Did I handle this right?

[snoop101]

You did the right thing, which I think most would have done.

I think his parents are the main issue. I assume he didnt have the best childhood or he was spoiled rotten and seems to still be.

If my kid was jobless at the age of 19 I would kick his ass. If he still was living with me in his 20's I would really kick his ass.

Maybe its just me, but I grew up in a european household where you start working asap and respect your parents and money.

[ZenOps]

I dunno.

Happiness is all relative. If he isn't hurting anyone else or himself, let the man play an 16-hour WoW game.

IMO, having too many friends is overrated. Too much maintenance. As for work - the only thing that working hard gets you - is more work. Sometimes I think the Tibetan monks have the right idea - meditating completely still for 16 hours of the day. Again - happiness is very personal.

Californication Season 1 "When the absolute last thing you would want to do is go to a black tie fundraiser."

Sure hes not contributing anything to society - but at least he isn't destroying society like Rob Anders does.

But as for the gun part, yes it was right to take it away. Suicide may not have been on his mind - that would be a huge assumption.

[beyond_ban]

Originally posted by ZenOps
I dunno.

Happiness is all relative. If he isn't hurting anyone else or himself, let the man play an 16-hour WoW game.

IMO, having too many friends is overrated. Too much maintenance. As for work - the only thing that working hard gets you - is more work. Sometimes I think the Tibetan monks have the right idea - meditating completely still for 16 hours of the day. Again - happiness is very personal.

Sure hes not contributing anything to society - but at least he isn't destroying society like Rob Anders does.

But as for the gun part, yes it was right to take it away. Suicide may not have been on his mind - that would be a huge assumption.

Everyone of your posts makes my face slide deeper into my palm.

There is such thing as living a REAL life, and not doing everything that was pleasing to you. Happiness isn't what keeps the world running. Oh, wait, i wanna sit at home and drink beer and leech off of society so i am going to quit my job and do just that. Fuck it, beyond group "do what we want, fuck reality" anyone? Your logic is skewed, and i think you and this other guy should share a room in the psych ward.

[Supa Dexta]

The registry was canned the other day wasn't it, why are they still taking guns?

[dexlargo]

Calling the cops was definitely the right thing to do.

As for the rest of it, I don't think there's a right or wrong here. It would have been fine if you didn't intervene - after all it's up to him to change his life, but it's also okay to try and nudge him in the right direction - that's part of being a friend too.

I would leave the ball in his court at this point.

[mazdavirgin]

Originally posted by Supa Dexta
The registry was canned the other day wasn't it, why are they still taking guns?

I suspect you still need a firearms license(PAL) to posses firearms...

[spikerS]

see the biggest thing is, i know that if i found him a job, he would go to work just fine, just that he does not have the get up and go to go find it as he does not have to worry about paying rent or food. That is what pisses me off the most about this, and hence why we wanted to move him into our place. we were offering him 2 months free room and board, and either my wife or I am home 100% of the time and could be helping and motivating him to find a job. Then he knows that he has rent that needs to be paid, and so on and so forth.

We had offered a really sweet deal, and still got nowhere.

And in my opinion, it is my place to do everything i can to help him. I have a small circle of people that i call friends, people that I can call on at any time, for any reason, and I know that they will do everything in their power to help me, and the same is in reverse. I have lots of aquaintances, but only a small group of real friends, and that was what i was trying to be to him.

[3g4u]

Originally posted by Supa Dexta
The registry was canned the other day wasn't it, why are they still taking guns?

The new Firearms Act still needs to go through a legislative process and pass in Parliament, so you still need to register as of now.

[Kloubek]

100% back you on your decision. You can question all day whether or not he would have killed himself that night. But if he had, and you did nothing about it, you would question yourself for the rest of your life.

I learned a long time ago through the loss of a couple of very close friends, and one particular ex girlfriend that you cannot control what other people do, or how they think. You can try to lead them in the right direction, but in the end it is only up to them of whether they want to continue on the same path or not. I also know - having battled depression in my past - that trying to apply logic and helping someone isn't always possible. Sometimes the mind can get in such a shitty place that you aren't living... you are merely existing. And when that happens, you could have offered him the sweetest deal in the world and he may not have cared.

By doing what you did, you proved that you do. And even if you never talk to him again, you can rest easy knowing that you did your part.

[ZenOps]

Seriously though. Its nice you want to push him in the "right" direction or at least a slightly healthier one.

I knew a guy who would watch and race cars all the time.. I mean all the time - 300 laps, then 500 laps... It was getting worse than I've seen most people and their horse racetrack habits.

Spent every dime and waking hour on it. That wasn't particularily healthy either - and his wife left him over it as well. But then again - he really really liked going around the racetrack a few hundred thousand times for some reason... He got the point after I mentioned it was kind of like a pet dog chasing his own tail.

Rich guy too, Tough call.

Edit: Also know a guy with 38,000 Xbox gamer points...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SN8DL7bZHdU

[Meback]

Originally posted by wes_v
You did everything right except for the part about calling the RCMP. You could have comfronted him about the rifle instead of calling the RCMP. If he would have tried something then you call the RCMP.

Absolutely not!! OP did the right thing, if he hadn't turned the gun on himself, it could have been the OP or all that were in attendance. The last thing I would want to do is even get close to him. Considering that there are four guns laying around the house, chances are he had thought about using em.

Lastly I wanna comment that your friend most likely suffers from depression. Sounds to me he is very withdrawn, he pushes away people, stays in the basement, and drink in the attempt to cope.

[Legless_Marine2]

Originally posted by suen17
You did the right thing.

At this point, I would wonder if he's been living with some undiagnosed psychiatric problem. BPD specifically comes to mind.

If he's in the hospital already ask them do a psych consult, and you & your wife can give collateral that can get him easily admitted to a psych unit - especially since he's shown suicidal ideation.

Ditto. He's not doing this because he's a "lazy bum" as someone has ignorantly suggested - There's something wrong with this guy.

Kudos to the OP - He did everything right. The family has no need of having guns around anyhow.... and they're doubly unsafe with a drunken depresso around.

OP should be cautious to invite this person's illness into his home. I understand the loyalty, but I don't think this is in anyone's best interest. At best, you will end up caring for (and paying for) an invalid. Far better to help the fellow get the help that he needs. If he doesn't, it's not the OPs responsibility to be his sponsor/safety net.

[nykz]

Definitely did the right thing, with a rifle on his lap, and all those beers. He clearly wasn't the happiest guy at the moment. You wouldn't have known his intentions or anything either, perhaps attempting to suicide as he had just said good bye to his two only friends. Or perhaps he disliked the fact that you pointed out all the flaws and things that would spike him. Like you said, when you brought your daughter down to say good bye to him, he suddenly had a rifle. For the safety of your family, and himself. Definitely the best decision.

[spikerS]

well, at this point, i can only assume that he has decided to cut us out of his life. He no longer has a facebook account, and is gone from both of our friends list.

I have sent him an email, but it seems that he has chosen to ignore it...

I find it a little shocking that he could be out of the hospital already....

[nykz]

After all that you've done for him, if he didn't realize what great friends he had. He definitely doesn't deserve having anyone like you and your wife around. You've done all that you could have, to his benefit, if he decides to cut you out of his life, so be it..

Sure after 15 years of friendship, its not easy just seeing it go down the drain. But a friendship is between two individuals, you've done your part, he clearly hasn't. If he never put in the effort, and in return pushed you away. You may consider it this way, by being the better person or friend, you can/should walk away like how he wants you to.

[mushi_mushi]

I think you acted with your best friends interests in mind. Do you know of any specific reason why your friend chose to isolate himself? I think there is nothing wrong to take some time off and re-evaluate your goals and ambitions, but wasting that time in your parents basement playing video games and drinking beer is unacceptable specially given his age. The reality of things is its very hard to help those who cant help themselves. If he doesn't understand what he is doing is wrong, or the lengths that your willing to go to to help him out then I dont think there is much that can be done. He chose his path, he may not be paying the consequences for his decisions yet, but eventually reality will set in and it wont be pleasant.

I would also think twice about letting this person in your home, when you have a wife and daughter. I think this is just asking for trouble. I think no matter what you try to do to reform him he will go back to his old habits. I think he sets a bad example for your child and there are potentially other issues with his maturity/mental stability.

I think the parents are largely to blame for allowing it to get to this point. I would never think to kick my children out if they were jobless (hypothetically as I dont have kids), sometimes finding yourself is part of growing up, but its clear that at 34 your friend still hasn't grown up. Your friend's problem is he lives in a world of zero rules/responsibilities. If you want to help your friend, I would talk to his parents, and try to get them to understand that their son has a problem and by accepting his lifestyle choices they are only adding to that problem. I say give him a grace period of a couples of months and start charging him rent, that will at least force him to get a job.

[Stealth13]

I would have done the same thing, trying to help get him a job and all. I think you made the right choice

[suen17]

Originally posted by spikers
well, at this point, i can only assume that he has decided to cut us out of his life. He no longer has a facebook account, and is gone from both of our friends list.

I have sent him an email, but it seems that he has chosen to ignore it...

I find it a little shocking that he could be out of the hospital already....

Haha wow. Discharged already. Well, if you'd like to follow up with it, here's the number for the psych mobile response team. They can do assessments on the spot and certify (i.e. enforce treatment) on him if they feel the need.

http://www.albertahealthservices.ca/...af&rid=1018209

[spikerS]

Originally posted by suen17


Haha wow. Discharged already. Well, if you'd like to follow up with it, here's the number for the psych mobile response team. They can do assessments on the spot and certify (i.e. enforce treatment) on him if they feel the need.

http://www.albertahealthservices.ca/...mp;rid=1018209

thanks, i am going to look into that and see what options are available. I really dont think he wants me around or not, or even if I should be following up on this now and just respect his wishes.

[sr20s14zenki]

I know everybody else has said it, but you did the right thing man. It sucks you had to call the cops, but you were looking out for his best interests. Sometimes, even tho theres years of friendship, you just need to let go. Thats it. I dont talk to who i considered my best friend anymore. I was taking a career path, starting a family, etc, and he was still lying about everything, had no career path, couldnt understand why i was with my wife, etc. Well, that was about 2 years ago. Now he has a house, a girlfriend, a few cars, hes doing quite well for himself, and im happy for him. I see him around mutual friends once in awhile, but other than that, no "friend" contact. It sucks, but thats the cards life deals you sometimes. I figured, birds of a feather flock together, why am i still hanging out with this guy.

Hope things work out tho.