Quantcast
Irritable when it comes to dealing with parents? - Page 2 - Beyond.ca - Car Forums
Page 2 of 3 FirstFirst 1 2 3 LastLast
Results 21 to 40 of 52

Thread: Irritable when it comes to dealing with parents?

  1. #21
    Join Date
    Apr 2003
    Location
    Calgary
    Posts
    5,258
    Rep Power
    26

    Default

    I don't have the EXACT same situation, but my parents were in a motorcycle accident and my mom got a pretty bad head injury which there is no sight of her being 100% again. It's caused a bit of a stutter for her and she has a hard time processing things, and the worst part is I'm not a very patient guy. I do try and do my best to be patient with her as much as possible but sometimes it drives me nuts. I just bought a new house last month and we're getting settled in. I work from home as well, so I told her "no random stop in's" because I work all day, I just asked her to call ahead.

    Well last week she stops by at about 3:00 pm, I was on the phone with my engineer and my dog gets REALLY excited to see her, so my girlfriend answers the door and my dog starts barking (normally she doesnt bark much at all), and I'm on the phone with an engineer who I've been trying to chase down for the last 2 1/2 weeks... I ask him if I can call him back and he sorta laughed cause he could hear my dog and says sure so I go upstairs and my mom, bless her heart, brought us some flowers - so I said thank you but she needs to leave right now.

    Well she leaves, and I get a call from my dad later that night yelling at me.

    I know I probably came across as crass , but I was just in a bad mood because I was working and it was an important call and shit.

    Parents sometimes, what can you do? Think you just have to stay calm and patient and roll with the punches.
    Originally posted by Mibz
    She's already exhibiting signs of turning into my Mom, I need some sort of legal recourse if a full-blown transformation occurs.

  2. #22
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Location
    Calgary
    My Ride
    D40/ED9/R6
    Posts
    1,103
    Rep Power
    15

    Default

    A quick way to find out more about the feeling is to approach your parents and explain to them sometimes you feel frustrated in dealing with their questions.
    You obviously want to avoid placing blame, just put the facts out for them to react to. Their reaction will tell you almost entirely who is the source of the emotion.

    This is my complete amateur opinion and while it's a bit hypocritical for me to suggest such methods when my own relationships aren't perfect. I think it's a very powerful tool though, and it will very quickly show you the truth of your relationship to your parents.

    Again, don't take this as any sort of golden law, it's just one possible way of dealing with the problem in a productive way.
    "Anarchism is not a romantic fable but the hardheaded realization, based on five thousand years of experience, that we cannot entrust the management of our lives to kings, priests, politicians, generals, and county commissioners."

  3. #23
    Join Date
    Jun 2003
    Location
    YWG
    Posts
    3,119
    Rep Power
    24

    Default


  4. #24
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Location
    Calgary
    My Ride
    G6
    Posts
    28
    Rep Power
    0

    Default

    I've got a background where I'm not even 1st generation Canadian; kids will be. I came here at a young age and now speak the language better than most Canadians. Even my parents have gotten pretty good with English. We're Polish though, not Chinese. I think it makes a huge difference because of how many Chinese there are vs Polish here. It seems to be old asians don't even bother trying to learn English, because they only have asian friends who all speak some dialect of Chinese anyway. Only way they'll learn is if they step out of their comfort zone and meet some whitey friends.

    As for parents annoying you... no surprise there. Everyone's parents get on their nerves.

  5. #25
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    Location
    Calgary
    Posts
    12
    Rep Power
    0

    Default Re: Irritable when it comes to dealing with parents?

    Originally posted by Meback
    Hey, so this post might sound silly off the bat, but I really gotta start talking to someone about it.

    I am constantly finding myself easily irritated and annoyed when it comes to dealing with my parents. I am a first generation born Asian Canadian. The parents speak little to no English, and are fobby at best. They come to me with all type of stuff... things as simple as reading and explaining their mail to them... however, I can't help but get annoyed.

    I don・t ever want to get to that point, but it seems like when I have to constantly explain things to them, it bothers the hell out of me. The volume and tone of my voice changes, and I m sure my body language does as well, and it disgusts me every time I catch myself in that mental state. I would like to handle these situations better, but I really don・t know how.

    The Chinese would say that I m "lau hay." I don・t have any anger issues, and I m definitely not short tempered, I don・t resort to violence, or at any point get physical. I just get extremely frustrated.

    Any one else there with a similar background that experience the same thing??
    If you are a first generation born Asian Canadian, then I would assume parents been to Canada at least 20+ years. They should have some understanding of english to deal with day to day issue such reading mail and letters. So it shouldn't be too much bother to you to translate things for them. My Dad been here for 20 years and he not good at speaking english either, but he can pretty much understand most of his mail and I only need to explain and translate maybe once every few months. You can also create template with some traslated words for them to help them on their own so they don't have to bother you much to the point that you get physical.

  6. #26
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
    Location
    Calgary
    My Ride
    M3P
    Posts
    569
    Rep Power
    16

    Default

    How long have they lived here?

    About time for them to Adapt to Canadian Culture yet?

  7. #27
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Location
    calgary
    Posts
    129
    Rep Power
    0

    Default

    As far as I'm concerned, if you come to a new country to live permanently learn the language so you don't have to completely rely on your kids. I'm assuming the OP is in his late teen/early 20's. You're telling me that your parents can't learn the language in all the years they have been here? Your first gen canadian so if you were actually born here, they've had 20 yrs to learn the language. Come on. No offence to any asians, but I think the culture of your kids constantly owing you and HAVING to help you all the time, completely reduces your self sufficency.

  8. #28
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Location
    calgary
    Posts
    129
    Rep Power
    0

    Default

    ha ha ha we all think alike

  9. #29
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Location
    Calgary
    Posts
    2,201
    Rep Power
    21

    Default

    The thing is, you gotta remember how many dumb and retarded questions you must have asked your parents when you were growing up. It's a cycle of life, they take care of you, you take care of them. It's easy to get angry immediately at people close to you because you know they will love you unconditionally, but what I find helps me most with anything I want to stop doing is to think of the repercussions, and how it makes the other side feel. For example, I imagine how it must make my parents feel when they ask you a simple question (most likely to just spend a few minutes with you and feel like they are cared about) only to be faced with arrogance, anger, and frustration.

    I know, it's the hardest thing in this world to do, but try to think of it as "This person gave me everything they had so that I could be where I am," and hopefully that puts the bad feelings behind. It is hard the first few times, but just like everything else, it will become a habit at some point and then you won't even have to think about it.
    Originally posted by rage2
    #1: don't ever question me.

  10. #30
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    Location
    NE
    My Ride
    Ram 1500, '68 Camaro, S14
    Posts
    1,933
    Rep Power
    41

    Default

    lol i can't imagine dealing with that language barrier when you know it and they don't! That must be frustrating, it's not like there usually isn't already parent/children tention around that age.

    My mom speaks perfect english and i can barely get through 5 minutes on the phone with her without losing it

  11. #31
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Location
    Calgary
    Posts
    128
    Rep Power
    0

    Default

    Originally posted by superflychief
    As far as I'm concerned, if you come to a new country to live permanently learn the language so you don't have to completely rely on your kids. I'm assuming the OP is in his late teen/early 20's. You're telling me that your parents can't learn the language in all the years they have been here? Your first gen canadian so if you were actually born here, they've had 20 yrs to learn the language. Come on. No offence to any asians, but I think the culture of your kids constantly owing you and HAVING to help you all the time, completely reduces your self sufficency.
    Oh I totally agree with everything you say, but these Asians you speak of do exist, especially housewives. Yes, they can be that ignorant that in 20 years they won't learn it because they will rely on their kids to do it. It's sad, and quite pathetic.

    I for one am happy that my mom can speak it decently enough. I might of over exaggerated about how they don't speak a lick of English. My Dad on the other hand knows even less, but knows enough to get by and knows how to ask things. Once again, if it comes to CPP, OAS, and all that other Government stuff, even I have trouble understanding.

    P.S. I would say that I have a great relationship with my parents, so all is good. I am glad I can help them out and it's not really a hassle anymore.

  12. #32
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    Calgary
    Posts
    1,310
    Rep Power
    18

    Default

    My parents came to Canada back in 74' as immigrants from Hong Kong, and my parents did the best they could to ensure that I was assimilated into "Canadian" culture...

    I grew up in a middle-upper class community in a prodominately caucasian neighborhood... played soccer, skiied, hockey, and hung out with the neighboorhood kids who are now my best friends of the last 25 years.

    Though English is obviously not their first langugage, they have no issues with comprehending english nor speaking it, though my mom still has an accent and sometimes issues with certain sarcasm lol...

    The difference between my parents and many other oriental/south asian migrants are that they tried to BE a part of the country that they moved to. They don't fight for their cultural diversity, for stupid nonsence like kanji on stop signs, etc...
    They also belive in paying their taxes and not living their lives in a cultural isolation that the fricken areas like NE Calgary, Richmond and Surry BC have turned into.

    In fact, how far they went to learn English, my Dad completed a BA in English, and a major on education and my mother also has a BSC in Botnay which they all completed in UofM in "ENGLISH".

    Oh and through all this they still know and cherish their roots, as well have passed that and their mother tongue to me...

    So its more like the other way around... when I'm at an asian grocery store trying to figure out crap like a white man, I ask my mom what those characters mean.

  13. #33
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Location
    Calgary
    My Ride
    Ioniq 5
    Posts
    1,779
    Rep Power
    45

    Default

    I get the same feelings but rather than having to help them with language it is helping parents with simple tasks on anything technological.

    Get a phone call:

    << How do I print something
    >> File--Print
    << Okay then what
    >> *face palm* click 'Print'
    << Okay then what
    >> Well is it already printing
    << Yes
    >> Then you're done already...

    15 minutes later

    << How do I scan something
    >> Click the icon I made on the desktop saying 'Scan' it does everything for you... same as the last time you phoned, and the time before that ... and the other dozen times...

  14. #34
    Join Date
    Jun 2003
    Location
    YWG
    Posts
    3,119
    Rep Power
    24

    Default

    Based on my own personal observations of my own first-gen immigrant friends (Asian and European primarily), I have noticed a common thread among those that are frustrated with their parents demands and expectations.

    Basically the kids are greedy and the parents know that they can wave money in their kids faces and get them to do whatever they want. When money doesn't work they use words like "loyalty" to further manipulated their kids.

    I have friends who have gotten cars, houses, weddings, tuitions, toys and God knows what else paid for by their parents. Their parents have worked hard and have also amassed a fair bit of wealth (big houses, rental properties, successful businesses etc) and the kids know it. However the kids know that they have to stay in the parents good books to ensure that the gravy train doesn't end and they they have a good position in their will for when their parents die.

    The parents know this and will manipulate the kids accordingly. Parents will tell their kids what to do, who to marry and essentially make them their servants to have their prove their loyalty and worth.

    The only way out is to be willing to live your own life at the cost of the financial benefits.

    One day these children will be at their parents funeral and realize that they wasted their life, sacrificed their dreams and neglected their own happiness just to get a chuck of their parents money.

    It's pretty sad IMO, but I see it happening time and time again.

  15. #35
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Location
    Only 15min from Aspen!
    My Ride
    Nothing interesting anymore
    Posts
    8,397
    Rep Power
    100

    Default

    Originally posted by JfuckinC
    lol i can't imagine dealing with that language barrier when you know it and they don't!


    My family has been here for at least a century, my wife's family has been here at least a century, so there's no culture/language barriers there...

    HOWEVER, holy shit do I get annoyed at having to explain anything computer related to either set. I must have shown AND written down instructions for my mother-in-law 20 times over 2 years, on how to transfer files from her camera to her computer.

    I can't imagine having to do that sort of thing on a daily basis, for everything language involved. I feel sorry for you OP (and others in the same boat), but it is perfectly normal for anyone with (what they consider) common knowledge, to have to explain things time and time again, to people without the knowledge (in your case, language).
    Quote Originally Posted by DonJuan View Post
    This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote
    Came back to ogle 2Legit2Quit wife's buns...
    Quote Originally Posted by Kloubek View Post
    This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote
    They're certainly big, but I don't know if they are the BEST I've tasted.

  16. #36
    Join Date
    Jul 2002
    Location
    Calgary
    My Ride
    FA1
    Posts
    846
    Rep Power
    22

    Default

    What's wrong with you all lol - you're talking about your parents!

    I understand sometimes that it does get frustrating dealing with your parents but you have to remember why you are where you are.

    I'm in the situation where I do everything for my parents, modifying bill payments, plans, calling customer service, reading mail that has literature that they don't quite understand.

    Sometimes it sucks trying to explain to them and them not quite understanding what you're saying. Sure, they've been here long enough they should know better but the truth of the matter is they don't - they just work hard and that's all they know how to do.

    The turning point for me when I just started sucking it up and dealing with it a situation at a time is when I finally asked them to tell me about their journey to Canada.

    A real eye-opener and after that it really didn't matter what they wanted me to do for them. Just my two cents.

    Oh ya..the most frustrating times was teaching my dad how to use a computer, took me about 3 full months and a lot of writing notes in Vietnamese in a little handbook so he has something to reference.

    However, now buddy knows how to use a computer, he knows how to grab torrents, he knows how to make dvds hah he even has FB

  17. #37
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Location
    Calgary, AB
    My Ride
    A vehicle or two
    Posts
    4,436
    Rep Power
    32

    Default

    I saw this video once. It showed a 30something year old talking to his elderly father. His father repeated something, and his son got upset.... with a statement like "I ALREADY TOLD YOU. WHY CAN'T YOU LISTEN?".

    Then it cuts to the father while his son was just an infant. And the son was asking similar questions, while the father was calm, loving and understanding.

    The moral of the story is this: If you feel that your parents are annoying, keep in mind that you were once yourself as well. They raised you the best they could, and made you what you are today. While I appreciate they can be frustrating, and it is difficult to control your emotions, do what you can... as they did so for you.

    One final note: Even if you do your best to cover up your annoyance with them, it will still come through your body language, tone, etc. The key here is to change the way you are thinking as opposed to changing the way you attempt to project yourself.

  18. #38
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Location
    Calgary
    My Ride
    X3
    Posts
    848
    Rep Power
    21

    Default

    Originally posted by arian_ma
    The thing is, you gotta remember how many dumb and retarded questions you must have asked your parents when you were growing up. It's a cycle of life, they take care of you, you take care of them. It's easy to get angry immediately at people close to you because you know they will love you unconditionally, but what I find helps me most with anything I want to stop doing is to think of the repercussions, and how it makes the other side feel. For example, I imagine how it must make my parents feel when they ask you a simple question (most likely to just spend a few minutes with you and feel like they are cared about) only to be faced with arrogance, anger, and frustration.

    I know, it's the hardest thing in this world to do, but try to think of it as &quot;This person gave me everything they had so that I could be where I am,&quot; and hopefully that puts the bad feelings behind. It is hard the first few times, but just like everything else, it will become a habit at some point and then you won't even have to think about it.

    My thoughts exactly.
    I still find I don't treat my parents with as much respect as I should, but I think I've gotten better over the years. I have the same mindset as quoted above and try to think of how much they've done for me and how much they sacrificed for me. When I notice myself acting like an ass towards them, I try my best to take a step back and realize how ridiculous I'm being.

  19. #39
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    .
    Posts
    2,653
    Rep Power
    24

    Default

    .
    Last edited by 01RedDX; 10-13-2020 at 07:18 PM.

  20. #40
    Join Date
    Jun 2003
    Location
    YWG
    Posts
    3,119
    Rep Power
    24

    Default

    Originally posted by Kloubek
    The moral of the story is this: If you feel that your parents are annoying, keep in mind that you were once yourself as well. They raised you the best they could, and made you what you are today. While I appreciate they can be frustrating, and it is difficult to control your emotions, do what you can... as they did so for you.
    Except when you were annoying you were a child that didn't know any better.

    What is the excuse of the parents who are mature adults?

Page 2 of 3 FirstFirst 1 2 3 LastLast

Similar Threads

  1. Replies: 7
    Latest Threads: 11-20-2008, 10:26 AM
  2. Low life, drug dealing, piece of shit parents...

    By Super_Geo in forum Society / Law / Current Events / Politics
    Replies: 37
    Latest Threads: 04-26-2007, 04:23 PM
  3. Caution when dealing with JIC USA

    By googe in forum General
    Replies: 11
    Latest Threads: 01-15-2004, 01:49 PM
  4. Replies: 34
    Latest Threads: 01-10-2004, 05:43 PM
  5. Dealing with Mopar. . . ?

    By GothicSmurf in forum General Car/Bike Talk
    Replies: 4
    Latest Threads: 07-02-2002, 10:12 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •