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    Default Kids from Broken Families

    I'm sure there are members here from broken families. I know it's personal, but I would like to ask some questions to gain some insight.

    1) How old were you when your parents split?
    2) How has it affected you?
    3) Did your parents do anything that you remember to help you adjust?
    4) Do you resent your parents for not making it work?


    Thanks.
    Last edited by baygirl; 10-02-2010 at 09:42 AM.

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    I can't offer any personal experience, but I think another important question to ask would be, what is the reason for the split up.

    If your mom splits with your dad because he is abusive or has a dangerous addiction, this is much different from some other reasons.

    If you have an idea as to why they split this might make resentment very understandable, some other minor reasons might make resentment unreasonable.
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    I could probably write a novel and still not be able to answer your four simple questions. There's just too many variables involved. My dad didn't do shit to make anything work for us three siblings. As a result the three of us have a lot of resentment towards him and we don't talk to each other much. I was 6 when our mom passed away, dad remarried about a year later, then divoced just after a year. I would give you ages, but I don't remember as I can barely remember anything from about the age of 10 because there was nothing to remember. But I'm a family man now with 2 young kids and it's all about them right now. My dad has been taking care of the kids a lot for us as he's retired and is doing a decent job. Even though he knew he did a shit job of raising us, we can tell he's trying to be a good grandfather to his grandchildren, it's almost like a second chance for him.
    Last edited by topmade; 10-02-2010 at 10:57 AM.

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    1) 10 years old, oldest of 3 kids.

    2) Every moment of my life is coloured by the things I endured as a child. I don't know who I'd have been if they had stayed together so who is to say what specifically is a result of that.

    3) They acted bitterly toward each other and fought each other for our love. They fell into a self-obsessed little war with each other with no noticeable regard for the affect it had on us (I remember it this way at least). This quickly forced me to realize that I should stop worrying about their feelings and take care of my own. From that point on I dealt with it better (maybe?).

    4) I resent my parents for a lot of things, but you can't force love and I wouldn't expect them to live miserably simply because we existed. Their misery was ours too and they were really doing us all a favour by ending it. I only wish they hadn't tried so may times to "stay together for the kids" as it really only dragged out the pain.

    I'm half cut and this thread is depressing... You suck.

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    1) How old were you when your parents split?
    4 i think
    2) How has it affected you?
    in everyway, but it made me who i am, good or bad
    3) Did your parents do anything that you remember to help you adjust?
    Nope, i was taken out of the house and moved back to MB with my Dad's parents then a few months later my MOM moved in (dad stayed in AB)and we were there for about a year till my mom got her own place. Didn't talk or see my dad for almost 10 years dipite living at his parents house and then being closer to his family my whole life.
    4) Do you resent your parents for not making it work?
    Nope two parents not together but happy is better then together and unhappy. I do/did resent them for how i was treaded, but not that it didn't work out for them, i have had bad relationships, it happens.

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    1)12
    2) I believe I'm more independent.
    3) My Parents were always there for me and never put me in the middle, I was always provided for and made to feel important
    4) No, I'd rather die then see my parents miserable on my account.
    Originally posted by luxor
    So in other words you failed, great story. Don't come again.

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    1) 7
    2) My mom has told me from age 7 that i should grow up, which has made me be extremely self reliant and independent
    3) No
    4) No, my dad was an abusive alcoholic, my first child hood memory was when i was 5, walking into the kitchen with blood everywhere.
    Originally posted by R!zz0
    I would have helped you out but i am 5'6 160 pounds. I have a hard time turning my steering wheel in my car. So I'll shit myself if i carry a 65" plasma.

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    1. 10 years old
    2. I'm very glad to have grown up with minimal influence from my dad after my parents' divorce. I imagine if he had remained in my life I would be much worse off.
    3. Both parents were comforting and I don't recall having had all that much trouble with them separating. My mother did a good job providing us a home and raising us.
    4. Absolutely not, my dad is a narcissist and a cheater. He chose lust over his young children and his wife, I question why he got married and had kids in the first place. Keeping the marriage together would have been worse for everyone.

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    Default Re: Kids from Broken Families

    Originally posted by baygirl
    I'm sure there are members here from broken families. I know it's personal, but I would like to ask some questions to gain some insight.

    1) How old were you when your parents split?
    2) How has it affected you?
    3) Did your parents do anything that you remember to help you adjust?
    4) Do you resent your parents for not making it work?


    Thanks.
    Can't speak personally... but here is my wifes experience

    1) 1.5 years old

    2) Negatively. Not for the fact that they split up, but rather the fact that her mom kept her from her father the entire time. It wasn't until she was about 27 that she found and met her dad for the first time.

    3) Nothing. Quite the opposite. Her mom tried desperately to poison my wife about here dad. Said he was abusive, neglectful etc... We found out later that it wasn't exactly true and it negatively impacted the relationship she now has with her mom.

    4) Not really. It isn't up to her. Living in a broken home will exist even if the parent live under the same roof. In fact it can be worse if there is constant tension and negativity at home.

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    1) How old were you when your parents split?
    2) How has it affected you?
    3) Did your parents do anything that you remember to help you adjust?
    4) Do you resent your parents for not making it work?

    1. 7
    2. I turned to a life of crime to support myself and my sisters....albeit, more myself, but I did help with food from time to time.
    3. Adjust....well, I did have to get my shoulder put back in it's socket one time...Mom had quite the temper and took it out on us kids until I was old enough to leave on my own.
    4. I resent my Mother, and I don't know my Dad. I don't know how things would be different if he stayed around, but maybe mom would have had less stress.

    This has always been a tough topic for me. In one of my prison stints, I talked to a councilor, he kinda helped with a few things. I don't hate so much anymore, but I definitely think that I am still more dangerous than most. I have learned now that it doesn't have to be that way with my kids, and I am going to do my very best to make sure that they are taken care of.
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    Default Re: Kids from Broken Families

    Originally posted by baygirl
    I'm sure there are members here from broken families. I know it's personal, but I would like to ask some questions to gain some insight.

    1) How old were you when your parents split?
    2) How has it affected you?
    3) Did your parents do anything that you remember to help you adjust?
    4) Do you resent your parents for not making it work?


    Thanks.
    1.) 3
    2.) You do lots of travelling as a child. I was at 3 places on christmas day for as long as I can remember so having a relaxing christmas break was something I was not used to. I have some trust issues that supposedly linked to their divorce but who knows. I am very independent (it seems to be a common trait) but also seem to like to be alone. I have a hard time being attached to groups and people.
    3.) I was sent to a child psychologist when I was 10 or 11 for a couple sessions but I guess I wasnt nuts like my parents though. Haha
    4.) No, I couldnt imagine if my parents were together what it would be like. Both my parents are happy and each family contributes positively into mine and my wifes life now.



    What are you trying to gain insight for?
    Last edited by Cos; 10-03-2010 at 01:20 PM.
    Originally posted by adam c

    Line goes up, line goes down, line does squiggly things and fucks Alberta
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    Is this for some research project you have?

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    Default Re: Kids from Broken Families

    Originally posted by baygirl
    I'm sure there are members here from broken families. I know it's personal, but I would like to ask some questions to gain some insight.

    1) How old were you when your parents split?
    2) How has it affected you?
    3) Did your parents do anything that you remember to help you adjust?
    4) Do you resent your parents for not making it work?


    Thanks.
    1) 6 years old

    2) I don't know how it's affected me, as i have no idea how i would be different.

    3) Not at all. If by "adjust" you mean, was i kidnapped by my mother in the middle of the night and take to a difference province? yes. Did i watch my dad get beaten up by my mom's boyfriend on my front lawn 5 months later after he managed to track us down. Yes. Did i live in a halfway house for 3 weeks while the police eventually had to track down and deport said boyfriend, Uhuh. Was i bribed and brainwashed by both sides? yes i was.

    The only think they did to try and help us cope was to sour towards one another. Pretty aweful really.


    4) I don't resent my parents for no making it work. I just resent them. Ended up leaving the house when i was 13 and barely have a relationship with either of them or any of my siblings.

    PS. I'm a well adjusted successful man. All of my relatives look towards me and my brothers as some kind of miracle for all managing to get degrees, have great carreers, and be nice people

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    Default Re: Kids from Broken Families

    Originally posted by baygirl
    I'm sure there are members here from broken families. I know it's personal, but I would like to ask some questions to gain some insight.

    1) How old were you when your parents split?
    2) How has it affected you?
    3) Did your parents do anything that you remember to help you adjust?
    4) Do you resent your parents for not making it work?


    Thanks.
    1. 2
    2. grew up going back and forth between the houses, hated it, haven't had much of a relationship with my father since i was 16, starting to grow apart from my mother now.... became very independent and disconnected from my family
    3. no
    4. no, i wish i could have grown up in a proper family though, i do hate how they would always talk shit about one another and get me to turn on the other one

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    Default Re: Kids from Broken Families

    1) How old were you when your parents split?

    6

    2) How has it affected you?

    Pretty much completely fucked up my entire childhood and teenage years

    3) Did your parents do anything that you remember to help you adjust?

    No they were really immature when they split. Anything they did made things worse (trying to turn kids against one another...etc.)

    4) Do you resent your parents for not making it work?

    No, I resent them for other reasons

    Thanks.

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    Default Re: Re: Kids from Broken Families

    Originally posted by legendboy

    2) How has it affected you?

    Pretty much completely fucked up my entire childhood and teenage years
    I know what you mean.

    I was swapped back and forth between them and they'd move around. I was in 8 schools between kindergarten and grade 10. I have no friends older that i've known past grade 11 (no childhood friends). I have no home to "go home to at christmas" i have to option to "go where my parents live now", even though i rarely want to.

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    Default Re: Kids from Broken Families

    1) 5
    2) Basically added more tragedy to an already f'd up childhood ("Don't tell the social worker how I beat you or I will beat you 10x worse")
    3) If anything, they used me and my brother as pawns against each other.
    4) I actually hate both of them in general from before because dad is an idiot and mom would beat us more in front of him, especially when he visited because she knew it "hurt dad".
    Originally posted by hurrdurr
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    Default Re: Kids from Broken Families

    1) 7 years old

    2) Nothing I'm consciously aware of

    3) I adjusted extremely well on my own, in fact I think my mom was a little disturbed by that. I remember my only question when they told us was "Well, we're still going to get to see you right?" and that was that for me. I honestly don't remember ever being sad about it, or mad, or anything.

    4) Nope, my mom is definitely happier with my step-dad, I even noticed that when I was a kid (which is probably why I didn't care my parents split). My dad I don't talk to anymore for reasons that have nothing to do with their divorce, but I think he was better off too.

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    1) How old were you when your parents split?
    1.5 the first time, 16 the second time.

    2) How has it affected you?
    When my mother and my father separated when I was 1.5 I didn't even notice (obviously). My mother remarried when I was 4, and separated again when I was 16. The second separation had a much more profound impact.

    I find that I hold people to their obligations much more stringently than most. I felt that my teenage years were dominated by empty promises, so now I hold someone to their commitment to me. Also, since my mother and my step father both pretty much took a vacation, I became very independent. I've been living on my own since I was 17.

    3) Did your parents do anything that you remember to help you adjust?
    My mother ensured that I'd be independent and self-directed. Otherwise, not really.

    4) Do you resent your parents for not making it work?
    Hell no. Both times they were brutal marriages.

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