Mental health

[Supa Dexta]

So I've recently got into a situation where I'm trying to find help for someone. I'm not really sure who to talk to, or what the first steps are to getting someone help.

The situation...

So a guy, 37 yrs old, extremely smart and talented, but also suffers from an extreme lack of motivation. When things are going good for him, he can hold a good job, and be on top of things. But when things start to slip it gets as bad as him not living any where, not eating, and generally just not caring about anything.. etc. The amount of time he keeps a job is very short.

He has no connection to how his actions will affect people, he'll continually say he'll do this or that, be there to help someone, but then the time comes and goes, and nothing ever happens. He says he'll go back to school, he'll miss the dates..etc We try to set up odd jobs for him, and he never shows.

He smokes dope everyday, doesn't drink or do anything else as far as I know... He just doesn't care one way or another if he holds a job and does the right things, or if he falls out of control. He literally feels no empathy at all.. He has no problem taking advantage of people, and doesn't understand what he's doing when he does it.

There has to be some sort of counseling, or drugs to keep him pointed in the right direction, I just fear what they may be, because getting hooked to pills of some sort would be the end lf him.

One of the biggest issues is his family being there to catch him, give him things or loan him money.. etc. They've been cutting him off more and more, but it gets so bad he'll just live in a shack and not eat for days. More and more I just want to ignore it, and let whatever happen to him, happen. But thats not easy either, especially if he needs medical help.

Oh and I think social anxiety disorder has been mentioned from his family, but I don't think thats ever been properly diagnosed.

[78si]

Take him to the hospital..

[preludez]

Originally posted by Supa Dexta
So I've recently got into a situation where I'm trying to find help for someone. I'm not really sure who to talk to, or what the first steps are to getting someone help.

The situation...

So a guy, 37 yrs old, extremely smart and talented, but also suffers from an extreme lack of motivation. When things are going good for him, he can hold a good job, and be on top of things. But when things start to slip it gets as bad as him not living any where, not eating, and generally just not caring about anything.. etc. The amount of time he keeps a job is very short.

He has no connection to how his actions will affect people, he'll continually say he'll do this or that, be there to help someone, but then the time comes and goes, and nothing ever happens. He says he'll go back to school, he'll miss the dates..etc We try to set up odd jobs for him, and he never shows.

He smokes dope everyday, doesn't drink or do anything else as far as I know... He just doesn't care one way or another if he holds a job and does the right things, or if he falls out of control. He literally feels no empathy at all.. He has no problem taking advantage of people, and doesn't understand what he's doing when he does it.

There has to be some sort of counseling, or drugs to keep him pointed in the right direction, I just fear what they may be, because getting hooked to pills of some sort would be the end lf him.

One of the biggest issues is his family being there to catch him, give him things or loan him money.. etc. They've been cutting him off more and more, but it gets so bad he'll just live in a shack and not eat for days. More and more I just want to ignore it, and let whatever happen to him, happen. But thats not easy either, especially if he needs medical help.

Oh and I think social anxiety disorder has been mentioned from his family, but I don't think thats ever been properly diagnosed.

is he married? he's kinda depressed, woman is the solution...

[henrytang]

intervention. seriously

[ExtraSlow]

Mental Health is a pretty serious issue, and people who have these types of issues often end up living on the street and using hard drugs.

There are a number of local agencies that might be of help.
http://www.cmha.calgary.ab.ca/gethelp/default.aspx
http://www.calgaryhealthregion.ca/mh/help.htm

Call them, discuss your friends issues and see what they can suggest.

Good luck to you and your friend.

[A790]

Originally posted by ExtraSlow
Mental Health is a pretty serious issue, and people who have these types of issues often end up living on the street and using hard drugs.

There are a number of local agencies that might be of help.
http://www.cmha.calgary.ab.ca/gethelp/default.aspx
http://www.calgaryhealthregion.ca/mh/help.htm

Call them, discuss your friends issues and see what they can suggest.

Good luck to you and your friend.

Solid advice. Many people downplay mental illnesses, resorting to their own ignorance and lack of experience with them as an excuse. The fact is that if there is a physical chemical imbalance, or an underlying metal illness, he may never be able to recover on his own.

You're a good friend for looking into this for him. But, how far are you willing to go? It can be a long and tumultuous battle that will get darker before it gets brighter. I wish you the best of luck.

[msommers]

You're right to be concerned about it, any good friend would be. But to be honest, a lot of it may stem from his daily pot intake. One of my best buddies started doing it socially, which I'm pretty liberal about. Then it turned into a daily thing, and he started losing a lot of motivation to do anything. Weed everyday starts to make people "relax" about everything. Not everyone obviously but considering my buddy and some of the guys I worked out of town with...

You may want to come out and confront him about, make him realize this is an issue and it needs to be dealt with. The last thing you want is for him to be sitting in a zombie-state foe the rest of his life, living with regret and things he wished he could have changed but is now 70.

I'm certainly not a psychologist by any means but your friend needs to be confronted about this, or shit hitting the fan will be inevitable.

[01RedDX]

.

[will_e_chill]

you are a good friend for caring.

i think you can only do so much though.

he has to take responsibility or himself and his actions.

if your friend really has mental health issues (sounds like he just smokes too much weed) then he should probably talk to some mental health experts but he likely wont do that until he hits bottoms...

[RaptorGJC]

If lack of motivation is the problem, the weed smoking will need to stop. Weed definitely contributes to being lazy, once he stops smoking, he's already won half the battle.

As for his overall mental health... I think the doctor would be the best solution.

[D. Dub]

Originally posted by ExtraSlow
Mental Health is a pretty serious issue, and people who have these types of issues often end up living on the street and using hard drugs.

There are a number of local agencies that might be of help.
http://www.cmha.calgary.ab.ca/gethelp/default.aspx
http://www.calgaryhealthregion.ca/mh/help.htm

Call them, discuss your friends issues and see what they can suggest.

Good luck to you and your friend.

www.calgarycounselling.com

[revelations]

OP you didnt mention how long this has been going on.

I had a friend go through pot rehab, it cost almost 12,000$ and 6 months, but his life is now turned around.

He also went to N.A. meetings - tell your friend to go check one out, I went with my friend and it was pretty chill, No pretention whatsoever, come as you are - just not loaded.

[Ven]

Supa Dexta, your friends' path is my nightmare. The death bed waits for nobody, closer everyday. He's burning off days with no content. The time is lost, forever spinning away empty.

Later when you're faced with your own mortality you start thinking about things like, 'what have I done with the gift of life that was given to me?' Dicked around? Smoked lots pot? Pissed off friends and family? Spent hours in front of a monitor? When you ask yourself this you'll either be very happy and prepared, or tragically crestfallen and empty.

Your friend is statistically almost 50% through his life and patterns like he's in now are difficult to break without intervention. Bless you for thinking of this persons best interests. My thoughts and prayers are with you both.

[Supa Dexta]

I can't say for sure how longs its been going on, but its been yrs and yrs. He's not so much a friend, as an inlaw now. But its also way more serious then the 'everyday pot smoker' lazy, I'm used to that type. I'm just learning more and more of it these days. Its just the extreme lack of consequences, and how they affect who's close to him. I've seen people not care if they take advantage, but this guy really doesn't get that he's even doing it. And when confronted with it, he stares off confused. We'll see how this goes. The last time the gf let him live with her, things went bad. He sold off her stuff, and racked up her bills.. So we're well aware we won't be putting ourselves into that situation again,.

[derpderp]

_

[Rat Fink]

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[JWL]

I believe that there is also a support group on McLeod Tr call the Dream Home or something like that (it's set up in a building that was once a hotel). If you drive southbound on McLeod Tr, it's on your left hand side. I know they help men who are having a hard time getting back on track.

[Smartiepants]

It sounds to me like bi polar, which I've dealt with a close friend before, it's one of the more difficult to deal with as people really are fine, or better than fine when they are up, and down when they are down, it's really tough to convince people there is something wrong with them.

Also there is the stigma that it's something that can be dealt with on their own, no help needed. Many mental illnesses are true illnesses, from chemical imbalance, and it's no different than an infection, sure many people will recover from infection without drugs, but many won't.

[Kloubek]

Not sure if Supa said anything about him having a lot of lows AND highs. Bipolar might not be the case.

Social anxiety disorder is named a "disorder", because it is something that someone is doing which they should not be. But it does not imply there is a medical reason for it. So in this light, I would say he indeed does have a social disorder. If he does not want to be around anyone and hermits himself, that is a disorder indeed.

Supa: I'm going to take a different tact than many others on here. I know you're trying to help him out - and that is great. But if he does indeed have depression there is little you can do other than encourage him to get medication and counseling. Those are the things which will help him the most - but being an individual, you cannot force him to do it.

And if he is not willing to do it, then IMHO, that's that. If he is not willing to help himself, what could you POSSIBLY do? Run his life for him?

I had a girlfriend once. She was slightly messed up from a difficult life. Her mother didn't mother her, and her father was non-existant, as he was a drunk. This girl was literally model-quality; she was a total bombshell.But there was something not quite "right" up there. She had a nonchalant attitude towards life and especially others. She too had a social disorder; she did not like being in large groups, and was usually really quiet. I wanted to show her a better life, and the sex was incredible - so we dated for much longer than we should have. (And I knew it.) As the relationship progressed and issues start to arise, I noticed her "nonchalant condition" worsen. She would do things which effected me adversely, and did not seem to care at all about the effect it had on me. Near the end of our relationship, she cheated, tried to take me for half of my stuff, stole things from me, and was generally the biggest bitch you could imagine. And through it all, I could see NO sense of remorse over the fact she was fucking up my life. Nothing. Dead. To the point that I personally (and non-professionally) diagnosed her a sociopath.... or at least one with severe sociopathic tendencies.

Now, the istuation here is obviously different. But the premise is the same. And you know what I learned? That no matter how hard you want to improve someone's life, and show them something "better"... No matter how much you care about someone... No matter what kind of logic you try to apply in a situation like this - it doesn't work. It just doesn't. People are responsible for their own lives, and while it is great to try to "show them the way", ultimately it is them who has to make the conscious decisions necessary to better their own life. You can worry yourself sick trying to run someone else's life for them - even for a relatively brief period of time. Trust me - I know!

Don't fall into that trap - or he will drag you down with him. Give him support. Show him the difference between right and wrong. Alert him to opportunities which might make his life better. But at the end of the day, that's it. I wouldn't get any more involved than that. Because, my friend, it is almost always a losing cause.

EDIT: In case anyone thinks I'm just some heartless prick, guess again. I have battled depression most of my life, and hadn't sorted things out until a few years ago. I know first-hand how it feels to be on the negative side of things, and how little the help of others really makes a difference. (Though it IS useful to have, just to see that not EVERYTHING in your life is negative. You have friends who care.) In the end, it was *I* who had to take control of my own life. I occasionally made life difficult for others due to my condition, and would be continuing to do so to this day in a big way, had I not seeked professional assistance.

[Davetronz]

Here are a few really good referrals that I recommended to others in similar situations:

Distress Center (24 hour) 403-266-1605
- If you can't get him to call in or go somewhere to get help, the Distress Center has a Mobile Response Team (MRT). It's a team nurses, social workers and psychologists who can attend on-site for assessment and support.

Men's Line (Part of the Distress Center) (24 hour) 403-266-4357

Calgary Counseling Center 403-691-5991

Eastside Family Services 403-299-9696 (Mobile Crisis Services 24-hour 403-299-9699
- No fee, walk-in therapy, focused counseling and clinical/addiction counseling. Individual, couple or family.

Any of the above places should be able to assist and provide some recommendations and further referrals.