Unwritten office rules

[Boat]

Hey guys, I'm building a presentation for work and I need help with some content.

I'm looking for some unwritten office rules. These are rules that no one tells you about, but it is imperitive that you follow them.

A couple of ideas where:

Not booking meetings at 4:00pm
If you bring food to a meeting, bring enough for everyone.

Got any other good ones? Humor always helps too!

[EK 2.0]

1. Never get high on your own supply

2. ANY and ALL lunch meetings must be catered

3. No squatting in reserved flex offices.

4. DO NOT bring any stinky ethnic food, or any stinky food into an office environment under any circumstance.

5. If you provide a candy dish on your desk, it is YOUR responsibility to make sure the dish is always stocked.

6. If you are late, or the last one to arrive to a morning meeting, take it upon yourself to bring everyone in the meeting coffee.

7. If you are in a cubicle environment, everyone around you does NOT need to hear your plans for the night or what you did the previous night with the tranny you picked up and took home.

8. Use appropriate ringtones for all the Texts, BBM's and e-mails that come to your phone all day.

9. NEVER EVER forget secretary's day...

10. Make sure you label your shit when you leave it in the communal fridge...but on the flip side...make sure you take your stank ass containers home on at least an every 3 day basis...

[D'z Nutz]

Don't leave your fucking nail clippings on the bathroom floor.

[EK 2.0]

D.???? what kind of office do you work in??...hahaha....

[thepyrofish]

Close the door behind you after you take a shit.

[flipstah]

Originally posted by D'z Nutz
Don't leave your fucking nail clippings on the bathroom floor.

How about not sending me T-2's while doing #2?

Originally posted by D'z Nutz
Here's where most of my paperwork gets done...

[Mitsu3000gt]

If you work close to other people, or in a cramped environment, mind your own business. If someone needs to do personal stuff for a bit, who cares.

[Tomaz]

1. Ass-Slapping is only permitted if you say "Good Game" after.

2. Do your fucking dishes!

3. TomcoPDR is not allowed to bring mimes into the office.

4. Viewing pornography on a work computer is prohibited, unless the boss sent you the link.

5. Emails can be traced! Do not send flirty/dirty emails to the cute girl in marketing. Especially when her father works in IT.

[SpeedIllusion]

Originally posted by Tomaz
5. Emails can be traced! Do not send flirty/dirty emails to the cute girl in marketing. Especially when her father works in IT.

Lol, personal experience Tomaz?

[TorqueDog]

I'd like to sharpen up a couple of the ones that were posted.


1. Meetings shall not be scheduled at 4:30 PM when quitting time is 5:00 PM. Also, it is advisable that meetings with crucial or in-depth information not be held first thing in the morning.

2. Any and all mandatory lunch meetings must be catered - this includes food and beverage.

[98type_r]

Don't pick your nose and wipe it on the stalls in the bathroom or rage will come for you.

[topmade]

I'm an immigrant so I can say this: Speak ENGLISH!! when others are around. Speaking a different language when others are around makes it sound like you're talking shit about them, because in fact, you are talking shit about them.

[broken_legs]

If you take one of my cheese sticks from the fridge, expect to get knocked the fuck out.

If you want to tell me a story and I'm working on the computer but won't even look at you because I'm obviously concentrating on something important, take a fucking hint and go away. I'm on salary motherfucker. I don't get paid by the hour to listen to you complain.

If you are the bitch that cleans the fridge every couple of weeks don't throw out my fresh cooked meal from last night just because you are a righteous hag and you are mad no one else cleans up.

5. If you provide a candy dish on your desk, it is YOUR responsibility to make sure the dish is always stocked.

If you are the fuck bag that eats the entire bowl of candy on my desk in one day, have some consideration and replace it once in a while. Candy isn't cheap and the girls stop coming to my office when there's no bait.

If you are new to the office, you park at the very back of the parking lot. If you park in my unmarked spot that everyone knows I use your tires are getting slashed.

If you have a problem with someone at the office, bring it to them first. No one likes a rat.

[badatusrnames]

Originally posted by topmade
I'm an immigrant so I can say this: Speak ENGLISH!! when others are around. Speaking a different language when others are around makes it sound like you're talking shit about them, because in fact, you are talking shit about them.

Agreed. I think, in life in general, that this is pretty rude.

[ExtraSlow]

After you flush, take a fucking look and flush a second time if the bowl isn't pristine.

The toilets in my office are very weak, and seems like about 50% of the time when I head in for some business, I get an eyeful of whatever the last guy ate. FFFFUUUUU!!!!!!

[iCreep]

Originally posted by broken_legs
If you take one of my cheese sticks from the fridge, expect to get knocked the fuck out.

If you want to tell me a story and I'm working on the computer but won't even look at you because I'm obviously concentrating on something important, take a fucking hint and go away. I'm on salary motherfucker. I don't get paid by the hour to listen to you complain.

If you are the bitch that cleans the fridge every couple of weeks don't throw out my fresh cooked meal from last night just because you are a righteous hag and you are mad no one else cleans up.



If you are the fuck bag that eats the entire bowl of candy on my desk in one day, have some consideration and replace it once in a while. Candy isn't cheap and the girls stop coming to my office when there's no bait.

If you are new to the office, you park at the very back of the parking lot. If you park in my unmarked spot that everyone knows I use your tires are getting slashed.

If you have a problem with someone at the office, bring it to them first. No one likes a rat.

LOL you're just hating life right now eh?

[maxomilll]

fuuuuuck office life.

[alloroc]

No one likes a fish microwavin, coffee slurpin, ice crunchin, keyboard mashin, loud talkin, loud walkman listenin, last paper in the copier usin, zit pickin, pen tappin, eavedroppin, no washin the hand after done shittin, rumour startin, pen stealin, non courtesy flushin hypocrite.

[atgilchrist]

Originally posted by TorqueDog
I'd like to sharpen up a couple of the ones that were posted.


2. Any and all mandatory lunch meetings must be catered - this includes food and beverage.

This. Nothing sucks worse than bready sandwiches with nothing to wash it down.

And i'll add: don't schedule meetings for friday afternoon, unless you want a handful of brain dead sloths gathered.

[Tarrantula]

I have one for the engineers out there...

DONT LEAVE YOUR FUCKING DRAWINGS ALL OVER THE PRINT ROOM - IF YOU DONT WANT IT DONT PRINT IT OR THROW IT OUT

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU