Official Kijiji Funnies Thread

[projekz]

My Location Calgary
Kijiji Alberta > Calgary > buy and sell > phones, PDAs, ipods > Ad ID 323326571
for sale ..burger king whopper

Date Listed 18-Oct-11
Last Edited 18-Oct-11
Price Swap / Trade
Address Calgary, AB, Canada
View map
I just went through the drive thru and they gave me a extra whopper. Clearly I don't want it. I'm full. Howwevveerrrr. I would consider trading it for a Bigmac. I will be taking offers. I can put it on layaway if needed. Since we all know fast food doesn't mold. Pics available upon request.
Visits: 47

[pf0sh0]

http://calgary.kijiji.ca/c-services-...AdIdZ328566803


the best.

Profesional Driver available for delivery of persons or goods. No questions asked. Always early, reliable,courtious, fast, always on time,protected and quiet. Your business and mine relies on confidentiality. Numerous vehicles can be used depending on your needs. Flat deck car trailer also available. I have taken evasive drivers training 'aggresive drivers training and ambush avoidence training for when we really have to go. When it absolutely has to get there SAFELY.

[black300]

http://calgary.kijiji.ca/c-cars-vehi...AdIdZ284344794

[black300]

http://calgary.kijiji.ca/c-cars-vehi...AdIdZ334372122

hahaha 500 hp

[Cos]

Originally posted by black300
http://calgary.kijiji.ca/c-cars-vehi...AdIdZ334372122

hahaha 500 hp

Special Addition no less.


Also:

Engine: 279 cu in (4600 cc) 32 valve quad OHC V8
Horsepower: 300 HP @ 6000 rpm
Torque: 290 ft-lbs (377 Nm) @ 4400 rpm

[ricosuave]

Originally posted by Cos


Special Addition no less.


Also:

Engine: 279 cu in (4600 cc) 32 valve quad OHC V8
Horsepower: 300 HP @ 6000 rpm
Torque: 290 ft-lbs (377 Nm) @ 4400 rpm

Maybe its got, like a calculator on the dash or something, you know, to help with the special addition...

[lint]

someone's pissed at Cole

http://calgary.kijiji.ca/c-buy-and-s...AdIdZ334652736

Hey guys, my name is Cole. Lacking testosterone on the bench? Need a heavy grinder to show a pinner what's up? Ive played hockey for 12 years and took this season off for school. Any grudges you aren't big or mean enough to settle give me a call and I'll strap on the jets for you guys. As well, I play men's rugby out of Calgary, so I've learned in multiple environments how to hold my own.
Drop me a text 6 hours in advance if interested
403 862 0767

[nguyen]

http://moncton.kijiji.ca/c-ViewAd?Ad...st+To+Facebook


Do you like shoveling snow? Then stop reading this and go back to your pushups and granola because you are not someone that I want to talk to.

Let’s face it, we live in a place that attracts snow like Magnetic Hill attracts cars, only that ain’t an illusion out there. That’s 12 inches of snow piling up and, oh, what’s that sound? Why it’s the snow plow and it’s here to let you know that it hates you and all the time you spent to shovel your driveway. Did you want to get out of your house today? Were you expecting to get to work on time? Or even this week?

You gave it your best shot. You tried to shovel by yourself and I respect you for that. I did it, my parents did it, some of my best friends did it. But deep down inside, we all wanted to murder that neighbour with the snowblower who was finished and on his second beer while you were still trying to throw snow over a snowbank taller than you are.

So, here we are. You could murder your neighbour, which could ensure that you won’t need to shovel a driveway for 25 to life, but there are downsides to that too. What to do?

Here’s the deal. I have a snow blower and I want you to own it. I can tell you’re serious about this. It’s like I can almost see you: sitting there, your legs are probably crossed and your left hand is on your chin. Am I right? How’d I do that? The same way that I know that YOU ARE GOING TO BUY THIS SNOWBLOWER.

I want you to experience the rush that comes with smashing through a snowdrift and blowing that mother trucker out of the way. The elation of seeing the snow plow come back down your street and watching the look of despair as your OTHER neighbour gets his shovel out once more while you kick back with a hot cup of joe (you don’t have a drinking problem like that other guy).

Here’s what you do. You go to the bank. You collect $900. You get your buddy with a truck and you drive over here. You give me some cold hard cash and I give you a machine that will mess up a snowbank sumthin’ fierce. I’ve even got the manual for it, on account of I bought it brand new and I don’t throw that kind of thing away. Don't want to pay me $900? Convince me. Send me an offer and I'll either laugh at you and you'll never hear back from me or I'll counter.

You want a snow blower. You need a snow blower.

This isn’t some entry level snow blower that is just gonna move the snow two feet away. This is an 11 HP Briggs and Stratton machine of snow doom that will cut a 29 inch path of pure ecstasy. And it’s only 4 years old. I dare you to find a harder working 4 year old. My niece is five and she gets tired and cranky after just a few minutes of shoveling. This guy just goes and goes and goes.

You know what else? I greased it every year to help keep the water off it and the body in as good as shape as possible. It's greasier than me when I was 13, and that's saying something.

You know how many speeds it has? Six forward and two in reverse. It goes from “leisurely” slow up to “light speed”. Seriously, I’ve never gone further than five because it terrifies me. I kid you not, you could probably commute to work with it dragging you.

You know what else is crappy about clearing snow in the morning? That you have to do it in the dark. Well, not anymore! It has a halogen headlight that will light your way like some kind of moveable lighthouse (only better, because lighthouses won’t clear your driveway).

Oh, and since it’s the 21st century, this snow blower comes with an electric starter. Just plug that sucker in, push the button, and get ready to punch snow in the throat. If you want to experience what life was like in olden days, it comes with a back-up cord you could pull to start it, but forget that. The reason you’re getting this fearsome warrior was for the convenience, so why make it harder on yourself?

By this point, you’re probably wondering why I would sell my snowblower since the first snowpocalypse is upon us today. I’ll tell you why: because I heard it was time for you to man up and harness some mighty teeth and claws and chew your way to freedom, that’s why.

This is my snow blower. Make it your snow blower.

UPDATE - I assure you that the snowblower is real, and it is still available. Do not despair if you have made an offer on this glorious tribute to man's triumph over nature and I have not responded yet, your time has yet to come.

UPDATE 2 - It appears someone feels they have the courage to harness this snow siege weapon and blaze a divine path for all to follow this winter. Snowblower is sold, pending pick up, etc, etc.

[know1edge]

http://alberta.kijiji.ca/c-cars-vehi...AdIdZ340656510

Got this Nisan from my uncle but since I'm still 11 I can't drive it on the road much I think I'd like to sell it and buy a new guitar or shotgun

[Modelexis]

Time to take photos of the car to post online for sale...

Should I wash it first? naw, fuck it, it's a type R, no need to wash it's such a sick car anyway...

http://calgary.kijiji.ca/c-cars-vehi...AdIdZ341670064

[Canmorite]

Don't know if it was already posted...

http://www.yousuckatkijiji.com/

[sr20s14zenki]

Originally posted by Modelexis
Time to take photos of the car to post online for sale...

Should I wash it first? naw, fuck it, it's a type R, no need to wash it's such a sick car anyway...

http://calgary.kijiji.ca/c-cars-vehi...AdIdZ341670064

Haha. yah just need to change front bumper cuz i hit a curb. What about the rear quarter on the passenger side thats banged the fuck in.... i can tell from the pics the edge of the tail light and the bumper are just hanging there.

[Nakadah]

http://calgary.kijiji.ca/c-cars-vehi...AdIdZ342563616

We purchased this car in 1999, when I was just beginning my career as a Superhero. We are the original owners. This car has never let me down, while fighting crime on the mean streets of Calgary. The Reactive Cold Air Intake allows slick maneuvering on Deerfoot Trail, if your in pursuit of any evil villains. This one of a kind crime fighting machine comes with such options as, AC, tilt, AM/FM CD, and a 1.6 Liter inline 4 cylinder power plant. Currently installed are the winter tires and rims, but we also have 16” summer rims with tires and locking lugs. The summer and winter tires are in good condition with lots of crime fighting power left. I’ve had to switch vehicles due to the expansion of our Superhero family. Please call or send me an email if you’d like to view this machine. Evil villains need not apply.

[ddduke]

This is the way to get a job. flex for the camera and don't spell check shit.

http://calgary.kijiji.ca/c-jobs-gene...AdIdZ344646985

[zipdoa]

Originally posted by ddduke
This is the way to get a job. flex for the camera and don't spell check shit.

http://calgary.kijiji.ca/c-jobs-gene...AdIdZ344646985

LOL. Guy must have a double digit IQ.

[Merritt]

Originally posted by ddduke
This is the way to get a job. flex for the camera and don't spell check shit.

http://calgary.kijiji.ca/c-jobs-gene...AdIdZ344646985

Let's hope he kills himself with undoubtedly higher success rate.

[ClearBluewater]

Just offered him a job cleaning my house weekly.

[Vinman]

Originally posted by ddduke
This is the way to get a job. flex for the camera and don't spell check shit.

http://calgary.kijiji.ca/c-jobs-gene...AdIdZ344646985

Hi there my name is cody and i am looking for work. I am fit very fit and can work long hours i AM not into roffin as i do not hights not my choice i just shake when i get to high up anyhow i DOnèt have a drug problem i do not smoke and i do not bitch and moan about coming to work if i have a hang over i am ready to work with in thisd week or next so if you have anything i would be intrested in please feel free to let me know thanks.

Cody

[SJW]

Originally posted by ddduke
This is the way to get a job. flex for the camera and don't spell check shit.

http://calgary.kijiji.ca/c-jobs-gene...AdIdZ344646985

I know there is an M.Alex 2EFNFAST joke here somewhere.

[adidas]

http://calgary.kijiji.ca/c-real-esta...AdIdZ344779519

We need only ONE person to get pics for us. INB4 we are disappointed

I am a clean 23 year old female working part time who requires a place to stay for a couple months. I do not spend a lot of time at home, so I would not be much of a bother. I can cook, am a meticulous and thorough cleaner, and I am a cute and smart, to boot. I have very little possessions and would require little space. I am hoping for somewhere near downtown, perhaps Kensington or Bankview If you're looking for a roommate, or a housekeeper, or just some good company, and want to help a girl out, please send me an e-mail with whatever information you can provide me, and whatever you would like to know about me. Thanks!