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Thread: Paternity leave

  1. #1
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    Default Paternity leave

    So my fiance and I are expecting our first child in July. Been a crazy journey but it finally happened.

    She is self employed and my employer gives me 3 months full pay months for pat leave. Would any of you feel guilty taking it?

    When I told my manager that we were expecting they said "I assume you'll need at least a few weeks vacation har har" and in my head I'm thinking why would I not take the 3 months?

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    Take some time for sure. More for the wifes sake than for the kid, who won't remember any of that shit.
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    You realize you are talking to the guy who made his own furniture out of salad bowls right?

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    Quote Originally Posted by jabjab View Post
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    So my fiance and I are expecting our first child in July. Been a crazy journey but it finally happened.

    She is self employed and my employer gives me 3 months full pay months for pat leave. Would any of you feel guilty taking it?

    When I told my manager that we were expecting they said "I assume you'll need at least a few weeks vacation har har" and in my head I'm thinking why would I not take the 3 months?
    I wouldn't take it because I like working and my wife stayed at home. That said I did take a couple weeks of vacation when my kids were born just to get through the initial getting settled stage. I may sound like an ass but I was the provider and my wife was the home maker. I was good with that and so was my wife. Old school I guess.

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    I'm old school in that sense too but if the company is offering 3 months full pay I think I'd be silly not to take it. I don't LOVE my job to put it first. I think it's more being there for my fiance and help WITH the dogs and take more house chores up, do some cooking etc
    Last edited by jabjab; 03-18-2024 at 08:13 PM.

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    Ya for sure you want to be there for your dogs. They are your priority. Not your newly born child. Your dogs.
    Tap, Rack, BANG!

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    Quote Originally Posted by littledan View Post
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    Ya for sure you want to be there for your dogs. They are your priority. Not your newly born child. Your dogs.
    What I meant is take the load off her, especially with two dogs. Probably will be stressful leaving her and having to adjust to that cause not everyone can handle them

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    Should you Feel guilty about taking it? No

    Should you think long and hard as to the effect of your career prospects by taking it, only you can answer that.

    As for the dogs, stick them outside. I am sure there are some 80 year olds wandering around for them to chew on.
    Originally posted by Thales of Miletus

    If you think I have been trying to present myself as intellectually superior, then you truly are a dimwit.
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    fact.
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    guessing who I might be, psychologizing me with your non existent degree.

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    You get your wife used to you being there at her beck and call for three months, you will never get your balls back. I don't mean that to sound sexist but fact is she will not relinquish much after she has gained it. Yeah you need to help when you are home, but she needs to get used to you being away 10 hours a day and if that is from the hop (or close to it) then it makes pulling off that bandaid a whole lot easier. I love my wife and will do virtually anything for her, but she also knew that she had a job to do too and I wasn't going to be there during the day, often 6 days a week. When the kid is a baby and can't move around they are easier than once they get mobile anyways.

    Also, I don't know your relationship with work, but if you are hoping for ladder climbing in the company, being the guy who takes everything he can in entitlements and leaves for 3 months at a time when a baby is born might just make the other guy look like a more reliable candidate to move up, right or wrong. That is just how the company looks at people when big decisions need to happen.
    Last edited by tirebob; 03-18-2024 at 10:06 PM.

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    If you're unionized, obviously take it. If not, probably still take at least half of it. What were they really thinking by offering that if they didn't think anyone would take it? Is your entire workplace a reenactment of the marshmallow delayed gratification game for toddlers?
    They can fire whatever gifted Human Resources SRS Professhunnal CHRP/WKRP told them they needed that instead of firing you.

    I don't spend time worrying that my maxing $500 worth of annual massages made the last company layoff ___% of the staff during CoVid or the last oil plunge or ____ crisis.

    Business isn't personal. The blood is still ankle-deep outside of Suncor's building.

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    Step 1: Be good at your job.
    Step 2: Take all the time off you’re given.

    If you’re given flack for taking time off hopefully you did step 1… so you can tell you manager to shove it and go somewhere else.

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    Step one: get a new job
    Step two: tell old job you’re taking pat leave
    Step three: go to work at new job instead

    3-D chess

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    Quote Originally Posted by ercchry View Post
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    Step one: get a new job
    Step two: tell old job you’re taking pat leave
    Step three: go to work at new job instead

    3-D chess
    Slow. Clap.

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    Quote Originally Posted by 88CRX View Post
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    Step 1: Be good at your job.
    Step 2: Take all the time off you’re given.

    If you’re given flack for taking time off hopefully you did step 1… so you can tell you manager to shove it and go somewhere else.
    Good enough that I got an exceeds expectations on last year's performance rating. I won't get this year I'm thinking if I take the 3 months

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    I took a few months off (before my employer even paid pat-leave) after our daughter was born. Those first few months are really good for bonding, and you're there to help mom out because you're both going to be bagged. If they give you flack for it, you can use some of that time to look for a better jerb, too! Congrats playa.
    Originally posted by scat19
    I have a BMW so im not stupid.

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    Honestly, take a few weeks off and that's it.
    Dad is essentially useless for baby in the first few months anyways aside from changing diapers.

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    Be a man. Do the right ting
    Originally posted by GTS Jeff
    You know those bored stay at home moms who's entire lives revolve around driving their kids to soccer, various cleaning accessories, and worrying about neighbourhood rapists? The kind of people that watch the View and go "uh huh..." Those unfulfilled people who try to fill the void in their empty lives by writing whiny letters to the editor complaining about shit that no one really cares about?

    Well imagine if instead of writing that letter to the editor, she just posts on a car forum for car enthusiasts. That's Kritafo.

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    I took a month off with each of my kids kids and it was the best thing I could have done. Sure, helping mom out was huge but it was a pretty formative time for bonding with the kids so that time I took was for selfish reasons. Another big part of that time off was to help play interference for overly eager and imposing family members who tried to make the new baby about themselves.

    I would clarify with your employer if that 3 months pat leave has to be taken at once. I know a few guys whose wives returned to work early that split their alloted time up when baby was born and in the last month or so before child care started. Also, not that I agree with how it turned out, but there were a couple of guys at one of my previous jobs who took full pat leave and it was definitel a career limiting move on their behalf. If you dont care to move up and are happy in your current role then giver, but for these guys it definitely affected their ability to progress in their careers (with that employer / network). I think its retarded because I am a huge proponent of fathers being as active as possible in their kids lives, but thats the unfortunate reality of being a man. I know its not for everyone and society has very clear gender roles for us so as long as you are aware of that then do whats right for you and your dogs (and wife/newborn too I guess).
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    ...Last thing I want is someone reading my posts and losing their cock over it...
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    Meh, they all look like Jackie Chan to me
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    I'm generally cute.

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    Child 1 - took 3 weeks off

    Child 2 - 4 months off

    Looking back, I should've done the same for first child. Time off is invaluable, would take the time, every time.

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    The thing with "setting expectations" around the house that Bob brought up is fair. I think he's right that you want your behaviour with your wife to be predictable and consistent. Now, if that means you do or don't take time off for the baby, well, that's up to you to interpret in the context of your own relationship.

    Kind of the same thing with your career honestly. Some jobs, you want to be "the guy who's always taking care of things", so taking a bunch of time off may not be in your best interest. Others, well, you want to se the expectation that you do you work and then go home.

    As for what's good for the kid, I'm of the opinion that true newborns are basically just slugs and attachment forms far later in life. But others disagree. To me the main argument for taking time off was to help the mom out and run interference for family members.


    One thing about parenting, and it's taken me a long time to understand this properly, is that you have to be true to yourself with your parenting techniques. You can't "fake" your way to being a certain style of parent. If you are a warm and snuggly guy, super. If you aren't, you aren't, and the kids can figure out how to love any type of dad who genuinely loves them in his own way.
    Quote Originally Posted by killramos View Post
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    You realize you are talking to the guy who made his own furniture out of salad bowls right?

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    And for everything else.

    There is always a stripper pole.
    Originally posted by Thales of Miletus

    If you think I have been trying to present myself as intellectually superior, then you truly are a dimwit.
    Originally posted by Toma
    fact.
    Quote Originally Posted by Yolobimmer View Post
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    guessing who I might be, psychologizing me with your non existent degree.

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