What to do with inlaws?

[nzwasp]

So my aging inlaws live in Calgary and my wife is chinese canadian - I am NZ european. In NZ we have a firm understanding that your parents should be able to look after themselves or the govt will give them enough to pay the bills on their mortgage free house.

My wife thinks she will have to look after her parents because they have no savings, no rrsp or little rrsp (20k) however she cant stand living with her mom, her father is ok. The parents live together but arent really together (strange situation).

They currently have a house in Edmonton, We asked 2 years ago if we could sell their house and move them into a condo in Edmonton using the money from the sale to buy most or all of a condo.

Now shes thinking we should buy them a condo in Calgary but that would mean taking on a 2nd mortgage and condo fees and diverting a portion of our savings / retirement income to support them.

What have other beyonders done to help their parents when they retire if they cannot help themselves?

[TomcoPDR]

You married an Asian, that's family for life. If your still relatively young and still have years roughing it out (35-42) then I'd say suck it up and move inlaws to Calgary and help them on the difference to make ur wife happy. If ur kids are high school age and u guys are 45+, then IMO I say go with white cultural and just worry about yourselves. To help your inlaws, just sell their Edmonton property then move then to smaller towns and save some $$$. Bassano, coronation, settler, acme, nanton. Something not to far you can still bring infant kids to visit them on weekends and special occassions but not close enough where they chill at ur home daily.

[nzwasp]

Luckily we are both under 35. When we broached the subject of selling their house they said no way because I guess the father is super house proud. I think eventually the house will go to her brother, or fall apart as its in really bad shape.

Yeah pretty sure I'll have to move them to Calgary for health reasons too. I think if we buy them a condo we will be footing the entire bill. I just was curious to see if any beyonders have had to do the same.

[Type_S1]

Lmao, my gf is Chinese and she knows there is no fking way I would foot the bill for her family, my family or anyone for that matter. I made this very clear to her. Why the hell would you put yourself at a disadvantage to help people who didnt help themselves their whole lives? I have family members like this who call me for loans and such and you know what I tell them? Get a second job, I heard McDonald's is hiring. Do her parents even work?

[bjstare]

Originally posted by Type_S1
Lmao, my gf is Chinese and she knows there is no fking way I would foot the bill for her family, my family or anyone for that matter. I made this very clear to her. Why the hell would you put yourself at a disadvantage to help people who didnt help themselves their whole lives? I have family members like this who call me for loans and such and you know what I tell them? Get a second job, I heard McDonald's is hiring. Do her parents even work?

She's your gf, not your wife. Guarantee this situation will change if you guys get married. Whether you like it or not.

[nzwasp]

The father worked for the alberta govt for 30 years and as such has one of those sweet govt pensions with the guaranteed income. No idea how much he gets though. The mom works a retail behind the scenes job for minimum wage, both of them arent quite at the retirement age so neither gets cpp or anything else.

Im ideally hoping that they are both good until they are 70 (8 or so years away) so that if we do need to get something for them we have a big downpayment for a condo (future rental property) for them. But i guess at 70 how long can one live in a condo before they need specialist treatment.

Im not sure if alberta health provides nurses to go out and check on health of elderly or if they have to be in specialized care to get that.

[CanmoreOrLess]

Idea #1: A couple can live on one government employee pension easily, add in double old age security cheques and a paid off house, there is plenty left over for gambling and trips back to the motherland (you pay to get them out of Dodge). Sell the Edmonton house, buy a condo, and cash cheques as they roll in from the three sources. Long nose, easy peezy view.

Idea #2: The real world view... They're asian and as such you are to roll asian style, in other words they move in with you, live in a self contained suite and make your lives all a living hell. When you got married, you sorta knew this is the way it rolls? At least you have your family name, my best friend ended up going from a strong German family name to a run of the mill Japanese name all in the name of love. Want the daughter.... you need to take our name so it can live on in a family that can only give birth to girls.

Idea #3: Do what my lawyer friend (as much as I can stand) has done. Sell the Edmonton house and your Calgary house, combine the two and buy a big place (with a self contained suite or cottage) in the countryside. Count the days until they die and cash in as the years roll by. A lawyer is a special breed, always working the angles for a payday.

Idea #4: Far from the best of the lot, reverse mortgage and by the time they run out of funds they are old and senile. Let nature take the map at this point.

[Tik-Tok]

Originally posted by CanmoreOrLess
A couple can live on one government employee pension, add in double old age security cheques and there is plenty left over for gambling and trips back to the motherland. Sell the Edmonton house, buy a condo, and cash cheques as they roll in from the three sources.

A 30 year government pension is pretty decent, will probably be more than I'll be getting when I'm retired, lol. ...

[nzwasp]

Pretty sure neither parent wants to part with money to anyone be us or the other person.

[yellowsnow]

Shouldn't her brother be responsible for taking care of their parents? It's usually the eldest son I though that has to support the old people.

Has she discussed anything with her brother?

Personally I wouldn't mind forking some money over to help family, but no way they would move in with us. My family and my sanity is my priority!

[ipeefreely]

Originally posted by nzwasp
So my aging inlaws live in Calgary...

Originally posted by nzwasp
The father worked for the alberta govt for 30 years and as such has one of those sweet govt pensions with the guaranteed income. No idea how much he gets though. The mom works a retail behind the scenes job for minimum wage, both of them arent quite at the retirement age so neither gets cpp or anything else.

Sounds like your wife or you are jumping the gun to me? They aren't even 65 and you want to start looking after them?

My parents retired a few years ago and it's never crossed my mind... Hell, my grandfather is 93 and still lives in his own home (my uncle lives there but he doesn't do much for him... my mom and my aunts check up on him weekly).

Your father in law's pension is good till he dies, then till his wife dies and they own a house so having to buy them a condo seem a little crazy to me...

What's happening with your parents? That could help level the field with your wife...

[nzwasp]

Originally posted by yellowsnow
Shouldn't her brother be responsible for taking care of their parents? It's usually the eldest son I though that has to support the old people.

Her brother is a typical gen y does not care for anything but himself, for instance he lives with them uses his old mans car, they pay his gas, his insurance, heck they even used to pay for his cellphone bill. We try and tell them not too but they dont really care and since he lives with them I think he somehow gets away with it. He also blows all his money as soon as he gets it.

Originally posted by ipeefreely
Sounds like your wife or you are jumping the gun to me? They aren't even 65 and you want to start looking after them?

My parents retired a few years ago and it's never crossed my mind... Hell, my grandfather is 93 and still lives in his own home (my uncle lives there but he doesn't do much for him... my mom and my aunts check up on him weekly).

Your father in law's pension is good till he dies, then till his wife dies and they own a house so having to buy them a condo seem a little crazy to me...

What's happening with your parents? That could help level the field with your wife...

Yeah we think her father is pretty sick hes been smoking for 50 years or so and he looks like hes mid 80s however no idea because he hasnt seen a doctor for 30 years or so. Thanks for letting me know how the pension worked I thought it would just cease to exist when he dies. We are only thinking we should have to divert/save extra money for a what if scenario should they need to be looked after sooner rather than later.

[eblend]

Originally posted by TomcoPDR
You married an Asian, that's family for life.

From my experience, it's not all Asians, but I see this a lot with Chinese, seems like a big cultural thing, "we raise you so you can take care of us when we get old"

I married my wife because she was here by herself and her parents were well off back in Japan, so I knew there would not be a case of A) them living with us B) having to bring them over here C) give them money

I wouldn't marry a girl if I knew that there was all this baggage coming along, which is often the case with some Asians.

In your case just go along with it, but try to stall as long as possible. Seems rushed to do all this now, and hopefully she forgets about the idea at some point. Do the parents want to move, or is it just her guilt? As someone else mentioned, how about your parents? She can't expect you to take on all these expenses for her parents, yet isn't willing to contribute the same to your parents. Also I hope she isn't just having you pay for everything and you guys share your finances. If she knows that you guys are going to be broke for a while because of this expense, she better stop buying LV bags and other shit like that as well and not offload the debt on you.

I know in Asian countries the man should provide for the family, which is correct, but she can't expect you to support her parents by yourself while she doesn't provide for your family (just speculating here). If you pay for her family, say you want her to pay for yours.

Obviously I don't know your wife and just giving general information, but I know some women (Asian or not, doesn't matter) are high maintenance and got the man around their finger, hope this isn't the case for you and you stand your ground.

[suntan]

My god, a Chinese person who doesn't understand money. For shame.

Your parents have no RRSP because your father has a fully funded, indexed for inflation, paid-forever-until-they-both-die DB pension. Let's just say he put away the equivalent of a few million dollars.

The thing with a DB pension is that it sucks away almost all your RRSP room.

If I were you, I'd be sucking his dick so fucking hard he'd have no choice but to give you some money right now.

[nzwasp]

I really dont think he gets that much eh - maybe 2k a month.

He recently asked me to get some money out of the bank for him and he only had 3k in there, all he does is watch tv and smoke cigs so he should have loads of money you would think.

[CompletelyNumb]

Buy a condo in your name, make them a lease and treat them like tenants so you have no issues with them claiming they own the property. And make a stipulation that they allow you to sell their house or have it in their will that you and your wife get it, not the son.

I can't understand helping them out this young, for no real reason, and not getting anything out of it. But I'm white.

[sputnik]

Originally posted by nzwasp
Her brother is a typical gen y does not care for anything but himself, for instance he lives with them uses his old mans car, they pay his gas, his insurance, heck they even used to pay for his cellphone bill. We try and tell them not too but they dont really care and since he lives with them I think he somehow gets away with it. He also blows all his money as soon as he gets it.

Based on this fact alone... I wouldn't worry about a thing.

[Xtrema]

Originally posted by sputnik


Based on this fact alone... I wouldn't worry about a thing.

Yup.

It's will always be son's problem. Let them be.


I would say, try to stay on the sideline as long as you can. You ain't getting the house, the dumb son will. So it should be his problem and not yours. That's always the deal, whoever gets the house, get the folks.

On top, I think financially while they are no Asian, they are fine. DB Pension @ $2K a month, mom should get CPP, and they should get OAS in a few years. And if there RRSP runs out, you probably can get GIS as well. I would really doubt if they don't clear at least $3-3.5K a month.

That is lots for 60+ year-olds with house paid off. You can't eat and you can't travel far to blow money anyway.

If they do want to move to Calgary to make it your and your wife's problem, the only way I would do it is sell the house to son, make him carry a mortgage and they can cash in and move to a condo here.

Do not ever offer them to move in. It isn't fair to leech off you while degenerate gen y son get all the spoils.

[PaleRider]

With a paid off house (I am assuming), and a government pension, I don't think you really need to do anything. As for emergencies, your wife has a brother there so I think it's fine.

[suntan]

Originally posted by nzwasp
I really dont think he gets that much eh - maybe 2k a month.

He recently asked me to get some money out of the bank for him and he only had 3k in there, all he does is watch tv and smoke cigs so he should have loads of money you would think.

It sounds like he's not 65 yet, so I gather he hasn't started drawing his pension. Also it's paid monthly.

If he has worked at the gov't for 30 years like you claim, then his yearly pension amount will be the average of his annual salary for the past 10 years.