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Thread: snow, snow and more snow.

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Apr 2005
    Cold Lake
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    '02 protege 5
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    Default snow, snow and more snow.

    I love the snow but kinda makes you think about it...

    Diary of a Snow Shoveler...

    December 8 - 6:00 PM. It started to snow. The first snow of the
    season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by
    the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It
    looked like a Grandma Moses Print. So romantic we felt like
    newlyweds again. I love snow!

    December 9 - We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow
    covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can
    there be a more lovely place in the Whole World? Moving here was
    the best idea I've ever had. Shoveled for the first time in years
    and felt like a boy again. I did both our driveway and the
    sidewalks. This afternoon the snowplow came along and covered up
    the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again.
    What a perfect life.

    December 12 - The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a
    disappointment. My neighbor tells me not to worry, we'll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have so much snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to see snow again. l don't think that's possible. Bob is such a nice man, I'm glad he's our neighbor.

    December 14 - Snow lovely snow! 8" last night. The temperature
    dropped to -20. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took
    my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and
    sidewalks. This is the life! The snowplow came back this afternoon
    and buried everything again. I didn't realize I would have to do
    quite this much shoveling, but I'll certainly get back in shape
    this way. I wish l wouldn't huff and puff so.

    December 15 - 20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4
    Blazer. Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2 extra shovels.
    Stocked the freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the
    electricity goes out. I think that's silly. We aren't in Alaska, after all.

    December 16 - Ice storm this morning. Fell on my ass on the ice
    in the driveway putting down salt. Hurt like hell. The wife laughed for an hour, Which I think was very cruel.

    December 17 - Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go
    anywhere. Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the
    blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and
    try not to irritate her. Guess I should've bought a wood stove, but
    won't admit it to her. God I hate it when she's right. I can't
    believe I'm freezing to death in my own living room.

    December 20 - Electricity's back on, but had another 14" of the
    damn stuff last night. More shoveling. Took all day. Goddamn
    snowplow came by twice. Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but
    they said they're too busy playing hockey. I think they're lying.
    Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a snow
    blower and they're out. Might have another shipment in March. I
    think they're lying. Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have
    it done and bill me. I think he's lying.

    December 22 - Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches of the white shit fell today, and it's so cold it probably
    won't melt till August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to
    go out to shovel and then I had to piss. By the time I got
    undressed, pissed and dressed again. I was too tired to shovel.
    Tried to hire Bob who has a plow on his truck for the rest of the
    winter; but he says he's too busy. I think the asshole is lying.

    December 23 - Only 2" of snow today. And it warmed up to 0. The
    wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning.
    What is she nuts!!! Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago?
    She says she did but I think she's lying.

    December 24 - 6". Snow packed so hard by snowplow, l broke the
    shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the
    son of a bitch who drives that snow plow I'll drag him through the
    snow by his balls and beat him to death with
    my broken shovel. I know he hides around the corner and waits for
    me to finish
    shoveling and then he comes down the street at a 100 miles an hour
    and throws snow all over where I've just been! Tonight the wife
    wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open our presents,
    but I was too busy watching for the goddamn snowplow.

    December 25 - Merry fucking Christmas! 20 more inches of the god
    damn slop tonight. Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood
    boil. God I hate the snow!
    Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit
    him over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad
    attitude. I think shes a fricking idiot. If I have to watch "It's A
    Wondeful Life" one mor time, I'm going to stuff her into the microwave.

    December 26 - Still snowed in. Why the hell did I ever move here?
    It was all HER idea. She's really getting on my nerves.

    December 27 - Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze,
    plumber came after 14 hours of waiting for him, he only charged me 1,400 to replace all my pipes.

    December 28 - Warmed up to above -20. Still snowed in. THE BITCH is
    driving me crazy!!!

    December 29 - 10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or
    it could cave in. That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb
    does he think I am?

    December 30 - Roof caved in. I beat up the snow plow driver he is
    now suing me for a million dollars not only the beating I gave him
    but also for trying to shove the broken snow shovel up his ass. The
    wife went home to her mother. 9" predicted.

    December 31 - I set fire to what's left of the house. No more shoveling.

    January 8 - Feel so good. I just love those little white pills they
    keep giving me. Why am I tied to the bed?

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jan 2003
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  3. #3
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    Nov 2005
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  4. #4
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    Jun 2005
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  5. #5
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    Aug 2006
    London, UK
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    The snow plows are annoying

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
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    hahaha thats funny.

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