Quantcast
Help with best man - Beyond.ca - Car Forums
Page 1 of 3 1 2 ... LastLast
Results 1 to 20 of 52

Thread: Help with best man

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    The Peoples Republic of Albertastan
    Posts
    5,245
    Rep Power
    20

    Default Help with best man

    So I am getting married on Aug 20. My best man was a tough choice but I picked my friend who is pretty much my brother, we have been friends since we were 6. His mom still invites me over for thanks giving and all that. Seemed like a reasonable choice.

    Now fast forward to recently. I havent seen him since Gray Cup (where he fell asleep), he has not been involved in planning at all, I have lots of friends asking me what is going on with my stag, etc. I have texted him repeatedly asking what is going on and if I can help him at all.

    The problem is he is still like a brother to me, except one of the annoying brothers you only see at Christmas. Now the other 3 guys in my wedding party are capable and around. However how do I ask one (or all) of these guys to help out or relieve the bestman?

    I was asked to be in a wedding party and was sent this list:

    Prior To Wedding

    • Host the bachelor party.
    • Purchase or pay for rental of own wedding attire.
    • Attend rehearsal and rehearsal dinner.

    Day of Ceremony

    • Make arrangements to transport the groom to the ceremony and see that he is properly dressed.
    • Arrive dressed at ceremony site one hour before the wedding for photographs.
    • Supervise the groomsmen and ushers.
    • Hold the bride's ring during the ceremony.
    • Sign the wedding certificate as a legal witness.
    • Forward any payment to the ceremony officiant, musicians, etc.
    • Make transportation arrangements for newlyweds, maid of honor, and himself to the reception.
    • Offer the first toast to the bride and groom at the reception.
    • Transport the couple to the airport or honeymoon suite.
    • Organize the return of all rented formalwear.
    I am thinking about sending him this and asking if he wants to back out. What do you think too douchy?

    I dont know what to do. This whole wedding experience has been horrid, it has brought out the worst in some family members and friends. It has been tough cutting the list down and have pissed off a lot of people. I have tried talking to him so far but havent really given him the whole chat yet. Problem is he is a people pleaser so if I tell him I am expecting this done he will say he will get it done (although I dont think I can reasonably expect him too).

    Ideas? My other three groomsman are solid guys who I could easily trust to get this done. I didnt really think about this situation when I asked him to do it. Can I 'unask' him and ask the other guy (who I should have picked to begin with) how do I do that?

    TYIA
    Originally posted by adam c

    Line goes up, line goes down, line does squiggly things and fucks Alberta
    "The stone age didn't end because we ran out of stones"

  2. #2
    Join Date
    May 2002
    Location
    Chinatown
    My Ride
    NC1
    Posts
    10,841
    Rep Power
    86

    Default

    It's really simple. He's not doing anything so the responsibility is now given to someone who is more capable.

    Don't worry about disrespecting him. All good. Move on.
    Originally posted by rage2
    Shit, there's only 49 users here, I doubt we'll even break 100
    I am user #49

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    The Peoples Republic of Albertastan
    Posts
    5,245
    Rep Power
    20

    Default

    ^^ haha sounds simple. I need to grow a backbone and start doing this shit my way. Ill have to talk to my other buddy.

    Fuck this is going to be complicated. Thanks
    Originally posted by adam c

    Line goes up, line goes down, line does squiggly things and fucks Alberta
    "The stone age didn't end because we ran out of stones"

  4. #4
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Location
    Winnipeg/Saint John
    My Ride
    18 Model S, 20 Macan S, 67 Camaro & 11 SLS
    Posts
    2,264
    Rep Power
    21

    Default

    My friend asked me to be his best man this summer, I instantly started researching what I needed to do, was working on a speech, etc.

    He's not that into you... it... haha

    move on...

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    The Peoples Republic of Albertastan
    Posts
    5,245
    Rep Power
    20

    Default

    Originally posted by Jlude
    My friend asked me to be his best man this summer, I instantly started researching what I needed to do, was working on a speech, etc.

    He's not that into you... it... haha

    move on...
    Yeah see I was really shocked when he didnt do anything. Pisses me off.

    I know what I am going to do. Thanks guys.
    Originally posted by adam c

    Line goes up, line goes down, line does squiggly things and fucks Alberta
    "The stone age didn't end because we ran out of stones"

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Sep 2006
    Location
    .
    Posts
    4,853
    Rep Power
    22

    Default

    I've got a problem with deciding on a best man. I've got the friend I've known since I was 10 who I rarely hang out with, who sounds very similar to your current best man, and who didn't pick me as his best man. Then I've got the guy I've known for 5 years who has done more for me than anybody else and seriously made me a better person. The guy that I hang out with and talk to regularly, the guy I bitch to when shit goes wrong, and the guy I still respect despite being a Canucks fan.

    I don't want to offend the old friend but...

    You know what, typing it out has just solved my problem, it's so obvious, ha.

    Sorry for your situation, I wish I could help, but maybe you can take some solace in knowing that you just helped me out of a bind. I owe you a drink :P

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Sep 2004
    Location
    Filthy south
    My Ride
    bus
    Posts
    709
    Rep Power
    20

    Default

    Is seems like he has no interest in being your best man. Clearly he does not comprehend how important the wedding is. Light a fire under his ass, We need to know whats happening for the bachelor party.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    The Peoples Republic of Albertastan
    Posts
    5,245
    Rep Power
    20

    Default

    Originally posted by Mibz
    I've got a problem with deciding on a best man. I've got the friend I've known since I was 10 who I rarely hang out with, who sounds very similar to your current best man, and who didn't pick me as his best man. Then I've got the guy I've known for 5 years who has done more for me than anybody else and seriously made me a better person. The guy that I hang out with and talk to regularly, the guy I bitch to when shit goes wrong, and the guy I still respect despite being a Canucks fan.

    I don't want to offend the old friend but...

    You know what, typing it out has just solved my problem, it's so obvious, ha.

    Sorry for your situation, I wish I could help, but maybe you can take some solace in knowing that you just helped me out of a bind. I owe you a drink :P

    I can tell you from experience pick the guy with 5 years. Talk to the other guy if you need to. The guy I am going to chat with, we have been friends for about 5 or 6 years but are good friends, he has a job (so can actually do shit), and likes to plan cool shit (he has kind of planned a stag now anyways).

    I was really close to picking him for the same reasons your are talking about and I took the no-offense route but it was the wrong route. I screwed it up and owe the guy I should have picked an apology. Hopefully he is still into helping me out.

    Think about this, when you think back to your wedding do you want your friends up on the line with you? Or do you want a guy who you asked out of tradition? I think you know where I am going with this.



    Originally posted by redblack
    Is seems like he has no interest in being your best man. Clearly he does not comprehend how important the wedding is. Light a fire under his ass, We need to know whats happening for the bachelor party.
    Yeah I agree and the more I think about it the more I am getting pissed off. I am going to have to have a chat with our mutual friend and apologize. I should have picked him from the get go.
    Last edited by Cos; 02-21-2011 at 11:10 PM.
    Originally posted by adam c

    Line goes up, line goes down, line does squiggly things and fucks Alberta
    "The stone age didn't end because we ran out of stones"

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location
    YYC & a huge farm in the (deep) south, central Sask
    My Ride
    12 cars trucks & bikes. From 1938 till new.
    Posts
    5,996
    Rep Power
    25

    Default

    I think you're making this way more complicated then you need to. The role of the best man is pretty serious. If hes this laid back and unwilling to help you guys, then dont make things worse by leaving him in that position.

    Im sure it may be hard to do it, but he needs to understand the gravity of the situation, until then, (IF that happens) then you need to do whats right for you and pick someone else.

    I can see this becoming a lot more frustrating and complicated, as well as pissing off a lot more people if you let him stay in this situation doing what little he is doing.
    It'll be a hard, awkward conversation, but tell him what you're feeling (after the wedding if need be) and why you're doing/did what did (/why your doing what your doing).
    If he really is your brother all things considered, he'll understand. I'd make one *serious* last attempt at getting him on board, if he resists or plays hooky yet again, find someone else. You really need someone NOW that is committed and there. He seems to be neither, so I think you need to move on.

    I take it you feel that picking a different best man will terminate the friendship, and thats not the case. It may put a bit of a strain on it, but I really cant see him killing it between you two over it.
    Last edited by Graham_A_M; 02-21-2011 at 11:10 PM.
    "The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side"

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    The Peoples Republic of Albertastan
    Posts
    5,245
    Rep Power
    20

    Default

    ^^ yeah you are right. I am going to piss off all my OTHER friends by letting this guy do nothing. He will end up making people who are not supposed to do anything having a lot of responsibility.

    I think I have given him enough of a chance. I am just going to let him know that I am going to ask someone else to be my best man as it is a lot of work that I need done and I need someone who can actually coordinate shit.
    Originally posted by adam c

    Line goes up, line goes down, line does squiggly things and fucks Alberta
    "The stone age didn't end because we ran out of stones"

  11. #11
    Join Date
    Sep 2004
    Location
    Filthy south
    My Ride
    bus
    Posts
    709
    Rep Power
    20

    Default

    Originally posted by Cos




    Yeah I agree and the more I think about it the more I am getting pissed off. I am going to have to have a chat with our mutual friend and apologize. I should have picked him from the get go.

    I agree. You only have 6 months left to get organized and based on the shit i went through with my wedding, you and the woman should be spending more time on planning and finalizing some of the details. If you need help, don't be afraid to ask me and/or our mutual friend

  12. #12
    Join Date
    May 2002
    Location
    Calgary, Alberta
    My Ride
    (maah raahde)
    Posts
    5,799
    Rep Power
    44

    Default

    I have a lot of close friends, but I hope I never get picked as the best man. Too much responsibility!! Fortunately I've lucked out so far and keep getting hired as the wedding photographer instead! Whew!

    Originally posted by Cos
    I need to grow a backbone and start doing this shit my way.
    Yeah man, may as well while you can. You have the rest of your married life to lose that backbone

    But yeah man, what good is a best man if he's gonna fuck shit up on your wedding? It should be "best man for the job", not "longest known friend".

  13. #13
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Location
    alberta
    Posts
    18
    Rep Power
    0

    Default

    do you have a brother? my friend had his brother be his best man at his wedding.

  14. #14
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Location
    calgary
    Posts
    1,749
    Rep Power
    17

    Default

    my advice is sit him down and talk to him and ask him straight up if he wants to be your best man or not. No I don't think that all the responsibility should be on the best man for planning and executing the bachelor party etc etc though

    I recently participated in a good friends wedding. The best man was not in calgary so myself and the other groomsman planned and hosted the bachelor party, pretty much the best man just showed up for the wedding. There were no hard feelings, in fact he is a great guy and neither myself nor the other groomsman had any problem with planning the bachelor party ourselves.

    I know weddings are stressful, but my advice from attending several weddings and in the works of planning my own, don't make it the end all be all of days. If you push stuff on people and get really stressed it is going to make people resent the day and not enjoy participating in it. But on that same note don't be afraid to be straight with people that are making it more difficult for you
    Last edited by J-hop; 02-21-2011 at 11:33 PM.

  15. #15
    Join Date
    Jul 2002
    Location
    Calgary
    My Ride
    FA1
    Posts
    846
    Rep Power
    22

    Default

    The best man does not mean the friend you've known the longest in life. The best man is the man that best has been there for you, helped you through hard times, bashed peoples heads with you, etc..etc...

  16. #16
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    The Peoples Republic of Albertastan
    Posts
    5,245
    Rep Power
    20

    Default

    Originally posted by 123focus
    do you have a brother? my friend had his brother be his best man at his wedding.
    I have three but they are 13, 15, 15

    Originally posted by J-hop
    .........
    I dont agree at all. I have been involved in 5 weddings in the last 2 years. The best man is ALWAYS the head of the group, arranging things, making sure shit is taken care of. Of course it isnt all the best mans responsibility and I wont be 'dumping' on my guys but I do expect them to at least help out, which the other three have been doing but they are all waiting for the best man to get his ass in gear.


    Originally posted by van
    The best man does not mean the friend you've known the longest in life. The best man is the man that best has been there for you, helped you through hard times, bashed peoples heads with you, etc..etc...
    Haha yeah. The guy I should have picked fits that bill to a T. Especially the head bashing part.
    Originally posted by adam c

    Line goes up, line goes down, line does squiggly things and fucks Alberta
    "The stone age didn't end because we ran out of stones"

  17. #17
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Location
    West of Deerfoot:p
    My Ride
    2015 Ford Focus SE
    Posts
    160
    Rep Power
    0

    Default

    I'm going to need pics of both guys before I give my opinion
    Originally posted by rage2 in 2002
    Shit, there's only 49 users here, I doubt we'll even break 100.

  18. #18
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    The Peoples Republic of Albertastan
    Posts
    5,245
    Rep Power
    20

    Default

    Originally posted by baygirl
    I'm going to need pics of both guys before I give my opinion
    If you provide pictures I am sure I can persuade those guys to provide pictures as well.
    Originally posted by adam c

    Line goes up, line goes down, line does squiggly things and fucks Alberta
    "The stone age didn't end because we ran out of stones"

  19. #19
    Join Date
    Nov 2002
    Location
    Not Aspen
    My Ride
    Two from Freemont
    Posts
    9,801
    Rep Power
    45

    Default

    Your wedding is about you and your wife... Not your best man.

  20. #20
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Location
    Calgary, Alberta
    My Ride
    2015 Hyundai Veloster
    Posts
    1,958
    Rep Power
    22

    Default

    You're way overcomplicating this, you don't need to be to blame for anything.

    Go to one/some of your other friends that are reliable and tell them you are entrusting them to take care of everything. One of their duties is to get in touch with your previous best man and see what he has planned, what he is currently taking care of and if he needs any help. I imagine they'll have a lot more time than you to track him down and shake some information out of him.

    This can go one of a few ways:
    1. They plan your bachelor party and this guy comes out of nowhere with plans of his own. This is your new best man's fault, he should have contacted the previous best man to work this out beforehand. You are not to blame for anything.
    2. They plan your bachelor party and your previous best man didn't plan shit. Works out perfect.
    3. They track down your previous best man, work out something between all of them, works out perfect.

    Problem solved.
    Originally posted by Go4Long
    or else what? you'll turn on the caps lock?
    you do realize this is the internet right? lol
    Originally posted by rob the knob
    mar, you are good guy at heart
    you must realize your limitations
    then you will be happy if you fine place in live
    Originally posted by blitz
    Jesus man, I know you like Transformers, but you need to get out more. No one should get this upset over a movie based on children's toys.

Page 1 of 3 1 2 ... LastLast

Similar Threads

  1. What every man should do if they want to be a man.

    By Darkane in forum Health and Fitness
    Replies: 24
    Latest Threads: 10-26-2009, 02:25 PM
  2. Man steals bike crashes and is impaled on a stake, Owner of bike finds man on stake,

    By CUG in forum Society / Law / Current Events / Politics
    Replies: 28
    Latest Threads: 08-15-2009, 10:37 PM
  3. spider man.. spider man..

    By Foz in forum Misc. Gallery
    Replies: 13
    Latest Threads: 03-23-2006, 02:05 AM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •