Ireland declare war on France
Jacques Chirac, The French Prime Minister, was sitting in his office wondering what kind of mischief he could perpetrate against the United
States when his telephone rang.
"Hallo, Mr. Chirac!," a heavily accented voice said.
"This is Paddy down at "The Harp" Pub in County Sligo, Ireland.
I'm ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you!"
"Well, Paddy," Chirac replied, "This is indeed worrying news! How big is your army?"
"Right now," said Paddy, after a moment's calculation, there is myself, me Cousin Sean, me next door neighbour Seamus, and the entire dart team from the pub.
That makes eight!"
Chirac paused.
"I must tell you, Paddy that I have one hundred thousand men in my army waiting to move on my command."
"Begorra!" said Paddy.
"I'll have to ring you back!"
Sure enough, the next day, Paddy called again.
"Mr Chirac, the war is still on.
We have managed to get us some infantry equipment!"
"And what equipment would that be, Paddy?," Chirac asked.
"Well, we have two combine harvesters, a bulldozer, and Murphy's farm tractor."
Chirac sighed, amused.
"I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 6,000 tanks and 5,000 armoured personnel carriers.
Also, I've increased my army to one hundred and fifty thousand since we last spoke."
"Saints preserve us!," said Paddy.
"I'll have to get back to you."
Sure enough, Paddy rang again the next day.
"Mr. Chirac, the war is still on! We've managed to get ourselves airborne! We've modified Jackie McLaughlin's ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four boys from "The Shamrock" Pub have joined us as well!"
Chirac was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat.
"I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 100 bombers and 200 fighter planes.
My military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites, and, since we last talked, I've increased my army to two hundred thousand!"
"Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!," said Paddy, "I'll have to ring you back."
Sure enough, Paddy called again the next day.
"Top o' the mornin', Mr Chirac! I am sorry to tell you that we have had to call off the war."
"I'm sorry to hear that," said Chirac.
"Why the sudden change of heart?"
"Well," said Paddy,
"We've all had a long chat over a bunch of beers and decided there's no fookin way we can feed two hundred thousand prisoners."
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awesome movie... poked a lot at canadians but was great nonetheless.
Originally Posted by rage2
