Do I need a personal trainer?

[Godfuader]

So finally I am going to go ahead and join a gym. I haven't been near a gym in about 2 years now. Thinking about the Y in Crowfoot. They have options for personal trainer for $50/hr. Now the thing is that I dont need to fit into a wedding dress or tone up for anything in particular...just need to get my lazy ass into shape (and to get my nagging fiancé off my back). I figured I could get the trainer for just 1 hr to show me the machines and basically set up a routine. Is the trainer even necessary, do most gyms have similar equipments so I can just get a generic routine dug up online?

Right now im about 5'9, 155lbs and have the office physique (little bit of a belly), the most exercise I get in a day is shifting gears. I dont have any lofty fitness goals...just need to be in shape and ensure I dont have a heart attack when im 40, since heart conditions are notorious in my family. Do you think I need more cardio vs. weights? Need to change my diet? I have sworn off fast food and tend to lean towards salads when Im out.

Help me get into shape beyond...or my fiance will hurt me.

ps. any reviews on the YMCA in Crowfoot?

[Weapon_R]

It's a good idea to use one until you get the hang of things, and then you can use their programs and your own self direction after that.

They have their purpose but they are expensive.

[1-Bar]

find a workout buddy with decent knowledge of the gym and you're set. The cutting out of fast foods will do a lot in terms of your overall body comp. Its a good start.

I suggest building some lean body mass first to burn more calories over time vs. cardio.

[98type_r]

Crowfoot Y is a bit small so if you go at peak hours you'll end up waiting around for machines.

[Antonito]

If you have no idea what you are doing and have no one to help you in person for free and have the spare money lying around, then yeah, get a trainer. If you are starting at absolute zero, you'll probably do a few things wrong, and sometimes that can lead to problems if undetected

[topmade]

Do it right from the very begining and you will have a solid foundation to work on. Do it wrong and you'll waste more money and time correcting it, and don't forget about possible injuries from bad form and posture.

[TomcoPDR]

If you're making decent $$$, it wouldn't hurt to pay for a few sessions to help you get started. A little corny but "you can't put a price on your health"

I'm not an expert on the subject, but your body shape (by description) is very workable and can easily be put back into shape.

Let your fiance know that fitness doesn't necessarily have to come fromt he gym...



The Act of Insertion
If the man is ready (same vice-versa) 1/4 calories
If the woman is not (same vice-versa) 274 calories



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Satisfying Partner (organ size)
Most experts agree that size means nothing. Shape is what counts, and the man with a shaped organ can write his own ticket. In those rare instances where a man has a genuinely small member, he may have to compensate by working slightly harder, but this is good for weight loss. A man with a really large organ, while he might not have to work as hard once inside, may exhaust himself just trying to convince his partner to let him put it inside.

Normal size 22 calories
Oversize 15 calories
Tremendous 8 calories
Teensy-weensy 163 calories




--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Positions
Man on top, woman on bottom (facing each other) 20 calories
Woman on top, man on bottom
(Many women find that in addition to its inherent sexual possibilities, this position affords a better view of the clock.) 25 calories
From the rear (Mysterious variation) 40 1/2 calories
Standing: Both partners of equal height 18 calories
Standing: Woman 1 foot taller than a man 90 calories
While in traction
(very useful during ski season) 124 calories



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Locations
On a bar stool 20 calories
Rear of a Honda Civic 38 calories
In a phone booth, standing 14 calories
In a phone booth, lying down 274 calories
On an airliner, aisle seat 24 calories
On an airliner, middle seat 42 calories
On an airliner, window seat 30 calories
On an airliner, in the lavatory 100 calories



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Possible Side Effects of Intercourse
Bouncing 7 calories
Sliding around 9 calories
Serious Skidding 12 calories
Full cartwheel 20 calories
Whiplash 27 calories
Knee burn 6 calories
Chafed elbows 5 calories
Chafed nose 11 calories



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sex Related Noises
Short gasps (per gasp) 3 calories
Wheezing 5 calories
Squeals 4 calories
Ecstatic moaning 11 calories
Low growling 8 calories
Squishing 10 calories
Shouting 16 calories
Screaming 18 calories
Urgent begging 22 calories
Any short speech giving partner directions
("Please don't stop," "Faster," "Just a little more" are common examples.) 25 calories



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Approaching Orgasm
Letting go 5.5 calories
Controlling yourself 79 calories
Digging nails into your partner's back 11 calories
Trembling 15 calories
Shaking 20 calories
Shuddering 25 calories
Trying to keep eyes open 33 calories



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Orgasm
Real 27 calories
Faked 160 calories



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Orgasmic Intensity Scale
Expression didn't change 1/2 calorie
Face turned purple 15 calories
Orchestra swelled 6 calories
Magical explosions 10 calories
Blazing Sheets 25 calories
Earth moved 30 calories
Vesuvius erupted 47 calories
You began moaning in Latin 60 calories



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Pulling Out
After orgasm 1/4 calorie
A few moments before orgasm 500 calories



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Multiple Orgasms
For women:
2 14 calories
5 30 calories
8 47 calories
(Depending on greed her rate of recovery a woman can enjoy around 8 orgasms within an hour period without losing consciousness or disarranging her hair. As the number increases, however, she may begin to experience a form of "reduced sanity" that will temporarily interfere with her ability to cook, worship ,and ride a Moped.)
For Men:
2 21 calories
3 39 calories
4 57 calories
(For a man, its a different situation, perhaps due to physiological and biological reasons. Many men can enjoy up to 4 orgasms in an hour with little discomfort except for the slight ringing in the ears. With few exceptions, however, a man who tries to achieve more than 10 orgasms within that same period is flirting with irreversible brain damage.)




--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Special Orgasms
Clitoral. 15 calories
Vaginal 21 calories
Penile 21 calories
Scrotile 15 calories
Rectal 25 calories
Oral
(can also occur during an especially good meal) 30 calories



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Premature Ejaculation*
During insertion 2 calories
During intercourse
(Approximately. 2 sec's or 3 thrusts after insertion, whichever comes first.) 5 calories
During foreplay 3 calories
Immature ejaculation
(Similar to premature ejaculation except male acts childish and throws a tantrum.) 4 calories



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Consequences of Premature Ejaculation
Even if you have a good heart, it takes much understanding not to feel like a victim when your partner climaxes after 3 sec's of intensive sex, especially if he immediately sits up to watch the football on tv.

For Women
Frustration 8 calories
Anger 15 calories
Violent mood swing 20 calories
Surpressing rage 25 calories
Not surpressing anger
(In extreme cases, this can include cursing, nose tweaks, and gently massaging partner's head with a tire iron.) 65 calories
For Men:
Cursing 10 calories
Apologising 3 calories
Snivelling 5 calories
Pleading for mercy 8 calories
Begging for another chance
(Note how unfair: Men never seem to mind if a woman has an orgasm after 3 seconds of sex.) 15 calories




--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Possible Side Effects of Good Sex
The first indication that sex was a positive experience will be a buzzing in the pelvic area and a clear complexion. You might also feel pleasantly light, as though you were dozing in a vat of cream cheese. If sex was really terrific, you feel dangerously drained, as though your body had been connected to a large milking machine for several days. Additional reactions include:

Swooning 6 calories
Palpitations 10 calories
Shortness of breath 5 calories
Perspiring 8 calories




--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Possible Side Effects of Bad Sex
A less-than-sunny desposition 1 calorie



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Recovering
Un-entwining 3 calories
Regaining motor control of pevis
(After especially tiring sex, you may feel numb from below the waist to the opposite wall. The result will be an inability to walk [put one foot in front of the other], which will seriously impair your chances of going to the bathroom or getting some juice.) 7 calories
Standing up 9 calories
Getting some juice 11 calories



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Rolling Over and Going to Sleep
After intercourse
(Classic behavior for shiftiness men who believe they've done their job and are now entilted to a rest. This "rest" may include snoring.) 18 calories
During intercourse
(Women find this to be a subtle, yet direct way of suggesting dissatisfaction.) 32 calories
During foreplay
(Indicates either an advance case of fatigue or a serious lack of interest.) 12 calories
Avoiding the wet spot 80 calories




--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Trying Again
If the woman is ready 5 calories
If the man is not 156 calories



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dreaming
Regular dream 2 calories
Wet Dream
Add 5 calories if it occurs while in bed with your partner;
Add 20 calories if your partner notices 16 calories
Wet Trance
(Usually occurs in the presence of a sensual hypnotist.) 20 calories



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Group Sex
Introducing yourself 3 calories
Overcoming shyness 8 calories
Swapping partners, willingly 4 calories
Swapping partners, unwillingly 62 calories
Jealousy
(Partner having more fun than you are) 16 calories
Mixed doubles 26 calories
Being nice to everyone 100 calories
Anger
(You suddenly realize that you're wanted for you body and not your mind. Difficult to cope with, especially if you have a Ph.D.) 10 calories
Finding your clothes 5 calories



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Masturbation
For pleasure only 6 calories
For exercise, too 10 calories
For relief from tension 12 calories
To pass the time 7 calories
To avoid overeating 16 calories
To get in touch with inner self 10 calories
To get in touch with outter self 10.5 calories
To avoid insanity 24 calories
To avoid spending money on a date
(In addition to being a viable alternative to television, shopping, and binges, masturbation is a quick and inexpensive way to get warm.) 9 calories
Using your hand(s) 11 calories
Using your finger(s) 9 calories
Using tweezers 2 calories
Using an inflatable doll 24 calories
Using Any fruit or vegetable
(Except watermelon or a sprig of parsley) 19 calories
Using a vibrator, hand-operated 12 calories
Using a vibrator, windup 9 calories
Using a vibrator, electric 5 calories
Using anything not mentioned here 50 calories
In a pornographic movie theater - purchasing the ticket 2.5 calories
In a pornographic movie theater - finding isolated seat 78 calories
In a pornographic movie theater - adjusting raincoat 3 calories



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Typical Sex-Related Fears
Partner hates me for what I did 4 calories
Partner hates me for what I didn't do 8 calories
Forgetting the instructions in the sex manual 10 calories
Climaxing too soon 5 calories
Climaxing too late 6 calories
Not climaxing 20 calories
Partner thinks of me as a sex object 9 calories
Partner doesn't think of me as a sex object 47 calories
Partner will neglect to adminster last rites should I not recover from orgasm 88 calories



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Personal Fears
Gigantic cellulite that shake and ripple during orgasm 6 calories
Stretch marks that look like a plowed field 8 calories
Penis envy 72 calories
Body odor of a disgruntled yak 25 calories



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Getting Caught
By partner's spouse 60 calories
By your spouse 60.5 calories
Trying to explain 165 calories
Stuttering 28 calories
Throwing up
(Calorie counts here are flexible, depending on type of spouse-whether understanding and open-minded, or narrow-minded and armed) 40 calories



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Almost Getting Caught
Trying to remain calm 100 calories
Fright (includes trembling) 66 calories
Leaping out of bed 25 calories
Getting dressed in one large motion 300 calories
Thanking partner quickly 2 calories
Jumping out of window
add 5 calories if window wasn't open 15 calories
Landing 1 calorie
Running very fast 50 calories

[adidas]

Pay me 30 an hour and ill train you.

[Godfuader]

Originally posted by Weapon_R
It's a good idea to use one until you get the hang of things, and then you can use their programs and your own self direction after that.
They have their purpose but they are expensive.

Originally posted by Antonito
If you have no idea what you are doing and have no one to help you in person for free and have the spare money lying around, then yeah, get a trainer. If you are starting at absolute zero, you'll probably do a few things wrong, and sometimes that can lead to problems if undetected

Originally posted by topmade
Do it right from the very begining and you will have a solid foundation to work on. Do it wrong and you'll waste more money and time correcting it, and don't forget about possible injuries from bad form and posture.

Think I'll get the trainer for one session (unless shes hot, in which case i might do enough sessions to put her kids thru college) Injury is my biggest concern. I remember a year back I went into the gym for one evening...worked on my chest...hurt like a mofo for 3 solid days!

Originally posted by 1-Bar
find a workout buddy with decent knowledge of the gym and you're set. The cutting out of fast foods will do a lot in terms of your overall body comp. Its a good start.
I suggest building some lean body mass first to burn more calories over time vs. cardio.

I would have preferred a workout buddy...but the time/location is not working with anyone. How do I build lean body mass?

Originally posted by 98type_r
Crowfoot Y is a bit small so if you go at peak hours you'll end up waiting around for machines.

Will be in before work around 7:30-8:30 in the mornings...so hopefully avoid anyone under 25.. I have seen the place at 6pm...and its a zoo.

Originally posted by TomcoPDR
If you're making decent $$$, it wouldn't hurt to pay for a few sessions to help you get started. A little corny but "you can't put a price on your health"

I'm not an expert on the subject, but your body shape (by description) is very workable and can easily be put back into shape.

Let your fiance know that fitness doesn't necessarily have to come fromt he gym...



The Act of Insertion...

I was actually laughin out loud at work!!

[1-Bar]

Originally posted by Godfuader
I would have preferred a workout buddy...but the time/location is not working with anyone. How do I build lean body mass?

Resistance/weight training I find a lot of new people to the gym trying to lose weight hit up the cardio machines a lot more. Truth is, you'll burn more calories putting on LBM then running a marathon. LBM burns calories while you sleep, so the more you have....well

[TomcoPDR]

Originally posted by 1-Bar


Resistance/weight training I find a lot of new people to the gym trying to lose weight hit up the cardio machines a lot more. Truth is, you'll burn more calories putting on LBM then running a marathon. LBM burns calories while you sleep, so the more you have....well

What's LBM please

[98type_r]

Originally posted by TomcoPDR


What's LBM please

Lean Body Mass

[Godfuader]

I do know how much weight loss I want to do. To be quite honest my essential goal is more to look good...than to be in condition to run a marathon. That being said I dont want to look like Im juiced out...rather, fit. I would like to stay in the 150-165 window. I wanted to throw cardio in because running around with my nephews I find myself short of breath after a little while.

[punj_abi]

155 at 5'9 dood u need to gain weight no lose.

Forget personal trainers, the internet is your very own. www.bodybuilding.com everything you could need.

[1-Bar]

Originally posted by TomcoPDR


What's LBM please

Sorry, my prior explanation sucked. LBM as mentioned above is Lean Body Mass. You build LBM by resistance/weight training Sorry for the confusion

[Godfuader]

Originally posted by punj_abi
155 at 5'9 dood u need to gain weight no lose.

Forget personal trainers, the internet is your very own. www.bodybuilding.com everything you could need.

Great Info! Im looking at the ''Workouts'' link (http://www.bodybuilding.com/fun/bbin...orkoutPrograms) and that seems like info for most scenarios. Pretty much what i was looking for, including sets/reps, diagrams, and dietary. Would this be the ideal way to go guys?

[TomcoPDR]

Originally posted by 1-Bar


Sorry, my prior explanation sucked. LBM as mentioned above is Lean Body Mass. You build LBM by resistance/weight training Sorry for the confusion

Thanks, yea sorry just not familiar in the industry to click-in on the abbreviations. Makes sense now.

[punj_abi]

all those are great programs, but i'd suggest search up "rip toes".

and ask all these questions there, ppl know this topic there as its the only one.

[Godfuader]

Originally posted by punj_abi
all those are great programs, but i'd suggest search up "rip toes".

and ask all these questions there, ppl know this topic there as its the only one.

Im lost

[Antonito]

Originally posted by Godfuader


Im lost

Possibly he means "ripped" and "toned" as keywords?