Stupid funny shit your kid says. Post yours up!

[spikerS]

Alright, I know the Beyond demographic has changed, and quite a few of us have kids, and I know Bill Cosby isn't hosting that show anymore, so, why not share the funnies.

Only rule, you must have heard the Kid-ism first hand. I will post up a few gems heard at my house.

Heidi: You know that feeling you get when you are scared?
Me: Kinda like Butterflies in your stomach?
Heidi: I didn't eat any butterflies this morning dad!

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Me: Madison, pick a number between 1 and 10
Madison: D!

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Me: Heidi, hurry up! get your butt in gear!
Heidi: But my bum doesn't have any gears dad!

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Baygirl: Heidi, enough, just let it go.
Heidi: But I am not holding anything mom!

[theken]

My little girl
When am I going grow a penis?

[sillysod]

^^ lol my niece saw my son naked in the tub when he was 2 and she was 4 and asked why he had a tail and why it was on the front.



My sister's daughter (7 yrs old) had a birthday party at the house and she hired some petting zoo company to bring farm animals to their yard. A baby goat, a baby sheep, some little ducks and baby chicks.

My 6yr old son picked up the baby chicken and was feeding it some sort of seeds the petting zoo handler gave him.

Next thing he is yelling:

"look at his pecker" and
"he keeps rubbing his little pecker on my hand"
"hey everybody come and let him eat out of your hand with his little pecker, it feels so cute!"

He didn't stop and went on and on about this baby chicken's pecker and no adult there wanted to tell him to stop because of course he would ask why and you'd have to explain that pecker means more than a beak in front of a bunch of little kids.

[jwslam]

Took my nephew to Build-A-Bear for his 4th bday. Kid wanted a Hulk costume on a sheep with a MOO sound button. The hulk doesn't fit on the sheep. He got a hulk black bear that roared.

[lint]

I was sitting with my youngest and looking at an old picture of when my wife was 8 1/2 months pregnant with him and was sitting with my older son.
Isaac, "where am I?"
me, "you're in mommys belly"
Isaac, "why did mommy eat me?"

[G]

Mom you look good with makeup....lots and lots of makeup.

Mom pooped Oliver out of her tummy.

[Lex350]

Not really fun but....my son is hell bent on me growing a beard. He thinks that would be the coolest thing ever. Oh, and he keeps mentioning I should get "Just for men" to get rid of the grey hair that he is responsible for.

[jdmakkord]

Constant arguments that it's Optimus Crime not Prime....

[Thaco]

My son, when he was like 6, came home from school and says to me

Son "Dad, can you hook my laptop up to the printer? i need it for school"
me "WTf? you need to use the computer in GR1?"
Son "My Teacher says i need to practise my printing"
me "lulz"

[ZeroGravity]

2 year old son who, for the most part, can't speak complete sentences... and this was the most complete sentence he said to me recently.

son: Where's my ipad? (turns around and looks at me)
me: (shrugs my shoulders)
son: Daddy, you timeout. You "law jor" (took in Cantonese) my ipad.

[rx7_turbo2]

Conversation with my little cousin.

Me: Graeme stop picking your nose, and eating it.

Graeme: Why? I only eat my own.

Well tough to argue with that logic.

[95EG6P]

Originally posted by rx7_turbo2
Conversation with my little cousin.

Me: Graeme stop picking your nose, and eating it.

Graeme: Why? I only eat my own.

Well tough to argue with that logic.

[bourge73]

Me: I have my football pool tonight
Son: dad can I go swimming in your football pool?

[sexualbanana]

My friend has been trying to start a new meme hashtag #ReasonsMyKidsCry . They're usually pretty funny

[Myrrinda]

My 2 year old (rather advanced) cousin when her mom hands her a Slurpee:

Ahhhh, nothing like a cold drink on a hot day. How refreshing.

[D'z Nutz]

Not my son, but the spawn of two other Beyonders:

Him: Uncle Derrick, can you carry me?
Me: Why do I have to carry you? You got legs.
Him: But I want you to carry me.
Me: If you're not gonna use your legs, I'm gonna cut them off.
Him: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!


Me: Hey! How's school?
Him: I didn't go to school today.
Me: Okay, how was school yesterday?
Him: I didn't go to school yesterday.
Me: Okay, how is school in general?
Him: I didn't go to school in general.

Originally posted by sexualbanana
My friend has been trying to start a new meme hashtag #ReasonsMyKidsCry . They're usually pretty funny

This guy already started a blog on why his son was crying. It got so popular he eventually started posting what people were submitting to him. Check out the ugly kid from Sept 22nd

http://www.reasonsmysoniscrying.com/

[jwslam]

Originally posted by ZeroGravity
You "law jor" (took in Cantonese) my ipad.

I speak chinglish like that on a regular basis.
Why does the 2 year old have his OWN iPad?!?!

Originally posted by sexualbanana
#ReasonsMyKidsCry

[Melinda]

My daughter was afraid of a dog she saw in a pet store a while back, so she hid from him :P

[Bruggzy]

*removed, grumpy when i wrote this

[TomcoPDR]

Visiting Spikers/Baygirl at their campsite; their daughter.

Madison: Thomas, can I go play over there (a little further down from the RV's)
Me: OK Madi, just make sure you tell an adult
Madison: (cute little eyes, index pointing at me looking all confused) BUT, you're an adult, and I'm telling you. (then just walks off)

I facepalmed myself.