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Thread: Calgary Driving Rules Joke

  1. #1
    Join Date
    May 2002
    Calgary Alberta Canada
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    08 BMW 328i, 03 Turbo SVT Focus
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    Default Calgary Driving Rules Joke


    1. Turn signals will give away your next move.
    A real Calgary driver never uses them.

    2. Under no circumstances should you leave a safe distance
    between you and the car in front of you,
    or somebody else will fill in that space, putting you in an even
    more dangerous situation.

    3. Crossing two or more lanes in a single
    lane-change is considered going with the flow."

    4. The faster you drive through a red light,
    the smaller the chance you have of getting hit.

    5. Never get in the way of an older car that
    needs extensive bodywork. The other guy doesn't have
    anything to lose.

    6. Braking is to be done as hard and as late as
    possible to ensure that your ABS kicks in, giving a nice, relaxing foot massage
    as the brake pedal pulsates. For those of you without ABS,
    it's a chance to stretch your legs.

    7. Speed limits are arbitrary figures, given
    only as suggestions and are apparently not
    enforceable in the downtown area during rush hour.

    8. Please remember that there is no such thing
    as a shortcut during rush-hour traffic in Calgary

    9. Always slow down and rubber-neck when you
    see an accident or even someone changing a tire.

    10. Everybody thinks their vehicle is better
    than yours, especially 4WD drivers.

    11. Learn to swerve abruptly. Calgary is the
    home of High-Speed Slalom Driving thanks to the
    City's Dept of Traffic which put potholes in key
    locations to test drivers' reflexes and keep them on their

    12. It is traditional in Calgary to honk your
    horn at cars that don't move the instant the light changes.

    13. Seeking eye contact with another driver
    revokes your right of way.

    14. Never take a green light at face value.
    Always look right and left before proceeding.

    15. Remember that the goal of every Calgary
    driver is to get there first, by whatever means

    16. Real women drivers can put on pantyhose and
    apply eye makeup at kmh in bumper-to-bumper traffic.

    17. Real men drivers can shave while talking to
    someone at 75 kmh in
    bumper-to-bumper traffic.

    18. Heavy fog and rain, nor snow are any
    reasons to change any of the previously listed rules. These
    weather conditions are God's way ensuring a natural selection
    process for body shops, junkyards, and new vehicle sales.

    19. There is a common held belief in Calgary
    that high speed tailgating in heavy traffic reduces
    gasoline consumption as you get sucked along in
    the slipstream of the car in front.

    20. It's OK to cut off fully loaded
    semi-trailers, trains and
    buses because they have big & excellent brakes.

    21. Always anticipate oncoming traffic while
    driving down a one way street.

    22. It's O.K to air your grievances at bad
    drivers by giving the "one
    finger salute" while screaming out
    "you idiot", or something worse. But it is
    imperative you are driving at least a 5 liter V8 with a crow
    bar in your lap.............

  2. #2
    Join Date
    May 2002
    My Ride
    Brick Type R, SC AW11, Alcyone
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    sigh... yet so true...

  3. #3
    Join Date
    May 2002
    My Ride
    BMW E70
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    Thats hilarious...but yeah, I can honestly say I don't know anyone that isn't guilty of atleast one the aforementioned.

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