I've been married for a while now since 2006 and we always have had a joint account. My one friend thinks that joint account is a big mistake.
How about you guys?
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I've been married for a while now since 2006 and we always have had a joint account. My one friend thinks that joint account is a big mistake.
How about you guys?
Well, no two couples are the same. The system that works for you is the best system.
My wife and I run the 3 account system. Paycheques come into joint account, and "family" bills come out of that account. We each have a little money in separate personal accounts. That way nobody is nitpicking about "entertainment" costs.
I don't think it's a mistake. It just depends on what your situation is. We have separate accounts personally. I have access to my wife's and she has access to mine (minus my Corporation account) - although we have never accessed each other's it's there if ever need be. Would make it easier to have one joint account as all the expenses could just come out of there and no more transferring funds b/w some accounts depending on the situation but ultimately whatever works for each couple really.
Totally agree it depends on the couple and there is no right answer.
As long as you have a system that works for you (joint or not), then that is all that matters.
If the question of going joint or not is trust related, then the concept is no different than asking whether or not you should have a prenup before marriage.
I've always been fascinated by the logic whereby ramming your nethers together to make a baby is fine.
But combining accounts? Woaaah...step to far.
This is the right answer - there is no one single solution for all couples.
We share a single account. All bills and household expenses come out of that account as well as discretionary spending for each of us. To be fair, she's a stay-at-home mom, so it's not like she'd have income to deposit into a separate account anyways. And I couldn't imagine her having a separate account that would essentially require her to get an allowance for spending money... That would seem really strange to me, though YMMV.
3 account. Joint account with all funds goes into. And all bills come out of. and we each have our separate savings accounts. that get filled with whatever is leftover from the Joint account split after bills. All my OT goes into my savings right off the bat. If either of us wants something special you use your savings. Been like this for 15 years.
As people are already saying, it very much depends on the couple, your personalities, expectations, incomes, etc. There's a big difference between separate accounts when you make similar money to your SO and when there is a significant income variance. Obviously too if one parent is home with the kid(s), the other needs to bank roll it and not be bitter about it.
Personally speaking, I think complete joint accounts are a bad idea unless one person makes dramatically more money than the other. Money is the #1 thing couples argue about, and separate accounts are the easiest way to prevent that if done right. Separate accounts allow you to still buy gifts that are surprises, and it eliminates virtually all possible arguments about money because most couples have things they think are frivolous or wasteful that the other buys. When you have a joint account, it can feel like the other person is spending "your" money and vise versa, and there is more of an obligation to discuss every purchase, etc. That loss of financial independence can be a sore spot for some people. With separate accounts you both do whatever you want after the important stuff is taken care of (bills, savings, etc.) and whatever is left over is fair game for hobbies, shopping, etc.
If there is a major income disparity, then you can't really keep things separate - hopefully this is something you know going in and have discussed at length before any commitments, arriving at whatever agreement/understanding keeps you both happy. Same deal if one person is entering the relationship with significant debt, alimony payments, no savings, etc. - then it's more complicated and you just need to figure out what works for you.
We pay into a joint account proportionate to our incomes for everything shared such as utilities, RRSP savings, things around the house, bills, etc. For everything else it's separate. Things like bonuses, inheritance, and any other non-guaranteed or unexpected income are used in a way that benefits both of us. That's just what works for us, it is of course not the right solution for everyone.
Finally, if the worst happens and you get a divorce, it's a lot 'safer' if you don't have all your accounts shared. My cousin's wife drained all their accounts and savings before she divorced him and he had absolutely no recourse because they agreed to share them and the courts determined she was completely within her rights to do so. Separate accounts also protect you from things like garnishing if your SO gets into trouble. Nobody expects these kinds of things going into a relationship, so it's prudent to protect yourself IMO.
Also, if you have been running a certain way for a few years, and NOW want to change, either you already have trust issues, or you are going to create them. Very tough to switch without some really awkward conversations.
9 year relationship and no plans to share bank account. We see no need to have a joint account.
Perhaps. But there are scenarios that make the change positive. If a couple was lazy in the beginning of their relationship and find new efficiencies for changing (ex: going from separate to joint to realize efficiencies of bill payments), or maybe they decide to keep the joint account but open separate accounts too because different banks offer different benefits.
Maybe, I'm just saying if @R!zz0 has a buddy going through a messy divorce and giving him advice, then he has to be careful how he approaches this. If his motivation is just to have a way to hide money from his spouse in the event of a divorce, that's going to become obvious and could be ugly.
Depends on your relationship, how you manage your finances, who is the decision maker etc. There is no right or wrong answer. If it works then it works.
My parents always have had separate accounts. I have had clients who's accounts are joint. Either works.
My wife and I have had our own accounts and another joint account which our mortgage comes out of. Money is transferred into the joint every month so the bills can be paid. Everything else is ours to use at our discretion (TFSA/RRSP, discretionary spending, etc).
We've been running the 3-account system for 5 years ago even though we just got married last year.
That said, we've been discussing how to combine our finances. My wife is looking to go back to school later this year for her graduate degree which means her income will drop substantially. Now that we're married, it's not really about 50/50 contributions anymore but how we can make each other's goals come true. Her lack of income inevitably means that I have to pick up the slack. We've also had some lengthy discussions on how we're going to build wealth for retirement and if our financial goals are one and the same, I don't see the benefit of maintaining two separate accounts. If goals change, couples should be addressing and negotiating that together anyway. From what I've read, the single account system works best if the couple dedicates time each month to outlining a set budget that they stick to.
I think there's a lot of little things that play into the success of a single account. If you've been doing things for a certain way, don't be in a rush to change them. If you set your foundations right and you both understand and agree with why you're making changes, no one should feel like they're being roped into something they're uncomfortable with. We haven't made the switch to a 1-account system yet but I'm interested in seeing how we'll manage once we make the switch.
We keep our own accounts and contribute a % of total bills and costs to a shared account based on income. With savings mixed in as well based on discussion. The rest is free for personal use.
The wife finally passed me in income this year, so win-win!!
We have had a joint bank account for last 15 years. Set it up before we got married. Easy to keep track of everything in one spot. At that time we were dink, went to single income about 10 years ago. Still works well.
Well, sounds fine then. I really like the 3-account system, I think it's nice and flexible, but still has reasonable accountability for keeping spending in check. It's worked great for my wife and I. Interesting that some people have 2 accounts and have the paycheques coming into the joint account (like me) and some have the paycheques doing into the individual accounts. One way makes it easier to "hide" money from the spouse, which I know some guys like to do.
My wife has her own accounts. I pay all the bills etc and let her how what she “owes” me on a monthly basis just to square things up. Due to income disparity I essentially eat all big expenses and all of my ridiculous purchases on Hobby’s and cars etc.
Works well because it keeps us actually looking at what we are spending money on. Essentially a bastardized 3 account system.
I could care less if it all came out of one account but would probably just lead to more arguments on spending “priorities” etc.
Ie me buying cars vs her wanting a new house lol.
Yeah, in the end, the account setup is probably less important than the clear and calm communication on spending priorities.
That's something I noticed when I read the thread. Most of you guys seem to have your paychecks going into the joint account first. It's not an issue for the wife and I since we're both in the health care sector and we both know what each other gets paid but I would concur that having it set up this way makes it easier for someone to hide money since it goes into their personal account first.
If you don't know what your spouse gets paid, that's a red flag.
So the real question that should be asked is this..
How was it in your home with your parents and their money vs how are you with your money in your relationship?
We are the same way. When we got married neither of us had a lot of money so everything like bank accounts, credit cards, houses, cars, etc.. has been joint from day 1. Now 20 years and two kids later it's been working fine and I don't complain about her spending and she doesn't complain about mine. We'll she does complain sometimes, but it's not that we can't afford it but more because she thinks it's dumb or useless stuff so I don't care.
I know a couple that keeps everything separate and bills each other for things. Really weird to me, but hey it works for them so whatever goes.
Why does it matter what your parents did? Every couple is unique. What worked for your parents 20, 30, 40 years ago or whatever may not be applicable today either, especially since the scenario is likely not identical.
My parents had 100% shared / joint everything and it worked perfectly for them with zero issues. Despite that, we still much prefer the separate / 3 account system for reasons mentioned above.
You need to find what's going to work for you as a couple. We both hate micromanaging the other person and easily save 30+% of our incomes so we don't sweat any small purchases by the other person. Here is what we currently do:
We each have our own credit cards so I don't see what she buys day to day, only the biweekly balance. Both of our paycheques go into a joint chequing account. A predefined RRSP contribution comes out the same day we get paid to each our of our individual RRSP accounts. On payday we also pay off whatever is on each of our individual credit cards and all automatic bill payments come out of the joint chequing account. We have a few different savings accounts to put additional money in to, emergency fund, vacation fund, personal savings account for bigger personal purchases and a home reno/upgrade fund. We have a quick discussion after the first pay period of the month about what our priorities are and then allocate into each bucket accordingly. We also talk about any purchase over a few hundred dollars with the other person.
The way we handle money has been developed through trial and error and is working well for us.
In the eyes of the government, assets accrued during the marriage are split. Given that to be true, why bother with separating accounts/etc.? The reality is that if you split, you're going to share most (if not all of it) anyway.
In my case, I came into the marriage with about $50k in cash/equity in my townhouse, so we made up a simple agreement that stipulated that, in the event of divorce, $50k is subtracted from our joint assets and given to me directly. The rest is then split down the middle.
RE: how money works in this arrangement, we have a monthly budget and we stick to it. We communicate with each other re: purchases so we are cognizant of what's left in the budget. We each maintain a small CC and an individual account with a small balance in the event something happens to one of us and funds get locked up for a time, but otherwise all money goes into a single account that we both have free reign/access to.
We save ~60% of our take-home pay and have split our investments evenly across our respective RRSP/TFSA accounts.
It works well for us and I honestly have no idea how it could work any other way.
If you split (or just before you know it's coming), the other person can drain all your joint accounts, joint investments, etc. If they're separate, they have no direct access. Exactly what happened to my cousin as mentioned above, it left him almost homeless.
I know of at least two other people who got divorced and they got absolutely railroaded by their (ex) wives who could afford better lawyers, it was hardly 50/50. It's never something you really plan for.
All I am saying is nobody expects any of these kinds of things going in, but there are things you can do that are mutually protective should the unexpected happen. Same deal if one person gets mentally ill later on and drains/spends all the money somewhere, you're screwed it's in both your names.
Lots of good posts here, I have only been married 3 years and we both make around the same amount. That being said we have different personalities, I am very social and she is not. Its not fair that I use "OUR" money to go to the casino or to the pub with friends when she rather stay home.
We have a joint account, we both came out with a fair amount that we both deposit at the beginning of the month, this should cover mortgage, all bills and activities we do together plus a bit of savings depending on the month.
What we do with the rest of our income is fair game, I can buy all the shoes or watches I would like and she can spend hundreds on lulu-lemon if she wants.
This has worked well for both of us, of course the amount we contribute has gone up with the years specially now that we have two kids.
I'm still stuck on people willing to take HUGE plunges in their life, like marriage and all that it implies in terms of commitment, and then kids which dwarfs any other life commitment of any sort.
but then when it comes to banking: "I WANT MAH BANK CARD"
Life is a team sport. One of the big advantages of getting married is the practical benefits of combining everything and then delegating everything. This half-in, half-out business which is implied by separating finances hinders the overall capacity of the couple to focus on more productive aspects of their lives and careers. Couples that think like a unit are rewarded for it.
My step father did this to my mother when they split.
It was the deciding factor on why she was awarded 25% of his business, the house, and $200k in compensation.
Keep in mind: we are DINKs. All property was purchased together. All assets we have, save for that $50k, have been accrued together.
The reality is that we will split 50/50 if we divorce. If she wants to be dumb about it... well, I make 3x what she does and can afford the better lawyers in this scenario.
Then again, we have also signed a separation arbitration agreement, which forces arbitration in order to facilitate a quick and fair divorce.
Married 12 years now and we have a similar system to the "3 account" system.
We have a joint checking account where the pay checks go into. All the bills are paid from this account, plus it's used for day to day expenses (gas, groceries, shopping sprees, etc).
We each have out own "Discretionary spending" account. We transfer an equal amount to each account every couple of weeks, and we use these to buy things that we want. Small items mostly, like lunches out, books, that sort of thing.
At the end of the month, whatever is left in our account, gets transferred to a joint savings account and isn't touched again until needed (loss of job and need to pay bills, large purchases, etc.)
This is what works for us. Never had a second thought about having separate accounts. We figured that we're in it for the long haul and it would be overly complicated to have separate accounts. But to each their own. Find what works for the both of you.
[QUOTE=Mitsu3000gt;4812129]
If there is a major income disparity, then you can't really keep things separate - hopefully this is something you know going in and have discussed at length before any commitments, arriving at whatever agreement/understanding keeps you both happy.
Don't really agree. I make about 2x what my wife does, and I just pay for everything, and I have no problems with that. I have all my money, she has all hers. We share most credit cards, but I pay the bills. She does have her own credit card that she uses for her own purchases or gifts for me or whatever, but for the most part she doesn't spend much anyways.
The difference with us, and what it works over the last 11 years of marriage, is that whenever a big purchase comes along, we are willing to drain each other's saving for a common goal, and the fact that we are mortgage free.
When we first bought the house I put in just 35k of my own money as that's all I had at the time, she put in $150k. A few years ago we bought into something at 20K, I paid 5K and she paid the 15K remaining. I didn't ask, but she does it because I cover everything else. This works very well for us. Right now she has about 200K saved up and if we were to sell our house and upgrade, she would contribute most of that to the new house. She does give me half for our travels, which is the single biggest expense every year anyways.
That's fair. I'm not sure I would consider 2X a major income disparity though (when I wrote that I was thinking more of a trophy-wife scenario, or similar type of disparity - but admittedly I wasn't clear), especially if you both make decent money to begin with, but as mentioned already no 2 couples are the same and whatever keeps you both happy and works for the both if you is the best plan. Sounds like you have a bit of an unconventional setup that works really well for the two of you and that's great.
I was thinking more like if you were the CEO of an O&G company or some other multi-millionaire scenario. It's pretty unlikely that your SO is going to make anywhere near the same money, or be able to afford a remotely similar lifestyle - at that point you need to pretty much come to terms that you will be paying for everything if you want to maintain that lifestyle with someone else who will probably grow to have similar tastes for the finer things.
A spouse could drain the communal accounts, investments etc and then put all that money into a private account only in that one person's name... And the other spouse has no recourse to get half back? Wtf.
If by “no recourse” you mean the same level recourse as if a spouse was to run off with any other possessions. Money in a private bank account doesn’t disappear, it isn’t bitcoin lol.
When you agree on joint accounts you give the other person unlimited access and decision making ability regarding the funds in those accounts. Only one person's permission is needed to make a withdraw, and either of you can empty the account at any time. The money in a joint account legally belongs to both of you. If one person becomes mentally ill or wants revenge or whatever similar sort of scenario arises, the other person is SOL. The courts obviously frown on this behavior (if obviously malicious), but there aren't always ways to recoup the losses (especially if they spent it) and from what I've read there are loopholes that can make draining accounts appear more legitimate (such as to cover lawyer fees for the pending divorce, living expenses while apart, etc.) I'm sure there are people here more knowledgeable than me on the matter, but that is what my research has revealed.
IMHO it is a very good idea to have mutually protective things in place like a prenup, separate accounts, etc. The key is to make sure that everything put in place protects both parties equally, so then there is no reason not to do it because it provides insurance for the unexpected. For example, if in 20 years I become mentally ill, am no longer myself, etc. and decide to do something reckless or out of character, I want my wife to be protected from that, however unlikely.
I don't mean to jump on you specifically, but this seems to be a somewhat common sentiment and it sounds absolutely bananas to me...
My spouse, wife, ride or die, partner in crime, mother of my children not being able to afford a similar lifestyle if I make a lot more money? WTF? It's our lifestyle and without each other, it's nothing... "No, I'm not buying clothes at Walmart; that's more your lifestyle"... "I was thinking of going to Vegas for the weekend... Are you sure you can afford to supersize that?"... :rofl:
That's OK I don't think your'e picking on me, I find it a very interesting topic to discuss as it's one most of us can relate to in one way or another.
I think either you're misunderstanding, or more likely maybe I just didn't explain it well. Due to the fact that it would be completely ridiculous to do the things you mention (i.e. not allow your SO / family to enjoy the same lifestyle you were accustomed to before marriage/kids), if you are the person who makes 5x or 10x or whatever the salary of the other, you need to be OK with the fact that you are going to be paying for virtually everything in order to maintain that lifestyle for your family. For some people this is a sore spot (probably more in the less extreme scenarios), but as I said in one of my earlier posts, presumably this is something that was fully understood and discussed before any major commitments (kids, marriage, etc.)
No recourse isn't exactly accurate. See A790's anecdote.
There are legal penalties for hiding assets during a divorce. Likewise, if spending patterns drastically changed during one's attempt to financially sabotage, a judge can order said monies to be paid back.
That said, no one wins when stuff like this happens but humans are strange creatures.
I don't think anyone is arguing with you on that :dunno: It's just easier to discuss the various ideas / methods in this thread in a more black and white manner.
Also, what works for you doesn't mean it works for the next couple. Judging by how many people here seem to use the separate / 3 account method, there are obviously lots of different ways people view their finances as a couple. Some people like their financial autonomy despite being in a marriage, and there is nothing wrong with that if it works for those people.
I'm not married but like I said .. its a 9 year relationship.
My money is mine.
Her money is hers.
If we need to pay for something then WE pitch in and get it done. There are times when I have more and cover more and there are times when she has more and she covers time.
Its called give and take.
Just because your in a relationship whether long term or married does not mean it instantly has to be come "we"
Interesting... I totally agree. But where can one find such a fine specimen that understands the rules of the game..? All im finding in the market is that the other party wants everything on the plate(from me). Then they start eating everything on the plate and start talking about equality, everything should be 50/50, womens rights etc... All while giving me a grin while chewing and a intense stare of the crazy eyes...
Attachment 87151
So on one occasion when it came to the bill I asked to go dutch.. you know...in the name of 'equality'...their face went sour..
Oh the stories I could tell..
Anyways... back to the discussion...
Ive been married for 10 years, and we have always had separate day to day banking accounts... It works for us for several reasons:
1. All together we have something like 6 bank accounts. (cheqing/savings etc) Each has its own purpose, and the other doesnt necessarily have to be involved with it. (Ie. Rental Property account)
2. My Wifes bank account is attatched to her work account (Self employed) so that helps keep that separate for accounting/tax.
3. We have split up our monthly costs roughly according to income.
4. We are quite aware of each others income and basic expenses, and set aside roughly the same amount each month to a savings account.
5. The above mentioned savings account is shared.. we try to only leave that for larger expenses-travel, furniture, kids stuff etc.
While certainly not perfect I like to think we run a fairly tight ship expenses wise, so if for example my Wife accidentally took money out of the wrong account, it could mess up the rental property mortgage payment (No need to keep a float in that account) etc.
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Man, some people have trust issues, why get married then if you cant even trust someone with "money" let alone life.
I'm married and I trust my wife with all my money and vice versa. She can spend whatever she wants and I can do the same. We trust each other that we wont bankrupt ourselves. Pretty simple.
3 accounts is easy & clean and it isn't an automatic sign of distrust or inequality. Although... Depending on the motivation, it could be. Fine, whatever.
My cheque into "my" account and her cheque into "hers" then about 111% of our absolutely total, total, everything, living expenses gets deposited by each partner into the joint account where EVERYTHING gets spent from except truly selfish things that don't benefit anyone on the team.
Some examples:
Booze for house even if I drink most of it? Joint $.
Go out without her after work for drinks? Selfish $.
Gas in car that she drives 99% to work? Joint$.
Gas in my motorcycle that she never touches? Selfish$.
Some of examples that don't make sense but don't cause issues:
My haircut? Selfish$.
Her hair? Joint$. (These are by my choice).
Insurance/reg/gas on a vehicle the one person never touches? Selfish$.
Buy lunch at work even though joint$ already bought sandwiches I could've taken to work? Selfish$.
Wife makes me fanciest lunch for work, ever and obviously I'm the only one eating it? Joint$.
It's CRITICAL to break this system when tax refunds come because tax software spreads rebates all over the place and severe inequity can show up. Those cheques MUST be deposited to the joint account and redistributed, if needed. You can't have one partner magically getting an extra $10k from tax refunds because Ufile treated it like she paid for 100% of last year's daycare expenses.
We have separate accounts, but it has nothing to do with hiding money. I have the statistically accurate marriage. Husband makes 80% of the income. My wife would never do anything malicious, but she just can't have access to an account with that much money going into it for reasons of simple human psychology. I know most people here like to pretend they have some perfect life, and that normal human factors somehow don't apply to them. But fact of the matter is, in general terms, people who make say 40k/yr, will struggle greatly with managing something like 200k/yr. We've all been there, when we used to make minimum wage and thinking if we could just make 20$/hr we would feel loaded. Next thing you know you're making 30$/hr and still no farther ahead, just driving a nicer car and living in a nicer house. My wife isn't exempt from these human normalities, so if she has what appears to be unlimited funds compared to her paychecks, suddenly wants start seeming like needs. Then you get a bunch of over spending on unnecessary stuff. Much easier for me to just manage the bills and deal with everything out of my own account. She has her own account that her paycheck goes to, and she can use that for her nails, hair, putting gas in her vehicle, etc.
Speaking of hiding money though, it's not a terrible idea. Nobody goes into a marriage expecting they will get divorced in a few years, yet 50% of marriages end in divorce. So it's a good idea to be prepared. I worked with a guy that used to talk about this a lot as he had been through a terrible divorce. A lawyer informed him that in the future, you should do what they call skimming. You withdraw a few hundred dollars every paycheck, and squirrel it away somewhere, or buy gold with it. When all your financial records are being examined in the event of a divorce, that money will appear to be regular discretionary spending within reasonable limits. I don't do any of this myself, maybe I'll live to regret it one day, hope not.
This shows a lack of understanding about what a team actually is. Which is utilizing eachothers strengths to make up where the other is weak and form a good balance. If one of you is absolutely shit with money, then you would be retarded to give that person enough rope to hang themselves and ruin the entire relationship by giving them unfettered access to both incomes. If you're both amazing with money then power to you, joint everything!! In the real world that isn't very common.
My thoughts are opposite to yours. Considering that fucking with money is the one thing more unforgiveable than infidelity. It blows me away that some people think like you and just dive in head first to the shallow end and combine everything. To each their own though, every couple is different and should find what works for them. There is no ignorant judgement from me.
This whole thread is a great read.
Also to revive AskLeo, maybe we should change it "Tony's Blog". Great dating and vindaloo stories.
This is exactly how it works for us, I dont think its fair for me to use OUR money when I go to the casino and spend $150 on a cheap night, drinking and gambling with friends while shes at home watching 90 days fiance.
That being said I do see how it could work for some people, some have very similar lifestyles or barely do things on their own and thats ok, I feel like some people on this thread dont get that their method wont work for everyone.
That's what i mean... lol YOU dont have trust issues. I never mentioned which system i use or is better. But from the responses some are using single accounts to "hide" money or to avoid their partner from withdrawing money in case of a separation??? That's fucked.
Sure? hows is that relevant to my point? I dont care if you think its OUR money or how the government looks at it.
At the end of the day, we manage money in a way that works for both my wife and myself. Not sure why it bothers you so much that other couples manage money different than you do.
Three things:
1) Why are you so defensive? It's a conversation. Why are you participating in it if you aren't open to exploring it?
2) I don't "think" anything: in the eyes of the government, assets accrued during a marriage - singular or joint - are your matrimonial assets. This means that however you choose to label it is something you're doing arbitrarily. How you've separated assets, or where you choose to store them, are effectively irrelevant if you were to get a divorce.
3) You should definitely care how the government views your assets, as that understanding should influence how you choose to leverage them. My comments are relevant to your point because your mental separation of assets is immaterial in the event of separation.
Lastly, I couldn't care less how other people manage their money. It doesn't "bother me" at all. What I'm doing is having a conversation with people and vetting their ideas. You know... what you do when you participate in a conversation (on a forum or otherwise).
Some people struggle with this mentality. It becomes even more apparent when one partner is the sole breadwinner. Have heard countless times about how the man feels entitled to the lion's share of income (especially during divorce) because he's the one that works or pulls all of the overtime for extra cash. Earning a higher income definitely makes people feel like they have the upper hand in the relationship and therefore more power or authority.
Like Dave Ramsey says, when you get married they say "and now you are one," not "and now you are a joint venture." His wife hasn't worked in 20+ years and contributes in other ways. "They" earn an income. Her purchases are his expenses and vice versa.
IMO it's a mindset you get more comfortable with when you focus on the team and bigger picture. If one person spends more than the other or on different things, that's not a problem either. It's only a problem if you let it become a problem AND you don't talk about it in order to negotiate a resolution.
I completely agree.
In the case of my wife and I, it took several months for both us to come around to the idea that we are mutually working toward a common goal. Once that understanding set in, the idea of sharing finances became a non-issue.
Communication is key here. My wife and I sit down for an hour every month and review our budget and discuss upcoming purchases that we should roll into the budget. We stay aligned by communicating larger purchases, or by communicating when significant portions of items allocated in our budget have been used. We budget $250/mo for clothing, for example. If she spends $200 of that, she tells me so that I know there's $50 remaining.
We agree on these things together to ensure we both have equal skin in the game. For each of us, where the money comes from is less relevant then what we choose to do with it.
I attribute our "success" as a couple to this mentality.
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I think it all depends on who the people are. I would prefer a joint account stuff like bills and savings for a family vacation or whatever but its also important to have your own account to save up for something that you'd want and you don't have a watchful eye seeing that you've just spend 2500 on a new turbo :)
Not combining finances is absolutely a sign of a lack of trust. In fact, that's the reason cited in this thread by the people who separate their finances (I think universally so). They lack trust in a) long term prospects of potential divorce b) potential for long-term mental health stability c) lack of ability to communicate and establish spending priorities within the relationship d) some other trust issues I've missed.
If you DO trust your partner, then not combining/consolidating your finances and accounts is just an unnecessary inefficiency.
This thread makes me realize that it is a real luxury that I trust my wife or that she is not incompetent or that she is not a deadbeat/goldigger.
Like I said, I don't do it. However I am in a trusting relationship where both parties have vowed not to royally fuck eachother over in the event we did ever decide to part ways for whatever reason in the future......................................................... Just like every other person who has been drug through the mud in a divorce.