Internet Scammer adventure (long read)

[schurchill39]

We've all gotten those emails before saying I need your help in unlocking funds etc. And of course, for the most part, we've ignored them. I decided I should email him back just to see his reply. (Please note, I got the idea from a website I saw a year ago that did this, I just cant remember the site.)

Lloyds TSB Group plc
25 Gresham Street
London EC2V 7HN
United Kingdom
Email: [email protected]

It is with great honor and privilege that I was able to capture your contact
from the internet. My Name is Mr. Jacob Zuma, a citizen of South Africa and a
credit officer of the Lloyds TSB Group plc UK. Before the U.S and Iraqi war our
Customer Mr. Landy McBride who is a national of America and who (in this case I
am his accounting officer) was with the Omega Risk Solutions in Iraq and also an
Oil consultant/contractor with the South African Institute of Mining and
Metallurgy made a numbered fixed deposit for 18 calendar months with our bank
valued at US$25,000,000.00,(Twenty Five Million United state Dollars).Upon
maturity several notice was sent to him, even during the war and also a reminder
and finally we discovered from his contract employers that Landy McBride was
killed in an attack on their convey while traveling from one construction sight
to another during the USA-Iraqi War.

The board of directors of my bank adopted a resolution and as the accounting
officer to Landy McBride I was mandated to provide his next of kin for the
payment of this money within 28 working days or forfeit the money to the bank as
an abandoned property. Further investigations revealed that Landy McBride did
not declare any next of kin in his official papers including the paper work of
his bank deposit. And he also confided in me the last time he was at my office
that no one except me knew of his deposit in my bank. So Twenty Five Million
United state Dollars is still lying in my bank and no one will ever come forward
to claim it. What bothers me most is that The Directors of my bank had planned
to invoke the abandoned property decree of 1996 to confiscate the funds after
the expiration of the period given to me, despairing at the point of
exhaustiveness but fortunately, I came across your name. My suggestion to you is
that I will like you to stand as the next of kin to Lan!
dy McBride so that you will be able to receive this funds.

However, I seek your consent to present you as the Next of Kin to the deceased.
I have contacted an attorney that will prepare the necessary document that will
back you up as the next of kin to Landy McBride. All I require is your honest
cooperation to enable us see this deal through. I guarantee that this will be
executed under a legitimate arrangement that will protect you from any breach of
law. Be Inform also that we shall share the funds in the ratio 70% for me and
25% for you, while 5% should be for Expenses or Tax as your Government may
require. Please endeavor to observe utmost discretion in all matters concerning
this issue. I will bring you into a more detailed picture of this transaction
when I hear from you. Your earliest response to this letter will be appreciated
via my private email
address[[email protected]]

Regards
Mr. Jacob Zuma

This is the point where you would usually delet it. I replied.

Dear Mr. Jacob,
I am quite intrigued as to how you chose to contact me. Coincidentally enough My name is also Mr. Jacobs (with an s). I would be happy to aid you in the process of retrieving those funds. Please let me know how I may help.

God bless,
Mr. Jacobs

To which he replied:

Dear Friend,

Thank you very much for your response, and your interest in this transaction. It became necessary for me to seek your assistance, I appreciate the fact that you are ready to assist me in executing this project. You should not have anything to worry about. I will do everything legally required to ensure that the project goes smoothly, it shall pass through all Laws of International Banking.

Having resolved to entrust this transaction into your hands, I want to remind you that, it needs your commitment and diligent follow up. If you work seriously, the entire transaction should be over in a couple of days.

READ THE FOLLOWING AND GET BACK TO ME:

Firstly, I will want to know the type of occupation that you do and how old you are. You should note that this project is highly capital intensive. This is why I have to be very careful. I need your total devotion and trust to see this through. I know we have not met before, but I am very confident that we will be able to establish the necessary trust that we need to execute this project.

This is to bring to your notice that my lawyer that will be assisting in securing all the necessary documents will swear an affidavit at the registry on your behalf, once I lay hold of your personal information’s.

I want us to enjoy this money in peace when we conclude. So you should listen to my instructions and follow them religiously. Also You have to know that I cannot transfer this money in my name, neither to any member of my family as my bank will be aware that it is from me. This is where I need you and why I contacted you.

To buttress the legitimacy of the funds release, all legal documentation, processing filling, and issuance of approvals is being handled by a Lawyer whom is based here and is an authority in international transactions. We do intend to bring all aspects of the Project within the realms of all laid down procedures as obtained in inheritance payment transfer, thus giving the Project and the transfer itself all legitimacy needed and ensuring total consistency with all legalistic requirements. It is important for us to ascertain definitely, the enjoyment of the funds with absolute peace of mind after the transfer.

To this effect, all modalities have therefore been put in place, to immediately retrieve and destroy all documents relating to the funds release, immediately after the transfer has been made. The Lawyer is totally and must remain totally ignorant of the true nature of the transaction as long as you have the entire legal claim to the funds.

Before I commence, I will need you to send me a copy of any form your identification (Driver's licence or International passport) and your current address. I want to be sure that I am transacting with the correct person. As soon as I get these from you, I will commence the paper work.

Please reconfirm details below:

(i) Name of Beneficiary
(ii) Beneficiary's Address.
(iii) Contact Telephone and Fax numbers
(iv) A copy of your passport
(v) Cell Phone
I hope you will understand why I need all these. The money in question is big and I want to ensure that I know you well before I proceed to give you all the details to commence the project. I will also send you my international passport upon receipt of your identification.

Ensure that you keep this project confidential, do not discuss it with anybody, because of the confidential nature of this transaction and my work.

Best Regards,
Jacob Zuma…
Tell: +44 7040104049.
+44 7040104050.
Fax: +44 8701332420.

This was the last of the pre made emails it appears.
My reply.

Dear Mr. Jacob
I would be happy to help you but it worries me that this may be a scam. Its not to often old folks like myself get emails and seeing as I have only just discovered the joys of the internet. Shame on you if you are attempting to con a poor defenceless man. That shows a total lack or repect for another human being. I have ample amounts of money so I do not need your funding, I only wish to help but not if I am going to be taken advantage of. If you are actually seeking my help then I appologise.

Mr. Jacobs

Now the true king comes out to play.

Thanks for the mail.i will like to inform you you that i did respected you and you failed me by insulting me with names that you have placed in your mail,i want to inform you that this transaction is real and please if you are willing to help in this transaction please do but if not, do reply and say you are not intrested with it, than placing does words to me in your mail,i will always move on in life but stop making words for some body that you did not get to know if its okay am not intrested in playing pracks to get your money,i will always look for some one that will help me and all will be well at the end.you will be in some one else need one day and you will know how it feels when someone says words like that to you when you really seriouse in some thing

Finally, a real person and not some crappy automated reply.

Dear Mr. Jacob
I appologise for accusing you. Please let me know how I can help and I will be happy to oblidge. First, I need you to prove to me that you are actualy a bank employee. Could you please forward a copy of your bank ID card to me. Once I receive that I will be happy to help you in anyway possible.

Mr. Jacobs

Of course this guy is on the ball. Not even 5 hours later I got this message and his 100% authentic bank ID card

Dear Friend,
Top of the day to you, just wanted to prove to you, that’s why I am mailing, because when my wife saw the mail she bluntly refuse me to mail you back because she was not happy about the words in you first mail I should not have further interest in you but I told her this things actually happens, and its not your fault to act that way because of what’s happening in the internet, we are always believing God that some one will definitely help us some day, enclose to this mail is my I.D.please if you are satisfied and which to help me in this transaction please do let me know so we can work as a team and move on. looking out to read from you soon.

» Click image for larger version
Note: The picture is even a Bitmap picture


I need to reply to him. Any suggestions?

[EG STyLeZ]

tell him his authentic ID card isn't good enough. you need a real picture of him balancing a raw fish and loaf of bread on his head while holding a sign with a funny saying on it

[Street_Soldier]

make some fake documents on paint.

[MrPid]

Tell him he is going to be required to show up at the Canadian Embassy whereupon he will undergo an extensive background interview and will be asked to provide urine and DNA samples to establish his unique identity and to have it on file as well as to ensure that he is not under the influence of any nor has ever been narcotics. The tests and interviews should take roughly 4 hours. He should also be prepared to bring all copies of citizenship documentation as well as birth documentation.

[BerserkerCatSplat]

http://www.419eater.com/

[schurchill39]

Thats the site!!!

I think i am going to have to ask for a picture of him holding the ID card. Then after that "my wife" will want to verify his citisenship

[dennisaur]

lol this is some interesting stuff

edit: hehe http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jacob_Zuma

[Nova316]

haha that 419 website is an interesting read
i cant believe some of them have actually gotten money from them

[djayz]

haha google earth the location of his so called bank on 25 gresham street and tell him you are a very highly ranked military official or atleast you were. tell him you can do extensive background checks on his name his wifes name etc. bullshit the guy back even more and tell him the deal is 50/50 and the 5 for taxes and whatnot comes out of his portion or its no deal.

[schurchill39]

Dear Mr. Jacob

After carfefull deliberation I have decided to help you. I should let you know that I was formely a very high ranked officer in the Canadian Army so I have the ability to do extensive background checks on individuals. I have already confirmed your banks adress so there are no worries there. I am sure you understand my need to do this of course. The sum of money you are talking about is quite extensive and it would be a shame for either one of us to lose out. Before I do a background check on you, is there any information you feel that I need to know? Please note I am only interested in working with straight laced honest men. I simply cannot bring myself to helping some one with a criminal record. You could also save the me the troubles of looking you up by sending me a copy of your criminal record. Again sorry for the troubles but you can never be to sure.

Sincerly,
Mr. Jacobs.

Great Idea djayz. I will pull the 50/50 deal on him once he replys to that email.

Someone should email him and attempt to pull that scam on him. Send him the original email just to see what his reaction is with his own work?

[schurchill39]

We have a reply.

Dear Friend,
Thanks for the mail and your willingness to help me in this transaction and your understanding of the what the funds will do for both of us if we can actualize this dream, I will be very please to work with a man of your status I think am already getting proud to know some one like you my good friend, well I as regarding your question requesting for a criminal record of my self, I want you to trust me as I am putting all my hope and trust in you in this transaction, because sincerity counts in this transaction, you will be the one to receive the funds and send to me my part, I want to let you know that I don’t have any criminal dealings so I must say I don’t have a paper for that to present ,am cool and try to be open like a book in all I do, please we have limited time lets try and move on in this transaction if you are really interested in this transaction as you have said, I know you trying to be careful in what you want to do let your mind be at peace my good friend but if not, there is this saying I know you must not try to pursue anything that troubles your heart, so let me know if you are okay and send me your personal date so I can start the work going.
Regards,
Jacob….

My reply.

Mr. Jacob

As you said "follow my heart" which I did. Its not that I do not trust you but upon looking up Jacob Zuma as a Lloyds employee, I found a robbery charge for $5000 as well as assult and battery. Due to this I cannot accept anything less then 50% of the funds. The taxes will have to be paid out of your cut as well. This is a stretch for me (I am a little worried after you told me you have no record) but I belive that that amount should be satisfactory as it will still alow you to retire immediatly (and live very well). I will probably donate the money to a worthy charity as my bank accounts are already right full to the brim. I am sure you can appreciate that.

My wife does not want me to complet this transaction with you but I feel it nessesary to help you out as It would be a shame to let the bank collect the $25 million.

Please reply to me when you've accepted my offer.

Mr. Jacobs

What bullshit should we feed him next?

[FiveFreshFish]

Ask for plane tickets to the UK so you can personally meet with him.

[schurchill39]

Such a quick reply

Dear Sir,
I don’t know were you got your information from but I want to say here that its not true, you must have gotten some internet site accusation and that is not real if you inquire very well, as for your request of 50%, I believe we have come to end of all this I believe you are not ready to assistance because, what you have requested for its not fair in any way, so I cant do business with you thanks any way for your time have a lovely week ahead, I believe I will find some one that we be willing to assist in all ways and see that this transaction is a success, I will love to know you more better as a friend, may be when am done with this transaction, and my dreams come true.
Regards,
Jacob….

Maybe we can get him to spend some money on me.

Dear Friend,

I appologise profusely for my wife's actions. She replied to your last email. I have already cleared you with our army's intellegence, I do not know where she got that information from. Because of her actions I will only accept 10% of the funds the rest can go to your kind soul. Like I said before I have ample amounts of money to last me and I will end up donating the money to my local church. I am very willing to help your cause. Please, if you have not lost faith in me, mail me the required original documents via DHL delivery services. This is the fastest most reliable method. I understand you are on a time constriction.

If you still wish to do business with me, reply and I will provide you with an adress to send the original paper documents to. I only ask that you provid me with a tracking number. Once I receive them and fill them out I will send them back with DHL and provide you with a tracking number.

One question though, I noticed you needed my passport... Will a copy of my passport work as opposed to the orginal? If so I will send it to you along with all the documents you send me.

Again, sorry about that last reply.

Mr. Jacobs

[lexIS300]

tell him to take a picture of himself with a sign that says I GOT OWNED!

[djayz]

haha your doing well

tell him that since you are such a high ranked official int he army you have a jet at your disposal therefore youd like to fly him out here for a few hours and go over the whole process with him face to face.

try to get his address tell him a car will pick him up and you know how the rest goes haha

[schurchill39]

Dear Friend,
Thanks for the mail and the update, I will want you to give me your sincere assurance about you being able to handle this transaction because I don’t understand why your beloved wife should paint me that way with a business of sure magnitude. I will need your personal data as requested earlier from you so my lawyer can prepare the necessary document in your favour.and also if you cannot provide me with your international passport you can as well provide me with any form of identification along side this needed information’s, so I know who am dealing with.

FULL NAMES
TELEPHONE NUMBER(Valid)
PHYSICAL MAILING ADDRESS

Looking out to read from you very soon.
Regards,
Jacob...

[Pee_Sack]

bahahah this is prime, keep it going.

[schurchill39]

Dear Mr. Jacob.

As you know, due to my possition in the Canadian Army I have a private Jet at my disposal. I would like to meet with you in person to finalise this deal. If you can provide me with your adress I will promptly send my jet over and have a car pick you up. Your flight, meals and hotel will be paid for, I will even throw in a few days of free time so you can enjoy my country (of course the jet will be at your disposal as well to travel to any point you wish in our vast land). This will all be paid for by the canadian goverment.

We can finish the deal when you are here.

Please send me your adress and I will let you know when the car will arrive.

Mr. Jacobs

[dennisaur]

lol this thread is fucking golden

[Jackc]

bahahaha this is great
awesome post