Stupid funny shit your kid says. Post yours up!

[abyss]

My oldest (and therefore my Facebook) is FULL of funny comments, his most recent (he was just about 5)...

(To my aunt)
G: "You know? My mommy has a new baby in her belly!"
Aunt: "I know! That's very exciting!"
G: "Yeah, but we don't know if it's a brother or a sister yet."
Aunt: "Which would you rather have? Another brother or a sister?"
G: "I'd rather have a cousin."



This one he was 4 and a half.

G - "You know? I thought I was married to Ava awhile ago, but it was someone else instead."
Me - "Oh?"
G - "Yeah, but I didn't know her name."
Me - "I think it's pretty hard to be married to someone when you don't know their name!"
G - "No, it was alright, when you don't know someone's name you can just call them someone else's name."
Me - "I'm just going to let you know for your dating future, girls REALLY don't like it when you call them someone else's name."
G - "Oh. ok then."

My youngest is just starting with the funny comments too, so I'm sure he'll be a smart ass just like his older brother. (he was 20 months old)

(to the neighbour who was out with her kids in the cul de sac)
C: "colour? chalk?" (hands her a piece of sidewalk chalk)
Neighbour: "Oh you want me to draw something for you? What would you like me to draw?"
C: "Puppy."
Neighbour: "Oh awesome! I can draw the best puppies!"
(Draws for a bit and proudly displays her drawing)
C: (points at it) "No. No puppy. Sheep."
Neighbour: "It is NOT a sheep! It's a puppy! Look at it!"

Guess we need to teach him his animals a bit better, it definitely looked like a puppy to me!

[project240]

Originally posted by jwslam

Why does the 2 year old have his OWN iPad?

Was thinking the same thing... Too many people today who believe in the electronic babysitter.

[baygirl]

The following exchange was between spikers and our 8 yr old after he had a haircut:

spikers: Notice anything different Heidi?

Heidi: well you haven't lost any weight....

[TC2002]

As a grade 1-4 teacher, over the past several years, you hear the funniest things.

Grade 1 boy (Austin) to my partner teacher in the classroom: Ms. C, you look like the queen.
Ms. C (who is 26 yrs old): <horrified> Oh. Thanks...Austin...
Me: Austin...what does the queen look like?
Austin: you know, really pretty with the long brown hair!
Ms. C: Oh!!! (now that we know he's talking about Kate Middleton)

---

Grade 4 boy, 1st day of school: Hi! My name is Damien! My parents named me after the devil!!
Me: thanks Damien, you can take a seat now.

---

Grade 3 boy (holding newspaper in hand): Ms. W can I go to the washroom?
Me: Uh... Malcolm, how long are you planning to take?
Malcolm: I dunno. I see my dad doing this every time he goes to the bathroom.

[ZeroGravity]

Originally posted by jwslam
[B]

Why does the 2 year old have his OWN iPad?[B]

Originally posted by project240


Was thinking the same thing... Too many people today who believe in the electronic babysitter.

It's not his per say. I bought it for my wife to use and to facetime grand parents. But pretty much everything at home, he refer to them as his.

It is pretty bad using electronic babysitter. He gets about 15 minutes on the iPad per day. 10 of those are to keep him entertained when we change his diaper or getting him dressed. But yes, I felt a bit ashamed when he said that. Funny, but ashamed. And the thing is, I've never used the timeout concept with him, but I suppose he learnt that from the dayhome.

[JRSC00LUDE]

I don't know if it was funny (well, yeah it was funny but.....)

I was putting some car dollies together to put my old Prelude on to make it simple to push it around the garage last Sunday and the little guy was helping me (he was two in June).

I dropped a wrench and he looked up at me, balled his fists up by his chest and yelled "FUCK!".

Oops.....damn things are little sponge parrots! haha Time to re-tool the ol' vocabulary.

[ekguy]

Originally posted by rx7_turbo2
Conversation with my little cousin.

Me: Graeme stop picking your nose, and eating it.

Graeme: Why? I only eat my own.

Well tough to argue with that logic.

fantastic!!! haha.

[SJW]

My son is 4.


S: Daddy Daddy Daddy.........my penis growed.

[amear]

Originally posted by JRSC00LUDE
I don't know if it was funny (well, yeah it was funny but.....)

I was putting some car dollies together to put my old Prelude on to make it simple to push it around the garage last Sunday and the little guy was helping me (he was two in June).

I dropped a wrench and he looked up at me, balled his fists up by his chest and yelled &quot;FUCK!&quot;.

Oops.....damn things are little sponge parrots! haha Time to re-tool the ol' vocabulary.

That is pretty damn funny lol.

[codetrap]

From my 5 yr old daughter, while putting her to bed.

"You know Daddy, I love you because you're a good Daddy."
"I am?"
"Yes, you're much better than the first time."
"First time?"


Wife and I were working from home in the basement office. Cassie comes down and asks Wife for something or other. Wife is currently pregnant.

Wife "Grumble grumble I'm busy.."
Pause... and in a stage whisper..
Cassie "Daddy. Be careful, Mommy's a little grumpy."
Me "I know Cassie. It's ok, she's not feeling well today."
Cassie "Is it because of the baby in her tummy?"
Me "Yes."
Cassie "Oh."
Pause for a few moments...
Cassie "Daddy?"
Me "Yes honey?"
Cassie "Did Momma go a little bit crazy when I was in her tummy too?"
Me.. barely holding it together "A little bit honey."

Cassie "Grampa, I really love you!"
Grampa "You do! Why is that?"
Cassie "Because you smell like salami, and I love salami."

A while ago the Wife and I were talking about what to do with the left over mashed potatoes.
Wife "Maybe you could make Cassie potato pancakes".
Cassie, horrified, says,"Nooooo, don't make me into potato pancakes, I don't taste good!"

Baygirl, I really get a kick out of Heidi. She's just awesome.

[viff3r]

Originally posted by SJW
My son is 4.


S: Daddy Daddy Daddy.........my penis growed.

Did you correct his grammar?

[botox]

At around 1.5yrs old I taught my son how to raise his eyebrows like how you would do when hitting on a girl, then when he gets their attention he would start blowing kisses at them.

Just not too long ago we were going to a friends house for dinner and I said "man I'm going to take a huge dump when I get there". We get there and my boy says, "hey my dad said he's going to take a huge dump in your toilet". . Moral of the story: Watch what you say in front of your kids.

[Stealth22]

Don't have any kids, but a friend has a 5 year old that's pretty darn hilarious. This story was relayed to me by him and his wife.

So on his 5th birthday, they took him to Toys R Us to let the little guy pick out a present.

Kid: "I want to buy a fire truck that I can drive!"

Mom: (Knowing he wants one of those little Power Wheels cars, but not wanting to buy one, because he'd just get bored of it in a week) "But where are you going to keep it?"

Kid: "We can keep it in the garage!"

Mom: "But we have two cars in the garage, there's no room."

Kid: "Yes we do!"

Mom: "How?"

Kid: "Sell Daddy's Audi!" (Dad drives a Q7! )

Me after the story - "I'll take the Audi if you want! "

[Stealth22]

Originally posted by botox
At around 1.5yrs old I taught my son how to raise his eyebrows like how you would do when hitting on a girl, then when he gets their attention he would start blowing kisses at them.

Just not too long ago we were going to a friends house for dinner and I said &quot;man I'm going to take a huge dump when I get there&quot;. We get there and my boy says, &quot;hey my dad said he's going to take a huge dump in your toilet&quot;. . Moral of the story: Watch what you say in front of your kids.

[G-ZUS]

Not my kids but my nephew B talking to his mom

B: Mom, when is payday?
Mom: Its different everyday
B: Then when is my payday?




My neice says one day to me: Can't we just hotwire a car and get out of here? I heard you can do it with a paperclip and a penny.

[jonnycat]

"Dad I am bleeding of thirst for the ice cream"

"i remember when you were building me"

Me "what are you doing?"
Him "its my penis guitar"

he poked me in the eye, and said "now you are a butt pirate!"

another time in the tub he said " I'm going to make it rain from my penis all over you"

Him "Dad what colors are the thirdadary colors?"
Me: :"you mean tertiary?"
Him; no Thirdadary! like primary, secondary, thirdadary"

[spikerS]

Conversation with Heidi at Sobeys, looking for a steak.
Heidi: Meat came from animals right?
Me: Yup.
Heidi: so they killed live animals to make meat?
Me: Yup.
Heidi: Why do you eat those nice animals?
Me: because they are awesomely delicious.
Heidi: I need to go make an announcement to the entire store to stop people from buying meat!
Me: You know that shake and bake chicken I cook for you that you like so much?
Heidi: Yes
Me: You know that was once a live animal too, right?
*Long pause*
Heidi: Chris, Nevermind.
Me: Nevermind what?
Heidi: Of course you are right, lets forget this whole conversation, OK?
Me: sounds good Heidi, just remember there is always room for tasty animals on our plate right?
Heidi: You bet! /thumbsup

[Tik-Tok]

And you say you're always wrong in a house with 3 girls, lol.

[cam_wmh]

haha this thread is fantastic.

[codetrap]

Keep in mind, Rae (the mommy) is very pregnant and Cassie is fascinated by it. I was working on something else, so quite distracted at the time.. Rae was watching TV

Cassie: Daddy, can you draw me a naked mommy?
Me: Uh.. ok? (scribble out a cartoon naked mommy)
Cassie: (with a very funny look on her face) No Daddy!, I meant a Mommy!
Me: That is a naked cartoon Mommy...
Cassie: No, one like this.. (she starts shuffling around making moaning noises.)
Me: Yeah, that's your mommy right now. (thinking she's parodying Rae who's been achy the last couple of days)
Cassie: Nooo Daddy.. one covered in bandages....

At this point I looked over at Rae who had this total "WTF!" look on her face and I just burst out laughing....