How to raise perfect special snowflakes

[speedog]

It would appear that a trade type of career for 89coupe's daughter is not in the cards as the question had been posed to him at least twice in this thread with no direct responses that would indicate that would be acceptable.

So moving on, if a degree is what 89coupe and his wife wish for their daughter to have, then good on them - it's their plan and hopefully it works out for them. My youngest, also a 14 year old girl, does not have her life mapped out in such a fashion as did neither of our boys, now 18 and almost 21. The boys are both at the UofC full time on half sports scholarships, but they chose their paths on their own. Yes, we provided advice, but as they are funding their own schooling then it is their choice in what they do - no different then both of their parents. The only difference is that they have free room and board as long as they are in school full time - quit school and expect to pay to live at home, after all they are adults. Do we hover over them now - not really although it is expected that they still contribute to keeping the house clean and not waking Mom and Dad up at 3 or 4 in the morning when they come home. Not too much to ask.

So if my daughter decides to go to SAIT to become a plumber, then so be it. We will provide as much as we can as to the pros and cons of such a career path and let her go from there - know a number of plumbers who are doing quite well and the world will certainly never lack a need for them. UofC or UofA on a sports scholarship - probably very doable for her through wrestling although I wouldn't want her to make a career decision based upon some funding, what she thinks she desires should be the first thing to be considered.

To 89coupe, parenting is something one never stops learning to do and it's an ever evolving target - three kids has very much shown that to be the case. Just be there for your daughter if she decides her path in life is not going to be that which you and your wife had envisioned.

[FraserB]

Originally posted by max_boost
What is with the extremes?

Its Beyond, no one here has anything but extremes.

[Maybelater]

I'm not going to read through all this. To many parents seem to think that their is an exact method to parenting for great success, you child is a conscious, self-aware human, not a computer to be programed.

You can put out all the personal cases you can think of, you'll find people who had strict parents who became skids and people who had parents that let them do anything and became doctors. A certain amount of raising a child is a wildcard.

Actually knowing your child on a personal level and guiding them through life is all you can do.

[codetrap]

Originally posted by Maybelater
I'm not going to read through all this. To many parents seem to think that their is an exact method to parenting for great success, you child is a conscious, self-aware human, not a computer to be programed.

You can put out all the personal cases you can think of, you'll find people who had strict parents who became skids and people who had parents that let them do anything and became doctors. A certain amount of raising a child is a wildcard.

Actually knowing your child on a personal level and guiding them through life is all you can do.

I haven't seen anyone here that's a parent say thier method is the only one. Only those without kids are saying that. I agree with you on this totally, every kid is different, evolving and changing. I just get a real kick out of those non-parent types saying we are doing it wrong. Lol.

[speedog]

To all others in this thread that are being critical of 89coupe, there is not necessarily no absolute right or wrong when it comes to parenting. When you start walking down that path of parenthood, then you will discover that no matter how well you think you were prepared for this game of life, that those little lifeforms you bring into this world are going to throw curve balls you will have never envisioned. Curve balls that you can't get any great advice on from your parents/friends/family or from any support structure - you're gonna have to wing it and hope everything works out.

I'm talking curve balls like a child dying, like a child threatening to kill themselves, like a child developing a medical condition that will affect them and possibly you for the rest of their life, things like failed relationships (been faithfully monogamous for 25 years now and as such, not to good on how to deal with a relationship not working), like a child who has to come to terms with family or friends dying, like a child who becomes old enough and cognizant enough to recognize that their life could be better but isn't because of their parents and the decisions they made over the years, like a child just learning to ride a bike or drive a car - trust me when I say that that last one will get the white hair coming in quicker.

Can my wife and I be critical of how other parents and how they raised their kids, yeah we sure as hell can but that is only between us and only us and the only time that changes is when someone comes to us looking for help. 89coupe and his wife, don't know them, probably never will, but they are doing what they think is best for their family with what skills and finances they have available to them and I can't be critical of them for what they have done. As for myself, can I look back and see that I could've maybe done things differently - yeah, probably but you know the old saying about hindsight and I suppose the good thing about all of everything I've experienced is that it better equips me to guide my kids along. Certainly at the ripe old age of 20 or 30 or 40 or even 50, I didn't have all the answers (still don't) and I suppose I should be envious of all those in this thread that apparently have figured things out, but I'm not because I know the curve balls haven't stopped coming my way yet. Kudos though to those of you who have figured it out - the royalties on a book you could pen for the rest of us should be worth something although myself and probably 89coupe most likely wouldn't be buying.

[89coupe]

Originally posted by speedog
It would appear that a trade type of career for 89coupe's daughter is not in the cards as the question had been posed to him at least twice in this thread with no direct responses that would indicate that would be acceptable.

So moving on, if a degree is what 89coupe and his wife wish for their daughter to have, then good on them - it's their plan and hopefully it works out for them. My youngest, also a 14 year old girl, does not have her life mapped out in such a fashion as did neither of our boys, now 18 and almost 21. The boys are both at the UofC full time on half sports scholarships, but they chose their paths on their own. Yes, we provided advice, but as they are funding their own schooling then it is their choice in what they do - no different then both of their parents. The only difference is that they have free room and board as long as they are in school full time - quit school and expect to pay to live at home, after all they are adults. Do we hover over them now - not really although it is expected that they still contribute to keeping the house clean and not waking Mom and Dad up at 3 or 4 in the morning when they come home. Not too much to ask.

So if my daughter decides to go to SAIT to become a plumber, then so be it. We will provide as much as we can as to the pros and cons of such a career path and let her go from there - know a number of plumbers who are doing quite well and the world will certainly never lack a need for them. UofC or UofA on a sports scholarship - probably very doable for her through wrestling although I wouldn't want her to make a career decision based upon some funding, what she thinks she desires should be the first thing to be considered.

To 89coupe, parenting is something one never stops learning to do and it's an ever evolving target - three kids has very much shown that to be the case. Just be there for your daughter if she decides her path in life is not going to be that which you and your wife had envisioned.

She has expressed no interest in a trade type job. She has expressed interest in medicine, & computers. I would never hold her back from pursuing that.

[kertejud2]

Originally posted by 89coupe


She has expressed no interest in a trade type job. She has expressed interest in medicine, & computers. I would never hold her back from pursuing that.

Lucky for you that is only a difference of about 6 years of education and $50-120,000. I'll trust you'll tell her what choice is best.

If she does choose to go the medicine route, U of A is significantly less expensive if you're looking for the economical choice.

[XylathaneGTR]

Originally posted by 89coupe

She has expressed no interest in a trade type job. She has expressed interest in medicine, & computers. I would never hold her back from pursuing that.

Maybe she doesn't know what else is out there? y'know...since she is only able to use the internet under parental supervision.
I'm just giving you a hard time now, though. I expect you to bump this thread in 4 years and provide an update!

[03ozwhip]

i have a 3 year old and of course i limit what he does, if not, he would he candy and drink pop all day long, never nap and have diabetes in 3 years.

the decisions you make for your kid until they are a certain age, is what makes or breaks that kid in the future. you better believe that if my kid doesnt ask me to drink pop or really anything for that matter, something is wrong.

kids have to be instilled with manners and proper discipline or they will turn out like kids from forest lawn (ie: me) i dont want my kid to grow up a mean kid, that eats like shit all the time and doesnt listen to authority, i want something different for him.

until he leaves my house, its my way or the highway. he will ask permission for things that need permission ie: staying overnight at someones place, drinking pop(from my fridge) or other crap that kids should normally think might not be ok to do.

i am not going to force him into post secondary, but i would like him to take a better path than i did, so im going to encourage him to go, if he wants to struggle with his life decisions and not go, so be it, ill be on his ass, but what am i going to do about the decisions he makes? kill him?

the point is, you have your kids in your house until at least 18, after that, theyre adults and they make their own decisions, we only just try and guide them to making better ones.

as a parent, we want the best for our kids, but the best is defined differently by every parent, hence the different parenting styles. i think that 89coupe sounds like a good parent to me, with nothing wrong at all, i think you guys are taking things he says and thnking to much into it.

[M.alex]

Does anybody have the # for child services - I want to report 89coupe and let them tell me if he is a fit parent or not.

[Tik-Tok]

Originally posted by M.alex
Does anybody have the # for child services - I want to report 89coupe and let them tell me if he is a fit parent or not.

He isn't doing any immediate harm, so it's all good.

[M.alex]

Originally posted by Tik-Tok


He isn't doing any immediate harm, so it's all good.

Since Beyond clearly can't come to a consensus we must now involve the authorities and let them figure it out. Clearly, that is the only acceptable solution here.

[Tik-Tok]

Originally posted by M.alex


Since Beyond clearly can't come to a consensus we must now involve the authorities and let them figure it out. Clearly, that is the only acceptable solution here.

I think the consensus is, there isn't any right answer to raising kids, except 89coupe doesn't agree with that, his way is EXACTLY the way to raise children... like little robots.

[ExtraSlow]

This thread, like every thread about parenting, is hilarious.
50% people without kids who can't believe how bad most parents are.
18% people with kids, who are doing the best they can with the situation they are in.
2% 89coupe, like a boss.
30% people making fun of 89coupe.


Here's my take: In the end, if you've done a good job, that kid will move out, get some kind of job, and not end up in jail. That's all I'm hoping for.

[kvg]

Even with my two daughters we can't use the same approach, because they are different people with their own personalities, thoughts, dreams, and interests, so we do what we believe is best for them. I may not use the same approach as 89coupe, but he knows his daughter better than any of us and it sounds like him and his wife are doing good so far. Like it has been mentioned the "best thing" is a moving target and it might be different tomorrow, next month, next year, and it's our job to try our best to adapt.

[Toma]

lol.... My parents were strict. I'd hear a dog bark, and thought my dad was yelling at me for fucking up lol.

University degree was EXPECTED as a natural part of life just like high school.

High school is expected of everyone. Why shouldn't University? Just cause in Canada we don't value education like some places, does not mean your kids shouldn't.

As for WHERE you go. Irreverent. Unless you think you are gonna be prime minster or some shit. In that case, you can upgrade if "pedigree" matters. Decision should be strictly based upon if they have the program of interest, and economics.

My ex had 2 kids. Wont pretend they were perfect, too much turmoil in their lives. But they were athletic and health freaks, They made fun of me eating junk food, and refused Mcdonalds. You can teach them PROPER values. I once tossed a banana peel out the car window and got a lecture about our environment

And these things are NOT an opinion.

Fast food is shit. PERIOD
Drugs are shit. PERIOD
Alcohol and smoking ... SHIT. PERIOD.
Education is a MUST. PERIOD.

there are more, but these things are some facts of life. If you can transfer and teach these beliefs, and not fall into the trap of mediocrity by excusing "well, Timmy down the street does it"....

then you are doing awesome.

[JRSC00LUDE]

Originally posted by Toma


And these things are NOT an opinion.

Fast food is shit. PERIOD
Drugs are shit. PERIOD
Alcohol and smoking ... SHIT. PERIOD.
Education is a MUST. PERIOD.

there are more, but these things are some facts of life.

The one thing I'm going to question is how is it a fact that alcohol is shit? Period?

That's WAY more opinion than fact I would say. The rest, no argument there (assuming by drugs you mean recreational/illicit).

[Toma]

Originally posted by JRSC00LUDE


The one thing I'm going to question is how is it a fact that alcohol is shit? Period?

That's WAY more opinion than fact I would say. The rest, no argument there (assuming by drugs you mean recreational/illicit).

What good is alcohol? Serves no purpose but to get you drunk and stupid.

Well, aside from the 2 glasses of red wine a week they says is good for you.

[dj_patm]

I dunno. If my kid is 16 I'd prefer if he wasn't scared of telling me that he's going to drink so that he doesn't hide it and do it behind my back.

My parents never got mad at me for drinking underage and because of that I never felt the need to hide the fact that I was going to a party and there will probably be some drinking. That way they basically always knew where I was going cause I had no reason to lie.

I'd rather know where my kid is and whats going on so you can sort of keep track of it then ban them from doing something and have them hide it and do it behind your back.

You're delusional if you don't think your kid will drink, smoke weed or eat poorly in high school. Sure there are some very rare exceptions but 90% of the student body does it and for 90% of those 90% nothing negative really develops from it anyways.

I do think smoking weed needs to be met with some sort of punishment for high school kids though. I don't see a problem with it now that I'm long past it but I saw some kids screw up their lifes a bit or set themselves back because of it... then again who knows if that wouldn't have happened regardless.

[dj_patm]

Originally posted by Toma


What good is alcohol? Serves no purpose but to get you drunk and stupid.

Well, aside from the 2 glasses of red wine a week they says is good for you.

You say drunk and stupid, some say relaxed and fun.

Different strokes for different folks. Moderation is key (a key that I lost a long time ago )