends go through marriage/divorce? Hard to say. Some people just don't believe in the whole marriage/labelling stuff. I can see that.

SOAB

03-14-2005, 05:34 PM

Originally posted by X_plorer

I don't know many boyfriends or girlfriends that vow to stay with each other through sickness and health, financial problems, and worse... to honor one another etc...

i'm sure those vows meant alot to the 60% percent of people that got divorced too....

Melinda

03-14-2005, 05:39 PM

Originally posted by rage2

Could be many things influencing his decision. Came from a broken family? Seen friends go through marriage/divorce? Hard to say. Some people just don't believe in the whole marriage/labelling stuff. I can see that.
Yeah I could see that for sure.

Oh well, I'm just glad that my Mr. Right DOES believe in marriage, I'm just interested in this particular thread...it's interesting to read the difference in opinions between men and women.

This is not meant to come off as an arrogant or stereotypical question, but something I genuinely want to know: Do most non-religious men get married just to make their girl happy? I don't see alot of guys defending marriage even though there are alot of people reading this thread, and lots saying it's very un-neccessary. So it makes me wonder...

Made_To_Love

03-14-2005, 05:41 PM

My fiance and I have been together for 3 years and have been engaged for 1 year. We want to get married eventually but at this point we don't see it as a major thing needed to be done. We want to have our own house and stuff first, have a car, all that and then have a nice wedding. I see people who have done the wedding stuff first before even living together and they break down after a year or two because they can't stand the other persons habits, I know if I didn't live with my fiance before we get married, I would go crazy with somethings he does.I also know two people who got married and then realized , hey we don't have a place to live yet, so they lived at home with mom and dad for another 6 months until they could afford to rent a place.My opinion is that two people who really are in love and want to have a life together should take a "test drive" in living together before hand, get things figured out and then get married.As for you X-PLORER if I were you I would go ahead with the proposal, at least you'll know,plus I don't think men should have to propose all the time, I wanted to propose to my fiance but he beat me too it.

1badPT

03-14-2005, 05:44 PM

As an atheist, I can answer that I am looking for someone to have a life-long relationship eventually but if we marry, I will marry under her religion since there isn't such a thing as an atheist wedding. Also, I doubt you'll find many guys who dream about their wedding day - it really is a day for the girl.

That's why as a guy, wedding plans take care of themselves :D Its also probably the reason why its typically the bride's parents who traditionally put up the majority of the money for the wedding.

1badPT

03-14-2005, 05:46 PM

Originally posted by Made_To_Love
My fiance and I have been together for 3 years and have been engaged for 1 year. We want to get married eventually but at this point we don't see it as a major thing needed to be done. We want to have our own house and stuff first, have a car, all that and then have a nice wedding. I see people who have done the wedding stuff first before even living together and they break down after a year or two because they can't stand the other persons habits, I know if I didn't live with my fiance before we get married, I would go crazy with somethings he does.I also know two people who got married and then realized , hey we don't have a place to live yet, so they lived at home with mom and dad for another 6 months until they could afford to rent a place.My opinion is that two people who really are in love and want to have a life together should take a "test drive" in living together before hand, get things figured out and then get married.As for you X-PLORER if I were you I would go ahead with the proposal, at least you'll know,plus I don't think men should have to propose all the time, I wanted to propose to my fiance but he beat me too it.

I think you might be posting a post like X_plorer's in a few years ;) only difference is you're engaged. I do agree that its wisest to live together before taking the marriage step - if you can't live together without that legal commitment, how would it ever work when you are legally committed to each other?

Z_Fan

03-14-2005, 05:48 PM

Well, I think you might as well get it done and ask him.

Go for it.

SOAB

03-14-2005, 05:52 PM

Originally posted by 1badPT
Its also probably the reason why its typically the bride's parents who traditionally put up the majority of the money for the wedding.

that may be true for white folks, but asian guys have to pay for the wedding. add to that the ring, the 5-6 friggen dresses that the girl demands :nut: and shoes... shits just crazy!!

abyss

03-14-2005, 06:03 PM

I can think of probably 50 reasons why I want to marry Minh, some of them are selfish, some are only to please family, some are strange but the most important ones are because I want to show Minh that I am willing to make that kind of commitment to him in front of all his family and friends to show I mean this for life.

We have a different situation then most other couples, DEFINATELY live together first, buy a house, buy cars, and then get married, that's where we are now. As far as paying for it goes, the white bride's parents are supposed to pay, and the Veitnamese grooms parents are supposed to pay, plus over half of the guests will be asian, so I think the costs will be adequately covered for us.

X_plorer

03-14-2005, 06:15 PM

Originally posted by SOAB

i'm sure those vows meant alot to the 60% percent of people that got divorced too....

No, but I am sure to the other 40% who have experienced some terrible disease which nearly tears apart a family and who have a wife/husband that stands lovingly by while most other would run would disagree...

SOAB

03-14-2005, 06:19 PM

and those vows meant what? that they would stand by them in times of hardship? it doesn't take vows to do that, it takes love. a marriage is just a legality.

X_plorer

03-14-2005, 06:28 PM

Originally posted by SOAB
and those vows meant what? that they would stand by them in times of hardship? it doesn't take vows to do that, it takes love. a marriage is just a legality.
To some yes, to others no. Depends on the relationship and people involved, I could argue it takes more thought to end a marriage but I know people who have thrown them away like garbage.
I just wanted to know if it was cool for a girl to ask the guy to marry her. It doesn't particularly matter if vows mean more to me than they do to you, marriage is for me, its important and its what I want.

SOAB

03-14-2005, 06:39 PM

i think it would be ok for a girl to ask the guy.

one question though, who pays for the ring? :D

BokCh0y

03-14-2005, 06:44 PM

IMO 7 years together with a house, car, dog etc....maybe you shoulda already got married. Thing is why don't you ask him, ask him if would like to get married and see what he says. If he stalls then maybe he's just not ready for the final step. If he doesn't want to then ask him why not. I personally don't think that the ring around your finger makes that big of a deal but it's different for everyone. I'm sure this dude loves you to spend this much time and effort into a relationship with you but you still gotta understand that he will do it when he is ready. Don't make him feel obligated to get hitched and sure as hell don't force him. But then again some people just need a kick in the ass to get going. Anyways good luck with your decision and let us know what you decide and what happens.

sputnik

03-14-2005, 06:44 PM

I am getting married in July.

For my fiance and I as a sign of commitment to each other. Is it a magic life changing experience? No. Do I consider it an important expression of love to each other? Yes.

If getting married wasnt that important to me but it was important to my fiance, I would still get married. Because although I may know that I will be with her forever and dont need to "show it" I would still like to give her that gift as a sign of my commitment to her. Its like guys who say "I dont need to tell her that I love her... she knows". Try explaining that to your girlfriend/wife.

Being male I have heard enough "locker room talk" about marriage and engagement, and it amazes me how many guys will give a girl an engagement ring "to shut her up". Personally ladies, if a guy gives you a ring and doesnt tell you when he wants to get married. Don't accept it. These days guys will give his girlfriend and engagement ring and then when asked when they are getting married he says "eventually".

This is why I will say. If you have been together for so long and still refuses to get married. I would question his commitment. Like I said earlier, getting married doesnt have to be difficult and since you have been together for so long now it not like going away somewhere and getting married is a difficult ordeal.

Another poor excuse is. "My parents got divorced and I dont want to get divorced like them". What the hell is that supposed to mean? Thats like saying "I'm completely committed to you, but I am sure we are going to get divorced so there is no point in getting married". Committed? Are you sure? Personally I cannot see myself with anyone else other than my fiance so that thought would never cross my mind unless I was having second thoughts about being with her to begin with.

Anyhow. You can take this to heart or ignore it. In the end its just my opinion and I dont know either of you guys. I just challenge you to have a good long talk about committment with him.

Good luck and I wish you both the best.

finboy

03-14-2005, 07:17 PM

Originally posted by sputnik

I would question his commitment. Like I said earlier, getting married doesnt have to be difficult and since you have been together for so long now it not like going away somewhere and getting married is a difficult ordeal.

so because people don't want to get married they aren't commited to a relationship? i find that hard to believe.

personally i don't get what the big deal of a "title" is, if you both love eachother, and you both know it, why the hell do you need to get married?

sputnik

03-14-2005, 07:26 PM

Originally posted by finboy

so because people don't want to get married they aren't commited to a relationship? i find that hard to believe.

personally i don't get what the big deal of a "title" is, if you both love eachother, and you both know it, why the hell do you need to get married?

X_plorer has already stated that it is something that is important to her. Its not a mutual decision of theirs not to get married. She wants to get married and he seems to be avoiding the issue.

If something is important to someone that you love... would you deny them of their wishes. Especially if you dont find it important?

If he doesnt think that getting married is important or necessary why would it be an issue for him?

googe

03-14-2005, 07:52 PM

X_plorer

03-14-2005, 11:43 PM

[QUOTE]Originally posted by sputnik
[B]I am getting married in July.

Another poor excuse is. "My parents got divorced and I dont want to get divorced like them". What the hell is that supposed to mean? Thats like saying "I'm completely committed to you, but I am sure we are going to get divorced so there is no point in getting married". Committed? Are you sure? Personally I cannot see myself with anyone else other than my fiance so that thought would never cross my mind unless I was having second thoughts about being with her to begin with.

He has never said he does not want to get married because his parents are divorced, I just think it affected him more then he lets on or perhaps even realizes. Was just a thought. I honestly do not know why he is hesitant. We argued about this once and when we got down to the nitty gritty he did say that yes he wanted to get married and wasn't planning a future without me so I have no idea what the issue is. I'm very messy, is he waiting for me to clean the house? Is there some secret trick or word to get him to ask. He knows I would not say no, so there should be no fear about asking. And he works lots of hours and makes good money so no reason not to buy a ring(at this point I would accept a washer on my finger....) Anyhow, the big 7 year anniversary is at the end of the month, so if he doesn't ask then I will see about getting on with it.

As for who buys the ring, no idea.

googe

03-15-2005, 12:13 AM

Originally posted by X_plorer
[QUOTE]Originally posted by sputnik
[B]I am getting married in July.

Another poor excuse is. &quot;My parents got divorced and I dont want to get divorced like them&quot;. What the hell is that supposed to mean? Thats like saying &quot;I'm completely committed to you, but I am sure we are going to get divorced so there is no point in getting married&quot;. Committed? Are you sure? Personally I cannot see myself with anyone else other than my fiance so that thought would never cross my mind unless I was having second thoughts about being with her to begin with.

He has never said he does not want to get married because his parents are divorced, I just think it affected him more then he lets on or perhaps even realizes. Was just a thought. I honestly do not know why he is hesitant. We argued about this once and when we got down to the nitty gritty he did say that yes he wanted to get married and wasn't planning a future without me so I have no idea what the issue is. I'm very messy, is he waiting for me to clean the house? Is there some secret trick or word to get him to ask. He knows I would not say no, so there should be no fear about asking. And he works lots of hours and makes good money so no reason not to buy a ring(at this point I would accept a washer on my finger....) Anyhow, the big 7 year anniversary is at the end of the month, so if he doesn't ask then I will see about getting on with it.

As for who buys the ring, no idea.

i think you arent going to find an answer here. its hard to say, i think it varies from guy to guy. if you do, just make sure he isnt one of those guys thats going to regret not asking you, i know some people that it would hurt their pride. theyd feel like less of a man if they didnt have the balls to ask, you know. maybe you should talk to some of his close friends? if you have a mutual friend you can get him to leak info "accidentally" to get the ball rolling or something :)

codo

03-15-2005, 12:31 AM

^ what he said except if he dont have balls after 7 years...i dont think hes got balls but anyways id be pissed if a chick asked me to marry her but i would understand if i was dating her for 7 years and living together

Singel

03-15-2005, 12:31 AM

I'd say just talk to him about it, if you aren't able to have an argument free discussion to understand each others feelings on the issue then perhaps you're not quite ready and there's still a little work to be done. Not sure what exactly is the deal with you're being messy and house cleaning, maybe you should try talking to him about that too if you feel its an issue. It seems to me a married couple would talk about it

FiveFreshFish

03-15-2005, 02:09 AM

Originally posted by X_plorer
As for who buys the ring, no idea.

IMO if you are proposing to him, no engagement ring is needed because:

1. It's not right to force him into buying a ring for you if he didn't propose.

2. It's not right for you to buy a ring for yourself.

3. Guys aren't meant to wear engagement rings if you're thinking about buying one for him to wear. ;)

Skip the engagement ring and spend it your wedding bands, honeymoon or house.

Carfanman

03-15-2005, 10:18 AM

If he hasn't proposed yet, then there is probably a reason. If that's the case, then it might not be such a good idea to do it yourself. Id suggest just sitting down and having a serious conversation about, not just mentioning it casually. Tell him you'd like to know where its going, and you would like to get married. Then ask him how he feels about it and when he would like to get married. Then if you guys make a final decision, you'll be engaged.

Also, I think its 100% wrong for you to make him buy a ring. Once you decide to get married, he will probably (but not definitely) want to formally ask you, and then he will probably buy a ring.

1badPT

03-15-2005, 11:22 AM

Originally posted by FiveFreshFish

IMO if you are proposing to him, no engagement ring is needed because:

1. It's not right to force him into buying a ring for you if he didn't propose.

2. It's not right for you to buy a ring for yourself.

3. Guys aren't meant to wear engagement rings if you're thinking about buying one for him to wear. ;)

Skip the engagement ring and spend it your wedding bands, honeymoon or house.

The ring is a girl thing - I doubt she's considering buying a ring to slip on his finger. It may not be right for her to buy the ring herself, but it may be the only way she'll end up with one. I agree with #1 though - I don't think she'll get very far in forcing him to buy a ring if he hasn't even got to the point of proposing on his own.

X_plorer

03-15-2005, 11:51 AM

Alright alright, I will wait till the end of the month for the anniversary to pass and see what happens, if nothing, I will sit him down and have "the talk" with him. Will have to see how that goes and go from there I suppose. I hate thinking like this though because then every holiday or birthday or anniversary you think "well maybe tonight could be the night" and its not, so I will try not to have any expectations for the end of the month.
Thanks for the ideas though, lots of things I hadn't considered.

lam-boy

03-15-2005, 12:39 PM

digi355

03-18-2005, 05:59 AM

sitting him down is going to be like pulling his toe nails out a pair of pliers. the trick is to casually mention that you need more of a commitment. Give him 30 days, if you dont have that ring start banging other guys. make it obvious. Nothing like a good dose of VD to bring the slow learners around.

Carfanman

03-18-2005, 09:51 AM

Originally posted by digi355
sitting him down is going to be like pulling his toe nails out a pair of pliers. the trick is to casually mention that you need more of a commitment. Give him 30 days, if you dont have that ring start banging other guys. make it obvious. Nothing like a good dose of VD to bring the slow learners around.

Dude, stfu.
Just because you dont know how to have a real conversation doesnt mean all guys dont. And fuking some other guy doesnt really show that she wants to marry him, theres a good chance he'd just leave her, I would. Stop trying to fuk the whole thing up.

X_plorer

03-18-2005, 10:23 AM

Originally posted by digi355
sitting him down is going to be like pulling his toe nails out a pair of pliers. the trick is to casually mention that you need more of a commitment. Give him 30 days, if you dont have that ring start banging other guys. make it obvious. Nothing like a good dose of VD to bring the slow learners around.

????

Originally posted by Carfanman

Dude, stfu.
Just because you dont know how to have a real conversation doesnt mean all guys dont. And fuking some other guy doesnt really show that she wants to marry him, theres a good chance he'd just leave her, I would. Stop trying to fuk the whole thing up.

Don't worry, wasn't planning on "banging other guys" to bring him around, not that I would want to but I also know better. Hope digi355 doesn't have a slow learner girlfriend...

Gondi Stylez

03-18-2005, 10:44 AM

have u asked him yet! good luck!

btw. im religious and i wanna get married!!:thumbsup:

X_plorer

03-18-2005, 10:47 AM

Originally posted by Gondi Stylez
have u asked him yet! good luck!

btw. im religious and i wanna get married!!:thumbsup:

No I haven't, our 7 year annivesary of dating is in one week (I know how ridiculous that sounds...) so I was going to wait and see if he asks or says anything and go from there.

JAYMEZ

03-18-2005, 05:19 PM

^^^ Just dont get your hopes up WAYYY to high .. you know??

Personally , I wouldnt want a girl to ask me to get married , I think it would be a big chunk out of my ego lol. But , you never know , maybe he is waiting for your 7th anivers?? :thumbsup:

old&slow

03-18-2005, 07:07 PM

Regardless what people and society say marriage is still the right thing to do...what you need do is ask yourself what will happen if you ask and the worse happens.

How will you feel/react if he says no....

I think thats really what you want to find out.

If you feel he will let things continue the way they are and you in turn feel there needs to be a change then be strong and make it known.

To continue to deny what you feel is right may cause resentment and possibly bitterness.

There are no garrantees no matter how you look at it.
You are already living(from a traditional point of view) a nontraditional lifestyle. Therefore, asking him wont really be that much out of step.

Good luck,

Btw, if you do decide to ask, give us all a follow up...unless it goes reallly badly :(

Carfanman

03-19-2005, 07:18 PM

^ I dont get how you can say its the right thing, just because you feel its important. And Im disagreeing with that comment as someone who wants to get married, so dont give me a bunch of reasons why its right. I just dont see how you can say that what you feel is right or that everyone should feel that way.

Khyron

03-19-2005, 10:01 PM

If the girl wants something, and the guy doesn't have a reason not to, I don't understand why the guy wouldn't just do it anyway.

Find out what his reason for not getting married is. I dated for about 7 years as well before getting married, and that was just to save money (condo, car, etc).

But once we had some cash I really didn't have any reason not to get married.

I definately wouldn't ask him though. That's something that might embarrass him for years to come (proposal method comes up in conversation quite a bit). My guess is it's just the money, and he'd rather spend the wedding cash on toys for himself.

Khyron

Weapon_R

03-19-2005, 10:11 PM

Originally posted by Khyron
My guess is it's just the money, and he'd rather spend the wedding cash on toys for himself.

Khyron

That, or he's comfortable where he is and doesn't see marriage as a commitment he is willing to take. Seven years is a long time to give false promises!

X_plorer

03-20-2005, 02:57 AM

Originally posted by Khyron
If the girl wants something, and the guy doesn't have a reason not to, I don't understand why the guy wouldn't just do it anyway.

Find out what his reason for not getting married is. I dated for about 7 years as well before getting married, and that was just to save money (condo, car, etc).

But once we had some cash I really didn't have any reason not to get married.

I definately wouldn't ask him though. That's something that might embarrass him for years to come (proposal method comes up in conversation quite a bit). My guess is it's just the money, and he'd rather spend the wedding cash on toys for himself.

Khyron

Originally posted by Weapon_R

That, or he's comfortable where he is and doesn't see marriage as a commitment he is willing to take. Seven years is a long time to give false promises!

Well already have a house, one car that is paid for and a prelude, what more could a guy need? He makes good money and I am not asking for some 4 carat ring and a big production wedding, I have explained I would be happy with something small. And if I do ask and he is embarassed that is his problem, he should of gotten on it sooner(as far as I am concerned).

Comfortable, maybe. He never promised anything or lead me on, however I guess I always assumed he would ask(eventually) after dating 3, 4, 5, 6 years....etc...

Khyron

03-20-2005, 10:11 AM

Originally posted by X_plorer
[B] Well already have a house, one car that is paid for and a prelude, what more could a guy need? He makes good money and I am not asking for some 4 carat ring and a big production wedding, I have explained I would be happy with something small. And if I do ask and he is embarassed that is his problem, he should of gotten on it sooner(as far as I am concerned).

There is never enough money. If he looks at it as 7-15G that's getting burned on a party of course he'll stall as much as possible. :D Maybe give him fair warning that if he doesn't ask soon, you will? Or does he know you might do it? That might be enough to kick him in the butt to get moving.

Otherwise if he doesn't like it being sprung on him he might just panic and say no which would be pretty horrible. Or if he says yes, that's the propsal method that will follow you both for life. I know one guy that asked his woman while she was in the can - everyone knows and no one let's him forget it.

Khyron

Carfanman

03-20-2005, 10:27 AM

What do you mean if he is embarrassed then thats his problem? If hes embarassed, maybe you should talk to him about it, instead of forcing him to do something he might not want to, and doing it in a way that he will never forget, and wont have happy memories of. I dont think you should propose in the way most people do, but If you just say "when do you want to get married" that still gives him a chance to get on one knee with the ring and tell everyone that he proposed.