Hello. My name is Chris. I really need to get some Garth Brooks tickets for my wife and her friend. I tried buying them online, but they sold out in under a minute! That means that Garth Brooks is the only man, besides me, to dissapoint my wife in under a minute. I am willing to do ANYTHING to get two tickets for Garth. ANYTHING. Seriously. Anything. I am skilled in a lot of different things, and am willing to perform any service for you. While I can do anything, here are Some Suggestions: SURGERY: I'm a hobbyist surgeon. I've been practicing on small animals and vagrants, but am definitely ready to take the next step. I can perform castrations, sex changes, liver removals, and bowel obstructions. I am able to provide my own tools: box cutter, liquor, blind fold. The liquor is for us to share, the blind fold is for me as blood makes me squeamish. HAPPY DANCER: Some people are good at dancing, and when you watch them dance you are filled with emotions. I am one of those dancers. When you watch me gyrate and twirl you'll be overwhelmed with an emotion: sheer unbridled happiness. My dancing is a great treat to add some happiness to dark situations, such as after a divorce or during a funeral. FATHER FIGUIRE: There are a lot of people out there who don't have a strong male role model in their lives. It could be you, or your child who needs a good father figuire and that is exactly what I provide. I have a strong jaw line and a commanding voice. When I say that I'm proud of your achievements, you'll know I mean it. Along with "Good" father figuire, I can also provide "Deadbeat Dad" and "Cruel, Aloof Father." Those are just a couple of the services I can provide. I am open to suggestions. I just need the tickets!!!
Garth brooks ticket fail
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