Gym groupies that 1-Cent hates - A rant by: 1-Cent
Gym groupies that 1-Cent hates - A rant by: 1-Cent
Note: This is supposed to be a joke, I'm really a laid back person but some things just get to me, if you take me seriously I'll just give you your own group on my list of hated gym groupies
I train at home for this very reason, there are just too many people in commerical style gyms that I hate and think should be perminently banned for life from ever stepping foot inside a gym again. With that said, let the rant begin
So I went down to U of C this afternoon to meet up with a buddy after his classes, I was early so I decided to check out the gym facilities since I was already dressed to workout, BIG MISTAKE. Lets roll though some of the different groupie types I encountered in my hour spent there, in no particular order...
1) Perhaps the most aggrivating of all groupie types is the chick generally in her early 20's, usually with a voice that will make your ears bleed profusely if you get too close, that will yap on her cell phone through out her entire workout which consists mainly of resting on a bench so no one else can use it and occationaly using the stairmaster/tredmill of course while still on the phone... every gym has at least one, the U of C gym had TWO today at the same time, $20 says they were fucking talking to eachother too, idiots.
2) Ab monkies, if any of you are ab monkies, please just cut up your gym memberships, stay home and do sit ups alone in your room until you puke for all I care. You know who I mean, the skinny guys that come into the gym practicly every day, work their abs for an hour and go home. The guys who have round soft arms, flabby quads, an 8 pack and think they own the place. I saw a pack of three of them huddled around a section of mirror with their shirts pulled up just admiring each other's abs like they're going to protect them when I take their Ab Master 9000 and feed it to them sideways from behind. When you weigh 120lbs EVERYONE has abs, SO WHY ARE YOU HERE!?
3) ANYONE that wears Underarmor. I hate you people and will never understand you. Its called underarmor because you wear it UNDER your clothing, not by itself, why? Because you look stupid thats why, especialy the skinny kids that wear it and try to be badass, you aren't, so stop trying so hard. No matter how much you believe your 11" arms are going to get so pumped that you're going to shred a normal t-shirt I give you my personal garentee that they won't. They were crawling all over that place, I honestly thought that trend died about a year ago but it lives on at U of C.
4) People who eat while working out. If you can manage to eat while you're working out without throwing up all over the guy beside you then you just suck at the whole sport and have no business being there. This isn't McDonalds asshole I don't want your tuna that you got on the bench to end up in my hair. That goes out to the moron in the U of C gym this afternoon eating a tuna sandwich and laying it down on a bench beside him between sets of hammer curls. Next time I'll take your damn sandwich, eat it between squat sets and after you get it back all over your lap maybe you'll go home and tell your mom that you learnt something today.
5) Guys that goto the gym primarily to hit on women. These lurk everywhere, theres probably 10 or 20 of them on this board, you know who you are. Guess what? Theres women everywhere, theres no reason you need to stand around with your buddies leaning on the pec deck like you've ever used one in your life while trying to make eye contact with anything remotely female. This is why theres female only gyms, because some idiots think that women enjoy being continualy preyed apon and gawked at while they're trying to do their workout in peace, leave them the fuck alone! (Only exception being groupie #1, the annoying bitch with the cell phone, feel free to hit on her, grope her, whip it out in front of her if it'll make her leave the rest of us alone).
6) People with ILS. For those unfamiliar with this often devistating condition ILS stands for "Invisible Lats Syndrom". It mainly preys apon the young and skinny segment of the gym population, seemingly favouring asian males for what ever reason. U of C was packed with them, little 110-130lb guys walking around like they're trying to imitate an airplane because their invisible lats are so massive and pumped that they couldn't possibly lower them. These people don't actually anger me however, they can sometimes even cheer me up after everything else that I've whitnessed in the gym that day, its like watching a horrible car accident and then out of no where a clown runs across the street, gets into his little car and peddles away, can't help but laugh even though you've just been emotionaly scared for years.
7) Judgemental and generally ignorant people. These fuckers come in all shapes and sizes at any age so you never really know when you're going to come across one. They can be best broken down into two groups, jealous and insecure.
The insecure ones tend to pick on the smaller/weaker guys to make themselves feel like they don't suck as much as deep down they know they do. Seriously, anyone who puts down another bro's lifts or talks shit behind their back at the gym deserves to be locked in the steam room with a large, homosexual male on way too much testosterone and viagra. No one was born 280lbs with abs and neither were these dipshits.
On the other hand you have the jealous guys with a massive ego that joke about the bigger guys because they could never possess the discipline to be one. The worst is when you get a jealous/ignorant hybrid-asshole, these ones seem to FLOCK to me because in my powerlifting routine I do alot of 1 rep sets with heavy weight and most people in public gyms don't get to see this much. Comments like "Yeah I could I could deadlift 8 plates on each end if I were on that many steroids too" or "I did a cycle of Deca once and could bench that much but I didn't like cheating myself like that". Yeah too bad you're full of shit and I was bigger than you when I was natural you fucking clowns. Its people like that who end up having their gym bag anonymously filled with used syringes.
Add more as you see fit, its late and I just ran out of beer so I'm done. Rest assured 1-Cent hates many more types of gym groupies than listed, I'll sleep on it.
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that was a great read man!
but they should know nobody gets anything done while their stretching
GIVE ME A FUCKING BREAK!
