Should couples have joint or separate bank accounts?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by firebane

Neither one of us have any real assets or liabilities and share common goals that we pursue together.

Again it just sounds like people saying that you need to conform to a specific set of rules or thoughts and if you don't then your being dumb or an idiot. Same premise as that to be married means you need to have kids, or that to be in a healthy relationship you need to be married.

Etc.

---

Not at all, I think you are reading more into the comments here rather than taking them at face value.

The more you combine your lives, the less it makes sense (absent trust issues) to not combine your finances. A married couple, with combined assets and liabilities, combined tax issues, perhaps combined business interests, strategic investment management, etc...well it just seems silly to have separate accounts for lululemon and memory express spending at that point.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Buster

Not at all, I think you are reading more into the comments here rather than taking them at face value.

The more you combine your lives, the less it makes sense (absent trust issues) to not combine your finances. A married couple, with combined assets and liabilities, combined tax issues, perhaps combined business interests, strategic investment management, etc...well it just seems silly to have separate accounts for lululemon and memory express spending at that point.

---

You and I will just agree to disagree :)

It's surprising to me how many people can't wrap their head around that what works for them may not be what works for the next couple, and if everyone doesn't do what they do, there must be something wrong. If they are happy and what they're doing works for both of them, what is the issue? Who cares if they see their money as their own or if they share 100% of everything in joint accounts - if both people are happy then there is no problem.

I think regardless of your choices of financial agreements, the most important thing is to have mutually beneficial protection in place in case of divorce or mental illness or anything else along those lines. Nobody goes into marriage expecting to get divorced or expecting their SO to get an illness. The whole point is to protect against the unexpected. There is no reason not to do that, because both parties are protected equally and in exactly the same ways, making for zero downside.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Mitsu3000gt

It's surprising to me how many people can't wrap their head around that what works for them may not be what works for the next couple, and if everyone doesn't do what they do, there must be something wrong. If they are happy and what they're doing works for both of them, what is the issue? Who cares if they see their money as their own or if they share 100% of everything in joint accounts - if both people are happy then there is no problem.

I think regardless of your choices of financial agreements, the most important thing is to have mutually beneficial protection in place in case of divorce or mental illness or anything else along those lines. Nobody goes into marriage expecting to get divorced or expecting their SO to get an illness. The whole point is to protect against the unexpected. There is no reason not to do that, because both parties are protected equally and in exactly the same ways, making for zero downside.

---

100% agreed.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Mitsu3000gt

It's surprising to me how many people can't wrap their head around that what works for them may not be what works for the next couple, and if everyone doesn't do what they do, there must be something wrong. If they are happy and what they're doing works for both of them, what is the issue? Who cares if they see their money as their own or if they share 100% of everything in joint accounts - if both people are happy then there is no problem.

I think regardless of your choices of financial agreements, the most important thing is to have mutually beneficial protection in place in case of divorce or mental illness or anything else along those lines. Nobody goes into marriage expecting to get divorced or expecting their SO to get an illness. The whole point is to protect against the unexpected. There is no reason not to do that, because both parties are protected equally and in exactly the same ways, making for zero downside.

---

You would think they would just make separation agreements a legal requirement of getting married. It's insane watching lawyers get rich by pitting spouses against each other, seeing kids gets drug into their parents nonsense, and having it be dragged out over years, when it could all be solved in an hour at a mediation table reviewing what both parties considered a fair deal before they hated each other.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Mitsu3000gt

It's surprising to me how many people can't wrap their head around that what works for them may not be what works for the next couple, and if everyone doesn't do what they do, there must be something wrong. If they are happy and what they're doing works for both of them, what is the issue? Who cares if they see their money as their own or if they share 100% of everything in joint accounts - if both people are happy then there is no problem.

I think regardless of your choices of financial agreements, the most important thing is to have mutually beneficial protection in place in case of divorce or mental illness or anything else along those lines. Nobody goes into marriage expecting to get divorced or expecting their SO to get an illness. The whole point is to protect against the unexpected. There is no reason not to do that, because both parties are protected equally and in exactly the same ways, making for zero downside.

---

They may be happy, but they don't trust each other!!!!!!!

...

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Sugarphreak

You can always tell with certain people that if things go south it will get nasty. One of them will try to destroy the other in a divorce.

I can't blame people who try to separate accounts to protect themselves from that, but at the same time it is just better to avoid getting married to them in the first place.

---

If you don't trust your spouse (or your ability to stay married) then separate accounts is certainly recommended along with lawyer-prepared documents to protect both sides.

We've got a different approach that I don't think has been mentioned yet.

I make about 4x more than my wife (she only works part time and mostly a stay at home mom), and our arrangement is that i cover all household expenses/bills while she simply just emails me $500 a month and covers the car finance payment (direct debit from her bank account). We have a main CC with 2 cards under the same account, so almost all spending appears on the statement besides random small things she will pay with her own debit card. She never looks at the CC statement, but i'll scan through the txns listed under her card (along with mine) just to make sure there's nothing out of the ordinary. I don't question / criticize anything unless i think it's off (she has fallen for a phishing scam once where she entered CC info onto a shady website and started seeing some random google play store purchases).

This works good for us because it allows her to contribute (although a small amount relatively speaking, it's a psychological thing for her), while also having enough for her own spending and saving. When it comes time for big purchases (house, vacations) she will dip into her savings and contribute a sizable chunk so that helps too.

Like others have said, in the end it depends on the specific couples and there is no right/wrong answer to this. Our arrangement works great for us because of the massive income disparity and the fact she isn't very savvy for financial stuff. If we made similar salaries and/or if she was a lot more interested in finance, i think we would go with the 3 account system.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Sugarphreak

You can always tell with certain people that if things go south it will get nasty. One of them will try to destroy the other in a divorce.

I can't blame people who try to separate accounts to protect themselves from that, but at the same time it is just better to avoid getting married to them in the first place.

---

Yah people say this. But things change when a marriage goes south.

...

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by sabad66

We've got a different approach that I don't think has been mentioned yet.

I make about 4x more than my wife (she only works part time and mostly a stay at home mom), and our arrangement is that i cover all household expenses/bills while she simply just emails me $500 a month and covers the car finance payment (direct debit from her bank account). We have a main CC with 2 cards under the same account, so almost all spending appears on the statement besides random small things she will pay with her own debit card. She never looks at the CC statement, but i'll scan through the txns listed under her card (along with mine) just to make sure there's nothing out of the ordinary. I don't question / criticize anything unless i think it's off (she has fallen for a phishing scam once where she entered CC info onto a shady website and started seeing some random google play store purchases).

This works good for us because it allows her to contribute (although a small amount relatively speaking, it's a psychological thing for her), while also having enough for her own spending and saving. When it comes time for big purchases (house, vacations) she will dip into her savings and contribute a sizable chunk so that helps too.

Like others have said, in the end it depends on the specific couples and there is no right/wrong answer to this. Our arrangement works great for us because of the massive income disparity and the fact she isn't very savvy for financial stuff. If we made similar salaries and/or if she was a lot more interested in finance, i think we would go with the 3 account system.

---

Sounds like just a "separated finances" arrangement - pretty common.

For those of you looking after the majority of the household expenses/bills are you worried how all of this would responsibility transition to your SO if you drop dead tomorrow? I'm not sure how long getting life insurance and will/estate payouts take but those bills still need to be paid. And it's not just about having the money to pay them, it's knowing all the companies and account numbers. Fortunately a lot if not all of your banking/bills/transfers can be automated but I suspect everyone does some stuff manually which could leave your widow in a real bind.

I don't trust my wife with money, not that she'll break us, but we definitely won't be able to retire when I want to. What should I do? Send her to budgeting school? separate accounts and having me manage the investments is working for me.

Not to mention seeing some of the stuff she spends money on would drive me bananas. Guess I'm a little neurotic, none of us are without faults..

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Swank

For those of you looking after the majority of the household expenses/bills are you worried how all of this would responsibility transition to your SO if you drop dead tomorrow? I'm not sure how long getting life insurance and will/estate payouts take but those bills still need to be paid. And it's not just about having the money to pay them, it's knowing all the companies and account numbers. Fortunately a lot if not all of your banking/bills/transfers can be automated but I suspect everyone does some stuff manually which could leave your widow in a real bind.

---

We discuss this quarterly. What our investment strategy is, if anything has changed, where our assets are, etc.

I am very confident that Melissa would be able to take care of herself should I get hit by a bus tomorrow.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by dirtsniffer

I don't trust my wife with money, not that she'll break us, but we definitely won't be able to retire when I want to. What should I do? Send her to budgeting school? separate accounts and having me manage the investments is working for me.

Not to mention seeing some of the stuff she spends money on would drive me bananas. Guess I'm a little neurotic, none of us are without faults..

---

You should tell her you don't trust her and prepare for divorce.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Misterman

You should tell her you don't trust her and prepare for divorce.

---

That is all I am getting from this thread, apparently different bank accounts means no trust in the relationship no exceptions !

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by 3drian

That is all I am getting from this thread, apparently different bank accounts means no trust in the relationship no exceptions !

---

Or you're doing a bunch of needless admin.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by A790

We discuss this quarterly. What our investment strategy is, if anything has changed, where our assets are, etc.

I am very confident that Melissa would be able to take care of herself should I get hit by a bus tomorrow.

---

Good on you both for that. This is definitely something my wife and I need to improve on. I'd be OK but I expect she would still struggle.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Buster

Or you're doing a bunch of needless admin.

---

Yes because monitoring one account that you're the sole user of, is definitely far more admin work than monitoring the same account with 2 users...........