Overcoming Insecurities

[ZorroAMG]

Ok, straight up:

This is not a solid relationship. You need to communicate MUCH and she needs to get what you are saying or it's time to move on. She is fishing for ways to justify bad behaviour on her part or she IS a cheater and her guilt is getting to her, making her think you are gonna freak.

As for YOUR insecurities, you are 23..it's normal to feel insecure everyone does, especially since your last relationships sucked ballz. This will change with two factors:

Age....once you become more mature, in control of your snap judgments and emotions, you will be more confident. That will translate to women, picking up your self confidence and making you more attractive to them.

Women...find the ones that communicate properly and are like-minded...(if she's a bar-star and you're a blockbuster night, it's useless). Women are better than us at this shit by nature so once you find one that is on your level, you'll see...

Time man, it takes time.

[ca18det240sx]

Originally posted by adam c
i just turned 23 on the 14th.. its been a year since my last relationship ended.. but it was 3 years of control and manipulation and a lot of stuff.. that was far from a healthy relationship

when that relationship ended it left me pretty much destroyed even tho it was the best thing that could have happened to me.. now i have found someone great.. 1000x better then anything i could have had with my ex but it seems like i keep causing problems then anything else and i've come to the conclusion its due to my insecurities and crap i went through before

look man...theres on simple way to deal with it, and as simple as it sounds, i live by it. Just roll with it...thats all i have to tell you. Nothing you can say or do is going to change the outcome....whats going to happen is going to happen. You checking up on her, making sure she isnt cheating, etc, isnt going to achieve anything.

Dont worry about life, just roll with it. The more you worry and are negative, the more it will go wrong...life has a way of doing that. When you find yourself thinking that way....just remember....let what happens happens. Life has a way of giving you exactly what you need, and in some cases even more. Always stay positive.....and if youre saying easier said than done...thats a statement made by people who have no interest in changing, or no hope that a change could ocurr. BE POSITIVE!!!!

[shakalaka]

Someone has prolly most likely already said this. But have insecurities in your realtionship? Talk 'em out buddy!

[Roadrage]

Originally posted by adam c
her biggest one is she's paranoid that everytime she talks to a guy im going to get mad or jealous.. which im not and no matter how much i've told her i don't care who she talks to it doesn't click

Perhaps in her last relationship, the guy was super jealous or got mad easily just for talking to any guy. It could've been a bad relationship and is just looking for constant assurances from you.

Look, I'm guessing she's your age or younger so she's probably still got those memories fresh in her head and may tend to overthink or overanalyse. She will mature and learn that you really don't mind her talking to other guys. Takes time man.

[EK 2.0]

*cracking knuckles...*

Ok buddy, if you are trying to solve issues but they keep reappearing then you have one of 2 problems.

1. You truly are not getting to the bottom of whatever the root of the real issue is, and are trying to hard to get to the make up sex after the fight.

or

2. The issues are apparent, but neither party wants to call a spade a spade so you try to resolve the issues and get past it. Just so the other party doesn't end up being the "bad guy". You lay things to rest to move on, but its like pulling out a dandelion from the stem, if you do not grab the root, it will keep coming back.

If you want, I am willing to talk to her for you. See whats really on her mind...

[arian_ma]

Honestly dude, I think the best advice I can give you is to NOT take any advice from anyone. No one knows your relationship like the two of you do. People see the outside of it, but they don't know the whole story. Sure, they think they know wtf they're talking about, but first of all, you didn't tell us SHIT about SHIT, secondly, you only told us YOUR side of the story, which means shit, and lastly, who knows if the people that are giving you advice have the same idea about what an ideal relationship is?

You have a brain, you're not stupid, talk to the girl. Women are STUPIDLY persistent about the most obviously ridiculous things, but just keep at it, like someone else said, as the relationship ages, it will get better, now for some that "age" may take longer than others, just keep at it.

Also, if you think your GF is cheating on you and hiding it, asking her will probably not get you any truthful answers.

[Darkane]

What nationality are you? If anything get someone from the motherland, they tend to act like women and not children.

MOST canadian girls FTL.

[ZorroAMG]

Originally posted by EK 2.0


If you want, I am willing to talk to her for you. See whats really on her mind...

LMAO, yeah sure she'd love to talk to some big brown car-enthusiast stranger about the problems she's having with her boyfriend!

[adam c]

im white (23) and she's viet (20)

some of the stuff u guys are saying makes sense.. some other stuff is way out there..

and ek.. thanks but no thanks

[three.eighteen.]

Originally posted by adam c
her biggest one is she's paranoid that everytime she talks to a guy im going to get mad or jealous.. which im not and no matter how much i've told her i don't care who she talks to it doesn't click

she's prying/looking for a reaction, what exactly i can't say, you know her better than anyone here

Originally posted by adam c

my biggest one.. my last relationship really did some bad things to me, and as much as i want to leave that behind me, they somehow creep up and start affecting my mood towards her. i get worried that she's going to move on or is only with me cause theres no one else..

this is it right here, the source of your insecurities: no one else? nancy, you're putting yourself at the bottom of the totem pole with that talk

[ken-gsr]

I think that might be your problem - it is not that you are imature, it is that she is.
If you break up with this girl, make sure the next girl you date is older, and you will see a great difference.
My last girlfriend was 19 (when i was 22) and now my Fiance is 26 (and currently I am 24). Often girls think they are 'mature' but really they are not - no one is when they are young and 'fresh' into the bar scene.
Good luck buddy - I hope all works out for you.
Ps - sorry about my last post, I didn't mean to assume that you asked her friends if she was cheating on you.

[G]

Originally posted by adam c
im white (23) and she's viet (20)

You better have aspirations to become a multimillionaire or learn how to run a profitable grow op ... gold digging extraordinaire

[SunniSunShine]

Originally posted by G


You better have aspirations to become a multimillionaire or learn how to run a profitable grow op ... gold digging extraordinaire

ROFLLLLLLLL

[in*10*se]

Originally posted by G


You better have aspirations to become a multimillionaire or learn how to run a profitable grow op ... gold digging extraordinaire

hit the nail on the head.

[SOAB]

Originally posted by adam c
im white (23) and she's viet (20)

RUN MOFO!! viet chicks are crazy! i'm viet and i wouldn't even think about dating one...

[01RedDX]

.

[FatalError]

^ But first and foremost, get pictures.

PS Don't learn the hard way...

[jdmakkord]

Originally posted by 403Gemini


Well said. Honestly when i was 18-19 i was a jealou-aholic lol. Seriously anything would drive me nuts and i dunno what it was. I never wanted my (ex)girlfriend to goto the bars without me and shit like that. I had no real insecurties, i was convinced she wouldnt cheat... but i dunno it just drove me nuts.

Now im 24 in a steady relationship and well, when my gf says shes going to the bar with her friends for the night - i think to myself "Fuck yeah! I can have a couple buddies over and play xbox tonight with no interruptions!!"

Just give it time man, but dont let the paranoia/jealousy ruin it for you guys, just try and muscle through it. The girlfriend i have now, we started goin out when i was 19 and i was still pretty jealous, i would say if you can get past the first 1-2 years and hit about 20-22 all of those feelings will just literally go away. (How old are you adam? if you are 22-23 no worries if the feelings are still there, sometimes it depends on how long you've been in the relationship as well) - my 5 year anniversary is on november 1st with my gf suppose i should think of something special to do... haha

6 years and a few months here

[Impreza]

Things are always easier said than done. You both have to want the relationship to work. If you feel that things won't work out, you mind as well end things now. Like I said before, barstars FTL... It may also take you a while to realize that your gf is a fucking bitch (I am not saying she is one), cause it took me quite a while to figure that out about my ex. Relationships shouldn't be that hard.

[TegLover]

end it!

Being single is AWESOME, especially if you've been in a relationship for so long and can't even remember how it was like being single again. Way less stress, it'll be good for you down the road. Going on almost 1 year now being single and turning down girls wanting to have a relationship with me.

ohh and you save lots of money that you can spend on yourself and mods instead of buying her $700 purses LOL