I might be slightly hyper at the moment ... and other peculiar yohanisms

[yohan4ws]

I get these fits of .. fiestiness ... this is what I do at work when I've had coffee or sugar. So far today ..

I've hidden around the cubicle corners and scared random people.

I hid around the corner of the elevator and my friend walked out to go get coffee, this is at 10am .. I snuck up behind him and walked directly behind him as he looked around for me, scared him when he turned around and BAM I was right there.

Then I had coffee .. weeeee ...

So I flicked my bottom lip and stared blankley at at my coworker making a high pitched humming sound .. "mememmememememememememememem"

I walked down to the procurement area and 2 girls are working there ... I walked beneath the lines of the cubicles which are ~ 5 feet high .. I pulled a jack in the box ... stared blankley at one of the girls and proceeded to go "mememememememememmemee" where the question of my sanity came into conversation.

The conclusion is that I drive her crazy ... to which I replied :

"Don't ... push ... me ... cuz .. im .... close to ... the ... eeeeeDGE .. I'm ... try .. ing ... not ... to .... LoOooOosoe ... my .... heaEad... hu huh huh .... "

Where I then sank my head from view and proceeded to come here and write this thread.

[AsianCaucasian]

uh... k:nut:

[yohan4ws]

mememememememem :nut:

[Primer_Drift]

That wasn't powdered sugar you put in your coffee was it?

Just a few pointers on scaring people in your office.. try to hide in places they would least expect you to fall/come out of.. namely places like the ceiling, someplace above 6".. or under your bosses desk etc.
Good luck:thumbsup:

[yohan4ws]

I tactfully sneak up behind people when they least expect it .. at the printer waiting for a print job, coffee maker, the kitchen etc etc .. right behind them ... sometimes im really good, i walk past people then come up right behind them ..

2" from their ear "boo" ... GASP AHHH!


theres this one lady who works @ my office, she claims to have some sort of thing where she will hyperventalate and freakdafuckout if she gets startled ..

of course I startled her one day, she started crying and gasping for air .. I felt funny :bigpimp:

[BlkMaxima]

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

Your gonna get fired :devil:

[s dime]

ritalin could be your answer:thumbsup:

[Despair*]

^ hahaha, It sounds like it to me if he keeps this up :D

[Mad$ella]

ok....
:dunno:

[GQBalla]

hrmm perhaps you had some sugar like in starsky and hutch in your coffee???

*ahem* nose candy???

[yohan4ws]

ok, so theres this one woman in another deparment that I have been flirting with for the past few months. she's pretty funny and we're always trying to one up eachother on extremes and head games etc.

I figure its a great idea if I confess my undying love to her last week .. and I must've done it quite well, everybody else who I confessd my love for (guys and girls alike) picked up right away and knew not to believe me.

Well, this chickie knowing about my yohanisms was very skeptical but somehow I got her to play along and had her evaluate herself and the way in which she behaves in the office after having made one man fall in love with her (so she thought) I think this is pretty humerous. Needless to say without saying as much, she got the impression that yes, I was joking around last week ... then she starts chattin up my co-worker via e-mail and says to me that she loves him and he's her new favorite, I say she can have him because I find enough trouble on my own without corruping her poor innocent mind (and marraige.. yes, she's married). Now my co-worker is in on the whole love you bit and in trying to one up me, she asks if I have told my co worker that I confessed My love to her.

To which I replied "actually I bcc'd him on the whole thing" (yes this all happens over e-mail).

I couldn't help but to bust a gut laughing when I received a reply from her "GFY. You did not"

I've never been told GFY, my co worker and I exchanged harty laughs and a high5 at this reply.

This makes my work fun.

[QuasarCav]

I just play really awful music (103.1) and look really pissed off so that no one will ask me to change it.

Also, try eating really wierd food like a bowl of water with a spoon.

[yohan4ws]

I like the bowl of water one, I should try that ...

I eat oatmeal at my desk often, its the quickest breakfast out there to eat at work ... but then I let it sit here for a while and it hardens to the bowl.

Well, I'm not the most tidy when it comes to the sink and I let my dishes sit there a few days one time. See, ya gotta let it soak so the oatmeal washes off after its been there a while ...

Apparantly my dishes had been there for a few days and somebody wrote a sign saying "This is a communical kitchen, clean up after our selves and put dirty dishes in the dishwasher" or something of the like. Thats all great, but oatmeal wont wash off in the dish washer, it needs to be soaked and scrubbed.

I find out after the fact there was an arrow pointing to my dishes and somebody put the sign on my desk. I thought this was funny so dirtied up cups and bowls for a few days and set them in the sink for 4 more days ....

[Kobe]

HAHAH GO BACK TO CALIFORNIA YOU FREAK :rofl: :tongue:

[yohan4ws]

Originally posted by Kobe
HAHAH GO BACK TO CALIFORNIA YOU FREAK :rofl: :tongue:

Ahh yes, how can I forget .. that's the best yohanism of all .. good ol' Doris.

I should take a pic of her face and make that my Avatar .. name strewn accross her forehead.

[BumpinTalon]

you should pick up on the "Seacrest out" thing every time you disappear from site
I would screw around, but I've only worked here for two weeks so I can't get away with much

[pitwipe]

Page yourself on the overhead announcement system... then wait 2 minutes and page yourself again but with a really annoyed tone in your voice.

[schurchill39]

Post up pages on the bulletin board about you being a convict or a list of names and write different weapons next to them or you could put pages around the office saying "(your name here) is sexy i want him" then every one will think your cool, even cooler then you are now. God i hate my job

[GTS Jeff]

You know, funny acts are funnier when you don't brag about them...

[yohan4ws]

Originally posted by GTS Jeff
You know, funny acts are funnier when you don't brag about them...

sorry, i fail to see the humor or relevence of your post.

[BumpinTalon]

Originally posted by yohan4ws


sorry, i fail to see the humor or relevence of your post.

if you could find humor or relevence in any of his posts, count yourself lucky. :nut: jk fellas

[mshaw]

^yeah i agree with that

[EK 2.0]

Originally posted by BumpinTalon
if you could find humor or relevence in any of his posts, count yourself lucky.

[ha ha]...same can be said about knowledge in your posts...

[codo]

man dude you WILL get punched out one of these days its fucking coming i can guarantee it...you're the type of person i would not want to work with me. Have you ever seen the comercials for ADHD[attention deficate HYPERACTIVE disorder] there is also adult ADD perhaps consult a doctor for your problem.


Funny stuff though gj, just as long as it dosn't happen to me.;)

[BumpinTalon]

Originally posted by EK 2.0


[ha ha]...same can be said about knowledge in your posts...

or your openness to a view that isn't your own
believe it or not, being able to build up two cars anybody can make fast (a DSM and a Honda) does not make you the most knowledgeable car guy on earth.

[QuasarCav]

Originally posted by BumpinTalon


if you could find humor or relevence in any of his posts, count yourself lucky.


Then count me lucky. Maybe you just dont see the perfect timing and relevance of some posts.

[BumpinTalon]

I was hoping "count yourself lucky" would convey some sarcasm because I have laughed at a few of his posts. didn't work. I'm going to go back an add a smilie I think... :D

[yohan4ws]

Is it just me or did you guys all just

http://www.be.wvu.edu/divecon/econ/trumbull/cuba/whore.jpg

my thread ?:whipped:

[GTS Jeff]

Originally posted by yohan4ws


sorry, i fail to see the humor or relevence of your post. No need to apologize for your shortcomings. :)

[yohan4ws]

Originally posted by GTS Jeff
No need to apologize for your shortcomings. :)

must just be my sympathy card knowing you're the load your mother should have swallowed.

[yohan4ws]

Today a friend of mine (from work of course) is her last day-she's going to Europe for 6 weeks, then coming back to work.

I got the grand idea of telling people at Japanese Village where we were having lunch that it was her birthday. Much to my pleasent suprise, I find out they put costumes on her and the guy sitting beside her (another work buddy of mine) and make them dance.

Excellent.

So they come out with these costumes, this fake hair like they wear on MXC and these japanese type vest for him & cloak for her and take a polaroid of them wearing these great costumes, both shocked as shit but not wanting to spoil it (as fake birthday eitiquette goes) .... it gets better.

They make them both get up and dance a slow dance while everybody there sings and we all clap to the rhythm of this drum ... it was just awesome!

tear streaming down my face.. thats great. :thumbsup:

[Kobe]

you know whats messed up, you started this thread exactly 1 month ago, less then an hour apart LOL

[yohan4ws]

whats messed up is that you noticed this exactly in great detail .. :confused:

[yohan4ws]

so uhh .. i'm in training with this other company im going to be working with part time .. we do financial services for families, help them restructure mortgages and show them how to pay it off in half the time, really amazing stuff .. i like it ... anyhoo

it was my trainers birthday last night, after our open house us all in suits, we goto the peelers. of course i was heckling the strippers telling them i wanted to see their feet just to see em struggle removing the steeletto's .. (sp?)

I started hitting on our waitress immediately,
She asked if we're care salesmen .. I declined but offered I could take her for a test drive anyways. I introduced myself and ordered a drink then:

me: "I look forward to seeing more of you later"
her: "tee hee, thanks"
me: "No, I'm looking forward to seeing MORE of you .. later."

When I started a tab she asked for my credit card, she brought it back to me and I ran my hand all down her arm before taking it .. she didnt seem to like me.. I dont know why. :dunno:

So 2nd stripper comes out, we werent digging her her ass was celluliteish .. I shouted to my group "Who likes cottage cheese?"

Then she takes off her top and her fake jubblies pop out ..

me shouting to her: "SILICONE!!!!"
she turns and looks at our group and shrugs mouths "wtf ?!?" her expression was great.

We all laugh.

then shes doin the poster thing on her knees, guys tossin loonies @ her ..

I shouted out "SPREAD EAGLE!!"
her: "Im trying to keep it classy"
me: "Well thats fuckin ironic aint it?"
my friends/coworkers "hahahhahahahaha"
then she takes all the coinage from that set of guys and points to our group asking about posters
her: "Do you guys want win a poster?"
me" "Nah we're trying to keep it classy."
her: "What?"
me: "nothing ... "
her: "I heard that ..."
me: " I know you did. "
this is at the end of her skit so she walked off the stage in shame. i was expecting her to come slap me when she signed other guys posters but she never came near.

... strippers ... :rolleyes:

[DannyO]

^^^:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[rmk]

.

[QuasarCav]

Originally posted by yohan4ws
so uhh .. i'm in training with this other company im going to be working with part time .. we do financial services for families, help them restructure mortgages and show them how to pay it off in half the time, really amazing stuff .. i like it ... anyhoo

it was my trainers birthday last night, after our open house us all in suits, we goto the peelers. of course i was heckling the strippers telling them i wanted to see their feet just to see em struggle removing the steeletto's .. (sp?)

I started hitting on our waitress immediately,
She asked if we're care salesmen .. I declined but offered I could take her for a test drive anyways. I introduced myself and ordered a drink then:

me: "I look forward to seeing more of you later"
her: "tee hee, thanks"
me: "No, I'm looking forward to seeing MORE of you .. later."

When I started a tab she asked for my credit card, she brought it back to me and I ran my hand all down her arm before taking it .. she didnt seem to like me.. I dont know why. :dunno:

So 2nd stripper comes out, we werent digging her her ass was celluliteish .. I shouted to my group "Who likes cottage cheese?"

Then she takes off her top and her fake jubblies pop out ..

me shouting to her: "SILICONE!!!!"
she turns and looks at our group and shrugs mouths "wtf ?!?" her expression was great.

We all laugh.

then shes doin the poster thing on her knees, guys tossin loonies @ her ..

I shouted out "SPREAD EAGLE!!"
her: "Im trying to keep it classy"
me: "Well thats fuckin ironic aint it?"
my friends/coworkers "hahahhahahahaha"
then she takes all the coinage from that set of guys and points to our group asking about posters
her: "Do you guys want win a poster?"
me" "Nah we're trying to keep it classy."
her: "What?"
me: "nothing ... "
her: "I heard that ..."
me: " I know you did. "
this is at the end of her skit so she walked off the stage in shame. i was expecting her to come slap me when she signed other guys posters but she never came near.

... strippers ... :rolleyes:




:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

Thats awesome man, keep up the good work.

[yohan4ws]

One stripper had on some ugly fuzzy hat, I asked repeatedly for it but was declined each time .. b!tch. Another one dressed as an angel, I shouted to her I dont think she's real and want her to flap her wings to prove it.. Of course she didn't .. then she took them off so I shouted "HA! told you she's not a real angel" .. Nother stripper, asked her repeatedly to take off her boots so I could see her feet. Not that I have a foot fetish but thought it would be funny to see all the effort going into taking off her boots.

I was feelin pretty cheeky last night .. obviously.

Last stripper, she was hot .. I shouted that I loved her, she invited me to gynochologist row, I enthusiastically jumped right up there and proceeded to tell her how we can make a compromise :

me " I have a proposition, I will make all of your dreams come true, and you .. you can make all of mine come true "
her: "hehe, yea and what makes you think you can make all my dreams come true?"
me: (remembering my trianing to always answer questions with a question) "Why don't you know that I can make them all come true ?"
her: "hahaha"

I also offered to trade panties with her because I liked hers better (not that I was wearing panties) she asked what I was wearing, of course I said a thong .. seeing that I was serious she quickly went to the other side of the stage. She was there a while so I shouted "Hey!" she looked over, I did the reel and pretended to cast my fishing line over to her and reeled her back .. this girl is awesome on the poles!

Then I got to play the game, you throw dollar coins at them and try to put them in a poster funnel . if you do, you win the poster .. she changed the game up and stuck a loonie to the skin below her belly button and above her pubes .. I missed numerous times and didnt get to keep the poster .. however, she did ask for my tie and I gave it to her to wear, she also used my tie clip and pinched her nipple with it .. that was hot.

she kissed my tie and gave it back, i asked for a consolation prize she had none, i said well how about i give you one .. she didn't seem amused.

[DannyO]

^^^:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

Man you ever thought of going into showbiz..LOL

[cman]

Originally posted by yohan4ws
so uhh .. i'm in training with this other company im going to be working with part time .. we do financial services for families, help them restructure mortgages and show them how to pay it off in half the time, really amazing stuff .. i like it ... anyhoo

it was my trainers birthday last night, after our open house us all in suits, we goto the peelers. of course i was heckling the strippers telling them i wanted to see their feet just to see em struggle removing the steeletto's .. (sp?)

I started hitting on our waitress immediately,
She asked if we're care salesmen .. I declined but offered I could take her for a test drive anyways. I introduced myself and ordered a drink then:

me: "I look forward to seeing more of you later"
her: "tee hee, thanks"
me: "No, I'm looking forward to seeing MORE of you .. later."

When I started a tab she asked for my credit card, she brought it back to me and I ran my hand all down her arm before taking it .. she didnt seem to like me.. I dont know why. :dunno:

So 2nd stripper comes out, we werent digging her her ass was celluliteish .. I shouted to my group "Who likes cottage cheese?"

Then she takes off her top and her fake jubblies pop out ..

me shouting to her: "SILICONE!!!!"
she turns and looks at our group and shrugs mouths "wtf ?!?" her expression was great.

We all laugh.

then shes doin the poster thing on her knees, guys tossin loonies @ her ..

I shouted out "SPREAD EAGLE!!"
her: "Im trying to keep it classy"
me: "Well thats fuckin ironic aint it?"
my friends/coworkers "hahahhahahahaha"
then she takes all the coinage from that set of guys and points to our group asking about posters
her: "Do you guys want win a poster?"
me" "Nah we're trying to keep it classy."
her: "What?"
me: "nothing ... "
her: "I heard that ..."
me: " I know you did. "
this is at the end of her skit so she walked off the stage in shame. i was expecting her to come slap me when she signed other guys posters but she never came near.

... strippers ... :rolleyes:

HAHAHAHAHA:rofl: :rofl: good work

[Carfanman]

This is great man, keep it up.

[yohan4ws]

I work at a computer helpdesk .. very boring and unchallenging..

Remember the woman I (jokingly) confessed my love to ?

Last week my coworker and I jumped on her computer remotely and moved her start button to the top of the screen, changed her background to a screenshot with her start button at the bottom and set the real one atop to auto hide. Of course she calls us all trippin not knowing whats happening , we are laughing .. h0h0. Now when we remote somebodys machine and control it and bypass the permission prompt to allow us to connect, we can seriously loose our jobs (common sense right?) so we were pushing it ... She called us and we had one of our foreign guys answer the phone and help her out instead. Somehow she was able to understand and sort out her start menu ..

I emulated her computer later and put some garble in an e-mail she was typing, something about one of her friends having bad feet which we have joked about before. She called up in a hissy fit threatening to goto my management, we evaded her calls for a good half hour .. finally I caved in and apologized as she spouted on about confidentiality and having important stuff yadda yadda ... give me a break, go play a fucking violin. My co-worker was pissed she threatened us and we haven't really warmed up to her since.

Well we were chatting back and forth again today, I can't remember how the convo went ... something about her coming to this floor to visit myself and my co-worker .. we are all kinda e-mailing back and forth lately with similar antics .. Today she got razzed about the threats last week, we told her she wasn't as great as this other lady we e-mail with that brings us food (she brought lasagna one time, she 's our favorite) ... and then this:

We jibber jabber back and forth .. She came by to visit us and our boss was here so we didnt get to visit .. We invited her back, she claimed she was busy. I told her to quit bullshitting, get on all four's and come back....

Co-worker: "yea we'll give you kneepads"

Her: something about her being experienced and not needing kneepads

Me: "10 seconds on your knees while he finishes means you're still an amateur ... "

Her: "We're not talking about your reputation for premature ejac. "

Of course she's just trying to get under my skin, but I'm always looking to one up ppl when they burn me so I follow up with:
Me: "...but for you it'd probably take a looooooong time."

Co-worker: "fuck. LOL."

I haven't heard from her since ... guess she isn't coming to visit.

If you want more stories about this chick I can tell em .. it's very humorous the way my co-worker and I consistently make fun of her, yet she keeps coming back for more.

All in a days work.

[Kobe]

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[GQBalla]

AHAHAH your too funny

[Primer_Drift]

Ahahha nice comeback
Here is another fun one you might try..
Use the "at" command to remotely run internet explorer to pop up at innopertune times, with websites of questionable content...

The bonus of this is you can be in the vicinity when it happens (if you're away from your computer, you're innocent right?) :rofl:

[yohan4ws]

So this morning I wake up at my usual 7:40 after my alarm clock blares for a good ... 40 minutes .. I'm a heavy sleeper I've concluded ... I "try" to start to be at work for 8 o'clock but I always end up geting here at 8:30 - 8:45 ... its all good.

I'm in the kitchen after having my shower, nothing out of the ordinary like I usually do and proceed to pour myself a bowl of frosted flakes - actually today is special - I have banana's. I start chopping em up and putting em on my cereal, I turn around to grab the milk out of the fridge and I swear I saw something fall from the ceiling, something little. I look down, nothing, Look up .. Nothing :confused: .. so I pour my milk on and put it back in the fridge and then I hear this .. "put" .. im like wtf, I turn around again and what do I see ??? WHAT DO I SEE ??? ... :banghead:

My ceiling is leaking !!!! Above my kitchen is the bathroom. Now my house is sort of interesting this way... see, my ceiling in the kitchen is like a foot lower than the rest of the main floor, I don't understand this ... I grab my putty scraper and poke at the ceiling - solid... Theres clean water dripping through a tiny crack so it hasn't been there long, but where it is and my approximation isn't below a drain of any type. I don't have showeres that leak everywhere, so thats not it. I run upstairs and check, all seems good ..

So, fuckit ... I take a pot out of my sink and put it under the drip, it seems to be a slow drip but now I'm thinking ... what if the slow drip doesn't stop after 8hours? ... I'm at work right now ... (I got here at 8:40) ... This could be an intresting saga.

My plan of action for now, hope the pot holds .. the previous landlord of these places is still around ( I bought this so its going to cost me money one way or another). where its leaking through looks like a ghetto job of patching it from a former leak, so I need to find out wtf the problem was so I know what is causing this, and then figure if it was serviced by somebody who did a piss poor job so I can sue their ass to do it right this time around.

I'll have some pictures soon .. just cuz its more fun an animated to tell the tale with pictures ( I really liked picture books when I was a kid ). With any luck, my shit will flood and insurance will pay my way.

Knowing me .. I'll have home repair and renovation yohan style to entertain us all ...

sumofabish .. leaking ceiling .. god damn.:drama:

[2000_SI]

So.... do any of you people actually do WORK at work?

[Primer_Drift]

^^
I'm on here aren't I?:rofl:

[Hakkola]

Hahaha, awesome stories.

^ Today at work I watched some of the Mexico vs Japan soccer game, and then Brazil vs Greece, and surfed beyond, it was hard.

[yohan4ws]

Story with the bathroom leaking into the kitchen ... A friend of a friend replaced the seal in the toilet, that wasnt the problem. I think its the row of tiles underneath the soap dish, they're pretty loose ... gotta re-grout or caulk em ... so thats boring for now.


So this past Saturday I wake up and had somewhere to be. I woke up, showered, and proceeded to go downstairs and get some clean ginch .. I get off the last stair .. "squish squish squisH" .. awee fuck! my basement flooded. That was my Saturday .. now my house smells of mildew. fawk. Stay tuned for stories of renovating, tossing soggy carpet and underlay, trying to mooch $$ out of the disaster recovery program and insurance. woo.

Now then ... here's a couple yohanisms ...

Some time ago I went to this fire pit party in some chicks backyard. A friend of mine called up, also a girl, who was recently in Vegas.. wanting to drink I met her at my house and she drove me back to the partay and on the drive there she tells me she got a nipple piercing in vegas, and said she'd show me when we stopped and were out of the car.... so im scheming what I can do when her tit comes out .. this girl has a boyfriend and we've been friends for ages ... even slept together loooong ago - so no need to be shy ...

She stops the car and goes to walk to the house im like EH! show me ... She's like oh yea ... seriously, we're in the middle of the road and her other friend is there too ... she pulls her top down (low cut) lifts up her boob and plants her tit right out in front of me, all the while I move up right close and lightning fast as I can lean in and SLUURRRP ... licked her tit. Yup. No word of a lie, this I did. She was all choked that you're not supposed to get saliva on it for like 2 weeks at least or something while it heals .... meh ...

[yohan4ws]

Obviously today I was bored at work .. even though theres like 40 e-mails awaiting patiently for a reply from me ... and some dudes been holding for like 20minutes that just doesnt understand I dont want to talk to him .. People who call us up, they always say "Actually yes my .... yadda yadda ... my accounts locked out, my common sense is lost, my incompetence has lead me to call you .... "etc etc ... ask their name "actually yes my name is .. " ask their location "actually yes im loc" .. you get the idea, they always misuse the word actually ...

If you ever call a helpdesk, we have headsets .. the headset has a mute button, so if you hear a click then dead silence - Know this, YOU ARE BEING MOCKED! .. I hit the mute button and shout out to my co worker ACTUALLAAAYY! very often throughout the day. Every time I hear somebody say actaully, its a reflex to announce I've got another dummy on the line.

Today I asked a person if she was on the salt water project ... she says no .. im on the salt water project .. of course I immediately put her on mute and repeat this to my co worker, we laugh while she sits on hold in silence.

yes yes, this is my daily routine. True story: My co worker and I are going shopping in China Town tomorrow for a gong.


I was going somewhere with this post .. ahh yes ...

We get e-mails from Human Resources every time a person is hired, fired, or quits. There's a very high turn over and as a matter of fact, a good portion of those 40 e-mails waiting for a reply while I type this. I come up with this great idea. I copy one of the e-mails waiting in the inbox with subject Departure notice ... I fill it out with the proper employee ID etc etc of my friend (who works at our company) ... I send it to him and bcc my co worker and say uhh .. wtf .. I strategically place the departure date for the 23rd, his supervisors name of who he is under the "return keycards to" ...

This is great ...

About 10 minutes later my phone rings ... I don't answer ... voicemail light starts flashing ... another 30seconds .. phone rings again .. "H'lo? this is god speaking" (i always answer my personal line lik that .. sometimes I say "Afghan concentration camp, Osama Bin Ladin speaking" ... anyhoo

gulliblebuddy: "Dude, wtf is this e-mail you sent me?"
me: "Thats what I want to know, you quitting or what?"
gulliblebuddy: "shit no man, is this for real?"
me: i know he's panicking "What do you mean is it for real, I just got this e-mail and I dunno whats up, says you're gone in 2 days and keep confidential ?? ... shit man I could loose my job giving you this .. wtf is happening? did you fuck something up?"
gulliblebuddy: "Shit man fuck this im going to my managers office right now ... "
me: "uhh before you do that... check your spam .. "
... I type up an e-mail and insert this picture saying SUCKER for the subject ...

http://yohan.dhs.org/bbirdowned.jpg

All in a days work.

[Weapon_R]

:rofl: I love these stories.

[Hakkola]

hahaha, that last one was gold

[BerserkerCatSplat]

Hahaha, that was great. :rofl:

[Seanith]

Good Stuff!

[Idratherbsidewayz]

I don't even care if they're made up. You're a damn funny story teller...

[yohan4ws]

^ dude, all this shit is true.

Check this :

http://www.tuckermax.com/vegasstory.html

This guys my hero, he's 100000xx times funnier than me, I dont even compare myself to him. Tuckers soo funny.

This story comes at a great time because I'm going to Vegas first week in July, we've rented an Impala and 5 of us (6 including Doris) are going to have a rawkin wild time!

There will be many pics and I'm super rowdy with this group of people .. They are rowdy also, there's plans on going to the Chicken Barn. My one buddy is telling me "5bucks a day! save it now for the chicken barn" hhehehe.. gonna be great. :angel:

[yohan4ws]

and this, just cuz ..

http://yohan.dhs.org/beyond/tailgateparty.jpg

[BerserkerCatSplat]

^YES!!! Awesome pic :D

[88CRX]

Originally posted by yohan4ws
http://www.tuckermax.com/vegasstory.html[/url]

This guys my hero, he's 100000xx times funnier than me, I dont even compare myself to him. Tuckers soo funny.



"We fuck and fuck and pass out and the next morning, I am awakened to a scratching noise and a cat bawling incessantly. I look over the sofa and see why: The fucking cat box is CEMENT. Totally hardened over. Wow--that was quite the piss I took. I threw the remote at the cat and it screeched and ran off, and I rolled the girl over and fucked her again"

:rofl: :rofl:

oh shit thats awesome... :rofl:

[Kobe]

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

More storys man :rofl: :rofl:


I wanna work at the same place you work at... I think i would piss myself laughing every day lol

[yohan4ws]

Ok .. this is great! Just fantastic, no sarcasm .. this is fucking beautiful!

Ready for this ? ....

Management is well aware of my antics all above (how could they not be?) ....

I'M GETTING PROMOTED!!!!!!!!! hahaHAhaahahahahhahahaHAHAHAhahAhAHAHAHHAHAhaHaHaHa

They are hiring a new person that will be working along side myself and my co-worker ... We already created his account and put in the request to have all of his stuff created like firewall admin etc. I'll be training this guy .. so will my co worker ..

By training, we mean he'll be doing all our data entry while my co worker and I slack off, while we do this we will be preaching to him about good work ethic, when to come in and when to leave (longer than our shift) a quota of call tickets and to be on his best behavior. It will suck for him temporarily until he finds a mischevious way of getting back at us ..... I can't wait .. he's going to be our office bitch! We're very excited.

Oh yea, my promotion .. I now am going to be able to (if this new guy works out) deploy computers and get some more hands on. I'm moving from a Help Desk position to Deployment. Anybody who needs a new computer, will get to have my funky as dropping it off to them. This is exciting. My company doesn't know the power they just unleashed. BWAHHAHAAH.:angel:

[Phy]

Aww shit. Yohan's coming to YOUR house.:rofl:

[yohan4ws]

^ well .. anybody inside of our offices employed at my company. The CEO's are gonna hate me .. ROCK ON!

OH btw, they are giving out chocolate bars on Stephen Ave downtown between 1st and 2nd street SE ... or somewhere around there. They tell you one per person but my creativity prevails.

If you go in themiddle, take a chocolate bar, then walk straight and come back around on the right side... walk behind the booth to the left side, you can get 3 chocolate bars undetected. I've been there 3 times this week ... I have 10 chocolate bars I have eaten some .. oh yea forgot to mention, on my way to buy lunch and on my way back is when I grab them.. 6 per lunchhour ... chocolate makes me hyper. This is good.

[rmk]

^ they were giving cowboy hats away yesterday, eh? whats with all da free shiat??

[yohan4ws]

I didnt get a cowboy hat yesterday .. by the time we got there they were givin out stickers.. like ..yee fucking haw, a sticker? ... so I got chocolate bars instead.

[Khalil]

yohan4ws..

are you part of wfg?

[yohan4ws]

Because my name is yohan .. and my msn is [email protected] .. I often get foreing people adding me on MSN, they show up without warning and start speaking spanish .. .this totaly reminds me of Anchorman "I can't understand you, I dont speak spanish!"

Anyways ... this one has a webcam .. I get her to put it on ... and I proceed to www.freetranslation.com and start speaking spanish in her asking who she is, why she added me ... freetranslation does a great job at confusing her because it puts out wierd translations ... the ones i translated from her are like as is i ..

so anyways, conversation goes like that ... she doesnt say anything ,says something like are you johan did you get my email?

finally i got pissed, requested 2nd time to put on her webcam .. she did ... I say ::

I dont understand you im speaking spanish

she: "te estoy hablando en español" (I am speaking spanish)
me: Ninguna mierda que usted habla español, hablo inglés tan utilizo un sitio web a la traducción lo que usted dice. (No shit you speak spanish. I use a website to translate what you say)
her: quien eres??? (who are you)

This is after her webcam turns on::

me: ¿Dónde encontró usted mi correo electrónico? .. Y si usted no es atractivo, quizá su mamá es.. querría poner el pene en su asshole y soplar mi esperma en la oreja. (Awe Terrible! you are not even attractive, Maybe your mom is hot, I wold love to fuck her in the asshole and shoot my sperm in her ear)

I WISH i took a screenshot of the expression on her face, oh my fucking god i fell off my chair laughing so hard! She must be well behaved or something because she turned white and looked sick ... hilarious!

So she tells me to goto hell, I tell her im the devil and I own hell, she said I'm an idiot and im not the friend she thought I was not even 100% close (i told you, freetranslation sucks) .

eventually she says she thinks she has the wrong person, I told her: Jodiendo le dijo usted tuvo a la persona equivocada, usted me llama el idiota. usted es el idiota. yo le odio. va el juego con sus hermanos virgenes pluma pequeña de bic pene calibrado y se sienta en un zuchinni (I fucking told you you had the wrong person, you call me the idiot . you are the idiot. i hate you. go play with your virgin brothers small bic pen sized penis and sit on a zuchinni)

meh.. im going to BC. later!

[codo]

Originally posted by yohan4ws
Ok .. this is great! Just fantastic, no sarcasm .. this is fucking beautiful!

Ready for this ? ....

Management is well aware of my antics all above (how could they not be?) ....

I'M GETTING PROMOTED!!!!!!!!! hahaHAhaahahahahhahahaHAHAHAhahAhAHAHAHHAHAhaHaHaHa

They are hiring a new person that will be working along side myself and my co-worker ... We already created his account and put in the request to have all of his stuff created like firewall admin etc. I'll be training this guy .. so will my co worker ..

By training, we mean he'll be doing all our data entry while my co worker and I slack off, while we do this we will be preaching to him about good work ethic, when to come in and when to leave (longer than our shift) a quota of call tickets and to be on his best behavior. It will suck for him temporarily until he finds a mischevious way of getting back at us ..... I can't wait .. he's going to be our office bitch! We're very excited.

Oh yea, my promotion .. I now am going to be able to (if this new guy works out) deploy computers and get some more hands on. I'm moving from a Help Desk position to Deployment. Anybody who needs a new computer, will get to have my funky as dropping it off to them. This is exciting. My company doesn't know the power they just unleashed. BWAHHAHAAH.:angel:

I thought all your stories were funyn except this i hate lazy people cause they get easy jobs and hard workers get shitty jobs then when you get pissed off at the lazy bastards I get in trouble for instance, I had to work with this lazy fuck at the mill who was doing fuck all with clean-up so i got so pissed off i ended up takeing a board and hitting it across his back, and i get in trouble wtf?

[Phy]

Well, at least you didn't uppercut him.

[codo]

Originally posted by Phy
Well, at least you didn't uppercut him.

I guess i shouldn't get so mad but I have massive anger issues when it comes to useless people and lazy people. I think why do they even come to help out if they're not gonna do shit and watch me work so that's when i get angry.

[yohan4ws]

codo: don't get me wrong, I do a lot of pissing around at work . . but the real truth is that my co-worker is the type of person that you speak of. I Just can't bring myself to bust my ass, make the help desk look good and bring him along for a free ride at my sweat and effort. Which is why this promotion is good, I'll be occupied.. I'll still do my fair share of messing around but this is really exciting. I'm going to be in a more self managed position, the people I'm going to be working with are HARD workers, its a very busy position so I'm really pumped. There's a reason they chose me over my co worker ..

[codo]

^congrats, I think your stories are funny i just get worked up when i have to work with lazy people but anywho keep the stories coming i wont post anything more about me being an ass in this thread and so on.

[yohan4ws]

I'm so busy so no time to post lately .. going to vegas on Saturday the 2nd.

I have this thing lately where I'm hitting on most girls .. I'm actually nervous about going to Vegas because a friend of mine has this girlfriend and we flirt BIG TIME. It's totaly funny but I can be pretty outrageous when I'm drunk (yea thats right, I have yet to be drunk in any of these stories yet - and u think this is outrageous?) .. I'm already shaking my head about the antics I'm going to pull.

I leave Saturday morning, I can't remember where I have a car reserved.. I think its from Hertz downtown .. I should call and find out I think ....

I have the BIGGEST BEST plan for Doris, Everybody is going to love it!! I'm also thinking of keeping a journal from her point of view ... the 5 of us driving down will update it as we go. 18 hours in an Impala all the way to Vegas ... oh yea! I'm really psyched.


At work, we are totaly slammed.. but the girls, oh yea.. I got sidetracked with myself again.

I give the eyebrow raise and inquisitive look to them, sort of cock headed and this sheepish naughty grin on my face. They seem to like it. I like that they seem to like it. This makes work more fun. I also make kissy faces to them and lick my lips erotically. Most girls would throw their panties at me doing this if it weren't for the professional atmosphere.

I went to BC this past weekend, My Dad (who lives in edmonton) was renting my cousins cabin which is conveniently a few minutes down the road from my parents cabin. His girlfriend was there with him too, they are staying the week. When we got together Friday night we were down by the beach there, they dipped feet in the water and are like hmm feels a bit warm. I'm like yea swimming at night is the best, you 2 should go for a midnght dip .. its great cuz water temperatures like this makes your boobs nice and hard. Of course my Dad's GF is laughing her head off , my Dad shakes his head and goes to tell me im pushing it or something .. I'm like oh Dad, don't worry .. yours too. We had a good fun filled laughing visit. I love me pops .. his girlfriend is pretty cool too. My Dad's girlfriends Daughter (my parents are divorced obviously) is 18 and a hot model. I'd love to meet her, I will soon when I goto the fringe Aug 18 in Edmonton. Doris will sit that one out.

[yohan4ws]

So I made a comment about my Dad's GF's boobs.. exciting? no .. Exciting will be drinking with my dads gf's model daughter .. stay tuned for that ...

I got in shit Sunday morning from my mom. I wake up to this at 9am after going to bed at 5:30 ... :

me: zzzzzzzz
mom: Andrew, what were you guys doing at the fire last night?
me: huh? what are you talking about?
mom: there's ashes everywher! they are all over the benches, the fire pit the ground, they went sky high!
me: what are you talking about? what ashes?
mom: at the fire pit , there's beer cans scattered everywhere, the dog cut her paw on one and i want to know whats going on!
me: i have on idea
mom: weren't you at the fire last night?
me: yea i was, but i left and the guys may have gone back so I dont know whats up, there were beer cans in the fire but they were IN the fire.
mom: well the ashes were blown sky high, what were you guys doing?
me: are you being dramatic? and is anybody else all worried over this?
mom: no
me: ok I guess we should go walk over there then......

......

Let's backtrack to Saturday night. After spending the entire day with my dad, I come back to my parents cabin about midnight. Usually its a boozefest where all the adults ranging 50-60years old are partying like its 1969 it was quiet. I was really going to goto be then my mom tells me my cousin and some friends are coming out at approx. 2am they will arrive. I have a couple drinks with ppl over at my parents and they all want to goto bed, I go to my Aunts place and end up staying there until 2am ( I went to say im going to sleep, have my cousin wake me when he arrives) .. Well, before I said that what with visiting, they showed up. This is great.

We unload 4 or 5 flats of beer from their truck, couple guitars, hot dog stuff and setup their tents etc. Keep in mind they will be there for only this night, the next night, and driving back the next day. 30 beers per person, plus 2 26's vodka, and all the drugs they can smoke. (hash and weed, oh yea they have shrooms too) I dont do drugs, and neither should you .. so I didnt do any. :rolleyes:

We go up to start a fire, the last of the 69ers (partygoers) had gone to bed, they had a quite fire going on that was now nothing but ashes. We got some newspaper and started up a fire ... being the pyro I am after playing some guitar and finishing roasting hot dogs, I started stackign and stacking the fire log cabin style, I was content once the logs were stacked a couple feet high and the fire was blazing over our heads. I was warm so we were all sitting in t-shirts. It had rained earlier the day so this was very comforting. They were passing around a couple J's and a pipe with hash and we were playing guitar as the night went by, all of us drinking. These guys were getting pretty hammered, I was being conservative knowing I got to drive back to Calgary the next day... earlier in the day I had a bbq to goto and was expecting to bring a cute chickie ... she was sick, i was sad.. anyways...

We got this huge fire going, its all good, its so hot when we toss our empties in there, they melt almost instantly, its cool. The sun starts to come up and its 4:30 ... we let the fire die down and decide we're going to walk down to the beach since none of my cousins friends have been there ... the fire is down to ambers now so one guy decides to piss on the fire, i walk up to my cousin who also decides he wants to piss on it, he hands me his beer and one drops on the ground ... it catches a rock and starts spurting ... shite .. oh well, i take the beer and throw it in the fire knowing its going to spray the coals and help die the fire down while we are at the beach. It really stinks since they are pissing and smoke is PLUMING EVERYWHERE that reaks of outhouse .. so we go down to the beach, its all fun, then we goto bed ..... thats when I woke up to my mom ...

...........

9:30 ...

I go to the fire pit and see these beer cans half burnt kinda scattered randomly, I start laughing my head off .. get this .. its horrible!

those Ashes my mom was talking about, are hot AMBERS the big fuckers that shoot at you when the fire pops ... they're seriously rocketed like 10 feet away from the fire into the grass in this straight line like something exploded. They're all over the bench, all over the grund by the fire pit and more humerously all shot directly towards where * I WAS SITTING *. My moms like wtf ?

Remember that beer can at 4:30AM i tossed in there that was spurting beer? It EXPLODED... It was ripped open in sharp shards and I found the top of the beer can way up on the hill. The other empties charred and half burnt were at random locations around the fire .. Luckily it had been raining so the ground was wet and nothing caught fire but I damn near burnt down my parents cabin site!! That would have been horrible. I really wish I had a pic to tell this story but its going to be a great story for the parents to tell up there .... hehe .. oops ? ..

oh well ... all in a day of another yohanism.

[yohan4ws]

I don't know where to start on Vegas.

Everything from making every semi truck driver honk, flashing Dori's tits at families cars as we passed them on the highway, buying the biggest firework we could find in montana, buying alcohol for minors, fucking a chicken mascot, throwing one of our directors in the pool lounge chair and all, hitting on and making out with various girls in the same night, .... geeze.

[Rockski]

WICKED

[yohan4ws]

Woke up in the AM after drinking beer and playing xbox on the big screen, planning to leave at 10:30 we stay up until 3 .. rock on. I go runnin down the stairs at 9am - rental car is reserved to pickup at 10am - start shouting and screaming point blank in my friend Ryan's face WAKE UP WE'RE GOING TO VEGAS! WOOO! I run downstairs and wake up Stephanie and Derek (they're a couple) and scream at em to wake up, then I threw on Viva Las Vegas as loud as possible danced around the house with doris and said "Ok! I'm going to pack now" - thats right, I hadn't packed.

All pumped up, we got all our music organized to bring .. Then - to the rental shop! At first it was supposed to be an Impala, they offered a Tauraus, I said fux that.

We end up getting a Ford Escape, I invited Hertz till girl to vegas, she declined and said she had to work .. im like pfft, come to vegas i'll work for you. she laughed handed the keys and said have fun. This thing has 1200km when we drop it off, now it has 5500km :thumbsup:

We get to Lethbridge, there's some lady beside us at a set of lights, not pretty but old n busted. I gave her kissy faces and winked at her, she want beat red and turned to her (husband?) we pulled from the light and hit the highway, they never caught up to us though I tried slowing down to 80 in 110zone .. guess we scared her.

We inflated Doris, got our passports ready and hit the us/customs border. The guy let us through no problem, and asked if Doris had ID. I said sure, it son her forehead. He laughed and said have fun. Doris and I later agreed he was secretly crushing on her.

-- Biggest firework in Montana in my next post..

[yohan4ws]

------- break from Vegas stories ------

A friend ofmine and I were at the bar on Saturday night (Tantra), that place sucked after coming back from Vegas. I mostly blame it on Stampede and everybody spending money on carnival games instead. Or being at some honkeyass country bar ... I'm so sick of country music.

Anyways, we leave the bar after an obviously uneventful night.. though had I danced with that one cougar I'm sure that hilarity would ensue ..

We pull up beside this mini-van with 2 women (Moms perhaps?) anyways, they weren't hot or anything.. looked like they had changed many diapers, cooked many meals, done many loads of laundry, and even more of dishes.

Being me, I put on my biggest suave grin :bigpimp: and gave them both the eyes. The one in pass. seat started laughing, I tell my buddy to do the same. Of course they look away, blushing and uncertain what we were up to. They continue to look at us, both beaming smiling (Hey, older women need ego boosts too). So to step it up a notch, I do the ol' kiss lips to em and wink. They look away, giggling, so I bring out the 2 fingers with the tongue between ... this put them into fits of hysteria, then they tried to race me, I thought this was cute and pulled the "look and drive" that I learned out of 2F2F. Then there was another car in their lane so I just peeled out.. Soccer moms.. Love em.

-------- back to Vegas stories ---------

After having driven for 6 or 7 hours we got to this place in Montana .. I can't recall the place, but what attracted us was the fact there was a big sign that said "Gentlemens Club, Exit 282". I'm like ohboy! What's that doris? STrippers you say?? OK!

Sorry to let you down we didnt find strippers... However, we did find:

After getting gas and asking where the closest strip club is, we were directed down this road by the gas station attendant. We found this total hole in the ground "saloon" that we thought was to be the strippers. It wasn't. Just VLT's, maybe a pool table and a really nasty stench of smoke. Ironically the sign out front said "Welcome Canadians". Good god .. no thanks.

We were pouting and left, and on the way back to the highway we passed this white building with open awnings ... FIREWORKS

WOOHAA! We pulled up and got out and approached the booth, I asked the guy there (who was very beefy and trailer trash looking) what the single most biggest and best firework they had. Remembering a Malcolm in the Middle episode I asked if they had anything spectacular under the counter... they declined.

We bought the Electric Sky. This big block of wood with 10 towers standing on top suggested to be like "Canada Day Fireworks" .. Ironic an american tells us what Canada day fireworks when July 4th was the next night .... We bought it, and then asked about the strippers.

Beefy piped up with a great story that had us all laughing: "Well, the strippers here... some are ok, but most I wouldn't touch. There this one club, and the owner of the bar makes the STRIPPERS pay HIM so they can work there."

... wtf, you PAY to work in somebody else bar ?? .. HAHAHAHAHAH thats hurtin when you gotta pay to strip in a club and hope you get tips.

He also tell us about this other strip club in the area, it has a bathroom right in the middle of the bar and the walls are waist high. Not only that, its unisex. So, basically a flushing port-o-potty in the middle of the bar that guy or girl gets only waist high privacy. Stand beside it, and you get a full view. I guess on the bright side you dont miss the show but theres apparently no sink. The bar staff uses this as well, you know those limes and lemons they twist in your drink? ... Ain't clean hands twisting them limes.

It was funny seeing this big huge guy talking about germs in a strip club.

So we had a good laugh, and then snapped a shot with Doris and the gang:

http://yohan.dhs.org/vegas/thefirework.jpg

Next up: Gas station we bought beer & Sparky's garage. and the firework .. we lit it up.

[yohan4ws]

Holy crap! One of my managers is going to take Doris house boating with this year and she's getting a new bikini!! Woohoo! Doris is very excited. I'll have pictures soon.

I saw Dar Macbool in the +15 today.. (The A-Channel weather Nazi). I didnt know what to do, so he was walking behind me .. I get these nasty farts sometimes, people at my old position would wave news papers to rid the heavy stench sometimes.. I had gas again today so I let one crank. I had a hard time figuring how I was going to see if he noticed what with him being behind me while I left my trail ... Luckily I was able to look back as I turnd off to my elevator. I took a glance back, he was shaking his head in a twitchy way, crinkled nose and looked pretty disugsted.

Me 1, Dar 0.

--------------------------

So we got a firework and drive til we need gas again. It's getting to sundown now so we pull into this gas station to clean our windows. We're still in montana, south end. We noticed that Beer is extremely cheap now. I mean, Extremely cheap. An 18 Case of coors, which we bought, was a wopping $8.99 US!

I give my big huge suave smile to the lady at the clerk, she was large and seemed a bit shy but warmed right up to me. I asked her what the laws in are in Montana regarding drinking in a vehicle if you weren't driving, supposedly they just passed a law about drinking in public but drinking in a car if not driving, still cool. Excellent!! We're very fond of this state. Fireworks AND Beer!

(By the way, I'm writing this as a strobe light flashes below a little sign that says "Fire" .. there's a siren going on, supposedly theres a problem on the 35th floor elevator shaft ... The siren is really loud so I put napkins in my ears. I could prolly pickup many ladies right now if they saw me .. and I was able to hear them. This strobe light makes me want to have a seizure.)

We also asked if she knew laws regarding fireworks, she didnt. Oh well. She did tell us to be careful on our journey. Cynics.

Before we left we asked for a place to get some good food, she recomended Sparky's Garage (http://yohan.dhs.org/vegas/DSCN5043.JPG) A little restaurant that servied us some pretty good pulled pork on a bun, with beans. Right on!

I wanted water with my meal, our waittress brought everybody else' drink but mine.

me: "Hey where's my drink?"
her: (in fun sarcasm) "you don't get one."
me: "that's what I thought about your tip.."
my table: "Bwahahahahahahahah"
her: "yikes that was harsh"
It was all in good fun. She was kinda cute, though looked to be about 17. I tried making eye contact so I could hit on her but failed since she was busy and played a bit of an evasion to our table. Meh.

In the parking lot one guy dressed up as a cowboy-sure shit spurs on his boots and all-noticed Doris.

cowboy: "I like your girlfriend there"
me: "Oh yea that's Doris, she told me she has a crush on you, a bit of a thing for cowboys she mentioned"
cowboy: "hahaha . Oh that's great, I bet she talks a lot less than this one which is a good thing" and he points at HIS WIFE!
me: <chuckling> "Yeah but at least when I get the silent treatment its expected, I'm sure you'll have a gread ride home"

That was hilarious, I think they were still fighting as we pulled out of the parking lot and into the sunset.

Well, seeing as its my buddies birthday (Ryan, the skinny guy in the orange trucker hat) only one thing left to do. We drink! (http://yohan.dhs.org/vegas/DSCN5044.JPG)

[yohan4ws]

I'm home now, Our building was actually evacuated at the end of the day... Guess it was for real ? .. meh.

So, Onward with our road trip!

We pulled into some town a while later .. I had an alright buzz going on, I dont know why we pulled into this town as obviously I wasn't driving. (I already put in my 7 hours). I remember getting out of the SUV, and going to walk into the gas station, I may have had to pee .. Derek tells me some chick said I was hot, I look over and theres this skinny brunette sitting passenger side in a truck. Derek goes "did you just say my friend was hot?" She nodded yes .. I'm ready for game on.

me: "Was that true?"
she nods
me: "Well hello then how are you doing?"
.. I walk up to the car and the closer I get the less the picture seems adequate. Not only did she get skinner and skinner as I approached but she was also smoking and some other kid was in the truck, he looked like he was 12 ... I looked at her again and blinked in disbelief ..
.. at this point in time I'm right at the empty driver seat of the truck arms resting on the open windowed ledge .

me: "uhh .. How old are you?"
her: " Fifteen."
me: "Good god .. I'm 25, thanks for the complement .. I'm gonna go before the cops get here."

As I turned around my friends were laughing pretty heartily. Damnit! Should've asked her where I could find strippers.

But at about 1:30 AM I was gettin pretty happy and it was firework time, we stopped on the highway in the middle of who the fuck knows where, bigass firework in tow, I grabbed the camera and the firework, we set it on the side of the road, pitch black no street lights in sight, no vehicles for a looooooong while ... light her up ... and wow! that was a wicked firework (http://yohan.dhs.org/vegas/DSCN5049.JPG) show for the 12bux each we paid .. they all fired off pretty quick, I'd have enjoyed more time to actually watch em and appreciate it but it was still good.

So as we drive on, I think we needed gas again ... now , strange that 3 times now we needed gas, or is it 4 ? or maybe we stopped at one place to ask where they sold food .. I dunno ... We stop at this one place, Derek was in the bathroom forever. Steph was outside the gas station and I went in, was gonna buy some beef jerky but the shit was the nastiest ever.

There was some big tour bus with a bunch of ppl on it, some dude in Army gear and a couple other folk outside the front doors. I was standing there and had to fart. So I figured I'd let a little squeak out to ease the pressure ... well damned if my asshole didn't want to explode right there and let out one of the nicest smoothest deep rumbling LOUDEST rippers evar. Yes, it was just a squeak ... Steph starts laughing her head off, the other people turn heads so I said fuck it.. I let it CRANK ... and started walking shaking my head ... what else can you do but just enjoy it and let it rip hard for a few steps .. all the ppl out front are laughing except for one lady who (you guessed it) was large and she's like "Did I miss something?" ..

I walked to the SUV and started drinking beer beside the pump. I asked some guys there if they knew where strippers were .. they did not .. but what they did ask is if we can buy them beer, the pair of em were 19 years old. So hell yea, we went to buy them beer. But this place, doesn't sell beer after 1pm .. so we drove to another town after Derek got out of the shitter bought them beer and Ryan and I proceeded to get hammered in the back seat. But not before we got a pic of Doris and those 2 kids. (http://yohan.dhs.org/vegas/DSCN5050.JPG)


Onward we drive, Ryan and I getting right pissed in the back seat, Ryan was sooo hammered, honestly I had a hard time keeping up ... and we totaly pulled girl bladder .. "Yeah dunno, probably in about 20mins we should have a pit stop ... " .. Ryan agrees..

5 Minutes later..... (http://yohan.dhs.org/vegas/DSCN5052.JPG)

This proceeded probably every 10-15minutes .. Theres a pic I need to scan where I'm drinking a beer and pissing at the same time .. It was a great road trip there.

Derek's turn ended at about 4AM .. I woke up after passing out on Doris's tits for a couple-3hours to Derek turning into a gas station to sleep. I got out of the SUV with Steph and went inside, decided I was sober, bought a coffee and then I tookover driving us right into Vegas.

During the final stretch, Ryan and Derek slept in the back, unfortunately the picture of them spooning (both sound asleep) didn't turn out but it was oh so cute. Ryan leaned his head on Derek's shoulder, Derek had this childish sweet smile and leaned into Ryan. It must have been a blissful moment until Steph and I's laughter woke up Derek who was asking "What the fuck?!"

We arrived, Sober, Unscathed, Tired, Sweaty and greasy but safely in Las Vegas, Nevada 22hours after departure at 9AM.

This is where the craziness begins.

[BerserkerCatSplat]

Whoo, now the Vegas stories can begin! :D

[yohan4ws]

2400 hits on this thread? That's hilarious.

I still haven't had time to do the Vegas stories .. actually I typed out about the first night where I was dancing with an old lady sporting a mullet (yes theres pictures) but somethin fuked up and I lost the whole thing in a forward back surfing accident ...

I was very angry. I also erased the story how I farted in front of Dar Mcbool (A channel weather nazi) in my +15.

Right now its 1am and I just built a computer for none other than Shoaib of JDMSource .. I'm filling it with kiddie pr0n for him right now .. I think his GF likes that kinda thing so it'll be good for his pre-marital sex life.

Anyhoo .. I do have time to update how my new position is going with my work ... as you know, I somehow got promoted... actually, I call it a promotion because I no longer sit in one place do paper work and let people with english as a 52nd language call me wondering how to raise their monitor and admit that their network cable is plugged in (when its dangling on their desk) and they can't get the network drives .... uhm yeah ..

So I have 2 people who work below me. Brian and Will. They are both summer students - though Brian's summer has lasted like 8 months ... I think he skipped a semester to keep working he's also married and has a good sense of humor.

Brian says to me one day when working in the other buildings, this girl he and I are always checking out (whose unfortunately married) was wearing a short short skirt. He admitted me "Oh man, you should see her! Shorter than the other day.. I cant work! Is so distracting I can't work!!"

Today at work I sent the Brian to the 15th floor to drop off a computer ... I had heard earlier they were in a bit of a tizzy about a toner that had "exploded" ... I forewarned him of this and said if they try to give him a hard time, to just say "i dont speak english" and all will be fine .. cuz most of them don't either...

He's actually Korean and I've had many a joke thrown his way about oh well , if anything Brian will deep fry it and eat it ...

Both of these guys are super awesome, this is why.

Take yesterday for example .. .I woke up pretty late .. This has happened once before ... I am supposed to be at work between 8 and 8:30 now. I try to get Brian and Will out of there at about 3:30 when really, we should all be there til 5 (I usually end up staying til 5 anyways cuz ... it just happens .. )

I woke up at 8:15 .. wicked! i showered, and because the way the bus runs the last every 10minute bus leaves at 8:17. No shit I missed it. You know that guy in business attire you see running to the bus? Oh yea thats me. The bus driver has called me "track star" on occasion - I shit you not I can spring the 3 blocks to the bus with a backpack wearing dress shoes in a minute tops. I credit this speed to chasing the ice cream man as a young boy.

Anyways, with my new position I have been given a Cell phone ... This is the saviour of my career .. I turn it on when I wake up at home (when I'm expected to be at work) ..

"Hey Andrew, its Will" ..
'Oh hey will, what are you guys working on right now?"
Will: "we've got a couple deployments we're doing and then we have ........"
me: "Ok good stuff, I'm just between buildings here .. let me get back to you when im there and we'll see what else there is to do"

I think the cell phone gimic is great ... I goto work late, nobody knows because I'm in contact handing down work and things are still getting done. I must have good organizational , planning, and people managing skills.

Quite honestly, it takes a frik of a lot of effort to organize the shit show at my work ... People request computers all the time, at such a fast rate that we are virtually out of stock .. with an expected 200 more employees to be hired by the end of September. We have double digits of computers that need to be deployed tomorrow, but they can't be until moves are completed and people are out of the destination locations .. make sense? ... No?

How about this , you want a new computer moved into a cubicle .. but its occupied by somebody else ... so your shit just sits on a shelf waiting for that bastard to get the fuck out of your new location. Well, multiply that by about 50 and thats my work day.

Today after being out at the bar until 2am .. my roommate coming home with the bartender (Who I previously met Saturday when I woke up to my roommates having a house party after failing an exam mid afternoon) ... that was at about 3 something .. so up I stay until 4:30 .. rawk! .. I work at 8? No problem ..

I woke up at 9:22 ... oh yeah .. im like hmm, how do i pull this off .. turn on the cell phone .. no missed calls or voicemails, great .. .. "ring ring" .. Hey will, what are you guy sdoing right now

Will: "Oh brian and I have these laptops we're putting out, we finally have locations available" ..
Me: "Oh excellent. what about after that?"
Will: "Nothing, everything else is caught up"
Me: "Ok great let me rifle you a couple e-mails with things that need to be done, I'm just between buildings and i'll meetup w/ you soon .. "

I sent some e-mails from home, ate some frosted flakes waiting the additional 29minutes for the bus .. got to work about 10:15 and nobody was the wiser .... Except:

Brian and Will ... see, I tell them stories of my drunken tales as of late ... such as my 4 day bender at windemere lake the long weekend .. and the girl who told me I apparently snore when im passed out drunk (loudly I might add) and that my pillow needs a wash because her make up shed sometime throughout the night .. So today when I get to work they're like .. "So? Get drunk again last night?? "

These guys rule, they have wicked ambition, never hesitate to get the job done, we joke around and have a lot of fun, I take care of all the administrative BS so I can hand off chronological work ... we are a wicked team and are deploying machines sometimes a week before they're due.

I'm loving my job and my new sleeping schedule.


---------
Oh yeah .. couple thursdays ago i went to a bar where my cousin works with my previous co-worker from the Service Desk .. we were greeted with the $2.50 any beer family special .. awesome. We got thrashed ... of course i'm wanting to hit on my cousins co workers, which I did of course.. with no success .. but one older lady was at the bar ... She could be considered cougar status, but looked very arrogant . She showed my cousin and I her new summer dress for some function i pretended to care for .. i started chatting her and she said something along the lines of

" I want to talk to your friend, he seems smarter" .. im like , pfft ... thinking I know he'll shut her ass down ..

I guess she's a regular, as my cousin told me later .. but not until we had a 2nd conversation that ended in some other lady talking to her I assume she knew and over heard something along the lines of "mommy's calling" ... I was like mommy's calling eh? ... fuck you."

and turned my back and cold shoulder her. she was still being chatted to by my cousin and friend but I made it quite obvious I hated her guts.

It gave me delight to hear that she called me an asshole behind my back. Further, she even took the effort to talk about what an asshole I am to my cousin .. this pumps my ego.

On the way out to the next bar, she want to wave bye to me I guess to be polite and keep the peace ... I said yea, gotta run .. Mommy's calling.

[yohan4ws]

Stories from camping??

Ok, you got it ... but briefly .. because really, you just had to be there ... fuck .. you HAD to be there, fuck you for not going.

Met at the location about 7:45 ... left the city about 8:30ish .. We got there... FAST .. it was hilarious ... our 2-way radio's didnt work so much.

I asked Josh's girl for a menage trois .. she didnt know what this is .. I'm like oh boy .. Asked her for a rottiseree too .. she didnt get the joke ... I hope Josh explained later - but I didn't get to enlighten her and give her the spin.

I was goin pretty quick with Ben hot on my heels .. I saw this blurry thing go flying by right on the edge when I was hugging the corner in a turn .. "Was that a deer I thought to myself?" - keep in mind it was pitch black outside except for the half moon and my headlights ... It wasn't until we got to Radium that Ben's like "you almost hit a deer eh?" .. Im like oh, wondered if that was a deer.

We roll into the campground at 11:30 ..I goto the office to check in .. immediately theres a wierd vibe, i blame it on val who ghetto style was in behind the ofice parking behind a boat shed ... he asked how many, I said 4 vehicles 7 people ... he's like "all young guys?" I say "No, theres some girls its my fiance and my cousins... a bit of a family reuinion .. "

Finally he said if I can't find your reservation you have to come back tomorrow and some slur about how young people are trouble ... excuse me ?? Am I the kind of person who looks like I'd cause trouble?? .. geezuz. He lets us to our site after finding the reservation and says 'Oh you're back int he valley, yeah we'll let you be up there you wont bother anyone".

Great, this is a bad sign .. these people are EXTREMELY anal, they hate people who party ... its really really strict .. as I find out later, no fireworks at all, no music or noise after 11pm, no wandering around, no crossing the barb wire fence into the reserve land ... uh .. right .. we'll do that.

We get there and theres older ppl accross from our sites, they have music going and some are up all drinking having a good time .. and a fire .. I see this and say, when our tents are up we join them, they have a fire already.

Kim & Cindy, older couple in their late 40's .. they are HILARIOUS .. I dont remembr much what we talked about but it was funny. These people ruled. I drank with Kim til 3:30 when he finally went to bed.. having downed many beer in 3hours, I was very sad to be all alone, because THE OTHER BEYOND LIGHTWEIGHTS ALL WENT TO BED BEFORE 2AM!. I went to bed. It was cold. But Leah and I helped to keep eachother warm. She asked the next day how her bra became undone ... . I think she was flirting because I can't undo a bra even when sober. :angel:

I remember getting up to goto the bathroom shortly after and stumbling like crazy .. I felt totaly pissed drunk hammered more so than when I went to bed ...

That was day1.

The good fun starts on Day2.

[Rockski]

CLAM IN THE HEAD MOTHER FUCKER

(duct tape will fix everything)



had to post it

[yohan4ws]

The sleep was great. I had my airbed going on in my tent that I brought .. Nobody pitches a tent like me .. err ..

We woke up and I fed some sausage to Leah .. 'Oh andrew, thats' the best sausage ever. wow, its so good' yea thats right. My sausage is the best.

It was a bright sunny day, great temperature. We had our music going and admired Ben's skills at cooking chicken on an open fire with a coat hanger ... I was waiting for him to eat it more than anything since it was cooking over pressure treated lumber. "Yup its great, tastes just like my balcony back home" .. Only Ben can make Chicken not taste like chicken.

We played some football and dodged our neighbors football, frizbee, aerobie, and baseball lookin thing with a long tail ... Everybody was impressed with Leah's perfect spiral football throws .. I'll shamefully admit I almost asked her for tips.

So, then one of the natives drive by, the oldes guy Richard .. he's an asshole looking at us all .. He stares at me as I'm sitting in my lawn char (which is equipped with a cooler in one armrest drink holder in the other YA BABY! When I sit down - I stay down.) .. anyhoo, we hadn't paid for our site just then .. He explains that he needs the names of us all, vehicle type and license plates..

Ok sure no problem. Again, these people are pricks. 0 tolerence, they already hate us because we have no children, lots of alcohol, and we're all under 40.

So the names ... Ben Steiner , Leah Bathgater, Jamie and Josh something I cant remember .. , Jeff and Val Bouthier .. all creatively fake ..

..... to be cont'd .. wing time @ the beagle to laugh it up some more ....

[illeagle]

dammit.. i should have gone..... why diden't i go again?? oh yah, i remember why...;) :D

[Rockski]

Originally posted by yohan4ws

So the names ... Ben Steiner , Leah Bathgater, Jamie and Josh something I cant remember .. , Jeff and Val Bouthier .. all creatively fake ..


haha i belive it was patrawski

[yohan4ws]

Just got back from the bar ..

This girl Rene, also from sask we know works at the pub across the street from my house. Myself, Trevor and Jason (my roommates), Dave another couple saskies were all there. Rene is fun as hell to hit on since she waitresses there. Us guys were all rowdy. When I ordered a beer, I asked for a nipple to be put on it .. this lead to Rene saying "I'll show you my tits if you stay for one more" when I wanted to leave after 2 beers ( I have to work in the AM .. shit like this makes me late as you read above) its 11:41 when I started reading these .. I anticipate the gang is coming to my house at 3 when the bar closes. She didn't keep her end of the agreement, while drinking my beer I chanted a few times for her to show me her boots, no dilly though. That's ok, I did exclaim to her "No worries, I'll see em later anyways."

She introduced us to her friend, Sheena, who showed up I think alone, She's easy on the eyes, naturally our table is like HEellooooo! Mark pulls up a chair, "Hey, have a seat with us." I give him a funny look and pull my chair out a bit and look at her "Sheena, I've reserved the best seat in the house for you." I rubbed my leg, gave a glance down so she'd notice then gave her the smile. She sat with some other people. I blame my friends for having poor drunken game.

I told Rene as she walked away from our table one time "Oh Rene baby, I hate to see you leave, but girl I love watching you go.. walk slower .. swaaaay more .. oh yea that's it" Jason called out to her "Hey Bar Wench" when she was a long time refilling his empty. I said "Don't worry Rene, we don't come here for the service"

On the way out I said, "Rene, I'm leaving now. I know you need it I know you want it, I'll see you at 3."
-------------------------------

Back to camping. Remember, I was drunk for a GREAT majority of it.

-- One thing I forgot to mention about the night before, we have this HUGE ditch (more foreshadowing) .. I had to go take a piss, I walked into the brush in pitch dark a bit before this barb wired fence and next thing I knew, WOMP! I totally bit it, theres this huge ditch that was dug out.. I don't know why but I landed in the bottom and immediately started laughing. Kim had a good hearty laugh at my expense. The next morning I was reminded by this misfortune by all the burs and cotton tuft thing son my hoodie.

Back to the morning.. I'm the kinda guy that throws on shorts, no shirt and flip flops and im good all weekend long... I come outta the tent in the AM and Val gives me oneheckofa look up and down ... I felt like a piece of meat .. sometimes it is hard being this hot.

Because of this, Dave nicknamed me the hulk - supposedly I'm huge .. you'll see the pics, just wait. I'm enormous. So's my sausage... So kids, Train hard, Say your prayers and eat your vegetables. I AM A REAL AMERICAN!...

We were playing football on the beach, I'm aerodynamic (see here) ( http://www.virgeweb.com/Ben/BeyondCamping/081205/camp08.jpg). If you look closely at that picture you can see how hung I am, even in cold water.

Leah and I were nominated that we should play for the Rider's because we'd do better. I think I'll stick to drinking beer and writing antics on beyond. - I'm not a riders fan .... YEAH THATS RIGHT SASK I'm not a riders fan! Suck my Sausage!

After some fun and hackey sack on the beach in bare feet, our sunburns were starting to itch and our hunger grew. But not before I noticed some fairly young girls walking on the beach. One of them was in a bikini and of course, I made some comments about how great it is that younger girls are maturing so gracefully. The following few phrases resulted in great laughter and then I had a quest for the weekend, fortunately this was fulfilled (more foreshadowing).

In our swimming we discovered the bottom of the lack in the swimming area was covered in clams. This brought up another mission we were to partake in, we were going to go clamming. I threw out some comment about Jamie already having a clam. Secretly, I think she was crushing on me. Josh was jealous, but don't tell him I'm onto him.

We made our way back to camp and cooked up some food. Ben and Leah tookoff to town, Jeff and Val Bouthier retired to their tent for quite a while. I was quite happy to express how they like to fuck ¡K over and over and over again .. in fact, I made up a song about it "Jeff and Val .. They like to fuck" that was my only lyrics .. I'm very creative. . (really they were just sleeping and talking but I like to pretend)

Or neighbors were back also to light off some fireworks that they had to share. Jamie and Josh went into town earlier and bought a whole series of fireworks too, the Razzle Dazzle was a large triangular fun looking piece of artillery .. even with the duct tape all over after it had an accident we were all still very enthralled of the mysteries of sparking flaming wonderness that were to come. Not to mention the planned roman candle fight and the many roman candles he picked up (thanks for that btw!) Even though it was only like 6pm our neighbors figured it was a good idea to test out a screacher and a fountain cone. Good for them for leaving it in the middle of the road. The natives came back and guess what? We got shit for our neighbor¡¦s fireworks.

Injin "Whose firework is this?"
Me: "Not ours"
Injin: "somebody knows whose these are, do you have any fireworks?"
-- Ok wait a second, why the fuck was I the delegate always having to smooth talk these assholes? fuck.
Me: "Nope, we have none."
Injin: -- glares at us solid for a bit "Ok fine , I'll go ask them .. "

I followed him over there and watched the confession come from the other guy. This is when I learnt there's a no firework policy. After he left I derived a plan about walking down a beach before curfew so we can set them off and hopefully not get busted. This would include going across the barb wire fence on the beach and trespassing onto the Indian land a long ways off. Oh well, fuckit. Plan was made.

Something incredible happened shortly here after .. My roommate TREVOR SHOWED UP! With our friend Dave.. This is when the party started. I¡¦ve know Trevor like 13 years and Dave like 13 days . they are both hilarious, love to party, and given that I live with one you know only great things will come of this. They were there for one night, they showed up with a 30 case of Budweiser, uncle jagermeister a tent, sleeping bags, hot dogs n mcgavins bread, bacon and a good spirit. Basically, no clothes just what¡¦s on their backs. These guys have done the bush party thing so I¡¦m right ready to enjoy this. I tell Trevor to go check in with the Indians. Well, he got shit and they said they are closing the gate so nobody else can join in. Uhh ok, they padlocked this gate going to the road into the valley where we were camping. What the fuck is that? .. Oh well, like we're giving a shit anyways. We're all hosed, not driving anywhere, and good to party.

Now it was time to go clamming. We swam down and caught lots of clams, I had a great buzz going on now and was loving life (as per usual) swimming, laughing and throwing clams about. Josh thought it was a good idea to throw them at me when they were too small the cocky beotch. Yeah, he has great impaired judgement.. nearly put my eye out, it¡¦s all good, says Andrew, Josh brought duct tape. If you split my eye I'll just tape it together.. what a nasty scare that'll be. Luckily we escaped without bodily harm .. this is a sign again, of future things to come.

The plan is to cookup these clams in a manufactured tin foil pan and we're going to boil them in beer. Yeah, you can see why I was happy to support everybody clamming. Hilarity would ensue. The clams did end up getting cooked in beer, on the fire wrapped in foil. I guess the pot didn't hold. No shit eh?

Being brave, I came on over and they said they were cooked.. "we need a guinea pig" .. Now what you don't know about this is I've been going to the lake for 13 years. These clams are nasty, they taste like shit and are full of sand from the bottom of the lake. I just wanted to see the nasty faces and disappointment of all this work and such a great idea of eating these little crustations. Just for kix, I had myself a bite of one. All was good .. then .. I taste the silt .. then the lake .. and then out she came .. yeah .. this aint no good. Later I would tell the story where I ate 7 of them and they were wonderfully delicious.

[BerserkerCatSplat]

I threw out some comment about Jamie already having a clam. Secretly, I think she was crushing on me. Josh was jealous, but don't tell him I'm onto him.




:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: X 10^A Million

I do believe i may have just wet myself laughing. :rofl:

[yohan4ws]

Dude, your sig .... wtf would you be doing in a gay bar ?

I bet you know the difference between the taste of cock and a hackey sack too.

Have you seen my baseball??


Originally posted by BerserkerCatSpl
Randomly meeting someone that looks exactly like you is creepy enough. However, meeting him in a gay bar is a whole new level of creepy. I mean, what if he hit on you? Yikes

[Rockski]

Originally posted by yohan4ws
Just got back from the bar ..
I threw out some comment about Jamie already having a clam. Secretly, I think she was crushing on me. Josh was jealous, but don't tell him I'm onto him.



BACK UP ON OFF MY KOOLAID MOTHER FUCKER

haha

[yohan4ws]

Originally posted by Rockski
BACK UP ON OFF MY KOOLAID MOTHER FUCKER

Uhh .. sure thing there Kid Capri. No one's crashing through a wall saying OH YEA ...

---------

At work today we had a whole shitload of computers and monitors delivered. Brian was crouched on the floor peeling off packing labels to give to the people who do the paper work for our inventory. Will was noticing how the stack of computers towering above him was a bit unsturdy and was rocking, he gave it a small shove and it rocked even more and says "This isn't good"

I say its perfect, go ahead .. push it on Brian ..
Brian looks up and laughs ...
So I walk over to the stack of computers, wobble it a bit and then grab the top one and make a few thuds with my hands and slide it down just above his head and scream "WATCH OUT" ..

He FREAKS out turns around with a terrorized look on his face 'Ohh Shhhhh.....' and notices he'd just been had.

Will and I laughed for a good few minutes on that one.

---------------------

So before dinner in the down time when Leah and Ben were hiking in Fairmount (yeah, thanks for taking me BTW, I was in my tent changing and they tore off .. - I think Ben was trying to get some ... His Kung Fu is weak compared to mine.) Val and Jeff were still in the tent screwing..... cuz ... "theeey like to fuck ... they like to fuck" so Josh and I were stomping on wasps.

There was a serious wasp epidemic. In the morning, Jeff had a drink of his beer and as he says it "Took a sip and thought quality control was lacking when there was somethin crusty in my mouth .. then I realized OH SHIT its a wasp .. and spit it out" .. he got stung on his tongue and didn't make a sound .. sup with that? You freak. Wasps were seriously everywhere, all over the ground, landing on me all over the place, I had 2 or 3 wasps on me at one time there were so many .. everywhere.. even when there was no food or anything around, many many wasps. Kim was water skiing, middle of the lake .. legs up, tow rope in hands ready to ski ... wasp lands on his chest... Kim must not be popular cuz it bit him right away.

Josh and I get to the male thing and grab our lighters and start burning their wings off when they landed. We invented a new breed of wasp, everywhere they were walking around they couldn't fly anymore. This was great fun for a while... then it escalated to finding a beer can with wasps, we held the fluid on from our lighters in there for a while and struck it ... ZZzz... silence. Then we took a plastic cup and trapped like 6, lighters up again .. .threw some TP in there and torched em some more. This was mildly entertaining ... we were bored and not quite hosed yet ...

So, Leah and I ate up on some mushrooms (with our steak, geezuz) over at Kim and Cindy's fire .. We cooked it up on the grill over the fire pit. Leah had Keg spice and recommended only using that and to pour beer over it while it cooked on the fire. OH MY GOD! BEST STEAK EVER! So many ppl were drooling ... even after sampling it out, oh the jealousy. I will never make steak any different way ever again.

We finished our food, ate some corn on the cob, shared some laughs and you guessed it now .. its dark outside .. its firework time.

Onwards we go to the beach, the faaaaaaar side of the beach as not to get busted .. We were all excited about having roman candle fights, this is great. I'm quite drunk, drinking many beers .. in fact, I think I only had 4 left at this time out of my 15 case for the day .. Josh passes down some roman candles and we start firing, I challenged that you can skip them accross water "No, they sizzle out" says trevor. Nuh uh .. Well, I showed them all...

Mine ran out and I asked Josh for more .. He refused because supposedly his hands were full already with fireworks ... being me I say ok, well let me help you out. Fucker was hoarding the fireworks all in his pocket so I took one out, and then lit one in his pocket ... he didn't notice, which was perfect ...

me: *tap tap tap* on his shoulder "Uhh josh"
Josh: "Wha ?"
me: "You should turn,... this way" he resisted when I tried to move his shoulders, all the rest of ppl were running for cover and the fuse was now gone ...
josh: "What, fuckoff why?"
me: "uhh .." he looks at me, I have my finger pointing down to his pocket "look" .. he looks down
josh: "Oh shit!!"

He turns JUST in the nick of time, WOOOOSH a green one burst right out, now when you light these up they continually spray sparks as random candles go flinging out of the tube .. these sparks ignited 2 more candles in his pocket .. I see this and was hoping it would happen (I've got experience with fireworks .. hehe) I absolutely loose it, I'm laughing my fool head off as you can see in this pic here:

http://www.virgeweb.com/Ben/BeyondCamping/081205/camp04.jpg

This pic is my wallpaper. I crack up all day long looking at it when I'm at work ... even Ben showing it to me at the fire later in the night said "See, Look how happy you are" ... Fuckin a! Then Josh decides hes going to try and get even with me and he rotates 90 degrees in my direction ... "OH SHIT!" I go running just as 2 blasts unleash .. they blade by either side of my head, one of them showering my right ear with sparks ... I see them burn out on the beach. Now its getting dangerous in a very funny way, Trevor leaps out of the way of one as it dies in the sand within 2 inches of his arm .. another one same dilly ... then Josh gives one to trevor and he goes running down the beach to my left .. vooosh .. vooosh ... vooosh .. I dont remember seeing him again til later but I do recall seeing shadows of many people to my right ... I was laughing my fool head off, this was the most fun all trip, my steak mushrooms were starting to kick in and I didnt think life could get any better .... THEN ...

I want you to look at this picture and tell me what doesnt belong:: http://www.virgeweb.com/Ben/BeyondCamping/081205/camp05.jpg

Yeah thats right... Who brought the flash light? ... fukin injins .. here we go again.

We were down to 1 roman candle and the Razzle Dazzle .. and the party is over, we just got busted... didn't even get to unleash our finale ... to look good, I started picking up all the roman candles as he started to give us shit telling us no fireworks allowed... seeing as I seem to be the injin interpreter ..

me: "What ?? No fireworks ?? Since when!!?!?! I've been coming here 12 years and every year I see fireworks and nobodys said anything about it."
him: "Oh its been for a long time"
me: "How many years?"
him: "about 4 or 5 years now"
me: "oh .. well, sorry I had no idea, nobody said anything to me"
him: "well its written in the lease" .. fuck, I had heard this story so many times this weekend... so, time to be cocky...
me: "Well, we have 2 left .. do you want to set them off?"
him: "No .. ."
me: "Well its only 2, no harm done if we finish up huh?"
him: "No. Where are you staying?"
me: at this point in time, I know if I say we're camping we're gonna get tossed ... fuck that shit .. "We're seasonal tenants right here ... "
him: "what trailer and whats your name?"

I fucked up, gave my real name while Josh there says he's Jim Harry ... right, good job master of disguise ... He asked the trailer, I thought my paren'ts wasn't 23 ... it is .. I think they may have gotten in shit too .. man. Oh well, I'm like the only one of the kids up there that hasn't gotten shit from the Indians. It was due time and well earned. He left and said it was time to go back to our trailers ...

We had all of our empty fireworks cleaned up ... and then we walked over to find the rest of our group. Well I'll be darned, Leah and Jamie were there talking to a bunch of girls ... suprisingly they were young ... Now for my quest..

A lot of people don't get this joke, so you have to read these 2 articles in order::

http://music.yahoo.com/read/news/12060899
Urban Dictionary Def. (http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=r+kelly&defid=30015#30015)

There were 4 girls. All young, couple of them were cute I just might add .. in peodfile kinda way . I must admit, I love teenie boppers. ... chit chat chit chat. Josh knew what was coming, Dave was still there wondering why I was talking to them for so long ... I knew one of them as it turns out from a ways back, found out her brother got married and all this im like cool .. got bored of the conversation and was anxious to set off the fireworks we had left ... and then, I blurt out and fulfill my quest..

"How old are you girls anyways? 16, 15, 13 and 13... Oh thats fabulous! .. Do you like R Kelly?"

BAAAM! Dave erupts laughing as does Josh ... Leah didn't get the joke .. Thats' ok, she didnt know what IDB or no holds barred meant either until she met me ... (no worries, Leah, you can still paint your face and cheer for the Riders).

I told the girls, who also didn't get the joke, to ask her older brother what it meant .. Just say some older guy asked if we like R Kelly as a joke, whats it mean .. He'll tell you .. and probably want to find me but thats cool. Say hi to him for me.

ONWARD! We walked accross the beach a looong ways back to fire off our leftover fireworks. I was able to convince the last of our group I could see in the dark (suckers) and to keep the flashlight out... eventually we made it to the beach, and razzle dazzle had a great time. That was that. We began walking back to our campsite ...

We hit a couple of obstacles, one of those my parents ... good times to be told in the next episode.

[Rockski]

THATS WHAT YOU MISSED MOTHER FUCKERS

[~Leah~]

That, and so much more... he's only half done!!

[Si_FlyGuy]

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: how did i not stumble upon this thread before?:rofl: :rofl:

[yohan4ws]

Couple quick ones ...

Yesterday I got a phone call from Medisys, I'm getting life insurance.. Nothing humerous there, its good planning to protect my estate in the event something bad happens to me.

So I get a phone call at work from the medical company ... She says oh we just need you to come down so we can collect a Urine Sample ...I'm thinking shit.. time to start pounding back the water and cranberry juice... I said I'm drug free and only drink 3 drinks a week .. .I mean, at the time it was true.. but that was pre-Vegas...

So Brian and Will are sitting by me, and another person ... Time to humerize this .. "Ok, and again all you need is a Urine specimen theN? Now do I need to bring my own or can I bring somebody elses? .. Oh, you want me to pee right there? .. Are you going to be watching me? Because that makes me nervous and I can't go at all if somebody is watching or listening to me..

Unfortunately she didnt know me and took me for serious, but Will and Brian were loosing it.
----

At my work I have a 2nd duty, this is a phone number forwarded to my Cellular for when people have troubles in conference rooms setting up projector / laptop etc.

I get a call from a girl on the 11th floor, I dont remember her name.. she's cute though.. I flirted with her before when she needed a toner .. as with all girls, I have formed an opinion that she is into me. I went down there and quickly turned on the projector and had their meeting ready to go in a breeze. They were satisfied and one of the higher ups thanked me and said "Ahh, it's not true what she says about you" .. this pertaining to how I.T. has a bad reputation due to incompentence (not me of course) ... to this I reply .. "What, she doesn't love me?" ... I left the conference roomfull of laughter. To hell with political corectness. I'm immune.

[R-Audi]

I think you are slowly redeeming yourself.. besides the Roman candles int he pocket one your stories have been going downhill!!
I enjoyed the last entry though...

[yohan4ws]

Originally posted by R-Audi
I think you are slowly redeeming yourself.. besides the Roman candles int he pocket one your stories have been going downhill!!
I enjoyed the last entry though...

Looks like soembody else didn't get the R Kelly joke.

[R-Audi]

I completely understand it.. some of the stories were just missing some of the wit of the first couple!
(There were a few of the first ones where I was laughing out loud.. didnt happen untill the fireworks one lately that it has happened)