Did I handle this right?

[spikerS]

I am currently feeling guilty as sin. I know I did the right thing, but I feel like I handled this all wrong.

A very good friend of mine has had a pretty shitty life lately. for the past 4 years now, his entire life has been sitting in his parent's basement, playing video games and drinking beer. Up until 4 years ago, he had a job, was happy, had a life, he was even one of the groomsmen at my wedding.

now, he has no job, lives off his parents, he is 34, lives in his parents basement, drinks beer, plays video games and surfs the web and has become a pathological liar, and a horrible liar at that. he has even admitted that my wife and I are the only friends he still has contact with.

He, myself and my wife have been talking about this for awhile now. we were planning on moving him into our house, working with him to find a job for him, and get him some sort of social life again. he has not had a girlfriend in like 6 years!

every time we have tried to work any kind of plan with him, he comes up with some excuse as to why not. The last one, he had gotten a job at a camp up by fort mac and was leaving sunday. Well, i called his mother looking to see if they had a contact number, but his mother then sounded confused and said, he is right here.....

so we had a sort of intervention of sorts. We travelled out there and confronted him. he was 11 beers into a 15 pack. After having it out with him, we basically laid it out on the line, with his mother there as well. At the end of it all, my wife and I laid it out on the line, that if he didn't accept our help, or make the progress on his own, that our friendship was over. to that he said simply "good-bye" our friendship of 15 years plus went poof that fast.

As we were going to leave, my wife brought our daughter down to say good-bye, and she saw him with a rifle across his lap. At that point, we called in the RCMP and they came and talked with him, and ended up taking him to the hospital.

now the real shitty part is, that there were 4 rifles in the house, and none of them were registered. they were all broken down, firing pins and bolts removed and scattered through-out the house. The RCMP have now seized the guns. All of the guns belong to his step father, who is a landed immigrant.

Now i know his dad is going to be pissed, and i know his mom is mad at us for calling the cops. would he have killed himself? i doubt it, but I was not going to take that chance.

I feel like a complete ass here, and I keep running this through my mind trying to find a different way to have handled this.

Did I do the right thing? could I have done it differently?

[syeve]

You sound like a good friend, a shit friend would have done nothing. Who cares if his parents are pissed about having their guns taken away, pretty minor in the big picture.

Only suggestion might have been hold off in the "intervention" until he wasn't 10 beers deep but really I think you did the right thing.

[ekguy]

You handled most of the situation right if not all...But at the same time, as much as that guy is your friend, it's not your place or responsibility to help him out.

I got pretty badly into drugs for a very long time and definitely fucked my life up but I am now picking up the pieces and slowly but surely my life is heading in the right direction. Don't see why this guy couldn't do it as well it's not the hardest thing in the world to just not be a lazy ass and sit in your parents basement.

Your heart is in the right place but it still wasn't your life to fix.

[suen17]

You did the right thing.

At this point, I would wonder if he's been living with some undiagnosed psychiatric problem. BPD specifically comes to mind.

If he's in the hospital already ask them do a psych consult, and you & your wife can give collateral that can get him easily admitted to a psych unit - especially since he's shown suicidal ideation.

[im2fst4u]

Without question you are a great, caring friend who has done the right thing. You had no intentions of making a mess with the gun situation therefore it is their problem. If the guns were registered then there would be no issue.
The concern you have shown for your friend should shine above the fact that the guns may cause an issue and if the parents do not see it that way then they also need some help.
Their son's well being should be of a greater concern than a possible fine.

GOOD FOR YOU FOR HELPING A FRIEND

[Trini]

you did the right thing..and you are indeed a good friend for trying to help

[Crymson]

The tragedy is, this is how most bums start their life as a bum. They love their booze/drugs/lifestyle more than any of their friends and family, and over the course of a few years - exhaust all sympathy and kindness from them but refuse to change their ways.

You're luck you got to him before the last stage, when his parents get fed up and boot him out. Hopefully he'll get the help he needs now.

[wes_v]

You did everything right except for the part about calling the RCMP. You could have comfronted him about the rifle instead of calling the RCMP. If he would have tried something then you call the RCMP.

[hampstor]

First and foremost, you need to put your family above his needs.
You were very kind and generous, but you need to identify that you are at 2 totally different phases in life. He wants no part of it.

I think you have done well more than what is expected & considered "the right thing".

He, myself and my wife have been talking about this for awhile now. we were planning on moving him into our house, working with him to find a job for him, and get him some sort of social life again. he has not had a girlfriend in like 6 years!

I have done the exact same thing. Having had a close friend live with me because I wanted to get a 26 year old out of his mom's house ended up with me evicting him and now talking once every ... 4-6 months. Don't invite someone who isn't ready to live a 'family life' into your home no matter how good of a friend they are now.

[Mar]

Originally posted by spikers
The RCMP have no seized the guns

Are you missing a W or a T?

[spikerS]

Originally posted by Mar

Are you missing a W or a T?

my bad, missing a W

[mekeni]

You did the right thing, there is nothing more you can do other than find him a job...

[mr2mike]

You'd feel worse if he hurt himself that night. Who cares if the guns are gone. Even if the step dad gets charged, Canada and it's lack laws will let him off with a little community service.

[scat19]

You goverened your self accordingly.

[jdmXSI]

I had a friend in a similar position a few years back, more and more he started to isolate himself from the world and started drinking more and more... To the point where i didn't want to be around him. I think you did the right thing, you saw a sign and acted to prevent him from taking his life or someone else's. My friend wasn't so lucky... In hindsight, i wish i could have acted quicker and talked to the right people and maybe he'd still be here...

[cannondale1]

he is lucky that he has (had) friends like both of you.

to be honest, perhaps he should be in rehab for alcohol?

[mowglee]

If he was a good friend he wouldn't have said bye to you that quickly. You did all that you could do and even if his parents are pissed they can cry a river. Why did they have unregistered guns in the first place? And its not like you specifically called the RCMP because of their unregistered firearms.

It will take you a while to get over it. I know you feel like its you're fault if he/his parents get charged for having unregistered firearms but you were looking out for him and thats all a man can ask for in a friend.

[spikerS]

i think he said bye that quick, because at the end, i was ripping into him pretty hard to the point that I could tell he was contemplating coming after me, and he knew he had zero chance, and the beer was not helping matters.

[UndrgroundRider]

Originally posted by spikers
...

Just wanted to chime in here on the gun thing. You did precisely what you are suppose to do in that situation. It's unfortunate the guns were unregistered, but it's a safety issue, and a legitimate one if you think there may be mental health issues.

This is something specifically discussed in the Firearms Position and Aquisition license course. The leading cause of gun related deaths is suicide. The RCMP/police routinely remove guns from a residence if any sort of depression, dramatic mood swings or emotional events are reported. More often than not, it's the result of formal divorce proceedings, but it's not unheard of in cases like your friend either.

Just think how you'd be feeling if you ignored it, and your friend committed suicide a week later. Happens all the time, and then people say they saw all the signs, but didn't think they were serious. Truly suicidal people usually hide their depression extremely well. If you suspect anything along those lines, it's always better safe than sorry. And I'm guessing your read of the situation wasn't that off, if the RCMP also sent him to be evaluated.

[3g4u]

You did just fine, it is his stupidity for not registering his firearms.